February 13, 2010,
A.B. asks from Los Angeles, CA on February 04, 2010
My 22 Month Old Now Cries for 10-20 Minutes at Bedtime, After We Leave Her Room
My daughter has slept through the night, with very few problems, since she was 5 months old. Throughout that time, when we would first lay her down and leave the room, she would cry for maybe 1 minute, and then drift off to sleep.
She recently turned 22 months old, and now we notice that she cries for a longer period of time when we leave the room -- usually for 10-20 minutes. We do not go back in. She is very smart, and we believe that if we go back in, she will know that her game is working, and there will be even more crying, in order for us to go back in.
We've also noticed that she cries out a few times during the night. And she is waking up an hour earlier in the morning. This all began happening at the same time. Nothing in her room has changed. I should also note that she is in good spirits leading up to bedtime. She likes the bath. She likes her story time. (We have always done a relaxing 30 minute bedtime routine.) She even says goodnight cheerfully. We sing one song as we are turning off the lights and laying her down, and she is fine then too. But, when we open her door to leave, she begins wailing.
I should also note that her room is very dark (we've not put a nightlight in there, because we thought she might be too intrigued by seeing all of the things in her room, and would want to play, rather than sleep).... But I wonder if maybe she is afraid of the dark?
I wonder if this has happened to other moms when their children approached the age of two. Is there anything else we can be doing? Do you think a nightlight would help?
So What Happened?™
In the few days since I posted this question, we've noticed that the crying has stopped when we leave the room. Although, she is beginning to cry out a few times during the night. If it continues longer than a few minutes, I go in and tell her that it is still night time, and she needs to go back to bed, which seems to be ok with her most of the time. Thank you to everyone, except for Anita K, who decided to tell me she is sad for my baby, because apparently I am a terrible mother. Mamapedia really isn't a place for you to belittle other moms. Why don't you read the comments of some of other women who answered the question - many of them don't believe in CIO, but found a respectful way to communicate that.
J.W. answers from Los Angeles on February 05, 2010
I would try a nightlight. They don't have fears when they are younger, but she may be developing them now. I don't use CIO so I would go in and comfort her so it does not escalate. I think that is too long to leave a child crying, but that is just me. Best of luck to you.
D.M. answers from San Diego on February 05, 2010
It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I wouldn't get a nightlight because I've heard kids don't get a fully good night sleep with one. Just keep doing what you're doing and don't give in. Good luck!
M.K. answers from San Diego on February 05, 2010
You might considering checking her gums and see if she's cutting her two-year molars. Both of my daughters got theirs around this time. With the second one, it was quite a drawn out process and definitely made her more irritable and affected her sleep. If this is what's going on, there's not much you can do, but it might give you some more understanding of the reason for the crying and changes in sleep behavior and affect how you choose to deal with it.
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A.Y. answers from Los Angeles on February 05, 2010
Yes, at around two years old toddlers start to get a better awareness of things around them. She may have a very real fear of the dark that has developed, or perhaps a fear of being left alone. A very small night light might help to assuage her fears (they make some really neat ones now), and also the knowledge that you are nearby. When my son was first sleeping in his own bed, we counted the steps between our rooms, as a way to make him feel better ("only ten steps to Mommy and Daddy's room!"). As she gets older, she will change her fears and worries according to her new and heightened awareness of things, and also your perceptions that she picks up on. Also, just as a side note, her sleep needs will probably change around now, she might not want to nap anymore, and getting up earlier is par for the course-she doesn;t want to miss a single thing! Good luck.
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C.G. answers from Los Angeles on February 05, 2010
I would go back into her room, pick her up, give her a hug, cradle her for a minute to reassure her that you're still there for her. While you're holding her, explain that everyone's going to sleep. Pick a doll or stuffed animal to snuggle with her and say good night to the doll, say good night to all the things in the room. We put my daughter in a big girl bed (with a guard rail) when she was 16 months old and she's been great, now she's 28 months. As they get older, they need things explained more as she understands more. The cry it out method never appealed to me.?!
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B.H. answers from Seattle on February 04, 2010
my son went through a similar thing around 2.
We ended up getting a very dim night light, that he turns on when we head into the room for bed, and he helps turn on his relaxing music. He now runs right into bed, and says nigh night and blows kisses as i leave the room.
so im thinking he was more aware of how dark it was and maybe he was scared.
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M.L. answers from Los Angeles on February 05, 2010
my 35 month old does almost EXACTLY what you described! I tell myself I will go into his room after 30 min IF he is hysterical - he then needs consoling, then he's fine. I do not know how to assess the scared of the dark thing though - he is a preemie and we have 4 noise type things (aquarium & turtle etc) that will calm him down as well. Maybe get something that goes for 2 minutes or so them shuts off. i also use that as a marker, as in, "mommy will snuggle you until birdies are done"...try it!
T.A. answers from Los Angeles on February 05, 2010
What do you think will happen if you respond to her and comfort her? She will not need you forever, why not meet her needs now?
My daughter does cry out occasionally after she goes to bed, and then in the middle of the night, I go to her, pat her back and leave when she falls asleep. Then there are periods of time where she sleeps right through and doesn't need me at all at night.
Their needs change so much during these early years - I really do not believe that comforting our children when they need it is a bad thing. It models compassion and shows them you are always there for them. Parenting is not about "convenience."
T.C. answers from Albuquerque on February 05, 2010
Sounds like things are awesome (and normal), good job!
My personal thoughts for my own children was that their crying actually was a "release" of energy; a way for them to relax, get rid of the day's excitement, and fall asleep. My two also still call out or wake in the middle of the night. I also consider this normal (for us: lol!)
W.R. answers from Los Angeles on February 05, 2010
I agree with D.M. no night light, let her cry it out. The good news is she is persistent, and she knows what she wants! Great quality to behold! As adults we also suggest fear and teach our children fear. Safe places like the bed at night don't need to be fearful. Lots of parents get the fear suggestion wrong like looking at their children with a concerned look and saying, "Are you afraid?" Next thing you know the fear card is played over and over through manipulation. Consistency is the key and it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Parenting can be exhausting, welcome!