My 4/Y Son Doesn’t Want Me to Speak with Other People.

sounds like communication is a big issue here. you talk to him (are you using conversation appropriate to a 4 year old, ie short and simple?) and he doesn't listen, he talks to you and you can't figure out what he's thinking.
for starters, quit letting him be in charge. he doesn't get to decide whom you speak to and when. decide what the consequences will be, apply them swiftly and without exception, and make up your mind that this 4 year old is not old or wise enough to be your boss.
khairete
S.

He probably feels very ignored when you are talking to others. You need to practice at home teaching him that when you are having adult conversations that he is not to interrupt unless there is blood or fire, and carry out the consequences of a punishment. 4 yr olds can be very rude if you allow them to be and you will soon see yourself losing a lot of friends because you cant control your son. Do role play with him at home. When he is doing something he likes to do, jump in and disrupt it, and tell him you did that so he can see how it feels when he interrupts you. BUT, if you are spending a LOT of time ignoring him and talking to others ..... you might need to put yourself in check, little ones require attention and want you to be focused on them... there is a balance there that you have to meet.

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My daughter does this too. I think it is fear based. She is very sensitive to strangers and does not like meeting new people. It is also an age (3-4) when kids crave their parents attention. When I see people I know, my face lights up and I put energy in my voice to engage them. My daughter wants this attention for herself. If she's recently spent some time playing by herself, or waiting for me to finish chores, and then I project this positive energy towards someone else, she had a hard time dealing with it. We've had many conversations about community, the need to connect, etc. For a while it made little difference. As she's getting older, it's getting better. especially if I can explain ahead of time to her who I'll be talking to, why and for how long.

I think she finds her friends parents easier to understand because she undeerstands why I'm talking to them.

In kids eyes, wherever you put your attention is important. And, more important than them. so they test, to make sure they are still important. I've noticed I can sometimes walk silently next to my daughter, and then engage in an animated way with a stranger (maybe asking for directions, for instance). I can understand why she wants that energy for herself.

I think that patience and understanding work just as well as (or better than) punishing. Withdrawing my attention from her (which I tried doing) just seemed to ultimately make it worse.

My 4 yr old daughter does the same thing. I think it is attention. you are not paying any attention to them, there for, if they punch ya, they get attention.

I agree with Suz T. don't give in to him. If he kicks or hits you tell him to STOP IT NOW and sit him down. Then go back to your conversation. The more attention you give him the more he'll keep doing it.

Talk to him now about how to behave when you are talking with someone. Teach him to say "Excuse me" and then wait. That you like to visit with your friends just like he does. And that it is not acceptable to interrupt or cause a scene.

Bottom line is, if he doesn't want to listen to you "actions speak louder than words". Show him you are boss by not giving into his antics.

You may have to explain to your friend that he's going through a rough phase, and to please just ignore him.

Practice at home when you're on the phone, talking with your husband, etc. DO NOT answer your son when he interrupts you or is rude.

You might even try modelling his bad behavior with him sometime, pull on his clothes, "scream" in his face and then say, "You don't like that do you? Mommy isn't being nice is she? Well this is what you do to me. And I don't like it either." 4 should be old enough to understand simple role playing. Then ask him what he thinks he should do...and make a game of it.

Best wishes

He's thinking that he wants all of your attention on HIM, all the time. (That's also why kids "need" you the second you're on the phone.) When he does this, calmly take away a privilege or activity, explaining that it's rude.