My 17 Mth Old Doesn't Want to Sit in Her Car Seat Anymore, Help!!

Luckly, this too shall pass....

As parents we know that certain things are negotiable and certain things are not-- safety issues- especially car seats are not. That's the stance I took with my 2 children (now ages 3 years and 6 years). We had a couple of spells of being upset about being in a car seat. I always made sure of a few things before a drive:
1. Make sure they have run off any excess energy (I know that's not always possible first thing in the morning)
2. I had special toys that were only for the car, once they were buckled in.
3. For a short spell I resorted to special treats- again, only given once my child was buckled in.
4. I planned big drives around nap times
5. I put them in charge of doing the seat belt check (mamma's buckled, papa's buckled, brother's buckled--etc---gives them a sense of belonging and control).

Once they know you will not waiver--they more easily go into the car seat.

1 mom found this helpful

I been actually having the same problem so usaully I give him toys and his cup and he is fine. I really don't know what to say except maybe just ket her cry. She is going to be in a carseat for awhile and has to get used to it. I have been through it. My mother in law gives in and lets his pop pop hold him while she drives and I had to tell her NO thats not safe. HE may be spoiled just like her but there comes a time when you have to put that aside for saftey!

Your situation is much more extreme than mine but I have had problems with getting my daughter (18 months) to sit in her car seat from time to time. She arches her back, cries, screams & sometimes hits. I am a very passive person and have said that I would not make a good dog owner because I am not good at giving sharp commands but what I have discovered is that the same tactics are sometimes necessary with children. Especially when their safety is at risk. When my daughter arches her back suddenly I feel as if she is going to shoot right out of my arms, it happens sometimes on the changing table & when I try to put her in her high chair too. The only thing that I have found that helps is to say STOP in a loud strong voice. It snaps her right out of it. She cries, more of a whiper really but she stops fighting me and I am able to get her secured in her seat. I follow it with kisses and explain to her why she needs to be in her car seat(even thought she dosn't really understand yet). One thing that you need to stop right away is giving her that play time in the car. You might think that your going to just get it out of her system by letting her do it for a bit but really you are just reinforcing a bad habit that I am sure you don't have time to indulge. My suggestion would be put her right in her seat, use a loud sharp command if you need help getting conrtoll of her physically, give her love & an explanation of why things need to be this way, give her toys & or pacifier if she'll take them and then be on your way. She will probably cry but if you stay consistent she will eventually give up the idea that she is in charge. It is very important to establish your position at this age. She will do everthing possible to gain control of her environment but in the long run she will be more balanced if she knows that she can rely on you for structure & rules. I know it's hard to see/hear her cry but it is important to know that babies don't cry for the same reasons that we do, it dosn't mean that she is sad. Babies cry for a variety of reasons until they can communicate fully with words. In this situation she's probably just really frustrated because she found out how fun it is to be in the front seat and now that is what she wants. She's not old enough to say "Mom, I want to ride up front" in which case you would respond "Honey, your not quite tall enough to ride up front yet and because I love you I want you to ride in the back where you are safer." Until you can have this conversation she may cry and you will have to stick to your guns! You are not traumatizing her if she cries in the back seat, you are enforcing the necessary balance of power that puts you in charge. If you need help coping during the ride put on some relaxing music or even better, sing to her. Good luck with everything and remember, this too shall pass!

I know you said not to suggest the DVD, but just a thought from a (semi) expert--- ME. I've BEEN THERE, DONE THAT with both of my sons, 2 and 4. My oldest takes 'hyperactive' to a new level. He's bipolar, so when he's manic, he's unstoppable... literally. Yet he will sit and watch the TV if it's a show he wants to watch... at home and in the car. That being said, my 2 year old HATES TV. He hates us watching, his brother watching, etc. He wants to run and play and everything you don't do when you're watching TV. But the car is very different to him. He, like my oldest, despised being in the car. We tried toys, songs, food, sippy cups, music, nothing worked. Once he was forward facing in the car, we tried the DVD. He wasn't all that interested at first, but you know how kids change from one day to the next. We just needed the right thing. For us it was the Baby Einstein series. May have been the combination of music, activity, and colors... who knows. But it worked... in the CAR. Will he sit and watch them at home? Heck no. Not even when the rest of us, including big brother, are doing it. But persistence worked in our case. Our once hellacious car rides are mostly peaceful now. And he's even graduated to Thomas and Little People videos. Just a thought that worked for us, despite my initial reluctance. Good luck!

hi B., i understand your problem i have a 27 month old boy and loves cars, my husband when he is cleaning the car allows him to be in the front seat (he thinks he's helping dad) and he try to do the same as your daugther but i caught it on time and with so much pain my myself ans sadness i gave him one time spanking y felt soooo bad! but it works now he knows that he must be seat in his car seat, sometimes he tries to do it again and just talk to him with firmly voice also Dad and he stops, also helps when the other baby arrives to put him/her in the back with her as it should be and things should get better for you, because she's going to be watching the baby and you could use that to ask her about him/her so her mind will be busy and she'll forget about the front seat situation. try it! see if that works for you and good luck to you. By the way congrats! on the new baby i had a baby girl on september its a lot of fun and lots of time too, have fun.

p.s: you don't have to use the spanking as i did that was my last resource to make him understand don't think that i do it all the time. And even the most hyperactive kid likes something on tv, my does and he's super-duper hyperactive and he loves tv shows with music in it and spongebob squarepants show, try to look what she relly likes and get her atention trust me there is something for her.

Hi B.
My son went through something similar when he was 2. we had driven to the neighbors house and he had joined my husband in the front. That was all he ever wanted to do from that point on. He would scream incessantly whenever we drove somewhere, since he was back in his carseat. i tried distracting him with toys, snacks, talking, etc...but nothing worked. It was like, the more I tried to make it easier on him, the more he screamed. I finally just told him straight out, "I'm sorry you feel sad but you have to ride in the car seat where you are safe. Its not safe in the front seat and I dont want you getting hurt. From now on you will sit in your car seat and that is that." I stopped trying to distract him with things and just ignored his crying. We got right into the car and on our way, no matter how loud he was. It took about 2 or 3 days for him to realize I wasn't budging and that he wasn't going to get any special treats for bad behavior. Once he started acting calmly in his seat, he could get a toy to play with, but not until he was quiet and calm.
All kids are different, but you might want to try this approach. Hope it helps!
A.

Have you tried getting her a 5 point harness car seat? the ones that dont have the "baby" look to them. you can always tell her it's a big girl seat and not a baby seat. that worked with my son because believe me he is the same way! and much worse sometimes but anyways try that. I had to sepnd i think about 100 to a get decent one.

unfortunately,she's just gonna have to deal with it.as you said,safety is the issue here and that's not something you can compromise.however,i did see something that she may get a kick out of(or not!).it's a little baby doll car seat that i believe you can strap into the car.she may get a kick out of having her baby ride in a car seat with her.then again,she may not.
here's the link to one at target if you're interested.

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-1/qid=116179277...

it's not too expensive and can strap into the car with her and can be used as a little backpack.just something that may make riding in the back a little more interesting. also don't allow her to play in the vehicle at all.be consistent about what you do and sooner or later she will accept it and won't even think about it.hope this helps! ~S.~

I think I had heard someone say to get a couple of toys that are only for the car. She is not allowed to take them in the house or play with them unless she is buckled in her chair. And as for the DVD you may be surprised she may actually watch them in the car, maybe even let her pick a dvd from the store to watch in the car.
My kids have never had a problem in the car, so I don't know from experience. I know how nerve racking it is to have a screaming kid in the car, though.

But please please, don't put her in the front seat, my sister is a paramedic and she has told me of the things that can happen to kids in the front seat with an airbag, even if it is only driver's side airbag.

IMO, she is using the tantrums to try to gain control of a situation where she feels out of control. She has learned over time that she can make you do whatever she wants by using tears and tantrums. You have to establish yourself as the boss now. The best way to stop the tantrums is to ignore them, literally. When she starts throwing a fit, just turn around and leave the room. She will quickly learn that her behavior doesn't get results. I realize you can't leave her alone while you're driving, but just try to ignore her as best you can. Good luck!

Hi B.,
I am sorry, but she is going to have to cry this one out! Remember you are the mommy, the one in charge and if she does not want to sit in the car seat, to bad so sad. I think if you are tough, this will pass in a few days. At the age she is at it is all about testing and to see how far she can push you. I am not trying to be mean, but when your new baby comes, there will be times that your daughter will not get your attention right away! The terrible 2's are not that far away, and it will be easier for you, your daughter and the baby to set you daughter's limits now! M.

Hi B.,
I purchased a DVD that came with a CD and stuffed animal called Baby MagIQ. The stuffed animal (cow) is interactive with both the DVD and CD. My son has loved this since he was 8 months old and now is 16 months old. We play the CD in the car and it helps for him not to be so fussy. I purchased it at Baby's R Us around $50.

Hi B.,

Maybe I'm the General Patton of moms, but when my kids or any other kid for that matter pitches fits, I completely ignore them until they tucker themselves out. Sometimes it takes awhile, but luckily for me, I have the patience of a saint.

I like Denise's pragmatic suggestions below...you should definitely try them out, but if they don't work, IGNORE your daughter's fits. She'll eventually get the point since as you know, her safety is not up for negotiation. Take this as a hard lesson learned and don't give into your daughter's crying...she's manipulating you more than you realize.

Blessings to you and yours.

I just wanted to add, that the "short trip" to 5 houses down is just as dangerous, if not more so, than going a full trip across town. Most accidents happen within 1 mile of the person's home. Plus, your mind thinks, "we're just going right there. Nothing can happen." and you end up being less cautious than you would somehwere else.
Even just driving through a parking lot, the child should be in a carseat, strapped in at all times. I've seen an accident where a child was playing in the front seat, while the mother was parked in a spot in front of a store and a car went to park on the other side and hit the front end of her car. The airbags deployed and the child was hurt pretty bad.
Even the worst crying tantrum isn't worth your little girl's safety. Every time she ends up in the front seat for any reason at all, she's won in her little mind and she's now in control again. Be strong! Stick to your guns and it'll be awful for the first few times, but she'll learn and you'll both be better for it.

B., kids are so tough sometimes. But I think you answered your own question- you said you spoil your daughter and hate to see her cry. Kids are so smart, they know a lot more than us adults think, and they use that to their full advantage. I understand you hate to see your child cry, I hate to see my two boys cry, but I know I would hate to see them grow up to be spoiled brats that always have to get their way and have few friends and have to figure out all by themselves how to act like mature adults because I did not teach them because I did not want to see them cry. I don't know your whole situattion and I am by no means calling you a bad mother. I would think you were a bad mother if you could care less about your child. But you have to hurt inside when they cry and stay strong outside. Remember, the little things they do when they are 1,2,3, and 4 are livable. But as they get older, the little things escalate into bigger and bigger things that eventually become unlivable. You want your kids to RESPECT you, not walk on you. My mom used to let me do anything I wanted- I thought she was so cool and all my friends loved her. My dad was old fashioned and strict- I hated him, literally. But would you believe that now that I have children of my own and I think about them doing the things my mom used to let me do, and I could never dream in a million years of allowing my children to do that. I gained all the respect in the world for my dad and lost a great deal for my mother. I look back and realize my dad always made the person I would become his first priority, not the cool parent he could be then. And you know, I am thankful everyday for that because I see so much of him in me. I see very little of my mom. Just saying, your kids will not agree with you until they have their own kids, it's just the reality of it. But when you TEACH them and don't give into them, that is what they will remember. Hope this helps!

While my son has no problem in the carseat, this is something that happens in other aspects of our lives all the time! Example, we let him stand on a chair at the dinning room table ONCE to eat his pasta and he hasn't gone back in the high chair since, throws a fit!! So first off, stop playing in the car. The car is a method of transportation and that is it! My son doesn't watch TV at all! But I am still thinking of getting one for the car and having a "special" show to watch that he only gets in the car. Maybe since they are confined and don't have the option to run around, it will work? The best options I can give are the special toys like others have suggested and special drink. Does she have a drink that she loves?? My 18 month old son LOVES the already made publix chocolate milk. I try not to give it to him too often because of all the sugar. So, if I give him a full cup of that and put him in the car seat, I don't hear from him until it is gone! If he does start fussing and we are no where near our destination, I just start singing to myself or ignore it. I have personally found that me responding to it in anyway only makes it worse and last longer. He will usually give up and suck his thumb. I really hope something works for you, I totally hate how exhausting it is when they are throwing a fit! My heart rate escalates every time I hear the smallest fuss! Good luck!