My 5 Month Old Can't Soothe Herself to Sleep

I don't see why you should let a 5 month old cry out.It is not going to make her stronger or better at anything, specially if it goes on for 45 minutes. She maybe teething. I am studying child development at the moment, a good book with very good information about child rearing is " The Ten Baic Principles of Good Parenting" by Laurence Steinberg. It is research-based.

If you don't have it already, pick up a copy of "The Baby Wisperer" by Tracy Hoag (spelling?). The book has a section in the back for solving the issues you mentioned above.

Good luck.
D.

Anytime a child goes through a growth spurt - or is learning something new (i.e. sitting up, "talking" more, etc) their sleep and eating patterns are affected. She's also becoming more aware that you are not there. A 5 month old is still very young.

Some kids sleep and some don't. I wish my son would get up just once a night!! He is 15 months old and gets up 5-6 times a night. Trust me I have tried everything. I just deal with it because I am his mother and I love him enough to suck it up. I decided to bring him into the world and it is my job to make it as good of an experience as I can for him. I think you are being selfish as a parent. Babies go through phases for different reasons. Sleep patterns change often. Have you done any research? Have you asked the doctor? My opinion, your baby showed you that she needed you and you didn't go to her and now she is punishing you for it. There are some doctor/authors who would side with you (Weisbluth) who would suggest letting her cry until she falls asleep and after a few nights she will sleep the night. Sounds like you would like to do it that way and your hubby would not. All I can say is that the book made it sound wonderful but it did not work for my son. Every kid is different but if I had to do it over I would have done it at your kid's age, not at 11-12 months like I did. Part of being a good parent is the sacrafices we must make for our kids, starting from day one. If you were not willing to forego any sleep, why did you become a mommy?

Are you sure she's not teething??

Babies go through changes...growth spurts, teething, etc. Perhaps she needs you right now. My friend did that...let her son cry it out. She was too tired and had no patience left and then one day she found he had a tooth. She felt horrible because she had no idea how long he had been teething and here she was putting him in his room and closing the door for however long it took. I am with your husband. I think CIO is torture and is more for the parent's benefit. All it teaches them is you aren't coming no matter how long or hard they cry. I'm sorry but my advice is to give your daughter what she needs and be patient and see if she isn't teething. She will grow out of this soon enough.

Hi A.,
I had the same problem with our baby (now 9 months old). Part of the nighttime wakings was teething, which we couldn't avoid, but the going to sleep was just her not able to do it on her own. We were desperate. Our baby would cry so hard she would vomit in bed so we would have to go in and change her and revert back to rocking her to sleep. Our Ped suggested getting the Ferber book "Solve your child's sleep problem" and we bought it. I was overwhelmed by 400 pages of book and NO time to read it, but my husband found the section about baby Emily, I think and we tried the method suggested. IT WORKED!! Our baby still doesn't love to go to bed, but now I put her down and she is asleep in 5 minutes. There is crying, but it's controlled, and the baby doesn't get into screaming bouts.
GET THE BOOK! or at least read and copy the method for Emily.
Good Luck!

Im sorry to hear your having this issue. However she is only 5 months so in terms of soothing herself consistently may be asking a bit much. Maybe she is teething which is whats causing her to wake up. Try baby oragel or hylands teething tablets. Hth

Hey A.,

Like you I believe in the cry it out method, however I would make sure there is nothing else bothering her before I would do it. Are you sure she is not hungry? Five months old is young for a breastfed baby to sleep though the night. It is not impossible but I think it is highly unlikely that she can go the entire night without a feeding. Has your doctor advised against starting cereal? If not you may want to make sure it is not hunger before you make her cry. If you are confident that there is nothing wrong then try to explain to your husband that if she is not hungry, not wet, and not sick it is not torture to teach her to rely on herself to fall asleep. By letting her cry for 45 minutes and then taking her out the only message you have sent to her is the longer she cries eventually someone will come take me out. Even though my daughter used the paci and I am not against them I can tell you it becomes only one more crutch for them as far as putting themselves to sleep. I would have to go in sometimes 4 or 5 times a night to put the paci in and it was horrible so I feel your pain. I know how hard it is to listen to your baby cry. But, if you know there is nothing else you can do for them then I think self soothing is a valuable tool for all children to learn. I would tell your husband to either get ear plugs or he can go in 4 times a night and put her back to sleep. One other suggestion I have is to let her learn to put herself to sleep at nap time as well not just bedtime. This really does speed up the process and helps to create sleep consistency. Good luck I hope you get some sleep soon!!!

My husband and I rocked our son to sleep until he was a toddler, he never liked a pacifier, but he always loved being held and comforted. After that I would sit in a chair next to his bed and read or sing to him until he got sleepy. I did this until he was 6 or 7, when he was old enough to read by himself before bedtime. Sixteen years later, I don't regret a single minute of this time we gave him when he was little. They grow up so fast, enjoy the time while you can. C. Ford, 40-something working mother of 16 year old son and wife to wonderful husband.

Please read what expert Dr. Marc Weissbluth says
http://billiediscoverytoys.blogspot.com/2008/09/sleep-beg...

My daughter was the same way with her paci. We ended up putting a ton of pacis al around her crib and eventually she was able to find them herself. She uses the soothie pacis and we found that the wubba nubs with a small stuffed animal attached to the paci were the easiest for her to find in the middle of the night. She'll sleep through the night soon, and then she won't again. And then she will again! It's all just a phase! That's been my mantra since becoming a mom! Good luck!!!

A., CIO is not to be used with such a young child. she can't soothe herself. she may be hungry but really mine didn't sleep through the night for a long time. i just had to do it. i did CIO when mine turned two (yes, twins, and still survived it). hubby may be right.

She needs to learn how to self soothe. It's not something that they just get. As for the bedtime thing, if you set up a good bedtime routine it will help to set the mood for sleep. This is what I do with my kids and they go to bed better then anyone I've ever seen. At the same time every night (7:30 for my daughter and 7:45 for my son) we go up stairs. First, we change into our pj's. Then we read a book. Then I turn out the lights and turn on the music. I play lullabies and classical for both my kids. With my daughter, once the lights are out we rock, and she drinks her milk. With my son, it's the same except no rocking or milk. But it's music and lights out. Now, you have to teach your daughter to fall asleep on her own. And it takes a week or 2. This is where to start. The first night rock/nurse her all the way asleep, while the music is playing. Then little by little your are going to put her in the crib more and more awake. Until you are putting her in the crib totally awake. One of the nice things about using the music to help soothe is that when she wakes during the night, all you'll need to do is put her binky back in (we always kept a spare on the dresser so I wasn't searching for it in the dark), turn on her music and walk out. If you want to incorporate bath into this, it's easy. Just decide what time you want her in bed by. Also, you may want to find her a "lovey". Sometimes they feel better if they have something to cuddle. Crying for 45 mins isn't helping. She needs your help to learn how to do this. Once she does, life will be so much easier. both my kids were about this age when I started to sleep train. It only took a few weeks. Now, most nights (at 4 1/2 and 19 mos) they are asking to go to bed. You may want to follow the same routine for naps, again it reinforces the sleep. Sorry this is so scattered, if you have any questions feel free to ask.

5 months is too young to expect your daughter to sleep through the night. Some breasted babies still need an extra feeding at night up until even 8-9 mos. If she normally only gets up once a night but then started to get up more frequently, she is probably going through a growth spurt and needs to eat. I highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's books (No Cry Sleep Solution).

The reason she is getting worse is because you have taken her security away and that's why she won't let you put her down. I'm not the biggest fan of the Baby Whisperer books (Tracy Hogg), but even she is against leaving children alone to let them cry it out and explains that it breaks the bond between parent and child. Elizabeth Pantley also discusses how it negatively effects children.

My daughter was the same way, swaddled until 7 months and rocked until 12 months (sometimes this took 45 minutes or more!). I tried cry it out around 9 months and it was a huge mistake for us. I'm sure for some kids it works but it backfired on me. I only let her go less than 1 hour and went in at 5, 10, 15 intervals. She wouldn't let go of me for a week! I felt horrible. Right after her birthday she was squirming while I rocked and pointed to her crib. I put her in she curled up and went to sleep. She was ready. Some kids just need more soothing and reassurance. I won't recommend CIT she's still so little and can't understand why your not coming.

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time, but it will pass, remind yourself. Try reading the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. It's a great book and she has one just for toddlers too. I had a similar problem, but my daughter NEVER slept in her crib. I guess I just gave up after awhile and chose to co-sleep since it made more sense with nursing and everyone seemed to sleep better. If you don't like that idea, can you lay a mattress down next to your bed or put the crib next to your bed? My daughter did not sleep through the night until at least 2 years old - every child is different. She has been in her own bed for almost 6 months and sleep through the night most of the time. Also, maybe she is cutting her 1st tooth?