29 answers

My 2Nd Grader Learning About Sex/inappropriate Talk from Classmate

My daughter is in 2nd grade and 8 yrs old. Ever since 1st grade actually, there always seems to be a group of kids in her class that are always talking about inappropriate topics, sexual innuendo, boyfriend/girlfriend talk etc. I was appalled because I can't imagine little kids this age talking like this? My kids are innocent and act their age. They are not exposed to anything "older". I am lead to believe that these other kids ARE definitely exposed to adult things, tv/movies or have older siblings that are allowing them to hear or see things that are inappropriate. Why else would they talk about these things or make GESTURES. SO, my daughter is always confused and asking me questions to clarify what these kids are talking about etc.. I am not a prude and in no way intend to "shelter" my kids....it's just that this is WAY TOO YOUNG...when they start going through PRE puberty is when I intend to start opening pandora's box to the wide world of ADULT topics. 8 yrs old (and my younger is 6 yrs old) is way too young. I want to preserve their innocence.

SO...do I tell teacher and have her talk to the parents to let them know their children are corrupting other children?

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

You could talk to the teacher although don't expect too much. Kids are exposed to things far too you young and some parents just don't see anything wrong with it. This will continue to happen throughout their school years so just put the biblical spin on it when you are talking to the kids and tell them not to listen to kids when they are talking like that and to just walk away. Keep them innocent as long as possible but let them know that they should always come to you to ask questions so you can give them good information. As ridiculous as it sounds kids in primary school are doing things you can't even imagine.

I am a school teacher and you REALLY need to let the teacher know what is going on. I wouldn't put it in the words that "their children are corrupting other children" but I would let her know what is going on.

Also, kids seem to know what they are talking about, and yet they are repeating things without knowing the real meaning. (Thank goodness.) The teacher should set up a time about what is appropriate to talk about in school with the whole class, in my opinion. (Setting up rules and boundaries.)Since it is the end of the school year, I would also talk to the principal so she can give the staff a heads up about what is going on. A lot of children hear these things from older sibs and sadly, we live in a world where so many things are sexualized. As a teacher, I always want to hear parents' concerns. Good luck.

More Answers

Hi Z.,

I am the mother of 5, ages 19, 17, 16, 15, 8, also a second grader. My husband and I had to deal with this back about the same age, with our older kids. Because sex is something that is discussed openly without shame in our house, our kids did as yours. They would ask about things they'd heard. Even though we thought they were young too, we decided that they were better off to have correct information, which many times they did not from classmates. I can honestly say, it has worked out wonderfully for us. All four of the older kids have been able to come to us about anything and our relationships are great. None of them have ever had issues with grades, drugs, drinking, the law etc. Not to say they are perfect and they have done things they shouldn't. But being open and honest is really the best thing. On another note, when you have girls, 8 is definately NOT too young. That IS pre-puberty these days. Three of my kids are girls, all in the older ones. None of them started periods at 8, but of the 3, the youngest age was 10 when her period started. Other changes such as breast development, hair (shaving), things like that started at about 9. All 3 were shaving about 9. Two were in training bras and one was bustier like me. So in my opinion, especially with girls, 8 in not too young to start talking about puberty etc. I have found in my experience that talking about it from the day they are born, has created less embarrassment, and really less curiosity. When something comes up, they ask, but it is not something that comes up daily or anything like that. When my 19 year old was in 6th grade, there was a girl in her class that was pregnant. I have also heard from my kids about smoking and drinking, etc, by elementary students. So talking about all like situations, including sex, I feel really is never too young. It is all in how you present it and you only answer the question they ask. Don't over elaborate, then you aren't giving them more than they can handle, or more than they wanted to know. I know it is sad that this is the world we live in, but we can not stop it. It is what it is and we have to do the very best we can by our children. Bottom line, is I have found terrific results with my kids brining them up this way. All are college bound with great goals, level-headed, and have chosen their friends based on what they do. Example: my girls especially are turned off and disgusted by others that smoke, drink and do drugs. They have even ended friendships because of this. Even though I know I am not the perfect parent and believe me, I have had days I doubted myself, we all do. I have done a pretty great job with all the older ones. I am confident they will become good, responsible and respectful citizens one day! Just continue to be protective but open and honest. Going to the teacher will do absolutely nothing. This is what our society has created over time and all we can do, is the best we can do. Good luck!

6 moms found this helpful

I totally agree that the teacher should know--but your daughter also needs to understand what is appropriate and inappropriate to discuss with others. I would not be so worried about the kids having been exposed to sexual information (imagine what dinner-table discussions were like when my daugher was 8 and the news was full of Monica Lewinsky and oral sex!)as about them not having been given limits as to what is and is not appropriate talk. And you can be very sure that they don't have all the information correct, so a good book about sex/baby-making is a great thing to read with her--even if it is one you have read before. Going back over the information (especially if it's done with humor to de-fuse the tension) just makes sure she is operating from a factual basis, and you can give it your values spin at the same time ("This is private and loving, and not something to tease or play games with others about").

1 mom found this helpful

All I can say is that your kids will benefit from being able to have open conversations with you, because you just have no idea what can be happening to them. Before I was 8, I had been molested in the home, raped at school, molested by a neighbor, and been exposed to porn found in someone's stash-spot on my school's campus. As their mother, you have to be prepared for all kinds of things, and with any luck the worst they will be exposed to is a little inappropriate talk from peers. Try not to get too freaked out, because if you over-react to a little raunchy talk they won't know how to tell you about something more serious. Let them know they are sovereign of their own bodies, and give them tools to confront real situations. They need to know how to say no, especially when the person breaking that boundary is someone trusted.

1 mom found this helpful

The first thing I would say is to talk to your daughter about this and answer all of her questions as much as you can with age appropriate answers. Then I would bring it to the teachers attention, but I would think that the teacher probably already knows. Teachers tend to be way more in tune with these things, since they spend so much time with them. Unfortunately I don't think there is too much that can be controlled. In an ideal world this kind of stuff wouldn't be happening, but in our reality it happens. A teacher cannot control what every child says and does, this is the responsibility of the parent. There is way too much pressure put on these teachers, and not enough on the parents. I had age appropriate sex talks with my daughters when they were kindergarten age. The reason for that is because one day my then 5 year old came home and told me that some boy in her class was talking at recess about how his older brother has sex with his girlfriend when the parents are not home. So I took this opportunity to explain certain things to her. There is no getting around this. The earlier we can talk to our children about these hard to talk about issues, the better they will be in the long run. That way when the topic comes up, and it will, they will have the facts and not go on what another child has told them. I too could not believe how soon these issues come up, and it deeply saddens me that our children are being exposed to this way too soon. My now 7 year old first asked me about sex when she first learned how to read in kindergarten. And the reason that she asked me was because in line at Safeway she read the front of a magazine and didn't know what the word sex meant, and loudly asked me in line what sex is. Needless to say all of a sudden all eyes were on me. I told her that it was something that we needed to talk about at home and when we got home we talked about it. It doesn't necessarily happen because of what we expose our children to at home, but instead because of what the world exposes them to outside of the home. In our home we rarely even watch TV because of all the junk that is on it. We listen to Christian music and my kids are not on the computer unless it is for a project. Both of my eldest girls are not in any hurry to grow up and really do enjoy just being a kid. So what they have learned is not because of what happens at home, rather because of what they are exposed to away from home. That being said, I want to just encourage you to take the opportunities that come your way and use them to form open communication with your daughter. Things will come up that maybe we don't agree with, but they will not go away.

1 mom found this helpful

I would mention to the teacher so that she/he can do some investigation. I hate to say it, but there is probably a deeper issue here with the other children.

Also, your 8 year old could technically be in pre-puberty so just brace yourself!

Absolutely talk to the teacher and if the teacher doesn't respond appropriately, talk to the principal, and up the line if necessary. I went to my daugher over a slang word my grandson used. She went to his pre-school and all of the teachers got a talking to about the matter and then they went back and talked to the children. Good pre-school.

If your school doesn't deal properly, change schools. Our taxes pay for them, we need our children raised properly by them. We do the best we can and they should do as well, if not better because they have the experts, so to say.

I am a school teacher and you REALLY need to let the teacher know what is going on. I wouldn't put it in the words that "their children are corrupting other children" but I would let her know what is going on.

Also, kids seem to know what they are talking about, and yet they are repeating things without knowing the real meaning. (Thank goodness.) The teacher should set up a time about what is appropriate to talk about in school with the whole class, in my opinion. (Setting up rules and boundaries.)Since it is the end of the school year, I would also talk to the principal so she can give the staff a heads up about what is going on. A lot of children hear these things from older sibs and sadly, we live in a world where so many things are sexualized. As a teacher, I always want to hear parents' concerns. Good luck.

Good Morning Z.,
Absolutely you should mention it to the teacher, i too have a daughter that just turned 8years old and she listens too nothing more then radio disney and watches disney channel because i dont want her growing no faster then what she should be. If it's not something your talking to your own child about no one else should be introducing that to her either. So with that being said "PLEASE FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR CHILDS INNOCENCE" speak to her teacher. Be sure to ask your teacher NOT to mention your childs name in this matter cause then you'll have another issue to deal with no knowing what their parents reaction is going to be like.
I pray all works out for you:-)

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