Someone please HELP!! I am very worried about my 17 month old daughter. Ever since she was very young (think around 6 months old) she will do things to hurt herslef when she gets angry or frustarted. She will bite her fingers or arm until she nearly draws blood, she will rake her nails down her cheeks or arms leaving big red welts, she will sit in the kitchin floor and bash her head on the tile until she has a big bump and bruise. I just don't think this kind of intense self injury can be normal for a toddler. And the thing is, shes so advanced in every thing. She is already using up to 5 words in a sentance, she knows 25 baby sign language signs, she can count to 3, tell you her name and age... so why the big melt down when she gets mad? I haven't spoken to her Dr. yet, because I'm afarid of what he'll say. No mother wants to hear her child has emotional issues or something like that. I just dont understand. She has a very stable home life, with two very loving parents, she has a close bond with her grandparetns and Uncle... she has a few friends her own age that she plays well with. We even have a cat that she adores. Shes never shown any violence towards the cat... its just herself she hurts. Is there anyone else out there whos been thru this, or maybe a Dr. whose heard of this? I need so answers, because I'm very worried.
I want to start by saying thanks to everyone who gave me some advice on this. It was difficult to talk about it with her Dr. but I'm so happy I did. He told me that I didn't need to worry about it because she was just fine. I expressed my concern that the behavior had been going on so long and he said that she just didn't have any other way to express herself, so she did the only thing she could that really got my attention. We discussed several other ways to show her how to deal with her angry feelings. I've been using an "Angry Pillow" with her the last few days, and shes already getting better. When she gets angry or frustrated she is allowed to scream at, punch, hit, bite or throw her pillow as much as she needs to until she feels better. The first time or two she got mad and started to bite herself I just handed her the pillow and told her "Bite this, Lexie. Not yourself" I kind of got a blank look from her and that in itself stopped that particular tantrum. But a few hours later we were back there again, and when I offered her the pillow that time she took it and threw it on the floor, walked over and kicked it, and by time she was done with that she hadn't hurt herself at all and she had calmed down.
Again, I just want to thank everyone for the great advice. I love that I've found this site to share things and get the kind of advice that is actually helpful. THANKS EVERYBODY!!!
I think I would talk to her pediatrician just to be on the safe side, especially since this behavior seems to have been going on for awhile now. If it had just started, I would chalk it up to being a toddler, but if this started around 6 months old, then you may just want her doctor to be aware.
Dear S.,
my son just started banging his head against solid surfaces, such as the floor, the coffee tables, or the walls. He is almost 19 months old and I spoke with his doctor and with a therapist and they both agreed on that he does that because he is unable to communicate his feelings.
but I was told to ignore it, so when he starts doing this i turn on teh TV or dial a friend's number and show him I don't care, mind you that I do care but he doesn't need to know that..
My sister told me that I should distract him by starting to do an activity that excites him without talking to him, he'll soon stop harming himself and doing this activity with me, it works!
S.,
I would talk to her doctor immediately to put your mind at ease. Good luck.
J.
It has nothing to do with the home life. My three year will scratch himself when he gets mad, and my almost two year will bite himself or anything that will be still long enough to let him do so. Just love and reassurance is all she needs. She will not seriously injure herself. If it concerns you, put her in a safe area for the fit to be over and love and confort her when she calms down. She will grow out of it.
If she doesnt see someone else dealing with anger (maybe your family is very low key and quiet spoken) she has no model to follow. Maybe try to teach her how to deal with those intense feelings that are exploding inside of her. Give her an anger bear, a pillow, or a squishy ball, show her how to squeeze it or scream into it to get all that anger out. Carry it everywhere so she feels secure in knowing she has that outlet at all times. Eventually, she will even outgrow the bear or ball and move on to other coping methods.
I have not experienced this myself but what your describing sounds like a child that either has some form of physiological problem or self control problem.
In other words children that physio problems are not so much upset with you personally but with the fact that they could not control that aspect of their life so they lash out. They don't seem to have a sensor for the pain they are inflicting in the same way we do. They are often extremely intelligent--that is why so many of them become so manipulative.
I would take her to a specialist. I would ask for a referral from the pedatrician and from other sources. See what names pop up consistently. For instance for me it would be in Shreveport as there is a very good facility there.
I think there are good ways to deal with this but I would do it now rather than later.
Good luck
ts
S. K, developmentaly is your child on target for her age. I have a soon to be 17 year old autistic daughter that would band her head and hit herself when she was around the ages of 2-3 years old. I would for sure get to the doctor. My daughter would do this not just when mad, but maybe just frustrated for whatever reason. You say you have a stable home life, is it very routine and structured. If not try to get a very structured and routine day to see if that helps. It works to this day with my daughter, She has to have the structure and routine, routine, routine, Best wishes to you and seriously look at the routine and structure of her home life, stable and structured are two different things.
N.
My son started banging his head on everything when he was about 15 months old. I did talk to his doctor and it is very common for toddlers to do that out of frustration. My son is now 23 months old and still bangs his head sometimes. He has hit his head on tile, concrete, wood flooring...you name it, he's hit his head on it. I've talked to several other mothers whose children have done the same thing and they all eventually outgrew it. As for my son, he has started going to time out whenever he bangs his head on something. It gives him a chance to calm down.
I hope this helps! Good luck.
My 9 year old son did the same thing. He is perfectly healthy and is a normal little boy. He grew out of that stage completely by age three but it starts to get better sooner than that. Sorry I can't be of more help other than to let you know that your child is completely normal. I have raised one grown son age 20 and am raising 6 children ages 7 through 16.
