My 4 Year Old Is a Spender!

This is interesting because my 4 1/2 yr old also likes to buy things with his money, but he does like to use it for things other than toys (like going to a bounce house place) occasionally :-). We did talk during a recent shopping trip about saving it for something bigger/more expensive, or buying something now. He chose the "now" thing, but said, "next time, I'm going to get the (whatever -- which cost $40)" So, now I'm hoping I can help him save up for it.

I think the teachable moment will be at home, not while he's in the store, looking at all the wonderful toys. He won't be able to overcome the desire to have something "now." And rather than take him to the store just to spend his money, let him look at catalogs and ads, pick out what he wants, and save towards that. Then, you might help him avoid impulse spending out by not taking him -- or not taking his money with you -- when you're on a shopping trip. When he says he wants something, remind him what he's saving for. If he gets upset, you can talk (in 4 yr old terms) about "impulse" spending, and let him know you're helping him stick to his saving plan so he can get the thing he really wants. You may have to endure a little fit, and it may seem pointless to still make him wait to spend, but make sure he understands that you're on his side, and remind yourself that you're setting an example and teaching him a valuable lesson.

It's great that you have set up a system for him to tithe. You might even add more "buckets" to the plan for him. Maybe he can have two or three buckets or budgets for the types of things he likes to buy or do. You could help him have a book budget, toy budget, fun place budget (i.e. Bonkers, McDonald's), and possibly a "giving" budget, where he could use a portion of his money to buy a toy, canned good, or article of clothing to donate to a local charity.
Of course, discuss his budget plan with him, and work together to come up with his different buckets or categories.

You can use several small piggy banks (check dollar general), mason jars, or a few envelopes (keep them in a pencil pouch, small file folder or coupon separator) to hold money for the different categories

Hope this helps, and let's pray that our boys become responsible spenders!

3 moms found this helpful

Dave Ramsey has a great children's program that helps you teach your children how to save. He has a Giving, Saving and Spending envelope and the child HAS to put money in each one every time money is recieved(or earned). He is little and you are the parent. It is okay for you to tell him that he can't spend all his money at once. Where else will he learn it from if you don't give him some bounderies? I know that you feel it is his money- but it is your responsiblity to make sure he know how to handle money and at 4&1/2 he will need more than just suggestions from you. When he gets older and starts to understand more the importance of giving and saving with his money, you will see that he will make wiser choices with the things that he wants to buy.
We have a rule for spending. If it is something they still really want in a week then we will go back to the store and look at it again to make sure that's what they want- if they decide on something else the last min. I make them wait another week(hehe- I'm so mean!) That way we don't end up with a lot of unused toys all over the house.
Other parents I know of make their child go through their toys at home and pick one to get rid of before they are allowed to spend money on another one.
Good luck! This will be a great learning experiance for all of you!
~C.

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We are teaching the same values to our 6 and 8 year old. We decided on a much lower amount of $$ for their allowance though, and it has helped them learned how to delay spending and save for something. They each earn $2.50 a week ($.50 per day for chores). .25 goes for tithing (10%), $1.25 goes towards their savings, and that leaves $1 per week for fun money. So, it takes a couple of months at least to have enough for a decent toy. I want them to be able to buy what they want when they want, but I also don't want to be overrun with toys. It works well for our family.

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Like the other posters said, you are doing a great job! And I agree that you shouldn't worry about him spending everything, especially because you are teaching him to save and give. I went thru the same thing with my daughter, and now that she is 6, she is still a spender but has been saving for months for a Nintendo DS. She just had to grow up enough to find something worth saving for. I'm really proud of her, I honestly have to say I wasn't sure the saving would last but the training is starting to pay off!

The only thing we do differently is to let our daughter choose how much to give and save instead of making her do a set amount. It's amazing how generous she can be and it gives her control over her own money. When she gets older and understands percentages we'll teach her about a 10% tithe. Just thought I'd mention that although it sounds like what you're doing works great!!

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I love that you're also teaching him about saving and giving! You've gotten some good responses so far. I think it's normal for him to want to spend it now. If you really wanted, I think that setting aside 1 special shopping day a month would be good. That would give him something to look forward to. I'm sure with all these new toys your house is probably getting a little full. Maybe you can start teaching him that if he buys a new toy, then he needs to pick another toy to give to charity. I think he's doing fine, though. You're teaching him early about money management, which is a wonderful thing!

Our daughter is 14 and when she was around 4 or so and up until the last couple of years, she would spend every penny in her pocket. I thought she would never learn to save.

She has been raised on saving and delayed gratification but I guess it just took a while to kick in.

We laugh now because when she wants something and she knows it is coming out of her pocket....it is AMAZING how frugal she can become.

I think you are doing just fine letting your son spend his money and make choices...some good and some he will regret spending his money on.

Good luck!

You've received good responses. I'll only add something I learned through rearing 5 children. Spending/Saving seems to be part of a child's personality traits. I had one that wanted a savings account from age 7 or 8. She grew up to become a banker, bought her first house at 29 while still single. The other two were spenders. One learned in her 20s to quit the debt rut, but the other one is still always a day late and a dollar short! The last two, products of my eldest and the big spender, have had to overcome their inherited spending traits. So guide your son as much as you can, but keep in mind he must learn the lessons himself--and sometimes the hard way. He'll want something big someday and you must refrain from helping him get it. The sooner he learns, the better his life in the future. Parenting is the hardest job of all.

I didn't have time to read your other responses, but with our kiddos (now ages 10, 7, 7), from day one, they tithe 10% and then with what is left, we divide it in half and they get to keep half in their wallet to spend as they please and the other half goes in savings. When they got older and asked what the savings is for we told them it was for bigger purchases they will want when they are older including the car they will have to pay half of. Plus it is a great habit for them to have to tithe and save. Hopefully they will carry it into adulthood. That is my hope!

Sounds like you're doing a great job and you've gotten some good responses. Our girls are now 30 & 33. We did much what you're doing. One has always been a "spender"; the other more of a "saver." Now the "spender" loves to spend some of her extra money on her neice and the "saver" really enjoys having such a generous sister.

One thing is to be sure you allow your son to make mistakes with his money now while it really isn't a big deal. He will learn the value of buying quality eventually. Maturity does wonderful things!

This is what we do in our home. We hve 3 girls, 10, 7 & 4. Each of them have their own chores to do and some are shared chores. They receive allowance every month but we stress on savings more than anything. First off 10% goes into their envelope for church, with the balance they put HALF in the bank savings and HALF in their "spending" envelope. Since we started the allowance thing we told them that when we are running errands or if we are out and about they would have to pay for anything extra "they" want. If we just had lunch at home then we leave and all of a sudden get hungry or thirsty (only because they see a McDonalds) they have to pay for it. Boy, this has stopped that immediately! The girls will now fill up a cup with water and bring a snack with them in the car. We also have the wii game system and if they want any games they need to save up for it. If all three agree on a game they will pull their monies together to purchase it. My oldest is my big spending and wants to buy everything and my 7 yr old stashes her money away. I think it is just a learning curve that they will learn when they are ready.
Not sure if that helped or not but I hope it did.

My son gets an allowance, also. He's 5. He is required to save some and can spend some. We discuss together how much he saves and spends each week. We do not make him tithe because we feel giving should be something he wants to do, not be made to do. I had the same concerns about my son buying new Matchbox cars every week even though they cost only around a dollar each. It seemed like such a waste to spend money on something that he has so many of in the first place, but then I thought of all the things I spend money on that he may consider a waste. I realized that it is his money to do with what he wants and I should let him. After a few months of wanting to spend money every week, he lost interest and just saves it all now. Of course, this could all change next week and he could go back to blowing half his allowance on toy cars. I think your doing the right thing. As parents, we just want to prevent our children from making mistakes even though that is how they learn. Good luck!!

I think if you are teaching him to put back 10% for savings and teaching him to tithe... let him spend what he is earning. You are starting him off right and as he matures then he will realize that to get bigger things he has to save his money longer.

As he gets older- you can sit down with him and show him how to write up a budget and how he can pay this bills then what is left over he can spend like he does his allowance... which he is earning.

Way to go. Wish I had had someone teach me so that I could have taught my sons... we are all learning the hard way.

I think he is doing fine. They dont care any more about the bigger things at this point. It is okay that he spends it all right now, except for what you are saving and tithing. It is all about him getting to choose right now. As he gets older, he will get it. Right now, it should just be about him knowing that you are not paying for it, he is. If he asks for things that are out of the ordinary, he has to spend his money, and it might make him think about it first. I think its great that you are teaching him already..I really need to get on that and my kids are older.

great job in working with your son already! so many of today's youth never were taught how to manage money. we haven't started yet with out 3 year old but i'm sure we will soon. i have seen a clear piggy bank you can buy that is already divided into 4 separate sections online. that might be fun for him to see his money grow in each section. you are doing great and i'm sure as he gets older he will do a better job at saving. but then there is always personality differences. he may just be a natural spender. :)

We're doing the same thing with our six year old and am seeing the same thing.

My thoughts: having a steady income where you work, get paid, put in for saving and put in for tithing, and it leaves you with a pocket of cash - it's yours to spend, right? You're doing the correct thing by telling him the value of the dollar and the value of some toys. Our issue is also always wanting to spend whenever he is in the store and at $4-5 a week - it seems easy.
Spending can be a bad habit I have seen this on many people.

So we have tried this, we can look - that's free. He can wish and hope for things and we talk about them and he plans when he has enough money. Sometimes he changes his mind and that's okay. Sometimes he forgets altogether.
As he gets older his wishes and wants will get bigger than the latest GI Joe toy and maybe his chores and allowances will be bigger then too.
I also tell my son that he needs to make time and decide on getting rid of other toys, have to make room for the new. That's where we are now, he can't get himself to part with his current toys and he finds them all so interesting again (no need for new toy). Our son has a spending envelope and we put that aside for him. All extra's are his responsibility (arcade quarters, toys, etc.) He knows that's his and it empowers him I think. We are hoping tucking back a little of his money (does he need 80% to spend really?) every week and by the time he's 16 he will have a small pocket change of cash to buy his own car - with his own money. We will see - So far so good. :)

You're doing it right, I think. I'm sure there's a book out there somewhere that tells how to do it. If you find one let me know. :)