22 answers

My 17 Year Old Daughter Ran Away and Doesn't Seem to Be Sorry She Did It!!!

My daughter ran away and was gone for 3 wks before I found her. She hasn't said she was sorry and has a "I'm an adult" attitude. How do I punish her with out having her just run away again? Has anyone gone through something similar and if so how did you handle it and what was the outcome?

What can I do next?

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I have to agree with Christine A. I was a 17 year old once. And did run away. Now that I have 2 children of my own I often ask myself the question, "what could someone have said to me to make me not act like an ass"? Nothing. I was going to do what I wanted to do, no matter what. It is very important that you have communication with her and know her friends and their parents.

17 is a tough age!!! She is sprouting wings and should do so with respect and limitations. As long as she lives with you this is a requirement. If she wants to "move out" and "support" herself, then she can see how hard it is. I moved out at 16 and after months of struggling to make it asked to come home and my mom said, sorry...won't work. Not that she didn't love me, but we reap what we sow and I was fine, she helped me get a better place, but I kept it up. Wow, I was forced to work hard and earn my way in life. I am grateful for becoming a strong adult and learned to respect others. Best to you...
D.

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Hi A.-
I havn't had either of my sons run away. But I feel for the communication break down, that must be going on. For what ever reason or reasons & with out fully realizing its happening, it sneaks up on you. There are two books I've been reading & have shared excerps with my boys, here & there, when situations arise. Once in awhile, one will pipe up & say, "Yes, Mom, I Know..."Moms Words Of Wisdom Again." lol Cute. But they listen. If not fully now, hopefully later when it's needed. They don't know it, but I'm writing a journal for each of them and plan on giving them each of theirs the day they leave for college, military or away from home...what ever they choose to do.
Anyway, the two books of interest are:
"Life Strategies For Teens" By Jaw McGraw And "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens" By Sean Covey
Here is one quote from Jay's Book I especially like:
1)You Can Either Get It, Or You Don't
2)You Create You Own Experience
3)People Do What Works
4)You Cannot Change What You Do Not Ackowledge
5)Life Rewards Action
6)There Is No Reality, Only Perception
7)Life Is Managed; It Is Not Cured
8)We Teach People How To Treat Us
9)There Is Power In Forgiveness
10)You Have To Name It Before You Claim It

All My Best-S.

1 mom found this helpful

i ran away for 3 days when i was 15 and came home with that attitude and my mom basically told me if i wanted to act like an adult she was going to treat me like one and all that goes with it she made me start paying her rent (i had already dropped out of school and wasnt doing anything with my time) and pay my share of electric , water, phone everything and stopped doing my laundry stopped picking up after me i dropped my attitude real quick and she wasnt mean or anything she treated me like an adult about it and before dropped the attitude she gave me all the freedom that goes with an adult so that iwould see that she wasnt going to make me do the responsable adult thing but i got the freedom side of it too i was more then willing to give up the freedom just to have her do my laundry again but it took me going to her to say i didnt want it this way anymore for it to go back she never said i told ya so oranything i think she knew my ego was hurt enough having to tell her i was wrong and when i do she calmly told me if it happened again i wouldnt be allowed to come home because itwasnt fair to her and my father i straightened up real quick

1 mom found this helpful

Honestly I would think you might want to contact a child psychology expert. Surely there is a lot to the dynamics of your relationship, things you could not possibly explain in an email.

Perhaps one session between you and a professional can help you better understand how to deal with this difficult situation.

My friend sees someone named Grace Childs in Lake Worth and she has helped my friend tremendously with advise on raising her daughter, who is quite the handful! And Grace's suggestions have really worked!

A.,
I am sorry for this difficult and scarey situation you are going through here. first of all I am a huge beleiver in the power of prayer so pray! definately pray! and I will also. I beleive there are programs that the county/school social worker
could set up sometimes they have single moms who are extremely young and struggle in day to day life maybe she could hang with that mother for a few days or a week? and really see that it isnt so glamorous trying to work everyday to eat and have a place to live..only to hand over what $ money she would make to just have a place..let alone be able to have designer clothing and stereo..ipod..bling etc. the real maybe you could get outside help/professional to help you make her realize adulthood is coming all too soon to jusr enjoy her family time, and work on her education, in this day and age you need many plans to acheive lifes goals and the base of it all is a good education..god bless you!

I have to agree with Christine A. I was a 17 year old once. And did run away. Now that I have 2 children of my own I often ask myself the question, "what could someone have said to me to make me not act like an ass"? Nothing. I was going to do what I wanted to do, no matter what. It is very important that you have communication with her and know her friends and their parents.

A.

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I am a mother of three, my oldest is 18. I too, have lost both of my parents, and my husband and I have been married for 20 years. All I can say is, stop beating yourself up over this. It is not due to anything that you or your husband have done. Sometimes in today's world, kids can really get the wrong message from other kids and peer pressure. I know this happened to me with my 18 year old son. He was given too much throughout his life, much like most kids today are. He was put into an expensive private high school, and still got with the wrong crowd and caused us some troubles. He has since graduated high school and went into the Marine Corp. He protested that he wanted to do this, and we had no say in the matter. He went in only to stay through boot camp, then couldn't wait to get out via a previous arm injury he had. Now he seems to be drifting along, playing at staying employed and talks of college. The trouble I think with him and most kids today is that they have had too much done for them and given to them. Perhaps the best advice is to let your daughter understand that she has alot to be thankful for in the support of you and your husband and family. She needs to further realize that at some point she will have to take responsibility for herself and her actions. Hopefully, she and my son will learn they have been blessed, and come to appreciate instead of resent their family.

I don't mean to sound like Dr. Phil, but sometimes we as parents help to create the problem. Maybe alittle less love and support on our part wouldn't hurt either one of these two kids.

God luck, and God bless! Please remember, and this to will pass, as things in life do. And somehow we become much stronger for it.

K. H

I have a 15 year old, an 11 year old and an8 year old. I am asingle mom and also got pregnant young. My oldest did try this once and I called the police and they were helpful in explaining what could happen to her if she ever did this again. I also realize it could have been a mistake if the police did not want to be nice so I do not know that I would do it again. Once a child is in the system it kind of puts a pressure on the rest of there life. I did realize that at times I am very hard on my children and expect a lot out of them but you have to start giving a little and letting them earn their trust with you. In one year your daughter can legally leave your home and never come back if that is what she wants. It sounds to me like you are a good mother and have given your daughter morals and values to stand on. Now you have to step back and let her make mistakes on her own and just be there to support and encourage her. Communication is the key with a teenager and as we want to trust them they also want to trust us. I hope I helped.

Dear A.,

All children want rules and boundries! Even teenagers, but they just will not admit it. My 18 year tried pulling I am grown last month. Guess what? She is still at home. The reason is we have rules:1 in order to live here you have to follow the rules. 2 if you do not want to live here you must have a {PLAN} to move out.Some of our rules are to live here you must go to school.Another is you must have a job. The reason for the job is because she wanted her driver license. She must pay what the extra cost it is for her to be on the insurance.

Another thing is she must give us money to help pay for school. We payed for the first year of college. We are paying for the second year. With the money she gives us it will pay for third.The fourth year will be the same. Once said and done she will have college all paid. The topper is she gets my husband 04 cavalier. I am proud to say she started her 2nd year at PCC yesterday. She also went to work and found out she had a raise and a good evaluation.

Teenagers say and do dumb stuff!We are here to help guide them hopefully to a good life.You and your husband have to sit down and figure out the rules of your house.You have to be committed
to rewards and punishments!

GOOD LUCK!!!

C.
Stay at home mom, mother of 6

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