My 5 Year Old Daughter Won't Wipe!

Mine daughter is six and we still has issues. I packed her wipes and extra clothes for school. Just make the teacher aware. She will not be the only one with this challenge.
Kids don't like wiping and can you really blame them. It really is a talent that she will learn and in her own time. Practice and more Practice. Hang in there she will over come this.

Has she seen the "potty time with bear" video? It is done by the Bear in the Big Blue House people and it is fantastic. Goes over the steps of toilet using in a really complete, uplifting way. I pull it out when my toilet trainees need reminding. For example, when Tutter the mouse has to stop playing checkers to use the potty, Bear reminds him the game will still be there when he gets back. You hear Tutter's mouse toilet flush and then you see him recounting the steps to Bear to make sure he didn't miss any of them. Then he shudders in horror and exclaims he forgot to wash his hands and he runs to the sink. It is full of cute little skits like that.

Hi J., just keep reminding her, kids are in such a hurry to get back and play, that they don't wipe or wash their hands, I have to stay on my daycare kids about that, it'slike if they stay and wipe, flush and wash their hands their going to miss something. She's old enough for you to explain the importance of good hygiene, which you have probably done. I don't remember at what age I stopped wiping my kids and made them do it themselves, she'l get it. J.

One of my daughters did the same thing. When I asked why, she said, "It takes too long." Pointing out that we were talking about a matter of SECONDS made no difference to her. It was the same with washing hands, hanging up her used towel, even changing her socks every day - "It takes too much time!" When I'd insist, she'd say, "That'll take forever!" It was just her way of asserting her independence. So, I made sure I stood over her and supervised. She hated that, but I made it clear that I expected her to do it right. Eventually, she'll start doing it correctly, but be prepared for many ridiculous arguments between now and then. ;D

I have a 7-1/2 yr old stepdaughter that went thru the same thing, I gave her wet wipes to help. It worked. I think its a phase of being in a hurry as well or just not too interested. We had some issues with bathing too, proper cleaning, etc. I think its just the age.

Hi J.,

It sounds like a little a little positive behavioral modification might help. Have you ever read any of the Berenstain Bear books to your daughter? My kids absolutely loved them. They address common fears and issues faced by kids and offer easy and sensible solutions. There's one called "The Berenstain Bears and the Bad Habit" (or something like that) and we used the method in that book for all sorts of behavior modification. Basically, the method works this way:

Give your child 10 pennies (or nickles, dimes, even dollars is that makes sense to you) that she can keep in her pocket so they act as a constant reminder of what she is supposed to do. Have her pick out a small prize that she really wants that will "cost" 10 cents. Tell her that every time she doesn't wipe, she will have to give you one of the pennies. (You can use the evidence on her panties to monitor her wiping.) At the end of 10 days, she will have somewhere between 0 and 10 pennies left. If she has all 10 pennies, she can "buy" the prize. If not, she will have to wait until she has been able to save 10 pennies. Start the process again.

You can repeat this as many times as you need to until the bad habit is broken and a new habit has been set. As she starts to get better about wiping, you can start increasing the number of days she has to behave correctly and offer prizes that cost more so that she will have to save for longer.

Not only have I found that the process works well for breaking a bad habit, but it's also great for teaching young kids that delaying gratification can mean bigger rewards. You can offer her the small prize at 10 cents, but also offer a bigger prize at 15 or 20 cents, and tell her that she can get the small prize now, or continue saving her pennies until she has enough for the bigger prize.

BTW, another good book in the series is about going to Kindergarten. I think it's title is "The Berenstain Bears go to School." You can find these books at www.berenstainbears.com.

Good Luck!

Don't force the issue, it will come. Just have her tell you to come help so she stays clean. I remember yelling, "Come wipe me." Myself at that age.

This is a life lesson. We teach our children to do things. We also disiplin in our own ways when our kids do not listen. This i believe is a time when you need to put your foot down and tell her that she is old enough and able to wipe her own tushy. If she does not do this then she will be punished.
I have found with my son(and i know these things don't always work for every child) I will give him a choice. Do this or this, and he often picks the one i want him to. :O)
Good luck
B.

Hi J.,
I agree with the other mothers. Try wet flushable wipes. My son is 5 and I still use them - they are easier for the kids because they don't get stuck like paper. Since your daughter had been doing well, she is probably just going through a phase so for peace of mind you'll just have to keep checking up on her until she starts wiping again. Maybe an incentive chart will get her back on track - if she cleans herself properly she gets a sticker for the day and after 2 weeks she gets a treat or a small present. It work for me for various problems. This is a case where you don't want to punish because it could make things worse. And you just have to keep explaining about the germs. Maybe show your daughter pictures on the internet of germs and what happens if you get sick from them. That might help too.

Good luck!

J.,
I am a SAHM now, but for the past 6 years I have been a part-time kindergarten teacher. My son has in the past also had difficulty wiping himself clean. I bought some baby wipes and placed them next to the toilet he used often. I told him that they were his special ones to use and it helped him. It made him feel special and he cleaned himself better. There are also books you can buy and read to her if you think your daughter is nervous about kindergarten. Did you take her to the open house at the end of this year. That always helps the children to become excited about the upcoming year and alleviates stress. Also making a special day to go school shopping and telling her how much fun she is going to have this next year will help her confidence about the uncertainty of it all. It is such a wonderful year for the students. I will miss seeing them mature throughout the year. Good luck.

C.

Mine is in school/ summer day care all day and doesn't wipe either. Lately its been worse so I got after her about it -- this back fired on me-- she started not pooping at all and constipated herself.

It is gross (the laundry) but she hasn't gotten sick so far -- at worst you're talking antibiotics for a bladder infection if it ever comes to that.

Maybe giving points or rewards for wiping will get her back into the habit.

My daughter does the same thing. She is 6 and has three weeks left in Kindergarten. I have asked her to tell me when she goes, so if she needs help I will help her. I have tried to explain to her how it's not healty or clean for her. I have found that most of the time she is just too busy and in a hurry. If I know she has gone I will remind her to wipe, flush and wash and sometimes she does go back in the bathroom. I think in time this will pass, just don't push too hard. Good luck.

Have you asked her why? It sounds to me like your hunch re kindergarten may be correct. Try offering her wet wipes.

I am in a similar position. I mean my daughter wipes herself, but always asks me when she poops. I guess I should let her try on her own. I keep remembering that I've read that a child can wipe themselves effectively when they can tie their own shoes. It is a developmental thing. I personally will not punish. This is not a power struggle. I feel that it is time for me to remind her gently how to do it and then allow her to try for herself. This is just my opinion. Thanks for writing this as it gave me a chance to look at it. best, H.

I have the same issue with my niece that is almost seven. She knows how to do it, she just refuses to take the time to do it. For her IT IS becoming an issue and I read that someone said that the most that can happen is a bladder infection...NO MA'M.....that is not accurate at all. We have had a UTI and a yeast infection and staph sores on her bottom. It can become too much. We had to throw most of her panties away and she started hiding them....and that made it worse. I am going to try the reward system and see if that works.