My 23 Month Old Gets Hysterical Everytime Seeing My Brother

All I can say is that dogs and children know when something's not right with a person. Don't blow it off and keep a watchful eye.

My 4 year old daughter loves EVERYONE and is very personable to strangers. When someone approaches her and she hides behind me, we exit immediately. I do not make her shake hands or speak to them if she is uneasy. I do not want her to ignore that "voice" in her warning her of danger.

I think this sometimes just happens to kids. My cousin's daughter was terrified of her uncle for quite a while. He still lived at my aunt's house when she babysat the girl, as he was still a teenager. My aunt had a broken arm for a while, so this uncle had to change the baby's diaper. My aunt had to hold a mask in front of his face while he changed the diaper or else she would scream and become uncontrollably hysterical. There was no rhyme or reason to why this baby was so scared of her uncle. No one could ever figure it out. There was never anything traumatic that ever happened with him. She outgrew it after a while, and now there is no problem at all. It was just so odd that the baby had this reaction for no apparent reason.

Some kids simply don't like certain people and you can't do anything about it. He shouldn't approach her and should let her decide to approach him or not. But seriously, if he reeks of smoke, why do you want your child to be that close to him? If you can smell it, it's secondhand smoke exposure and a risk for her.

i'd say it is the smoking---my grandaughter is very sensitive to bad smells---will not go near the offending smell,no matter what it is--she is 6....good luck

Does your brother pretend to be a big scary bear in front of her? Has he ever scared her in any way in the past (intentionally or not?) If the answer is no, then I think you are correct in assuming it's his smoking. Since he is a heavy smoker, he probably smells like an ashtray, which would smell bad to anyone, but at least we know what it is, but a 23 month old child does not know what the offensive odor is, resulting in fear. Yeah, I can see that. Talk to your brother about not smoking when he is around your daughter (and hopefully he doesn't smoke in front of his own children).

It happens. Just like sometimes you meet people that you just don't click with, nothing they've done, nothing you've said, you just don't mesh. I think this is one of those things, as she gets older she'll learn to just soldier through like we adults do when in those situations.
It could also be the "strange male" instinct kicking in, is he dark haired and tall? I knew a little girl who would freak out when one specific guy from my youth group would come over to say hi to her. My youngest sister-in-law was younger she would hide from my husband simply because she just didn't know him well enough. She's 6 now and puts up with him. It's funny to watch her roll her eyes when he's a goon around her. Just for reference, she's 6 he just turned 32. :)

Good luck, give them time.

This falls in the normal range. Some children just freak out with some people. They usually grow out of it.

Does she still freak out if he is not actually looking at her (directly)?
Some children have problems with straight on faces.

I am sure he has not done anything wrong or anything to scare her. I know you feel bad and your brother may feel bad, but she will grow out of it.

DO NOT force her to be held by him or to love on him. Just give her time.

My friends baby did that to me for the first 2 years of her life. Tell you what I am no longer in line competing for new baby time. LOL
We figured it was because I looked like her but did not smell like her, and I wasn't her. I was the only person she screamed at.