September 03, 2010,
S.H. asks from Highlands, TX on September 03, 2010
My 5 Yr Old Son Has Been Hitting Kids at Kindergarten and Acting Out in Class!
My son has only been in Kindergarten for 2 weeks and has been in trouble everyday but 2! He's been hitting other children, spitting, took a swing at the teacher and just acting out when told "NO"!
I've been in contact with the teacher everyday and I am just floored by his behavior!! We've taken away privledges, spanked him and sat down and talked with him about it.
I need some direction as to where to turn here. Counseling? Books? Whatever it takes to get him to stop acting out and hurting other children too!
He can be the sweetest, loving boy your ever want to meet! I don't understand it! Any suggestions??? Advice???
N.B. answers from Toledo on September 03, 2010
He's probably just anxious about being in a new environment where he doesn't have any control over what happens. He's always being told what to do, sit down, eat, whatever. Other than talking to him about it, home punishment isn't going to do much. The teacher needs to work with him and you to get it under control. They have rewards systems for good and bad behavior. Maybe you can put more emphasis on catching him being good, even little things like getting dressed, picking up toys, everything that he does that's expected of him. Kids live for positive feedback, but if they don't get it, negative feedback is better than nothing, so they act up. If this is new behavior for him, he's just looking for some reaction, so lavish him with praise at every opportunity. He'll turn it around.
3 moms found this helpful
D.M. answers from Denver on September 03, 2010
I'd talk to him - he's old enough - to undertand if something is bothering him. Sounds like a signal for "help". Maybe he's stressed w/ change? Try to find out what the issue is and then comfort and reassure him. Good luck!
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S.S. answers from Los Angeles on September 03, 2010
Does he act like this at home Does he try to hit or kick you or your husband when you say no?
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E.Q. answers from San Francisco on September 03, 2010
My heart goes out to you from one mom to another. Now, as a preschool teacher,a few things came to mind as I read it:
*Could it be he is getting used to the routine
*Does this hasppen during transitions, he might not be getting enough of a warning time that he will need to to finish what he is doing.
*Is it a particular time of the day, say right before recess, after or before lunch?
*Does he have lots of energy and need more outside or gross motor activites?
*Does he have any speech delays, other children might be picking on him and the adults might not be noticing, they might only be noticing his response.
* When things like this happen in my classroom, I ask the child if they are ok and what I can do to help them feel better. Once the second question is asked, they are more free to explain what is really going on. They might share another child did something or that they want a particular item. The way you ask the question helps them know you are on their side, which you are, and then they are more free to say what is really going on. At times I also use puppets if the child doesn't want to talk to me or I ask them to read a book and tell them I will return in a few minutes so we can talk because I want to make sure he is taken care of.
SORRY if this is too much, just wanted to share some of the things I look into when this starts to happen.
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E.E. answers from Portland on September 03, 2010
How old was he before he started kinder if he is a young 5 year old he is probably not emotionally ready! Many kids that have summer birthdays especially boys really struggle with kindergarten. Unfortunately if they are really immature their behavior sets a pattern where they learn little get ostracized from the group (no-one wants to hang out with someone who is getting in trouble or being violent to them), sometimes it is a hard pattern to break. I would say withdraw your son from kinder, and put him in preschool a few days a weeks, the class sizes are usually smaller, the expectations are usally not so intense, Kinder is way more academic these days. It will give him time to mature, also enroll him in some team sports or classes so he can learn how to work with others and will be really bummed if he is sent to the benches. (more of a motivater to learn how to work with others and follow directions if you are going to miss out on time in the game than time sitting and doing seatwork in school.)
I know you aren't going to like this but I would refrain from spanking your child for being violent...it is sort of silly...the message your child is getting is that you are frustrated and you are hitting, so when he is frustrated he will be hittiing, how is it o.k. to say I'm hitting and it's o.k. but you can't? Also it isn't working so it is pointless.
T.C. answers from Colorado Springs on September 03, 2010
How was he before he started K? Was he well-behaved and obedient? Was he a little spitfire that you know how to somehow manage on your own terms? Do you consistently discipline him? Do you reactionary parent, or do you parent with clear purpose and vision? The answers to those questions will go a long way in helping you solve your problem.