9 answers

My 3 Year Old Is Out of Control

I am so frustrated with my 3 yr old daughter. Lately she very out of control. I feel like a bad Mom. All of a sudden she has developed into the child that no one wants to be around ( atleast I feel that way) She started back talking, she puts her one hand on her hip and then points her finger with the other one and shakes her body while she talks nasty. She pushes and pushes. I have tried talking to her, giving her time outs, taken stuff away from her, turned the TV off... all kinds of things nothng works. Last night she called me Dad a jerk for no reason and then went over and stomped on his barefoot I was so embarrassed. My Dad's feelings were hurt I can tel even though he didnt say anything. Then to top it off she wouldnt apologize. Is anyone else going through this. We have a 5 month old and they get equal the attention.

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Thank you for the advice. I feel better . I agree I think it is a phase. I do take things away and she has gotten spanked . I have takled to her when we were both calm and she always "promises " and then it seems lke 5 mns later she is a wild child again! I iwll keeep you posted ~ thank you.

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I am goin through the exact same thing with my 3 year old son. I also have a 6 week old and I give equal attention to both children.This started long before my second son was born. I have tried the advice i recieved, like timeouts and taking stuff away and didnt see any change. If you find anything that works please let me know. Good luck!

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Dear L.-

Oh, I felt like I found a sister today when I read your note! Hang in there! It's a stage. It will pass. Stay strong and don't give in to these tantrums. She's just testing the boundaries. You sound like a good, loving person. I've been through this same thing. It passes. Hold fast to good, loving but firm discipline as needed. And maybe the next child will be easier...
:)

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds to me like normal behaviors... that are getting somewhat out of control. And I think that it's understandable for you to be frustrated. You say that both kids are getting equal attention... but do you ever have a time where just you and your three year old can have some special time together, maybe a fun outing without the baby? Maybe her behavior has to do with the baby, maybe not. But if you can talk to her when you are alone with her and you are both calm, maybe you will find out what's going on with her. What is she thinking about when she's being rude? It is also obviously important to talk her (when she's calm) about respect, that what she's doing is not respectful, and that it hurts other people, and it's not OK. I recommend just staying calm and removing her from the situaiton when she's rude, and giving consequences later if you think it's appropriate. Apologizing is hard for kids. My son does better with it when he can whisper it in the person's ear. Another thought-- about the hand on the hip and talking nasty, could there be something on TV or someone that she's around that she learned this from? Maybe there's a show that she shouldn't see any more. Hope some of that helps a little. And always always pray!

It's very typical and enough to drive us all crazy and wonder what we're doing wrong. She's just testing limits! My son has recently gotten to telling me that he's not blowing raspberries/spitting at me b/c he's mad at my discipline. It's so pleasant. Yet, every other adult he spends time with outside our house says he's wonderfully well-behaved. So, we (my husband, dog, and I) get to be his verbal punching bags. I suppose it's better than having a child who's disrespectful to other people, but that doesn't stop me from steaming when he does it. He also has started saying he'll stop talking back and being rude when he's four and that's only 5 months away, so we'll see :)

M.

my soon-to-be 8 year old never had a phase like this, but what i would consider his "pushing it" phase, he got some good old fashioned butt spanks. i know that is not popular in society today, but it works. and there are a lot of out of control kids today compared to when we were young. we also had great success with the "choices" method. i would give him two choices for his punishment when he was bad. i would say for example "do you want to clean up all your toys right now OR go to bed for an hour?". 98% of the time, he went my way. i read about this method and it said that at that age, kids are testing their boundaries and trying to make their own choices, and that makes them feel like THEY are choosing and not you. good luck!

I am goin through the exact same thing with my 3 year old son. I also have a 6 week old and I give equal attention to both children.This started long before my second son was born. I have tried the advice i recieved, like timeouts and taking stuff away and didnt see any change. If you find anything that works please let me know. Good luck!

HELLO L.!
I FEEL YOUR PAIN. THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH AN OUT OF CONTROL CHILD IS TO LET THEM KNOW WHO IS THE BOSS FROM THE VERY BEGINNING AND STICK TO YOUR PUNISHMENTS. EVEN TOUGH SHE IS THREE SHE DOES UNDERSTAND RIGHT FROM WRONG. TAKE EVEYTHING AWAY FROM HER ROOM WHEN SHE DOESN'T LISTEN OR MISBEHAVES SEND HER TO HER ROOM AND USE HER STUFF(TOY,ETC.) AS A REWARD SYSTEM. ANOTHER IDEA MAKE A REWARD CHART WITH STICKERS HAVE HER MAKE A WISH LIST OF THINGS TO DO AND WHEN SHE ACCUMULATES A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF STICKERS SHE GETS TO DO SOMETHING ON HER WISH LIST. THIS IS A SYSTEM THAT I HAVE USED WITH MY CHILDREN SINCE THEY WERE LITTLE. THEY ARE NOW 13 AND 8 AND IT STILL WORKS. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!! NEVER EVER FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER SHE IS AN INDIVIDUAL AS YOU ARE.

I know how you feel..my daughter has developed quite the attitude since her sister was born ( she is 3 1/2, her sister 6 months). Things seem to have gotten better now that I stress how important it is that she shows her sister how to act. I also make a real effort to point out ignore the negative behavior and praise positive behavior and reward the good. I try to do special "big girl" things with the eldest when she earns it.We also read books about being a big sister. A great book is called Noisy Nora. It is a book about a little girl who is a middle child and is upset because she is not getting enough attention. It is a funny book..and of course in the end Nora realizes she is loved. If things are really bad, you may want to try a reward chart. Have your daughter help you make a list of "ways of acting nice".Each time she does something good, give her a star. If she does soemthing "bad" take one away. ( You can also use a jar w/ marble, etc). When she gets a certain number, you can give her a special reward. Make sure she helps you decide what is good and bad behavior ( with guidance). Good luck and please let me know if this help!
S.

L.,

I'm going through similar with my almost 3 year old son. He was the perfect gentleman and then all of a sudden a month ago he started a two day a week, one hour preschool class without me, BOOM; he started with this new attitude. He will tell me NO and stomp his foot then ask me if i want a punch! He whines and whines if he wants something. The one morning he woke up and wanted a picture off the wall. Cried for an hour! I have just been sticking with it and talking to him about his behavior. My problem is if someone laughs or accepts the way he is acting as normal, i'm back to square one. Gook Luck, i'm going to watch the responses for more tips!
M.

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