My 16 Year Old Daughter Wont Let Me Meet Her Boyfriend.

This boy is driving, I would also want know the car was in good shape and see proof of insurance.

A.,

“That’s not happening”

I would tell her “guess what else is NOT happening”? No more dates, phone, texts, email, or going out until you and your husband meet this boy. If I were his parents I would want to meet the girl my son was dating…however, he IS 18. Is this boy still living at home, if so maybe you should contact his parents? Either way you and “daddy” need to set your 16 year old straight. Summer is almost here, if she expects some freedom she better shape up.

Blessings......

11 moms found this helpful

Excuse me. I do not know your daughter, at all, but is she living under your roof? Then, if yes is the answer, you set the rules in your house. According to what you say, he seems to be a decent guy. However, your daughter attitude is something I still do not understand. She is a minor and he is an adult; therefore, there are some issues you and your husband ought to talk to her and the young man. If the guy is a good kid, why she is not letting you to meet him? It seems to me, that she is challenging you and your husband in this or more things I do not know.

6 moms found this helpful

You are the parent. Bottom line - if you don't meet him - she doesn't see him.

5 moms found this helpful

Ahhhh -NO! You let her know in NO uncertain terms that you either meet him or she's grounded -and that includes the phone. You can tell from some of my other posts on here that I am in no way some helicopter mom,and I believe teenagers need some freedom, but 16 year olds need to let their parents meet their boyfriends and dates. I will demand to see my son's girlfriends when they get them! Your daughter may roll her eyes and think her family is the most embarrassing group of people alive, but she'll live. We've all suffered through it!

You need to tell her THIS MINUTE -that until you all meet, she will not be seeing him or speaking to him or emailing/texting with him again. Just curious -what reason does she give for "that's not happening"? It doesn't really matter -but you should ask.

5 moms found this helpful

Drive her to and from school and ground her until she does. I personally think 16 is too young to date. But since they will have some sort of relationship, with or without our blessing, it's up to us to lay down the peramaters of the how and when.

4 moms found this helpful

Really? When did your daughter become the parent? If she doesn't let you meet him, she doesn't see him. If she is caught with him, she gets grounded. She is 16, not 18 and even at 18, if she is still living under your roof and not paying rent, she still has to live by your rules.

Get control of your daughter now before she continues to take over ALL control and/or ends up pregnant or worse.

4 moms found this helpful

Who is charge? You are your daughter?? You should make the rules. Tough if she doesn't want you to meet him. You are looking after her best well fare. Sometimes we have to do what our kids don't like ..they will get over it. I am a parent and not trying to win a popularity contest. Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

Step up and be The Parent. Tell her she's not to see him until you and Dad meet him. Talk to to him on the phone or at work and tell him the same. If they refuse, she's grounded until they comply.

3 moms found this helpful

Honey, you hold all the cards. Why are you letting your 16 year old bully you? If she doesn't allow you to meet him then she won't be dating him. There is no way any boy can take out one of my daughters without my approval. You own everything she has. TAKE IT ALL. Keep it until things are running according to your satisfaction.

2 moms found this helpful

Give her two options:

1. Never see her boyfriend and don't have a life.

2. Bring him over or meet him somewhere for dinner so that you two can decide if she can continue to have a life!

It sounds like she's not wanting you to meet him because there is something to hide about him OR it's not a boyfriend but more of a casual thing (ie: hookup?). Either way, I'd put my foot down. No phone, no computer, you take/pick her up from everywhere, no driving, etc. until she makes the right decision!

2 moms found this helpful

It's normal, but you just have to insist. Tell her she's not going out with him again until you meet him. It's time.

2 moms found this helpful

Oh, my!
ok. not to scare you but when i was 16 i was making good grades, respectfull, active in school, and church AND already smoking pot, drinking and just around the corner from having sex. and that was almost 15years ago.

Is ne even still living at home? cause an 18 year old could already be in his own place. This is something you really need to know!!!

a little off topic, but i suggest, if u dont already, always wait up for her and give her a hug good night. lets her know you love her and that you are keeping an eye/nose on her. because y can smell what shes been up too.

2 moms found this helpful

My baby is no where near dating but I wanted to share my experiences. I was a pretty weird teen at first. My parents did the whole grounding thing, but honestly....it never work. I know there are parents on here that would say they could do better at keeping a watchful eye on their child, and mine probably didnt. I grew up out in the country on a farming island, 5 miles from town, and had to take the bus to and from school. You tell me a better way to keep your child isolated. LOL. Thats what they did with my brother, and he still snuck out, and got in trouble, so me being younger they tried the same thing. My parents saw it wasnt working and tried a different way. They let me make my own choices. They told me right/wrong and so on, and said if i made a bad decision or choice I could possibly pay for the rest of my life.They were more open to listening, instead of just grounding. I have to say once our parent/child relationship changed, I made better choices. The rule with boys were they could come and hang out in the back yard, and my parents would not bother us or speak one word to us. When I wanted to go somewhere else, everytime we went out the boy had to come over for dinner. I didn't ride in cars with a lot of boys, because once I got my own car/license I was in my own car all the time. Let us know if you get to meet him! Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

When I was 16 and would not let my parents meet my boyfriend it was because he was up to no good. I was following in his foot steps. I ended up in a very bad crowd hanging out with him. In doing all of this I hurt my parents and myself.
I am a parent now of a little girl and before she can even think about "dating" someone the rule in the house will be that he has to come over have dinner and talk to us.
Good luck I hope it all works out!

2 moms found this helpful

If she is riding in the car with him, it's a question of still caring about her safety. Hate to sound like a prude or a bully, but I would have to know the kid a little before that...it would make me wonder what's WRONG with him that she doesn't want you to meet him. Has she had other boyfriends who drive cars? Has she brought them home? Keep her close, even with a sense of humor reiterate car safety, not to get in the car with anyone drinking, smoking etc........not generally an alarmist but there is SO much teenage tragedy involving cars....follow your gut Mamma!

2 moms found this helpful

I have not read other responses.

She would not leave the house until I we met him. Plus 18 is to old for her. I know its only 2 years but if they ever did anything sexual he could be in deep trouble. He is considered and adult, she is not. I think your daughter has way to much control. As parents its your job to be in control of your daughter. If she does not do as you say. I would march myself where he works and let him know he will NOT be dating my daughter until he comes to your home to meet her dad and get to know him. I would let her pitch a fit about also.......to bad.

2 moms found this helpful

Has she said why she doesn't want you to meet him? Perhaps if she can tell you why, you can come up with an answer or compromise.

My daughter is only 4, but I think I'd require that I meet any boyfriends before she is allowed to go anywhere with him!

2 moms found this helpful

I am probably one of the most open minded, lenient moms on this site..........that would not fly at my house.

Communication is SO key. We keep that door wide open for daughter to express her feelings, good and bad.

My 15 yr old does not date but she has a lot of guy friends as good friends. We meet them or they don't come to our house, no movies, no nothing. It is a rule that is just understood here.

Another rule here is she rides with NO teeneager in a car. Only parent drivers.

I am tough on the getting in a car with others as well. She knows not to question it. We currently have a dear friend with a son who was supposed to graduate last week in a coma with poor prognosis from injuries in a car accident....3 cars, all 3 cars had teens. Everyone except this extremely talented boy walked away. No alcohol involved. He had a full ride on a football scholarship and it's over. We just pray he wakes up from the coma.

You have to pick your battles......this is one I would fight.

2 moms found this helpful

You know who he is (his name), you know who he works for, and you should be able to find out where he lives. You might be able to ask him out for a quick cup of coffee and talk to him about his intentions toward your daughter. Once you know where he lives, heck - you could ask his parents out for a pizza and the grown ups could have a LOVELY chat about their offspring without teenage drama being present. Just make clear to your daughter if she's not going to cooperate with you, you could go over her head and around her back quite easily with nary a 'by your leave' as far as she's concerned. If she doesn't like it, it's not too early for her to start forming her exit plan on where she will live and what she will do when she turns 18 and moves out.

2 moms found this helpful

I would simply lay down the law and let her know that if you don't get to meet him, then she can't see him, AND make it stick.

2 moms found this helpful

I would not allow her to date him unless I had met him, while you can't control every move she makes-she needs to earn your trust and respect. Even if she has earned it in other areas of her life, it seems like she has something to hide. I remember being her age and I put my parents through a lot. I found ways around their rules and often just flat out rebelled. When I was 16, I tried to date a boy who was already 18. My dad forbid that. I remember the boy coming over to my house and talking to me in my driveway and my dad ran him off. We waited several years and tried dating once I was 18 by that point the flame was out haha. I had a pretty serious boyfriend for several years during high school. My parents despised him and rightfully so. I was not allowed to date him but, I dated him anyway. However, there rules prevented me from getting into trouble that I certainly could have. You need to insist on meeting your daughter's boyfriend. If she has nothing to hide then what will meeting him hurt? If she does then you will find out and you can protect her. Maybe you could suggest meeting him on neutral ground, like going out to lunch or something less intimidating then the old sit down with the parents. I can't urge enough to you how important it is that you know who your daughter is with. Like I said you can't protect her from everything but, you can protect her more if you know who she is with. I was able to find plenty of trouble when I was a teenager and I am 29 now. Today's world is even worse. I was not terrible but, I definitely made some stupid decisions that could have been life changing. I have wonderful parents, was raised right , had a good head on my shoulders, knew my consequences, etc. knew what was right and wrong and still got in plenty of trouble. The world is so hard for teenage girls, so much pressure to fit in etc. I am not saying this to scare you or judge you. I just want you to realize that you have a right to meet your daughters boyfriend and stand firm if she won't let you,,,then don't let them go out. Only allow her to talk on the phone, if he really means something to her and vice versus they will come around and realize that meeting you is what it takes to date. Good luck. My heart goes out to you. I am nervous about parenting in the teenage years!

1 mom found this helpful

My children are not old enough to date yet, but our rule we have already agreed upon is that when they feel they are old enough, they can, however, they will only do so with a chaperone. If they live @ home, they must have a chaperone. This may sound rather old fashioned, but I wish my husband and I had been a bit better chaperoned.

You need to go and meet the boyfriend and let him know that you want to be a part of his life and that if they are spending time together it needs to be with supervision. If she does not want you to meet eachother there is some issue, what it is I do not know.

You still are in control, you own the roof over her head. You likely buy her clothing, provide her transportation and many other things. You can limit these things of course if she is being disobedient. If she has a job you can take that away from her if she does not obey. You need to sit down with her and explain why it is important that you are involved and the seriousness of dating. ( we have spent much time explaining to our children that dating is only to get to know some one better to find out if they are a suitable marriage mate.) Ask her if she is old enough and if he is to be making those decisions. Realize however, that she might be. My husband and I were engaged when I was 16. I decided to marry him when I was 15. We did not date until I moved out of the house long after we were engaged. I would have stayed @ home if my parents had have allowed us to see eachother with close supervision. My point however is I was mature enough to make the decisions I did at that age. We are still married happily 24 years later, so do not assume she could not be making those types of decisions. However, she does need supervision, everyone does. I wish my parents would have let us see eachother, but insisted on knowing him and on supervising us. Instead I had to move in with another family in order to see him and I moved out because I felt it was wrong to sneak to see him.

Talk with your daughter and ask her what their plans are. Do not judge. Be open to listening to her if she will talk at all. Remember what it was like to be her age as much as you can, but also realize you are the parent. I do believe telling her she could not see him at all however will backfire on you. She is old enough I don't know that you can do much about that, however you should set the ground rules about how they see eachother. Tell her if she is old enough to date, she is old enough to be preparing for marriage. Help her learn more about what she would need in that case. This will either in the end scare her and her boyfriend away from the relationship, or it will help them make good decisions.

1 mom found this helpful

Man I'm Scared my daughter is going to be 15 and I KNOW I WOULD FREEK if she wouldn't let us meet any boyfriend. Right NOW I know everyone she hangs around with and parents but noe she is in HS. OH MAN!! It's scary.

But I would DEMAND to meet him as well and let him that I eyes EVERYWHERE and My husband would put the the rath of god in him before they left anywhere together. His best friend is a county shriefs officer. And if she told me anything like ur 's did OOOO that wouldn't fly no where with me. Life as she knew it would be GONE.. Until the little sit down happened.
Well let us know what happened and how it all came down. PlEASE so I can keep it in mind when I have to face this adventure!!

1 mom found this helpful

I wouldn't have been allowed out until my parents met who I was going out with. Boyfriend or not. There were strict rules and if we didn't follow them we were in trouble. Grounding, not allowed to drive or go anywhere on our own. My mom would stand at the bus stop with us when we were in trouble.

1 mom found this helpful

This is not a hard fast rule, but at 16, she is looking for trust. Maybe this "boyfriend" is just in the "getting to know you stage" and he/she might think meeting you would mean "serious relationship". I would encourage your daughter to make sure she is making the right choice in boys, teach her what is good/bad and let her make the decision to dump him or let you meet him. As a parent, I would be concerned too, and would probably let her know what the rules are in your house as to that regard - staying out, sneaking out, being secretive, etc is not tolerated just for the sake of her safety alone!

1 mom found this helpful

I would not let her out with him again until she has him over for dinner to meet you both. You are the parent, you set the rules, not her. This man is an adult, she is a child, and you need to meet with him to be sure he is a decent boy.

1 mom found this helpful

I remember when i was a teen...your parents are kinda an embarassment(not sure if thats spelled right.) Maybe thats whats going on with your daughter. Id give it another month and ask again. But i would keep a close eye on there activities. Good Luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you need to dig a little deeper with her into her "that's not happening" response. She could either be uncomfortable or embarrased, or afraid to be embarrased if you all get together. You can talk to her about ways to make the meeting more comfortable for her, (it doesn't have to be a formal sit down dinner) but let her know it is a matter of respect, and it needs to happen. Tell her you have nothing against the young man, you would like to feel more comfortable letting her go out and spend time with him, as you would any friend, boy or girl. If it is the *boy* who is reluctant to come over to meet you and her father, why? Ask your daughter why is he so reluctant to meet us? He may be nervous, shy, or he may be hiding something. Tell her from what little you know he seems like a decent young man, and you'd like to think she is a good judge of character, but his or her refusal for him to come over after several invitations is bad manners and unfortunately, a red flag. And to please talk to him and bring him around sooner rather than later. To refuse, shows a lack of maturity, which in turn, receives fewer freedoms and privileges.

She is sixteen and living under your roof. Either she brings him home or she is grounded. Or you can send her away to camp for the summer.
She is way out of line. Where's her Dad in all of this. And what does your daughter know about birth control?

Hi A.,

My daughter was 19 when she had her first date,the guy was 24. We had to meet him before we would let her go out with him. It's not the age difference that bothered us,since my hubby and I have the same age difference. I later found out that my daughter had been asked out quite a few times,but they were "jocks" and she doesn't like them.
We have been together since our first date 30 years ago last month,I was 16 and he was my first and only date.
If your daughter will not let your and her Dad meet then boyfriend, she is grounded until she does.
A little background on hubby and myself. My parents did not like my hubby because of his Dad,never did find out why for sure. But when I was told that I couldn't see my now hubby anymore,I rebelled and we snuck around for 3 years,until we got caught. My parents were shocked when they found out it was my idea and not hubby's. My parents did come to like him,but it was either accept him or lose me. I hope something like this doesn't happen in your situation.

Good luck.

C.

You are the parent and should be the one in control not her. Don't mean to sound harsh but that's the way it is. You call him and invite him over to visit whether she likes it or not. She is obviously trying to hide something so continue your investigation.

Excuse me ( I don't want to sound rude) but who is the parent? She is 16 yrs old and she needs her parents to be in control. She will have plenty of that when she is 18yrs and you really have no say then! Sounds like a red flag if she doesn't want you to meet him.

Become the parent and tell your daughter that she will not be with the boyfriend until you get to meet him. Your daughter is allowing you to be in this situation! Take the control back...she lives in your house and if he is a good guy (like he should be), then there should be no reason why she wouldn't want you to meet him!

Wow, you already have a bunch of responses, so I just skimmed over them. My babies are only 3 1/2, so I don't know from a parent perspective, but in my personal opinion, I would sit down with my daughter and find out WHY she doesn't want to bring him around. Is she embarrased of the house or the family? Is she afraid that you won't like him? She is 16 years old, so even if you are the cool parents and live in a great house, it's a valid excuse that she could think that her family might not be good enough for him, or that he might not be good enough for your family. If these are her concerns, maybe you could compromise and agree to meet him in a neutral location. Go out to dinner or to an event where you can talk and see them together, but still have something to do if the conversation doesn't go so well. Tell your daughter beforehand that you trust her judgement and that if she likes this guy, then you will put in an effort to like him too. And then stick to that. You said that he graduated high school, and has a job. Your daughter could do much worse. If you end up liking him too, then great! But if you don't like him, then sit down with your husband and figure out if it would be okay to let her still date him with some rules. If he is dangerous or could get your daughter into trouble, then definitely squash the relationship. But if you that's not the case, and you just don't like him, you need to remember that you are bound to dislike some of her boyfriends, but unless she puts herself out there and learns the kind of guys who aren't right for her, how will she find the guy that IS right for her? One of the hardest things to do as parents is to sit back and let your little girl's heart get broken. Take the necessary precautions and make an appointment with Planned Parenthood to get her on the Depo shot, that way she can't forget (or "forget") to take a pill and end up pregnant at 16. This does not mean that you ae giving her permission to go out and have sex with this boy, but that if it does happen, she won't end up stuck with a baby if things don't work out. The main thing to keep in mind, and to make sure that she knows, is that it is absolutely NOT okay to keep secrets from you and sneak behind your back. And who knows, all this worrying may be for nothing and you may like him.

Hmm. Have you ever asked her WHY she doesn't want him to meet you? I don't mean to be accusing, but I know somebody who stopped bringing friends and SO to their house because his father embarrassed him on many occasions. Why don't you ask her, is she afraid of something? Is she trying to avoid something? Is she unhappy or uncomfortable with the way you receive her friends or ex-boyfriends?

Otherwise it is improper for a girl to not introduce her boyfriend to her family. It makes me wonder what kind of a guy he must be to be okay with this setup. Every self-respecting man (or even a boy) would know that meeting his girlfriend's parents is the right thing to do. It shows sincerity, openness and honor.

sounds to me like she thinks you are going to be really harsh and even embarass her on purpose. I know at that age I never let my parents meet my boyfriends. also you really made her feel bad when you made him pull over so now she probably resents that as an intrusion. (I'm basing off of how I felt as a teen not super long ago)

really you need to have a heart to heart talk with her without being judgmental and letting her voice her opinions freely. after all it is hard for a teen to remember that their parents were teens once too. I also know how hard it is to listen to your parents critisize your boyfriend after all mine were still doing it after I moved out at 18. so try to reassure her that you just want to meet him so that you can see he is being nice and so that you won't worry so much about her.