My 5 Year Old Won't Eat

i have to disagree with some of the advice so far, and i might be in the minority but it's just my opinion. i would absolutely NOT make special meals or foods for him. yes, i would attempt to include his favorites as much as possible, in a healthy and well-rounded way...but he needs to understand that the world does not revolve around him and mom is not a short order cook. the rule with my son (3 yrs) is, you have to at least taste it- chew and swallow one bite. if you honestly don't like it, that's fine...eat what you do like. i will even allow snacks/desserts/second helpings, if he just tries it. i have never had a big problem with this rule. occasionally my son may decide he doesn't want to taste anything, that's fine. no dessert, no second helpings, no snacks later. it's his choice but i am not going to bend over backwards to please him...he can take it or leave it. when he's hungry he'll eat. it may be a million things making him refuse food, from being used to being made his favorite foods only, to being full from too much snacking. i never make a huge deal about it, i simply refuse to be walked on. you are the only one who knows if that's actually happening in your house...but this is what works for us.

8 moms found this helpful

I absolutely agree with Carries advice!!! Don't make a big deal out of it...don't argue with him...cook your normal healthy meals, cut down on his snacks between meals,feed him what he will eat for breakfast and lunch. He will come around eventually...I have never heard of a teenager who only eats 2 or 3 foods!!! Be firm, but be kind about it, just calmly explain to him that you are not a short order cook, that you love him but you will NOT prepare a separate meal for him!!!

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I can only say I agree with Ruth and Carrie and that having had 8 kids myself if you cooked for each one or took orders it would be insane. We ate together at meals as a family which helps with eating SO much. It is a calm time then, or should be, and everyone is eating and taking time to do that. I did find a row of peas around one daughter's plate often, but she had to try them and they all had to at least taste it. If they didn't eat it there was nothing until the next meal. We had little snacking during the day at home and not a lot of milk drinking in-between meals either, water of course was fine. I think sometimes they fill up on milk. Not saying they don't need milk. Be firm and stick to that then and when hungry they eat and if not they will learn to. I can't say it formed my kids eating for life but they did have a good diet while at home. Throwing up can be a way to get his way with the food too. Hard to believe but it's true.

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When my (extremely healthy) husband was a child, he refused to eat ANYTHING but scrambled eggs and chocolate pudding. His mom was going crazy and asked the doctor what to do.

"Feed him scrambled eggs and chocolate pudding" is what he said. And she did. And he continued to eat JUST that for a long time.

And then, he started asking for other foods on his own.

The more you fight it, the more he'll hold on!

BTW- I just remembered a similar story with another very healthy adult friend of mine. He only ate hot dogs and mac & cheese. And eventually, he asked for other foods.

I know this is probably the most difficult thing to do, but what I suggest is: Let your son know that you trust him to take care of himself. And continue to take care of yourself and the rest of your family as normal. (ie. make boxed potatoes for him, but make regular potatoes for the rest of the family as you would normally.)

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I agree with Ruth & Carrie. I have 4.5 yr old twins. I have always asked them to try new things. They are very good about it now and will eat a huge variety of food. They know, as stated before, I'm not a short order cook. They choose what they want for breakfast & lunch for the most part. but at dinner, we all eat the same meal together. They don't have to eat if they don't want to, their choice. But if they don't eat, they are done for the evening. And they are required to stay at the table while everyone else eats. Dinner time is family time. They don't starve and usually eat what's on their plates. Good luck. It does get better. I also have a 17 yr old stepdaughter who used to be a VERY picky eater. She has gotten much better as she has gotten older. This to shall pass.

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It is very normal for children to dislike the food's they once loved or refusing to eat things new let alone a single bite.But try & try again it takes like 12 tries to decide if you like or dislike something for aduts to.My son is 6 & we have pur battles on him eating vs our almost 3 yr old daughter she'll try it then let us no good or yucky that's a whole lot easier to deal with.But kids will eat when they are hungry cut out the snacks for a while especially if he is refusing to eat his food that is offered to him it works we have had to do that several times but you have to mean what you say.It's not going to be easy.But everyone with children goes through it i'm a mom and I don't like to try new things every once in a while I do.

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I am assuming that your 7 yr old daughter eats pretty much what you put in front of her. Maybe ask her to put on an academy award performance of how wonderful everything tastes setting an example for her brother.
I really think that arguing with your 5 yr old is a waste of time. He's showing some independence.
Put the food that he enjoys, ie: instant mashed potatoes, on his plate and ignore it. I used to mix up mashed pot. and corn and it drove my mom mad! Maybe if your 7 yr old would make a production out of mixing veggies in with the potatoes your son may eat other foods.
This stage will pass, just refuse to give him sweets if he won't eat. He needs to sit at the table until everyone is done, let him know this is family time.
Good luck!

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I have a 4 year old with a very limited menu as well... chicken nuggets (not tenders) and peanut butter sandwiches... will eat yogurt, cereal, french toast waffles, cheese, carrots, and different fruits. I've struggled myself, but got the best advice from his physician. Not to worry... kids typically get what they need. Make sure they are taking a multi-vitamin. As long as they are getting some foods from the food pyriamid, I wouldn't worry about it. This too shall pass! I remember being a picky eater too when I was young... now I eat a wide range of foods and am quite healthy.

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I think there is a huge difference between being thin and starving. I bet if we talked with people that go and ministry in foreign countries where thousands of children pass away every day from malnutrition, they would not push ANY food away. They would eat anything that is put in front of them.

There is nothing wrong with healthy hot dogs or feeding a child a rather small group of foods. But I would still find a way to incorporate what the child is eating into the family meal so that everyone is offered the same foods.

I am incredibly thankful that we live in a country where we can have 3-4 different things on our plates. It's great to offer a variety of texture and color and tastes. But sometimes a busy mom just feels like making a big pot of soup or a one dish casarole. When I do this my kids will eat or go hungry until the next meal.

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Hi T.,

My oldest son - now nearly 18 - was a picky eater. That can be so frustrating! Something that really helped was to have the kids cook with me. Infact one of the best things I ever started doing when my kids were little was having a "Kids Cook Night" once a week. They picked the menu -- we would usually pick out what we were going to fix at the beginning of the month and put it on a calendar -- and I would help them cook the foods and do most of the cleanup (and there was a lot of cleanup!!) My kids all rotated between doing a meat dish, veggie dish and a dessert each week. Now, they all love to cook and will eat pretty much anything (my oldest is still the pickiest!)

We also implemented the "3 bite rule". It was a rule in the house that you had to each at least three small bites of every food before you could leave the table. (This way one of the kids couldn't say, "She fixed that, so I won't eat it!" and it also got them to try new foods.)

Hope this helps!

A.

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Hi, T.! I have the same problem with my twin 5-yr-old girls. I have a couple of ways that might help. Sometimes, if you let your son help you fix the meal, he will be more likely to eat it. Also...when I introduce new foods, I make sure to put it with other foods that I know the girls like. We have a 2-bite rule. You have to take 2 bites, then if you really don't like it, you can eat whatever else is on your plate. Another idea would be to offer a reward for trying a new food. Something like play time outside, or a special craft project or even 10 minutes extra before bed. If the kids think they are getting something out of the deal, they might be more willing to try it. The eat it or nothing rule never worked for my kids either. I also have had to deal with the throwing up. These ideas worked for us, so good luck!

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Hi T.,

I have a 25 year old and a 2 year old. I was brought up with a firm hand that made it a point to force at least one bite of whatever it was that I didn't want to eat. My 25 year old was raised that way too, and I will always regret it. My two year old is encouraged to take a bite, but not forced. We consulted his pediatrician about it and he totally agreed that we should not force food on him. As long as he is getting the proper amount of vitamins and minerals, he will be fine. I also give my two year old a children's multivitamin every day. I do try to make meal time a fun time and not a stressful time for him. Good Luck!

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You did not say if mashed potatoes out of the box is all your son eats... I don't want to alarm you, but I know a 20 something kid who had severe eating issues from the time he was old enough to voice his preferences. His diet consisted of mainly french fries. He would sometimes eat peanut butter sandwiches, too. When Mom took him to the doctor, his stupid doctor (who used to be my doctor) told Mom it didn't matter what he ate. When he would go out to eat occasionally with our family, he was a huge pain in the behind and whined until his got his plate full of fries. Today, he is one screwed up kid, who has little to no contact with his family. He struggled horribly in school AND looks absolutely awful--very unhealthy. If you can't work this out on your own over time, he may need some kind of counseling.

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T., I feel your pain. I have had people tell me, my daughter wont starve, put the food in front of her, if she doesnt eat it, then she doesnt eat. And I too would force her to try things which she ended up throwing up at the dinner table. So between the fighting and throwing up at dinner time, I just make her the most nutritious things I can think of that she will eat. I even found an all natural hotdog for goodness sakes!! I would say 3 out of 4 nights I cook dinner, I am making my daughter something else to eat. Not because shes spoiled, because shes underweight, and my daughter is proof that kids WILL starve rather than eat something they dont like. If all those starving nights does do the trick on your kid, and he starts eating, Congratulations!!! But it didnt with mine. Im a short order cook, and to me thats better than an unhealthy kid. Good luck!

does he try to eat things that aren't food, i.e. cardboard, metal, plastic, etc.? Does he take a vitamin - if so, what kind? it sounds to me like he may be malnourished.
is there any other kind of food he likes beside mashed potatoes out of a box? How does he do with drinking? Does he ever tell you he is hungry?

A little about me : I am a health and wellness advisor and coach for the last 16 years. I love helping other people to live better and healthier. S. Rutledge