It sounds to me like normal behaviors... that are getting somewhat out of control. And I think that it's understandable for you to be frustrated. You say that both kids are getting equal attention... but do you ever have a time where just you and your three year old can have some special time together, maybe a fun outing without the baby? Maybe her behavior has to do with the baby, maybe not. But if you can talk to her when you are alone with her and you are both calm, maybe you will find out what's going on with her. What is she thinking about when she's being rude? It is also obviously important to talk her (when she's calm) about respect, that what she's doing is not respectful, and that it hurts other people, and it's not OK. I recommend just staying calm and removing her from the situaiton when she's rude, and giving consequences later if you think it's appropriate. Apologizing is hard for kids. My son does better with it when he can whisper it in the person's ear. Another thought-- about the hand on the hip and talking nasty, could there be something on TV or someone that she's around that she learned this from? Maybe there's a show that she shouldn't see any more. Hope some of that helps a little. And always always pray!