My 4 Year Old Daughter Is a Nightmare!!!!

I wonder if your daughter needs more attention from you and is willing to get it any way that she can. I can't imagine a 4 year old being in school/day care from 8 am until 5 pm every day! Maybe you could work fewer hours so that you could spend more time with her? I understand that it is tough to make ends meet these days especially, but where there is a will there is a way.

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Wow - it sounds like your daughter has a lot going on her little life right now. Her big sister moved away, her place as the baby of the family has been taken over by someone else, she's in school full time - that's a lot for anyone to handle, let alone a 4 year old!

It's very concerning that she talks about wanting to go home with complete strangers. How is she being treated at home? Hopefully there is no physical aggression (ie spankings from her parents or excessively aggressive play by the 5 year old), name calling, belittling or ignoring. Take a step back as assess what her day to day life is like and how she is being treated by everyone in the house.

She sounds incredibly bright, outgoing, energetic and friendly. If she gets her work done perfectly at school and then misbehaves, it his very likely that she is bored. You might want to have her tested for gifted abilities.

Also, I highly recommend the book "You Can't Make Me (but I can be pursuaded)" by Cynthia Tobias. She is a genius at helping parents constructively and lovingly deal with strong willed children.

Your daughter sounds like a beautiful, charming, intelligent little girl. Take the time to understand her motivations and you both will experience rewards beyond measure.

Best of luck to you and your family!

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Hello Marietta,

Your daughter is only four, pretty young, right? She's away from her whole family from 8am till 5pm!! And she's been removed from you like this on an almost daily basis since she was 2!? Spending all her time at a place that thinks it's appropriate to give a four year old homework! You say she's a nightmare but have you considered that this situation could be a nightmare to your daughter?? Of course she wanted to go home with the lady at the supermarket, that makes perfect sense based on what you've told us. This is because your daughter wants/needs a family to learn from and love and grow with. She needs you! What changes can you and your husband make today (and in the days to come) to give her your time, love and attention?

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Good Morning M.,

Sometimes we need to look at something that would rarely be considered in this case, but is very valid to look at. Allergies.

Allergies can cause mental and physical problems. For instance, if someone is allergic to sugar, they can have behavioral problems, adults and children.

I recommend that you log onto site NAET.com. NAET.com is a group of allergists around the world who treat allergies. And ELIMIATE them. They are the ONLY ones in the world at this time who elimiate allergies.

I have had severe allergies for 37 years. Just recently I've started my once a week allergy treatments and eliminations. They are working. This is drug free as well - which is wonderful. The allergy eliminations are taking effect and many of the physical problems that I was having from allergies are disappearing.

Allergies are not regarded as something heavy, but they should be. They are the root cause of many mental and physical illnesses. Elimnate the allergy the body goes back into balance.

I am also completing my degree in Nutrition Science so I can answer any questions you may have - ____@____.com, I recommend that you go to site NAET.com, locate a NAET doctor in your area, make an appointment, have your child tested. And they can walk you through everything.

Be Well.

N.

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She sounds like a very loving little girl who needs some alone time with mommy and some alone time with daddy just playing and cuddling. You both probably devote a lot of time to your 10 month old and after being the baby for 3 years, it must be a confusing transition for her. Good luck. Give her a big snuggle from me.

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Hi M.. I think you've gotten some good advice below. For the teachers and the caregivers -- when you say they complain, what do they complain about? Perhaps you should set up and one-on-one conference with them, and ask them for SPECIFIC feedback and suggestions. The adults in her life should be working together -- the consistency will help her as well.
Otherwise, it actually just sounds like she's an energetic, sociable child! Maybe she's a politician in the making :). But, does she ever get to go to anyone's house? Friends or family? Maybe she just wants to see what other peoples houses are like? Maybe take her on an open house tour?

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M. have you tried to take her to train with horses?or dolphins?some times be with animals make then feel more confortables than be with people,try that!!

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I'm sorry you are so frustrated. Have you had her tested at school for GATE? She might be bored. Has she always slept with you? For me, when I was working full time and had little ones at home, consistency was key. Dinner at the same time each night, bath, reading, bed (theirs). It was very important to me that we keep a routine so that my kids felt a certain comfort in that routine. Did the 18 year old leave recently? She may be missing her, too. I would first have her checked by her physician, then utilize the school counseling office and make sure that there are clear rules/consequences at home. Good luck to you.

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Hi Marietta,
It looks like your daughter is looking for attention from you. I work full time also and my son can be good all day but he acts up as soon as I walk in the house - so I'll pay attention to him. Your daughter is also probably acting out because she was the baby and now you have another baby.

There are a few things you can do:
1) Try to carve out some alone time with her each day where you do something special - maybe for just 1/2 hour since you're busy. Then one a month maybe try to spend a weekend day with her alone doing something fun.

2) Keep explaining that the bad behavior is not acceptable. Try doing a behavior chart. You make a chart of the weeks of the month. Everyday that she is good at school or the gym she gets a check mark or sticker on her chart. If she is good for 7 days or 10 days (you decide how long) - she can get a special treat or toy. Try this for a couple of months and it should help.

3) Have her help you with the baby or cooking or other things around the house. Tell her how "big" she is and that you need her help. She will spend quality time with you and help you at the same time.

Good luck with this! It will get better!

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Dear M.,
I feel so sad that you feel that way about your daughter. It must be very hard for you. I suggest that you get some professional help, a counselor that can help you and listen to your challenges with raising your daughter. It's hard to advise you without seeing you and your daughter.
Many counselors will see patients for a sliding scale. Please do this while she is little. Good luck.

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Hi there, This absolutely does not sound like middle child issues. PLEASE take your daughter to get evaluated by a competent psychologist, and perhaps they can reccomend parenting classes for you and your husband. It must make you super sad to describe your child as a nightmare, and if you're feeling that way, for sure, she is picking it up. Best of luck.