My 6 Year Old Cries Everyday When I Take Her to School!!!!!!

Well I have a 10 year old that used to act like this for preschool. One thing that we did was use a chart and rewards. I actually had to put it in the car, to remind her on the way to school. It did work. At the end of the week when she earned all of the stickers, I took her to the dollar store and let her pick out 5 things. Another thing that I may point out is that I learned that my child didn't react very positively to the punishment. Instead I would praise all of the good things that she is doing. For example, even if she was whining that her belly hurt, I would say I am so glad that u got ur shoes like a good girl. Perhaps she should have 5 things that she has to do every morning to earn stickers. make getting out of the car and going in to school one of the stickers. I did learn that if I scolded her and punished her, it just made the situation worse. Good luck

My child did used to absolutely freak out about going to her dads' house. It wasn't that he was mean or doing anything to her, it was just a disruption, or inconvenience to her. She wanted to be at home with her own stuff, and her own couch. Maybe her dad and you should ask her what works for her. Let her know that u r not asking her to choose sides, but to find out what works for her. My child used to tell me that she felt like we didn't care about what she wanted to do and that she wanted to feel a little bit in control of herself.

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A.,
Does your school have a school counselor? If so, call the principle or the counselor and have them schedule visits with her during her day at school. You would be surprised at how much a child opens up to someone else. I know from experience. Also, is there an alternative to you taking her to school? Is there a neighbor or someone you can do a car pool with? This may help if she is being dropped off by someone else. Or when you drop her off, do not get out of the car. She has been at the same school for almost a year now, she knows where to go and what to do, it will be tough for you and her!! Hope this helps a little.
Mom of 2 (5 and 10) I have been there!!!

Hi A.,
I am a K teacher and have seen a lesser version of this in the past. I once had a student who would cry alomst all afternoon (always after lunch for some reason). If the teachers are saying she is OK once you leave, that is a good thing. I do have a few suggestions: One thing, when you are with her, do you get to spend quality time with her? I mean just the 2 of you time? Maybe if she feels she doesn't get enough time with you, she may act out. Also, if all of your efforts are failing, you may try to get some counciling for her. What you are experiencing is not normal (not that it is bad, but not typical). She could very possible have some repressed anger about your divorce or the current situation of you and your ex. There could be a lot of factors, and some times the best way to get to the bottom of it is to have a professional's help. I hope things work out for you.

R.

I have never experienced this situation, but I do think you are handling it the right way. She has to understand that that behavior is not acceptable. I have had to help my sister remove everything from her sons room all over school issues and behavioral issues. I do think you need to find out the reason behind the behavior, but if she ran away from you that becomes a health risk for her. My friend explained it in a very understandable way to her daughter. She told her you do what I say now because it may be a matter of your safety and I can not breath life back into you but I can keep you safe. I think you should do everything in your power to make your daughter understand that she has to go to school and she can not throw fits like that. Good luck to you.

homeschool. if you are in ohio, you can go to:

http://www.vcslearn.org/

they are an online school, the state will give you a computer, and a isp, and they pay for it! all you have to pay for is paper and ink!

this is a link to a couple that has a "ministry" for families:

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=1

E.

My mom had this same problem with my brother when he was little. He was just really attached to her and wanted to spend time with her. She would drop him off and he would throw fits like your daughter. As soon as she left he would stop. She ended up telling him that if he threw a fit in the morning he would have to spend time alone in his room when he got home (for an hour i think) but if he was good that time would be their time together. She said it took about a week or so and he caught on. Never had any problems after that. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I think your daughter would be able to understand this type of reward/consequence to her behavior. No matter what you do though make sure you are consistent. She will get the picture.

Wow...sounds like you got a real live wire on your hands!

Let me ask, how much time, as a single mom now, are you getting with her on a day to day basis? Real quality time? And I mean like taking 20 minutes out of your day to sit down and play a board game with her, paint her nails maybe, even watch a cartoon together with you sitting next to her, cook dinner together maybe. I know its easier said than done, I'm a single mom too and time is certainly fleeting, but maybe she's acting out because it gets under your skin and it feels like to her its the only time you pay attention to her.

I would definitely consider maybe a little counseling. Talk to the school counselor, see if they can point you in the right direction, or if your daughter will open up to them.

Positive reinforcement is good, I believe that, but I think taking all her toys away was a very good move too. She has to understand that behavior like that, for whatever reason, cannot and will not be tolerated and has consequences. If my son has really gone and pushed me over the edge, TV, video games, and occasionally his treasured bedtime story, are gone until he can behave for a day or two. Maybe for your daughter, she should spend a few nights grounded, able to do nothing but sit in her room with no toys or TV, and a 7:30pm bedtime to get your point across. Make sure she knows you love her, but you won't put up with this. My son is 6 too, he would totally get the picture and be miserable like that for a couple nights, it'd be Niagara Falls in our house for part of it I'm sure, but I guarantee you he'd shape up. If your current custody agreement conflicts with that, I think you really need to consider re evaluating it. If your ex has her every night after school, your daughter knows full well there are no consequences for her acting like that.

I think you have a tough situation on your hands, and even though it will ultimately pass, its going to be hard for you to deal with until then. Try a few things, see what works, every parent and child is different. I myself am more of an authoritarian type parent and kind of rule with an iron fist, so I don't think punishment is ever a bad thing, but I'm sure other parents would freak out about it.

PS...I have found in my short 6 years as a parent, a bar of soap works wonders to get a kid to shape up. Just an extra thought.

Seek professional help! She is trying to tell you something but just doesn't know how to express herself.

My son did the same thing. I was at my wits end. I would walk him to school and after I would get home he would be coming down the street. I found out later that the teacher as nice as she was, was being mean to him. However, I do not think that was the entire problem. He ended up being tested in Junior High for ADHD and tested positive for it. I think he got really bored with school. That may be why she feels the days are so long. The fact that she is going to her father's afterwards could also be a factor if she does not like going there. I hope you find the solution. I know how hard it was for me. He would cling on me and I would have to pry him off me with him crying the whole time. Ripped my heart out.

While I commend you on taking a stand aginst her behavior, Has anyone stopped to think about getting to the root of the problem. I would ask her guidence councelor (Sp?) to get involved. Hopefully it is a simple as the shared custody arrangement. Good luck.

Wow. You do have your hands full. My daughter clung to me and cried every time I left her in preschool for two years, but never did it when my husband took her. She also did that to me sometimes in kindergarten and in 1st grade, but never did it with her dad. It drove me crazy, made me sad, angry and frustrated. It was even worse because she only did this with me and not with her father. I began to think I was doing something wrong, but now know it really has to do most with the child and their own personality. I can't imagine trying to do this as frequently as you have to. Let me first say that you have absolutely been doing the right thing by making her go to school every day despite her crying and fighting you all the way. You definantly do not want her to get into the groove of not going to school. That will just lead to more problems down the road.

I am not going to try and diagnose "why" your daughter is doing this as it could be a number of different reasons. However, I might suggest you seek the help of the school counselor, school psychologist or even the school nurse to assist you in getting your daughter to school each day. I am sure they could come up with a number of different suggestions that may help you and your daughter ease this transition from Mom to school.

Again, I want to stress it is important that she continue to go to school every day. I say this from a professional standpoint (as a school psychologist). Once chldren stop going to school for whatever reason, it is much more difficult to get them back into the groove.

Hang in there. Seek some help from someone else. It will get better.

A little about me:

I am a mother of 3 children ages 10, 7 and almost 4. I have stayed at home full time since my 3rd child was born, but worked 12 years as a school psychologist before that and will go back when my youngest gets into school full-time.

I have a 6 year old son who acts the same exact way. He tells me right about the time I say time to get ready - " I don't feel well" - And it goes on and on. A friend of mine said that perhaps in the morning I should say good morning lets have a good day and nip the I dont feel well in the "butt" ealry in the morning and let him know that if he is sick he will be laying in his bed with no fun stuff ( ie tv, video games, ect). That worked for two days and now I am back to hearing how sick we are even though he's jumping around with his friends and such right now. I do think in my case that he is a homebody that does want attention and even negative attention is attention. I have even said if you want to be a "blank" you have to go to school to learn how to read and do math for that job. He claims its boring and takes too long. So I feel your pain maybe try the reward deal if she goes to school smoothly after the week she gets to go to icecream with you alone. My friends son went through the same thing where she walked him in and he was wrapped around her leg and she stopped walking him in and said walk in you'll be okay and put a picture of them together in his back pack. HE stopped and doesnt give her such a hard time and she too is a single mom with two kids. MAybe they just dont want to be apart because you are so important to them and dont understand that you have to go to school. Good luck.

I would definitely try to change things up with the custody situation. It's gotta be very difficult being between two places you're supposed to call "home". I know when my parents got divorced, it was really hard just going to my dad's every other weekend. I just wanted to be home. Now that she's in school, there's definitely a good cause for reevalation on the custody arrangements. If her dad is willing to do it outside of court, try it for a few weeks, and see if things change. As for what I mean, try keeping her throughout the week and allowing her to go to her dad's on the weekends or if she misses him during the week, definitely let her go, and see if she changes.

I have never had that problem but I would make sure I had the keys when I left the car.

It sounds like she is either playing you or there is a problem at her Dad's. I think you have done the right things by punishing her and you should continue. Try not to make a big deal of it otherwise. In the mornings say "you have to go to school, all kids do and I will get in trouble if you don't. Now, you can either go nicely and quietly, or you can have a fit and be a lot of trouble, but either way you are going to school today and that's that." Then, I would take her to the doctor and make sure everything is OK with her, since her Dad is not giving any info. It could be that she is just having a detachment from Mom problem at the moment.

I think there are a couple issues. First thing is she wants you to chase her- stop. Don't give into it. That is her way of controlling you. The more you chase the more she is going to do her behavior. If she starts with running around the car either stand there and tell her that you are going inside and talk to her teacher and she will just have to be out there by herself or just get in the car and let her run around the car- but make sure you have the doors locked on her. If you take her to her room and she starts crying or what not- walk away. I know it is hard but you have to do it. Just tell her you love her but you have to go and don't have time to deal with her behavior and walk away. She will stop. I had to do that with my son in daycare. He would cry and scream- I just walked away. After a few days he saw he wasn't controlling the situation and wasn't getting the attention he wanted and stopped. It is a control thing. The other issue I have is that she is back and forth between houses and dealing with school. I understand the idea behind it and it was good when she wasn't in school but now she is adjusting to school and having to be in two different homes during the week- that has to be tough. She needs to know that when she gets off of school everyday that she is going to one place and will have the help with school work she needs. I think that you and her dad need to talk about doing the weekend thing and then maybe when she gets older and has a good adjustment on school then maybe talk about doing the arrangement you have now again. It doesn't have to be a permanent thing just until she gets adjusted to school. Because next year- she will be in first and let me tell you it is a lot different for them- even for the parents. Much more involved and much more work for them. She needs to feel comfortable and not worry about where she is going from one day to another. And as far as him laughing at you- you need to stand your ground with him. It isn't a funny situation and you need to make him realize that he has a part in it too. Be strong with him and with her. If she sees that you aren't strong with him she will try to control you and see how far she can get. Kids see more than we give them credit for and understand more than you know. Stand your ground with both of them. Keep your chin up- she will grow out of it. The saying is true "Being a mother is the hardest job in the world."

I do not think taking away her toys, epsecially without her being forwarned will give you anything but grief. I do think that something is wrong. She may say she is happy at school, but somehow she may be scared. Is this her first experience away from you all day or did she attend a preschool? Has she reciently lost someone or a pet? Have you reciently divorced? I don't want the answers, just for you to think about what has happened that this small child would be so fearful of losing her mommy.
You may want to talk with a professional.

It could also be a power trip. No that she is intentionanlly manipulating you, but she may be seeing what she can get away with, testing limits. Sometime I think we moms tend to be too soft, then get mad and get too hard. Consistency. This is the routine, this is what we do. Maybe each day when she gets home she loses some special time, like a favorite tv show or a story at bed time if she behaves this way. Today I would test her, telling her that because she behaved so poorly going into class that she will lose 'x' (whatever you want that to be) if she behaves that way tomorrow. Then tomorrow if she does it she will lose 'x'. It will take a few days for her to realize you are serious. Plus she needs to learn that it is important to tell you if something really is wrong or if she is just wanting you.

That is my final point, she may just be wanting your attention. My first grade son does that - has his whole life! He acts up when he does not get enough mommy time. I try to set up atleast 3 times a week where I just play a game with him, or play a computer game with him, or read a story together, go outside and play. Once he gets a good does of me then he is just fine! My daughter (age 5 yrs) gets mommy time as well.

There are three possibilities. I hope that gives you some window and some options. Also if you can - pop by the class window (without her seeing you) after about 15 minutes to see how she really is. That might help you know more about how she is really doing at school
Good luck!

Late response because my computer has been down.

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to go to school??? You need to talk to her and find out what is going on inside her head. Children can't always articulate well, but if you listen to her you might find out. I don't mean for you to put any reasons into her head like, "are you worried because you have to go to your dad's tonight" or anything but just ask her why she doesn't want to go to school and have you go to school too.

I don't know that it has anything to going to her dad's or she would have been doing this all along and by her age she knows his home to be home for her as much as she knows your home is home. She would have said something about not wanting to go to daddy's.

How much time do you spend with her one on one when she is home? I know going to school, tending a home, and raising two children has to be extremely stressful and time consuming for you. It could be she finds this to be a means of getting one and one attention from you. You can try telling her if she will not cry when you drop her off you will spend 1/2 a hour with just her (reading, coloring, a game) when you both get home again. If she cries and makes a fuss then she will have to go to room when she gets home and spend 1/2 all by herself. Reward and punishment program works well. Always did like the reward program.

P. R