My 4 Yr Son Still Wetting the Bed at Night

Both of my older boys have had this issue, the one stopped about 9 years and the other one still has issues at 11, although much less frequent. Stop the milk in the evening--the sugars in milk produce the need to urinate more often. This little trick eliminated over %50 of our issues, not kidding. I wish someone had told me years before! My oldest son did not sleep right, his tonsils and adnoids were too large and he was not going through the 4 stages of sleep properly; he could sleep in a puddle and not know at all. Watch for that. Once he started to grow and stretch out a bit the bedwetting stopped. I have not figured the key to my middle son; he is still working on it but it has decreased to maybe once a week at this point.
This is a hard issue. It is not their choice; no punishment will do anything other than make them feel bad. Boys are different from girls in this regard. Sticker charts won't help either being that this is not a choice. Just don't make a big deal of it. Get a plastic cover for the mattress, invest in pull-ups and let your little guy know he will grow out of it when he's ready. There are grown men who still have this issue. When he gets older the doctors will be more willing to work with you if he has not grown out of it by about 8. We have chose not to go that route, but if the problem does not end within the year (puberty kicking in) we will be seeking medical assistance for the now 11 year old.

Good luck, relax, and I know pull-ups suck, but that's the best way....I've been dealing with it for 13 years!

A.

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I"m surprised about all the people saying it's a boy thing, I hadn't heard that, but I will say that my brother and I (of 6 kids, so it's not like my mom was just bad at night time) we the bed occasionally until we were 10 or 12. I had bladdar tube problems (that could not be treated, I grew out of them) and therefore lots of UTIs too. My brother had nothing that was diagnosed anyway. My daughter was potty trained by 19 months and was 4.5 before she got night time down. I am all about potty training when they're ready (not waiting), but I think night time just takes a LONG time for some kids. My parents did stickers and everything, but my body just wasn't ready. He will get it eventually. Also, I have talked to MANY moms whose kids are potty trained and older than 4 and they still can't make it through the night. You might talk to the doctor about it at the next appointment, as if there is anything wrong that could be helped, you might as well do it, but mostly I think it's just normal. Sounds like you guys are doing great.

K.

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I would NOT punish him. If he could wake himself up, he would. Just be patient. It really does usually just happen when they are ready.

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My son is almost 5 and still wets in his pull-ups at night. Occasionally he will wake up dry, and I praise him a lot when he does. But I don't make a big deal out of it with him when he does wet. I told him, that we are really going to try to get rid of the pull-ups and make sure he wakes in the night to go to the bathroom. He still has accidents during the day...he waits too long to go. He is a lot my brother was when he was growing up. And my brother wet the bed until he went through puberty. It was quite a struggle with my parents, but he just slept too heavy to wake. I see a lot of that in my son, so that is why I don't get upset when he does. He sleeps very heavy too!

I think it all depends on the child. I would try the wake up and go thing in the middle of the night, but I have heard from some that it doesn't always work. But it may help him to wake and go on his own eventually. Good luck!

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I haven't read your other responses, but I was sorry to hear you were discouraged. I went through this with our son (he's now 5 1/2). Our doctor had told us that it may be until he's 6 before he gets it. Our son is a real deep sleeper. Your son just may not be waking up. We kept ours in pullups until he was dry for a few weeks. But then he wanted to continue to wear them for an additional month. It was frustrating to keep changing sheets, but we tried not to make him feel bad about it. I don't think they can help it, so you may not want to punish. Personally I wouldn't want to get up in the night with him, but that's because I really need my sleep :). We really started limiting his liquids, hardly any after 7pm (he has a 9pm bedtime), just a sip after brushing teeth, which seemed to help too. I totally feel for you and I know I was daily praying for patience through this process. My son also had difficulty with going #2 in the potty for 9 months after starting training and it was over a year before he was dry at night. I want to encourage you that he will get it one day soon. Hang in there!

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I'm not entirely convinced it's a mind thing...my kid is a pretty deep sleeper. If he's sleeping light, he'll get up and use the bathroom EVEN THOUGH HE'S WEARING A PULL UP. Wearing the pull ups gives him MORE confidence because he really HATES wetting his bed. He is embarassed and feels like a failure and I will do ANYTHING to help him NOT feel that way.

We too, cut back on the liquids before bedtime but sometimes that's not always enough. We have been charting how many nights he has gone w/o wetting his pull ups...some weeks are better than others but neither one of us is willign to be up at 2 and 3 am changing bedding and taking baths. Boys mature later than girls so you may have to be a little more patient with him. I tried incentive programs with my son on potty training and it all backfired miserably...so I'm just letting him go at his own pace. Oh, and my son is 6.

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My youngest son is now 35. He was still wetting the bed when he was thirteen. At that time we lived in southern California and he slept so hard that he slept through earthquakes! He slept on a waterbed! Eventually they outgrow the problem but I wouldn't worry when he is only four. Does he stay dry during the day? If so, he probably just needs to grow. I understand the hassle of changing sheets everyday and getting him bathed in the morning. But it isn't worth fighting over because he can't help himself. If it worries you all the more take him to the DR and make sure everything is okay. But don't punish him, poor little guy wants to obey you but isn't mature enough to follow through!

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Stop the liquids 2 hrs before he goes to bed. When does he go to bed? If he is in bed 2hrs before you I would get him up before you went to bed at nite. Try that first instead of getting him up every couple of hours, if he stays dry the first time you stop the liquids early and get him up once before you go to bed then you wont have to do the every couple of hours. Lack of sleep for both of you. If that dont work, then do the same thing get him up before yo ugo to bed then set an alarm clock 2 hrs after that and get him up again. If he stays dry then you know that will work and if not do 2 hrs after that, until he gets used to waking up at nite to pee.

I wouldnt do punishments, just keep doing the praising and the sticker thing, he will get it eventually, some boys just sleep heavier than girls and of course girls train easier than boys.

Good Luck.

Stop the pullups all together. Its still like a diaper, he will never learn to go on the potty if he is still wearing pullups, I think its a mind thing, I stopped the pullups at nite with my son and he never wet the bed after that, I knew he was ready when he was waking dry with pullups on.

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One of my children wet at night until 9 years old. He just had a small bladder. Do not punsh this child with stickers he can not earn. Try again when he is dry for a week of nights in a row. That's how some kids are.

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Children all mature at different rates. Girls do tend to mature faster than boys. Waking your son up at night is not going to chnage whether or not he is physiologically ready for nighttime training. I know it is expensive. I have a 3.5 year old that has to use the nighttime pullups every night, but it sure saves the time and money of washing sheets and pajamas every night. Huggies and Pampers are both making pullups for older children because we are finally realizing and accepting that many children just aren't ready at an early age. The bigger deal that you make of it, either way, may impede progress by adding an emotional component. I've tried cutting drinks early and it hasn't worked for me. My aunt had 2 children that wet the bed for quite some time. One was 8 when she stopped. The other is 11 and he still wears pullups to bed becuase he sometimes still wets the bed; although, it is very rarely now. Any kind of stress on your child can make it worse. The desire to attain coveted prizes may actually back fire. I know it is hard. I would love to ditch the pullups too. I also know it is best to allow children to grow and develop at their own rate. My grandmother is always telling me to "pick your battles". This is one I have chosen not to fight. Good luck whatever you try!

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My son turned 4 last November and he still wets the bed every night. He is SOAKED when he gets up. I truely believe that he just has to grow out of it. Usually when he takes a nap he doesn't wear a diaper, but if he sleeps more than 3 hours (sometimes he'll take a 4 hour nap!!) then he wakes up wet. When he does wake up wet, we really don't say much...just "oh, you peed a little? Ok, let's wash the sheets." When he wakes up dry, I don't ever praise him. I'm afraid that if I do, then when he does wet he'll get the message that it's not ok...like he DIDN'T do a good job. I have a friend who uses a sticker chart with her 2 year old. When he pees in the middle of the night, he's DEVASTATED. I will not do that to my child. The other day my son and I talked about it. He brought it up and I was telling him that his friends don't wear diapers to bed (probably scarred him for life for saying that). He said he didn't want to anymore and I told him that when he can wake up with dry diapers then he won't have to wear them anymore. I told him that his friends get up in the middle of the night to go potty. Then I told him that it's ok if he still wets at night, its just because his body doesn't know how to wake up yet but he'll learn someday. We ended the conversation with him saying, "I'm not going to pee the bed tonight. I'm going to get up and go in the potty." Haven't heard a word since and that was about a week ago. If he brings it up again, I'll tell him again that he can't control it and it's ok. But again, I will not go through the punish/praise thing. My brother was a late bed-wetter and it never really bothered my parents. Oh yeah, and also I do not limit liquids in the evening. Lots of friends have told me to do this and I feel that it's just plain mean. I'd be pissed if I was really thirsty and someone told me I couldn't have a drink until morning! I AM sick of buying diapers, but it's not my son's fault that he needs them and I will never make him feel that it is.

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For me it was the opposite. My son stopped right about 4 years old but my daughter, now 4, still hasn't. There was a time when she seemed to be doing well but then it became more frequent again. I think for her it has more to do with stress than her body's maturity. I don't know how to handle it either.
I used to think that when she didn't take a nap she would have an accident but now she doesn't take naps and there is no rhyme or reason to her bed wetting (that I have found anyway). She never wet the bed during her naps just at night.
I try not to make it a big deal because I know that she doesn't like it. She isn't doing it on purpose, she would much rather be dry when she wakes up than soaking wet. I thought about doing a sticker chart as well but more for my sake than hers. I make sure to tell her how great it was when she is able to stay dry.

Good luck and know this is a very common thing and nothing to worry much about yet. His body just needs some extra time.

ETA: You could try a couple of nights without pull-ups and see if that helps since he did stop at one point. The pull-ups being so absorbent do make it easier to just go and never know the difference. He will probably still wet himself the first few times but it could help him learn to hold it in.
This is how my kids learned to stay dry during naps. I didn't do it at night until they woke up dry a few days in a row. Once I did and they stayed dry I never went back. We dealt with the rare occasion of the accident, if any, as they came.
My daughter still wears panties. I never put her back in the pull-ups, though I did consider it. I have decided just to make her as responsible for her accidents as possible. I ensure she has clean panties and clothes to change into. I show her where to put her dirty laundry and I help give her a clean, dry place to sleep. If things don't improve after a while then I might reconsider for now this is what we do.

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Good Morning M., Definitely do not punish him, boys usually (from my experience) take a little longer to get through the night dry. Our youngest who is now 32, wet his bed occasionally until he was 6-7. He would get up then and get a towel for the bed, change to dry underwear and tell me in the morning he had an accident.
Some children are very heavy sleepers and are so relaxed they don't feel the urge to go. Corbin age 4 last march, still wets his bed sometimes. Not a lot but maybe twice a month. Daughter in law placed night lights through all the rooms from his to the bathroom if he wakes up to go, he can get there alone.
Nap time is a great start for your little guy, the night time will come. He's putting a lot of stress on himself by going to try pp 4 times before bed. Leave him in a pull up until he is dry with that for at least a week or so, then try again. Let him no it's ok and your not mad or angry if he is wet in the mornings, he's doing good to try.

Raised two son's and have 4 gr son's so I am pretty well Boy proofed...lol Each was different yet all were the same in some area's. Wetting the bed at night was the one area where they were all basically the same. Asher is almost 5, and he is dry now at night, Austin will be 9 in August he has been dry since 5 1/2.
Zane is only 18 months so potty training is WAYYYYYYYY down the road for him...lol
So my advice is to leave him in the pull ups for a while longer, reduce the stress for him and he will get it soon.

God Bless you M., relax and deep breathe
K. Nana of 5

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My 7 year old still has accidents in the middle of the night. I think (and my pediatrician agrees) that he will be dry consistently at some point, but for now we just deal with it. He could be dry for a few weeks and then wet a night or two and then dry, etc. It's just been off and on for years.

When he was consistently wet (after being dry for a period of time after we took him out of pull ups/diapers) we did take him to the bathroom before we went to bed at 10 or 11 p.m. That seemed to help, but we got tired of trying that and just thought we'd see if he could be dry without our visit to take him to the bathroom.

I'm not putting him on medication until it really becomes a social problem with sleepover invitations, but that hasn't happened yet.

On the other end of the spectrum, my 4 year old (who was just potty trained about 5 months ago!) was dry during the night almost immediately after he became potty trained during the day. I didn't do one single thing to help him stay dry at night. It just happened that way and my 7 year old clearly has more accidents than my 4 year old during the night. I don't tell him that, though. Good luck, it'll happen!!

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Boys have a harder time with being dry at night. He also may have Nocturnal Enurises which a medical condition that means his bladder can't keep up with your childs growing and his bladder is immature and this can last anywhere from a short time or till he's hit puberty. Keep him pull ups until he's done but don't punish him. Try getting him up a few times in the night as well and that might help as well and sometimes it doesn't. I got my son up a few times in the night and he went potty but still ended up wetting his pull ups. Don't be discouraged some boys have problems and some kids don't. I hope this helps.

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I have two boys, 6 1/2 & 5, and they both still wear pull ups at night. Their doctor said it's actually a hormone thing. This hormone causes the body to know to wake up when the bladder is full or something like that. Anyway, she said different kids develop this hormone at different times so it's not uncommon to be wetting the bed until age 6 or 7. If they are still wetting the bed after that their is this prescription drug that they can take that mimicks this hormone so they quit wetting the bed (probably better for an older kid that gets embarrassed). So my advice is be patient, don't make a big deal out of it and give him that sticker for being such a cutie! :-)

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My daughter just turned 5 and is still wetting the bed so it is just not a boy thing. My son quit wetting the bed quite a bit earlier but took longer to potty train during the day (he was almost 4 for daytime; 2 nighttime). My daughter potty trained day time before 2. Every kid is different.

The difference between my two children is that my daughter is a much heavier sleeper like my husband (who also consequently was a bed wetter). My sister was also a bedwetter. Everything that I read indicated that bedwetting is due to kids (or adults for that matter) being heavy sleepers. This can be genetic. They don't wake up when they need to go to the bathroom. I also read that taking a 1/2 awake child to the bathroom can be counterproductive.

Our pediatrician's viewpoint is to wait it out. There are bedwetting alarms that can be used. I haven't tried them. I have seen some sold on ebay. Check out bedwettingstore.com. There are bed pads, alarms etc there.

I also think it is something they will outgrow. I had my daughter in cloth diapers until she stated that she didn't want to wear diapers anymore. This was prompted by her father (the exbedwetter - thanks dad). After that, I layered on the towels and bed pads so that we don't have to change the sheets. Despite all of this, she still wets the bed. The wetness just doesn't wake her up. Whether she was in pullups, cloth diapers, etc. doesn't matter. She doesn't wake up.

At our recent visit to the pediatrician, the doctor's suggestion was to put her back in pullups. She also said don't worry about it until she is 6. Even then her thoughts were that it was more of a social thing rather than a medical problem. With my son, we went to a pediatric gastro at Children's for a different problem. There they didn't worry about boys being fully potty trained (day or night time) until they were maybe 7.

Good luck.

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Hi M.,
I haven't read the other posts either...there's too much negativity in the world already, and moms are supposed to be supportive of each other...anyway I just went to a lecture by the pediatric sleep specialist from St. Luke's, and if I remember right, she said bedwetting is normal until age 6, and they don't do anything about it until age 7. (I'll let you know if my info turns up...I've been doing a bit of reorganizing). So it's normal. Good luck :)

2 things need to occur before a child's bladder can hold urine all night long.
1st-bladder maturity. The bladder is slow to mature and it can take longer to achieve this in some kids. Boys are more likely to take longer than girls. Age 6-8 can be normal.

2nd- There is a hormone that is released, again it can take longer for the brain to release this hormone.

Genetics plays a huge role into this as well. If one or both parents took awhile to stop wetting the bed, the chance of their child increases.

If your child does not have issues during the day or other bathroom power struggles then it's not a matter of not trying at night. It's simply your child is not physically able to hold urine overnight.

There are things you can do to help train the brain.

Cutting off liquids a few hours before. Having your son lay down for about 20 mins or so then trying again.

Waking up in the middle night can be helpful but only if the body is awake enough to tell the bladder to fully go.

Then you have 2 ways to either use a plastic sheet or pull-ups. If your child has an accident they will need to help clean themselves up. THIS IS NOT FOR PUNISHMENT and should not be used as such. This is simply away for the brain to train itself.

I would not use rewards. As this can back fire and cause a child anxiety before bedtime. Anxiety can lead to wetting the bed.

If a child has a dry night, simply say that's great. And leave it at that, no added pressure this way.

Now if a child was able to hold urine overnight for an extended time, then regresses to wetting the bed. You need to make an appt. with his doctor to rule out a UTI.

buy a plastic mattress cover and don't use pullups. If he pees the bed, take off the bedding and wash them along with his clothes, spray the antibacterial cleaner on the mattress pad and wipe it down. The pullups may be the problem--they are too much like a diaper and prolongs potty training so why wouldn't it prolong staying dry at night?
When mine started potty training, we used the thick padded underwear and only used pullups when we went out shopping if I knew it would be hard to find a bathroom quick. I didn't use pullups at night and they only wet the bed a few times and that was it. None of them are bedwetters and my youngest sleeps very sound. I did get them up to go potty before I went to bed when they first started potty training which may have helped with them not wetting the bed but most of the time they didn't have to go so after a few weeks I didn't wake them anymore to see how well they would do and didn't wet the bed so quit waking them and they will get up if they need to on their own.

We now use cloth type mattress covers because their old mattresses were stained from getting sick and puking so use the mattress covers for that reason and if they have friends sleepover and they have an accident their mattresses won't be stained.
The lightweight character sleeping bags work well if you are changing the bed often. That is what we use when the kids are sick so we don't have to go through the trouble of putting new sheets on the bed especially the bunk beds that are hard to make anyway. After they are better then I will make their bed with clean sheets.

Hi M.,
Bedwetting is something that can be hereditary, part of their learning style. People who are more visual-spatial or picture thinkers can have the tendency to wet the bed beyond an appropriate age. They can be either an extra deep sleeper or an extra light sleeper.
Here's a link that may be helpful: http://www.visual-learners.com/support-files/sleep.pdf

Hope this was helpful!
C.

I just took my 4 year old daughter to the doctor because she was having accidents quite regularly. She also wets through a night time pull up at night sometimes. She always potties in her pull up at night. The doctor was not concerned about the night time wetting. He said that is normal and can last for quite some time until she outgrows it. He put her on a bladder control medication for the accidents and now they are gone. She apparently the muscle that controls this was not very strong for her. As for the night she sleeps soooo soundly that she doesn't even wake up. He seemed to think it was normal, so no worries for now. You could ask your doctor if you are worried, though.

I just wanted to make a quick comment, but Kristina B summed it up nicely. I've always heard boys tend to wet the bed longer than girls...has to do with their bodies growing quicker than their bladders. I remember my brother wet the bed for quite a while but myself and 2 sisters never did. My 3rd old son is wearing pullups to bed because he too started wetting the bed after he was potty trained. He doesn't wet in them too much, but sometimes he does. Like you, I hope it gets better but I don't ever want to make him feel bad if he does peeee. I'm sorry you received some not so nice responses to your dilemma, sometimes moms forget this is supposed to be a website for support and not criticism. Take care.

Sounds like you are handling things right - I just wanted to throw out my experience in case it is applicable.

My son was fully potty-trained at about 3 1/2, day and night. Then at about 4 1/2 he started wetting his bed at night again. We were so confused. A few months later, we started realizing that on most nights he was snoring so badly, he could hardly breathe. Turns out he had developed sleep apnea and had to have his tonsils and adenoids removed. Something like 2 days after that surgery, he completed stopped wetting the bed at night, and he has been dry ever since :)

I personally was 12 before I could stay dry at night. My mother would wake up and walk me to the bathroom about 1 in the morning after I turned about 10.

My children varied and were 4, 3 and 5 when they stayed dry at night. My 4 year old grandson is 4 1/2 and will occasionally still have an accident and is saturated at night with a pull up. Ask you husband if he had a wetting problem It is sometimes hereditary.

Hi M.,

When my son was about 41/2 we started to wake him up ay between 1 and 2 in the morning. He had underwear on. Dad would wake him up because if I would do it he would get mad and not go. We did this for about 6 weeks. And after that he was potty trained at night.

L.