This is a frank forum so I want to speak frankly. I don't care what state this is happening in, it is happening ACROSS THE BOARD in EVERY state. If your kid is in need of anything more than a little speech therapy or physical therapy they don't really want to have anything to do with you...granted, YES they HAVE to deal with you by law but that doesn't mean they will make it a pleasant experience. Bottom line here is they WANT you to withdraw your kid and move him someplace else. It is the fact of the matter that budgets are being cut EVERYWHERE and no one is suffering more for it than the people who need it most. My kid was in public last year and we were SOOO egreviously unhappy with the teacher that we literally pulled him mid-year and went parochial...could we afford it, no not really, but it got my son more attention and care that he needed and was getting in public school.
Now, I'm not saying what I did is your solution. Far be it. Every classroom is stretched. Heck I heard our public went from 1:23 to 1:32 this year because they secretly let some of the teachers go (and not informing the parents of this). No, I say you fight it but you are beyond dealing with the principal now...I think it's time you talk to the actual school board as well as the superintendant. If THAT doesn't rattle their trees (which I should expect it would) then I would take it further up the chain and talk to your congressional representatives. Bottom line is this is all boiling down to dollars and cents. Autistic kids are the new ADD. Budgets were stretched on ADD/ADHD and are now dipping into wells that have long been dry. Workers are overworked and underpaid. What the principal is doing is not right and they probably know it but the thinking/mindset of today is that perhaps, just perhaps if they make it difficult and intrusive enough for you then you will act in their benefit (i.e move or withdraw your child). This is the same thing your child does when they pull badgering or martyrdom on you...if it works for the kid or they wear you out enough they have one. DON'T let the school district get away with this behavior.
Instead of picking your child up on Friday at 1:20 you should have told them "I'm sorry, my husband is out of town right now and I'm in an important business meeting that I can't leave. You'll just have to keep him until I can get there at x time." Yes, it may have been a lie but by law they HAVE to keep him unless you have someone who can pick them up...this puts the responsiblity back on their shoulders where it should have been all along for not being able to deal with his behavior. They think that if they can interrupt your busy day enough they will drive you to distraction and get what they want...one less student. I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for this but you live in IL, my BFF lives in MO, and I live in KS and this is a problem I am hearing about across the board. Unless someone (mainly a lot of someones) step up and start making a lot of noise about this and getting more money back into the schools EVERYONE'S kid is going to be suffering...it's not just the special needs kids because all the normal kids get put in the same disruptive classroom as the special needs kids do...and once the teacher gets frazzled, well so do all the kids and then there is total anarchy... One on one paras are a godsend (I should know my mil is one in a special needs center) they are overworked and underpaid (they keep her at just below 40hrs so they don't have to pay her health insurance and for that she is beaten and abused regularly by her students). I'm all for integration in the classroom, as long as the ratios are managable for a teacher and there are paras to help them with the special needs kids...without that, honestly, could any of you truly manage 25 normal kids every single day plus 2-3 that may be ADD, ADHD, or autistic?
Obama wants our kids to be in school longer...frankly, I don't think that's something that should even be considered until they get more funding for the schools NOW so that they can get better ratios & more help for the special needs kids. Longer hours only compound this already taxed problem.
Sorry for the rant, but this is something that I think ALL moms/parents/child raisers should be alert to. Elevate your problem to the next level. Document when you called the principal and what messages you left. Take that information with you to the meeting with the school board/superintendant (or mention it on the phone with them). If that doesn't wake them up...keep moving on up the line.