My 4 1/2 Year Old Son REFUSES to Go Pooh Pooh in the Toliet...

I have twin boys that are 4 1/2 yrs old. The youngest is fully potty trained and my oldest son has a lot of sensory issues and REFUSES to go poo in the potty. He will go pee in it with no problem. The pee thing has literally been just the last several months and he has NO interest in going poo in the potty. I have been told that he will do it when he is ready and with the sensory stuff it just takes a bit longer. I do positive re-enforcement when they go pee and if they go poo. Like a reward chart. Even though my youngest boy is fully potty trained he is still on the reward chart just because I think it shows my oldest that you actually do get a reward for going poo on the potty.

Does he have any sensory issues? My friends son is the same way, but she has been told it is because of the sensory issues he had. He is autistic, but children don't have to be autistic to have sensory issues.

I took a parenting class and they covered potty training. First thing is first... Don't force him. That will scare him and it can cause mental problems down the line... you don't want to go that route. When little boys go poop in the toilet, vs. going pee pee they feel like they are "losing" a part of their body, that's why it scares them so much. They haven't figured out what the poo poo sensation is yet, so it quite honestly scares the hell out of them... it may take some time, but each child develops at their own rate. I'd go out and buy the "potty" movie, and make him a little chart, so for every time he can go potty like a "big boy" he gets a little sticker on his chart or something.. it worked for my nephew... he has an accident ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE, but he's doing much better now!!!

My daughter had some trouble with this. She is the youngest of three so I thought it would be a breeze. She would hide and sometimes was very consipated. My sister-in-law mentioned that she might be having trouble because she was using a toddler seat on the regular toilet. She said that little ones need to have their feet solid on the ground and their knees up alittle to help with the process. It worked.

My grandson was like that and did not train until he was 5. It is frustrating and the more you push the issue the worse it gets. He did not do anything in school and that is what made it so hard because his father and mother had no leverage.

When the 3rd child was about to be born my son said to him, "All I do is go from one bottom to another cleaning up. Three is going to be too much. It is time you used the toilet to poo." It didn't make a bit of difference.

When the 2nd child trained himself all of a sudden the 1st one decided to use the facilities. So leave him alone and peer pressure will take over. Finally at 5-3/4 years old he trained! The 3rd one took out her little training toliet at 2 years old on her own and decided one day, "no more diapers"! So I guess like in life, everyone has their own timing. He is just not on yours!

Good luck. It is not fun. I know, because when I babysat I was the done to clean up the mess.
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You didn't mention whether or not he is in underwear, but prevailing wisdom speaks to the fact that if you allow him to wear diapers or Pull-Ups at all, he will be resistant to going in the potty. I bet if you put him in underwear full-time, no matter what accidents may arise (and they will), he will train quicker.

Hi, A..

Listen to what these gals are telling you. Please be mindful of the appearance of his stools. Small pebbles? Dry? Very dark? Smells strongly of iron? or Sticky? Tar-like? Adhering to his skin?

Pay attention to if he has spontaneous accidents.

Pay attention to his daily diet, just make a mental note on what you do see him eating or reaching for naturally.

Healthy stools - this goes for us, too - are long, unbroken and "snake like" (sorry to be so graphic, btw - not trying to gross anyone out). The stools of children are larger in girth because their colons are healthier and not lined with years of "gunk".

If he is a soda drinker, take it away (sorry). Don't worry about veggies if he doesn't love that, but please push fruit. Especially things with fiber. Things with (as my mother says "thread"). Mango (very thready), pineapple, celery, PRUNES (this will do double duty, obviously). The "fruit acids" (citric acid, pectin...) will help his digestion and "push" better stools.

If he likes veggies, avoid broccoli, try squash instead (again, "thread" qualities), soft carrots (like in soup broth), cucumbers are AWESOME - actually a big plus for your colon because of the high potassium.

Don't bombard him (too much acid for his digestion). But stay away from sugary drinks and white bread and CHEESES.

GRAINS and FRUIT: feed him like a bird (best way I can put it). If you bake? Throw some flax seed in with the muffin mix. Granola bars, raisins. Think "birds and squirrels"!

At 4 1/2, I am simply wondering if he's recoiling from the toilet for #2 because (like a cat with a bladder infection), that toilet seat represents "a pending painful experience".

I have two girlfriends going through this with their sons. One, her son is 7 years old and this has been going on since he was 3 (encopresis diagnosed too late and she is JUST NOW adjusting his diet!!!!!) and now friend #2, her son is regularly constipated with terrible gastric pains - he is 10; also - must now adjust his diet.

Try eating like a bird with him, MUCH fruit, MUCH water and try to incorporate very warm chicken broth in, too. Go for a walk (I know, it's snowing today but it's actually pretty out); walking will get the ball rolling (just like when we were all trying to expedite our labor "when it was time"). Let him run around and play in the snow and try to be nonchalant about reminding him to use the toilet; if his mind is a bit distracted he may not realize his habit of hesitation at this point.

Sorry to be so long winded and don't expect a miracle in a day (but you could see improvement and you might find some relief on your son's face). But please don't rule out bringing this concern to your pediatrician. Good luck, let us all know how it goes!!! *hugs*

Ella
My son had constipation issues at that age and still does. He refuses to go anywhere but at home and even at 9 I still have to keep track in my head how many days it's been, he also has very large bowel movements (due somewhat to chronic constipation) so it hurts sometimes when he goes, compounding the problem. I would suggest a few things

1. Make structured times to sit on the potty about 15 minutes after he eats to just get him comfortable with it.

2. Make sure he gets plenty of water, and fresh fruit anything apple worked well for my son.

3. Try giving him a warm bath to help relax and sit on the potty again.

4. Keep your patience. It's very frustrating, I think i'm still going to be calling my son when he's 30 and asking him if he's gone this week. If you remain calm, he will too, and that will help him relax and get the job done.

If he seems to have hard stool or large stool you might speak with your pediatrician, it really does compound the problem.

Good Luck!

This I can help you with- just 3 weeks ago I got my 5 1/2 year old to go poo on the potty. Here's what it took- we bought a pack of pull ups and some flushable wet wipes. I put them in both bathrooms and told her if she had to go poop she could put a pull up on, but I was not going to have anything to do with it. She was to clean her self up, put the poop in the potty and flush it and throw the pull up away. I would completly wash my hands of the whole thing. I told her I didn't want to hear that she had to poop or anything- she was old enough and she was in charge of it. Well the next day she told me she needed to poop and wanted me to put a diaper on her- I said you have your pull ups- go in the bathroom and put a pull up on. She did and then she wanted me to clean her- I said no- then she asked her little sister to clean he- I said no way and took sissy out of the bathroom. I was about to freak cause she was going through half the tub of wipes cleaning herself up and I knew that was wasteful, but I let her continue. She ended up getting some poo on the tile so I gave her some clorox wipes and told her she needed to clean up the mess she made in the bathroom. She threw a tantrum for about an hour. But it eventually got done- the next day- she pooped on the potty! B/c I took away any and all attention from the pooping in the diaper and put her in charge of it- she figured it was too much work I guess! Hope that helps some.

I wish I could help, but my son is the same way.

Having potty trained several children as a parent and foster parent I found Pressure to be the worst component of potty training. They really do have control over the whole situation. Positive reinforcers for success and bland affect reponses for accidents work best. You don't want pressure to lead to a situation where he is still dealing with it at 8 or 10. Relax and tell him he is in charge of his poops.

I had problems with all my kids with poo poo. I found that they are afraid a part of their own body is going down the toilet. I know that sounds odd, but it was fear that held them back. Be patient, encourage him by reassuring him that it is what his body was made to do. There's a book called everybody poops. This might let him see that he isn't the only one doing this. Then when he does poop in the toilet I would praise him like crazy. I would set up a sticker chart and if they received a certain amount of stickers they would have the priviledge of going to the store and buying a prize that is predetermined. I also had matchbox cars in a basket and whenever he pooped I would allow him to choose a car from the basket. Each kid is different so you may have to try a few things. My daughter cared less about stickers. The first son loved them and my third loved the cars. With the stickers I started at a very low expectation. Then as they got better I added a bigger sheet of paper to fill with sticker. The first one was very small by the end it was larger than a consturction piece. Good Luck. I have one more to potty train and I am dreading it. She is 3 in June, I could do it now but I found that if I wait just a few months longer after thinking they are ready it goes so much faster and smoother.

My 4 year old son refused to go in the potty as well. He only became interested in going on the potty when his cousin came to town for a visit. His cousin is about 6 months older. Try to get him around an older male child but don't let it look like it is your idea at all. Try to pretend like it doesn't matter to you at all. Good Luck!

My son was the exact same...he is now 13 and just like his pediatrician predicted, has no issues....my son's doctor told me to just let him be, stop making a big deal out of it and he will use the toilet when he is ready....his doctor asked me how many kids in kindergarten wore diapers...

I know how you feel. I have a 7 year old that still doesn't like to go on the potty. My son doesn't like to take the time to sit down and go. The doctor told me to have him sit on the potty 3 times a day for 5 minutes each time. I has worked but if I don't make him sit and go he will go in his pants. That is the only thing I have found to work. I bought a timer that sits in the bathroom. I have tried many tricks but this is the only one that has came close to working. Good luck!

A.,

My son was the same way. What I eventually did, which might seem kind of mean, was to take his underwear off when he was showing signs that he had to poop and he would hold it and hold it until he could not stand it, then I would sit him on the toilet and literally hold him there until he went. You need to spend a whole day dedicated to it. The whole time I would tell him it won't hurt trust me and let it go. He was so afraid of the unknown I think. He was crying of course the whole time and wanted to get off and have me put a diaper on him. When he finally went, I made a really big deal about it and cheered and gave him a reward. He was so proud of himself and realized it was not scary at all. That was all it took. After that he would tell me when he had to poop and go sit on the toilet and go. We have not had any problems since (other then him pooping outside (like a dog) once or twice when he was to busy to go inside to the bathroom). I hope your son eventually goes for you. Good Luck!

My son sounds just like Liana's son, but he is 5. He has dealt with constipation for years, and he actually has encopresis because of it. Anyway, it all started when he was potty trained at 3.5 years old. He wouldn't go poop on the potty. So, we set up a reward for him to go. If he went, he got a sucker. So, he got better at going. I made a big deal out of every time he went. The sucker incentive was huge for him, so you may need to find something small but has a huge enough incentive for him to go. My son just turned 5, and he still gets a sucker every time he goes. But, now that he is in school, he won't go at school. So, I make him sit on the potty right before he goes to school and poop. I also give him fiber tablets every day to help. He was allergic to citric acid as a baby, so he hates fruit. I try to get him to eat enough fiberous food so that it makes his poop soft. That is the key as well. If they go once and it hurts, then it is a battle. Anyway, try the rewards and praise when he does go poop. Good luck!

I had a freind go through a similar thing with her son! I going to assume you have tried it ALL, as she did! Anyhow, she talked to her Dr. and he ran through the ussually ideas, but as she was about to leave he said... Do you have him on a regular potty? (Whcih she did, in hopes he would feel grown up) Do you have a stool for his feet? (She did, but never had him rest his feet on it.) The DR. went on to explain that he may actually need to rest his feet flat on the stool which would change his position and allow gravity to help. It also naturally started the pushing processes. All of that to say it maybe worth a try!

Good Luck,
C.

Most important... It WILL happen, so don't beat yourself up!