i went through this many many years ago with my daughter. I believe it takes a long time to get the sensations back. she did the same, told me after the fact etc. I believe she didnt know until it was too late. you need to keep her on a pottie schedule. pay attention to when she goes and then start taking her before that and sit with her. it is hard work to get them back to where they should be. i dont thing stubborness has anything to do with it....there is another thread about this situation on this site. below is an answer i gave to another woman experiencing this problem, if you care to read it. thanks
First of all if your doctor says this is just a fear and he will get over it...ask again..and again. If you still get that response, get a new doctor. Or at the least, a second opinion. I went through the same thing with my daughter. She is now 22! I dont know if there is any connection but I too breastfed till later than most. It started at a very early age and progressed till she was 4, with some side effects till even 6. She would fight having a bowel moverment. Potty training seemed to go well and all of a sudden she was terrified to go. And yet sometimes she would soil her underwear or "leak" a little. We would be up at 3 AM with her on the toilet...crying and holding her stomach saying "no mommy, please dont make me, its hurts!" She would literally scream, cry and wiggle trying to stop it from coming out. Talk about breaking your heart. Meanwhile I would fluctuate between praying, crying and getting mad. (not really proud of some of those moments). Finally after a second opinion we found out she had Encopresis, a condition in children. My suggestion would be just to have him checked for this before doing anything such as "ignoring it till it passes". I tried this at first and am so happy I decided to take my little girl elsewhere. It was one of the most trying times of my life! I had 2 little boys just a little older than her, and with the teasing from them that i was constantly trying to stop, the lack of sleep i was getting, frustration, I was extremely stressed. All the while people making me feel like it was my fault, that I was doing or did something wrong potty training. Everyone had their 2 cents! Finally after the diagnosis, she was admitted to Rainbow Babies Hospital in Cleveland overnight (I stayed with her) and she was "cleaned out", (IV liquids, diahrea, etc.No pain) The blockage taken care of I could start over. She then needed daily enemas, strict fiber diet, bathroom time consistancy,daily mineral oil (after the fact) and lots of patience! And the whole "yay!" treatment again when she would go. It took a while. I am not telling you this to scare you simply check it out as an option. It can be dangerous if ignored. And it can develop from a situation such as yours.If everyone says Miralax works then I would try it. I would imagine if they had it 20 years ago I would have used it. Because they didnt it progressed to a blockage. They informed me to add fiber etc. but that is not always a good thing if you dont go. It was contributing to the blockage. She got to the point where she couldnt go and no longer got the "urge". To this day I still remember all those late nights and tears and feeling terrible in the bathroom with her! Try the Miralax but I always still suggest checking for the blockage. If you lived through it you would suggest that to everyone! Encopresis is not uncommon and it can develop from this situation. Unfortunately...at 25 and 27 her brothers still feel the need to tease her! ;) Hope things get better soon. check out this website
Hope this helps...G.