My 3 Year Old Son and Food

"I cannot force him to eat other foods."

Truer words were never written!

You're right, you can't "force" him to eat other foods, and you shouldn't waste your time trying. It's counterproductive for both of you.

Starting today, don't make food an issue any more. Serve your son what everyone else is eating, plus ONE of his favorites and do not mention food or what/how much he is eating for the rest of the meal. Instead, use that meal time to talk, play I Spy, tell jokes, whatever it is your family likes to do. It may takes weeks (or months, in my daughter's case) but he will eventually get curious about the food he sees everyone else enjoying and he'll start to experiment.

In the meantime, get some silken tofu and puree it. You can add it to so many foods. It has no taste on its own and will just add a slight creaminess to whatever you put it in. I slipped it into soup, yogurt, pasta, etc. when my non-meat eaters were little.

I can't imagine that there will ever be a pickier eater than my daughter. For six straight months (from age 15 months to age 21 months), all she would eat were waffles. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Waffles. Everyone we know tried everything under the sun to get her to experiment. She was having none of it. I eventually had to start making my own bizarre varieties of waffles so that she could get the nutrients she needs. I made broccoli waffles, ham & cheese waffles, etc. Once she got over the waffle kick, she still had an extremely limited palate. It wasn't until I tried the above tactic that she started coming around - but it took time.

She's now 7 and is still what most would consider a "picky eater," but I think she's awesome! She eats darn near every kind of fruit and vegetable, chicken, scallops, pasta, tacos and soup, to name a few.

Kids are just like everyone else, they have their own likes and dislikes which need to be honored like we would honor anyone else's. Just leave the culinary door open and he will walk through it when he's ready.

Good luck!!

3 moms found this helpful

Wow, picky eaters, that is such a common topic. Before you read this, please know that I am a Family Success Coach and you might not like what I have to say. I will share with you what I know:
I know that if you know it is “bad for you” and you bring it into your house anyway, that is your choice.
I know that children learn what they live.
I know that children will model their parents EXACTLY, food habits, morals, exercise habits, etc.
I know that the children as young as 8 have been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, an adult disease due to their poor eating habits.
I know that this is the first time in history that our children have a shorter life expectancy than we do, because of disease and poor nutrition.
I know that most children get most of their fruits and veggies from fruit juice and French fries (which by the way are NOT the right way).
I know that you are the parent and YOU get to decide what your child eats. You decide what comes into the house, YOU decide what will be prepared and how AND YOU decide the healthy future (or not) of your family.
I know that food is not food any more, everything is processed, sprayed or modified.
I know that NOT all pizza, fries, cracker, noodles, rice, bread etc is bad.

My family eats very “clean” which means little to no preservatives, additives and a pesticides and herbicides with very little effort. It takes a bit of planning – menu planning and shopping ahead of time WHICH IS TOATLLY WORTH IT - but we make our own pizza (20 minutes from recipe to oven), we make our own bread (bread maker), we eat rice about 3 times a week – we alternate between white and wild, we “prepare dinner” we don’t open a box and trust that the multi billion dollar company that packaged it had our best nutritional interests at heart.

We started with Isagenix to get us on the right path. (www.HaveItAllUSA.com) I made decision of health for my family…it took about a year for most of the transition, it did not come over night. But it was totally worth it. My children now make better choices, THEY REFUSE to eat at fast food restaurants, THEY CHOOSE not to drink soda, THEY SAY NO to potato chips and other candy when playing with friends. I started it, I introduced it bit by bit, but THEY KEPT IT UP. I can help you and your family if you want. All you have to do is ask. But if came to Mamasource to hear that you are right, that most kids are picky, that many kids don’t eat well, then I am not the right person for you. But if you are done “venting” about what is wrong and you are ready to “change” it, let me know.

D., you get to decide what is important. You get to be the parent. Be one. Take a stand for your family now and you and they will reap the benefits of your stand in the future.

B.
Family Success Coach

2 moms found this helpful

Hi D.,
I agree with some of the other moms who said not to make food an issue. It is a fight you can't win because your son has total control over what goes in his mouth. If you ease up on him I bet he'll be more willing to try new things eventually. I also have texture issues so I understand how frustrating it is for you. I can tell you that as your son gets older he will try new foods and start to eat new foods. I'm 46 and I eat lots of things now that I would never eat when I was younger and I still won't eat most vegetables but I have come a long way. Last month I started eating avocado - before that I wouldn't touch it.

If you can get him to eat some milk and cheese every day then he'll get his protein. Will he eat scrambled eggs or hard boiled eggs? Those are good too. Will he eat humus? Pizza actually gives him protein and vegetables so that is good for him. Don't worry now about fat and cholesterol. As long as your son is active he should be ok. Just keep trying new things until you come up with something he'll eat. And meanwhile let him eat what he likes. If you are worried about nutrition, give him a Flintstones Complete vitamin each day (he'll get 1/2 until he's 4). These vitamins were recommended by our Pediatrician because they are one of the few children's vitamins that actually have all the nutrients they claim they have.

I hope this helps. Try not to stress about this.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

This is a suggestion my sister told me about that she saw on the tv show The Dr's. They had a guest with the same problem and their suggestion was to provide a healthy meal but don't plate it. Set the table and then place the food in the center. When it's time to eat, you and your husband dish up your plates and begin to eat. Children aren't going to starve themselves(and missing a meal or two won't hurt them)and won't like having an empty plate. Eventually they'll start asking for food. Don't worry about them eating everything prepared, just give them what they ask for.
Both my sister and I have used this suggestion and it has worked beautifully. I've told my kids they don't have to have everything on the table, but they chose to have it anyway. They like being able to choose what they put on their plates. And because I had provided healthy choices, they are eating good.

1 mom found this helpful

Best place for information for you that I can think of is www.tacanow.org. Yes it is a site for families with autism but you think you have a picky eater, try a child who cannot communicate and has gut issues. There are so many ideas on texture issues, food ideas, how to get them to eat other things and also why your child might like only certain things (it's called addicted and probably really allergic to something in it).

www.tacanow.org

Picky Eaters
http://gfcf-diet.talkaboutcuringautism.org/picky-kids-eat...

1 mom found this helpful

You're just going to have to be more strong and not just "give in". Kids will NOT let themselves starve, don't worry! Just try again, telling him that he has to eat a portion of veggies/fruit before he eats anything else. Eventually HE will give in and eat it. You should never allow yourself to "lose" these type of "battles", because kids learn too fast and he WILL take advantage of your weakness to give-in to him (not saying that he has bad intentions or anything, but if he knows you will eventually cave, why even force himself to try the healthy stuff? All he has to do is wait for you to feel guilty, and he knows this). It will be hard, and he will probably throw tantrums, but stick to your guns! It'll get worst before it gets better, but keep reminding yourself that you are doing this for his own GOOD and even though HE is too young to understand that right now, YOU understand it. You are the adult and it is your responsibility to make the right choices for him. Our pediatrician has told us a 100 times "YOU decide WHAT food is eaten and WHERE, and kids decide HOW MUCH to eat (if any) and WHEN". Stick with that rule and you will be fine. God Bless and Good luck!
PS- If you really do think he has texture issues, just mention it to your pediatrician! I'm sure they can help you with that ;)

1 mom found this helpful

D.,
If all those not so great foods were not there your children would not starve, they would eat the healthier food. We get addicted to white flour and sugar and salt and other stuff doesn't give us the high that the junkier foods do.Kids and adults both.

It may be hard at first but I'd suggest stopping all the junky stuff and ONLY have good choices. Also model eating in a healthy way...It is easier if they are not in daycare and such and since you are home you can do it much more easily that otherwise. See what happens. Don't give in. Children will not go without eating for long.

You all will be happier and healthier in the long run. Yes it is harder but what is the pay off?

Best of luck,
Deb

1 mom found this helpful

Good Afternoon D.,

You may want to consider that your child may have food allergies. Sometimes when you have food allergies you only want to eat certain foods. You may want to look into NAET.com and have your child tested for allergies. NAET.com is a group of allergists around the world who eliminate allergies. I've been going to an NAET allergist for a few months and my allergies are being eliminate and my health is improving.

Two books you may want to purchase from Amazon.com - Say Goodbye To Illness by Dr. Nambudripad and Prescription for Nutritional Healing by Balch. One will teach you about allergies and the physical problems that can occur from allergies the other will teach you what you need on a daily basis to be healthy.

Be Well.

N.

Oh how I feel your pain!
Check out www.weelicious.com for daily toddler, kid and family recipes, feeding tips and more.
Good luck!-weelicious

If you tell him, "Nothing until you eat this," then take it away and give him something he likes, all he's learned is 1. Mom doesn't mean what she says, and 2. If I wait long enough, I'll get what I want.

Try only eating at mealtimes - no snacks. (After his eating habits are better, you could go back to serving snacks, but only what you choose, in the portions you choose.) If he chooses to eat nothing, he won't be malnourished, he won't starve, you won't be a bad mother. Don't try to trick, cajole, or force him into eating. Put the food in front of him, eat yours, then take his away. Be very calm and matter of fact. When he complains that he's hungry, say, "You have to wait for the next meal. It'll happen (after Dad's home, after your TV show, whatever will give him a sense of time). Don't pay a lot of attention to what he does or doesn't eat. Kids love to be the center of attention, and if he knows you'll throw a lot of effort into getting him to eat, he'll take advantage of that.

Don't let this issue cause you to cave in whenever he wails. Children have parents because they're unable to take care of themselves. They are unable to make reasonable decisions about serious matters like health or safety because their brains aren't formed enough, and they lack the necessary information and experience. You can't put a 3 year old in charge.

Let him make food choices in the store, within reason - choices like bananas or apples, canned corn or corn on the cob, Cream of Wheat or oatmeal. If he wants baby food, give him baby food. Some people have texture or smell issues, and everybody's taste is different, and that's OK to a point. He might be more willing to try something if he picked it out. See if it makes a difference to freeze grapes or berries, give him smoothies, or sneak pureed carrots into pasta sauce. It's OK to try a lot of different things to see what works, as long as you're not making choices out of panic or fear.

None of my kids cared for beef, but they loved chicken, turkey and pork. My son hates sauces, but my daughter loves them, so we make the sauce separately and add it at the table, so everyone can have the amount they like. Some kids won't eat salad or raw veggies unless they have something to dip them in, but my son prefers his plain, even his salad with no dressing. I truly dislike raw broccoli, but I love it cooked. Variations are OK, but I'm not making a seperate meal!

Good luck. He'll be healthy, don't worry - if toddler eating habits doomed us, we'd all be doomed.

Hi D.! You did not say what kind of help you were looking for. I know of a whole food shake/smoothie that you can give to your son. It will give him all the nutrition he needs and then you will be less worried while you are working with him on textures. I was not going to respond until I saw that you love God.

God bless!

J.

Hi D.,
You recieved really good advise from all the moms!
I agree that you child will NOT starve himself and that you have a huge battle ahead of you. Hiding veggies in other food is a good idea, but I agree that you need to put it on the plate as well. My daughter (23 months) used to love peas, but will not eat them any more. It's a battle to find veggies that she will eat. Trader joes has sweet potatoe french fries that my daughter loves. Just call them french fries and maybe he will go for them! Have you tried Avocado?
There is one suggetion I have that might be helpful.
Why don't you let your son pick what he gets to eat?
Give him only a few options (good for you foods of course)
and tell him that only big boys get to pick their own foods. He can have one of his favorite foods AFTER he eats his good food.
Obviously this is going to be a long process.
Getting all of the bad foods out of eye sight might works as well. If he can't see them, then it might be an easier to transition him out of them.
Well good luck!

hi my friends daughter has same issues. they take her to p.t.n. pediatric therapy network in old torrance.they r helping her daughter learn about food, textures, its doing wonders. good luck

D., Have you asked your ped? He/she might have some good ideas. My 2 younger children (3.5 and 19 months) are vegetarian. I have them eat yogurt and cottage cheese for protein. Cheese has protein, too. Have you tried any soy products? What about Morning Star Chicken Nuggets, the meatless type? They are loaded with protein, too and he wouldn't have to know they are not meat. I give them to my daughter with Ranch and she loves it, so does my little one.

Good Luck!
M.

HI D.~

I cut & pasted this from my response last week (I believe) on the exact same topic. Hope it helps.

You have gotten some great responses. I thought I would share my tips. I fortunately have a great eater, at three years old he eats pretty much anything, but barely weighs 30 pounds. Hard to believe since he eats whatever we serve.

From the time he ate solids I always tried serving a variety of tastes. Remember it takes like 20 tries to get them to acquire a taste for something new.. so try new things often and don't stop if they turn their noses up at the first try.

A breakfast favorite is cheerios mixed with half a banana, handful of blueberries, and either plain yogurt or a tiny bit of milk. I started this idea because when he was learning how to feed himself with a spoon the thicker consistency made him more successful. He now asks for "yogurt cereal" You can add a handful of groud flax or wheat germ for more protein/nutrition,

Plain yogurt mixed with spices of your choosing makes a great dip and healthier than ranch dressing. The taste takes some getting used to but if you add enough spices it may work.

I agree with the posters about limiting afternoon snacks. I have found that the later it gets when a snack is given our son eats less and is much choosier about what he will eat. Also, he loves to watch me prep dinner. So, I drag a chair over and he will "supervise" and often snack on the veggies as I chop. Making a big deal about the loud crunches of them adds some fun. Pick whatever animal he is crazy about... "ooh that was louder than a dinosaur munching a tree" or something like that may get a second bite, especially if you have dip nearby. My son was not a dipper until he started preschool and they always serve ranch or ketchep, now it is a highlight. Whatever works!

I always add lots of veggies and sometimes purees to my dishes. Sometimes simply because it adds veggies and although I love salads I don't like making them. Don't give up on adding veggies or purees. The more you do it the less they notice it or care. Chopped spinach, mushrooms, veggie/squash puree in spaghtti sauce is easy and not noticed. Omelettes are another great dish with tons of veggies. Soups as well, thicken with veggie puree plus you can add boatloads of veggies.

Also, I don't make mac & cheese at home unless it is my husband's bday.. it is his all time favorite meal. So, while my son loves it (preschool) he knows when we go out to dinner it is always on the menu and his first pick. I think by making other choices at home, he sees it more as a treat than an "always offered" meal.

Lastly, we eat together and talk about the day. What is going on out the window behind the table, what is happeingg tomorrow.. you get the idea. We don't focus the whole time on what we are eating. If it seems like he isn't eating well or having a problem behaving we may try getting overly excited about our own meal to remind him of why we are at the table. Some days he just isn't hungry and we all have days like that.

Sorry this is long, I really hadn't planned on it being so long. All of a sudden more ideas came to me. I struggled with my "lightweight" for the first 18 months, I was so concerned he wasn't gaining enough weight. Once the dr. convinced me he was just a slow to gain weight kid but good eater I came to terms with it. Took a long time though.

Hang in there,
J.

Kids love starches. Pasta, bread, rice, whatever. What I do with my daughter is I offer her the baby foods as 'dipping sauce'. That way I know she gets the vitamins. It works great. I also offer her stuff we eat, but if she is not interested she is not interested. I try to let her try new things, and she often surprises me by what she will eat. All of a sudden she eats eggs. Sometimes they just need a little longer to get use to new foods. For snacks, you might try string cheese and dipping sauce, or yougurt with fruit... stuff like that. My daughter likes yogurt with sunflower seeds... Peanut butter, if your son is not allergic, is a good source of protien. or Almond butter...
He is three, and you watch him so closely when you offer new things, then make funny faces when he doesn't eat, why would he eat it? Just put the plate in front of him, tell him what everything is, and if he doesn't eat some part of it, remember to try to introduce it again in a little bit. Have you tried asking him if he wants something like parmasan cheese on his beans? sometimes that helps, to ask how they would like something prepared. Something they can ask for, or not. Or catsup... anyway, hope some of this helps...
Good luck
R.

I understand your frustration. I was in your shoes 3 years ago with my now 6 year old who did have textural issues and also oral motor planning issues that made chewing some food like meat difficult for him.

With the textural issues, this may be a sensory issue on a few different levels or maybe just one: how the food feels in his mouth; how the food tastes (hyper acute sense of taste of an orange, for example, may make citrus taste unbearable); or how it smells (that hyper actute thing again can cause certain ordinary smells to turn your stomach -- just like when you were pregnant). An occupational therapist who special training in sensory processing disorder (SPD) really helped our son regulate his senses. There are certain foods that he still won't touch with a 10-foot pool, like bananas, but I can handle him reject two or three foods better than I can entire food groups. If you feel like this is an issue for your son, then your pediatrician should be able to refer your son to an OT for evaluation and therapy and it should be covered by your insurance.

The oral motor planning issue may not be an issue for you but, if so, a speech therapist should be able to help your so overcome this obstacle. Again, a referral from your pediatrician is all that you will need and your insurance should cover the cost of treatment (hopefully).

Naturally, because our son had developed so many unpleasant associations with foods for so long, he had some really big defensiveness issues with food even though he had ST and OT helping him to regulate his senses and issues. He would just automatically reject everything but his few favorite non-problematic foods (like goldfish crackers, fries, etc.). To get past this road block, we developed the following strategy that has really worked for us:

When our son rejects a food like spaghetti with marinara sauce . . .

1st we would put a bit of the food on a spoon or fork and have him kiss it, after which he always exclaims very loudly, "Yucky!"

2nd we have his have his stick his tongue out and touch a bit of the food with his tongue (not necessarily lick it), after which he always said a second and equally loud, "Yucky!"

3rd we had him take a teeny tiny bite of the food, after which he would either say a third and final "Yucky!" at which point he is off the hook for that particular meal, or he would exclaim an amazed, "Mmmm... that's delicious!" and gooble the whole thing down.

Lastly, I'm glad that you are into good nutrition and can understand your concern about your son not getting enough protein. I've just discovered a grain called quinoa that is actually very high in protein that you may want to see if you can include in your menu planning as well. It cooks like rice and, if you google it, you can come up with a lot of taste recipes for it.

Hope all of this helps. Good luck to you and your son.

First of all, let me say, God Bless you in your situation. You are trying so hard to be a good mom. I think if you make mealtime more about spending time with the family, then maybe it will take pressure off of him to eat. Don't watch him like a hawk. Just prepare whatever you were cooking for your family and fix him a teaspoon of each food. When and if he is hungry, he will eat. I agree with some of the other ladies that maybe you need to buy less processed foods and more healthy items for your whole family. Many of the foods we eat are full of preservatives that people are unaware of. I am trying right now to do this so my family can be healthier. Make sure that your meals are balanced and don't offer him soda, candy, chips, etc. Just love your children and mention their diet to the doctor if it continues to be a problem.

The very best,
J.

I like all of the suggestions and advice you have gotten so far. But go with what your gut instinct is telling you to do with your child since you know him best.

Another thought...have you had him tested for allergies? Could be he doesn't want to eat certain things because it makes him feel bad or upsets his tummy. My daughter doesn't like to eat peanut butter. Turns out she is allergic to peanuts. Unfortunately she is also allergic to strawberries, oranges, eggs, wheat, and walnuts and she LOVES to eat those.

My daughter also prefers fruit over veggies. At the age of 2 she will pick out the veggies from her meal. BUT she will eat them if they are steamed and are pretty soft. And if they are pureed into something she just gobbles it up. I also like the Deceptively Delicious book. And since your son like breads and pastas, try opting for breads that have whole grains or veggies already in them. Same thing for the pastas.

For protein, have you tried tofu/soy? Since it's softer in texture, he may like that. I know my kids just gobble it up. You can try flavored tofu steaks if he doesn't like it plain. You can also blend the tofu and put into just about everything just as you would pureed fruits and veggies.

Well D.,
I thought my son was the pickiest eater. He only liked a lot of the same foods that you have described. You may have to try to hide some of the veggies in some of the foods. Does he like chiken nuggets? There is a great recipe book by Jessica Seinfeld called Deceptively Delicious. You should really consider using that. She has some great ideas and ways to sneak what kids need into their diets, but she will also still put the veggies or fruits on the plates too. That way they get used to seeing it and knowing that they have to try it.
My son has recently started eating things that I never thought he would ever eat. He's 9, so I know the frustration, hang in there, it will get better. My son didn't like the way foods looked or certain textures. He will outgrow most of it, just give him time and give yourself a break. You are a good mom!!!

This is tough. All I can say is: DON'T GIVE IN!!! If I were you, I would give him a plate of food. One piece (not enough to fill him up) of one thing that he likes, then a bunch of other stuff that would be healthy and reasonable for him to try. That is his meal. If he doesn't like it, next meal is breakfast. Then do it again for breakfast. Then lunch. Snack is a piece of fruit or some juice. When you look for a preschool, find one that will feed the children all the same meal and that is all. When I sent my daughter to preschool, her diet was very limited, but that is where she learned to taste new things and it really broadened her horizons. She will even eat raw veggies with dip! Sometimes it is fun to arrange the plate into a happy face, or design of some sort - if you are feeling motivated!

Trust me, he will not starve. Really. Give him lots of praise for trying something new, even if he spits it out. Don't force him to eat, just have it available and give him NOTHING else!! It will take a lot of strength, but you can do it!

As many have said, you have to follow through with "threats" If you don't He will learn all he has to do is wait you out. He will eat when he is hungry enough. When my son went through the same stage I found a cookbook that helped called Deceptively Delicious. It has recipes that get all kinds of foods into childrens favorites.