My 15 Mo. Old Daughter REFUSES to Sleep in Her Crib!!!

C., I'm so sorry you guys are going through a rough transition period right now - I understand wanting to cosleep (we did with our daughter, now 3.5 yrs old, and do with our 6 month old son who is crawling... we do 1/2 crib in our room and 1/2 in our bed). And I understand wanting more sleep and wanting to make the transition to "her own bed." I really empathize!

Maybe you've already tried these possibilities, but in case not, what about:

* sidecar bed - similar level to your bed, but her own "real estate" so that you and your husband have more space?

* maybe try to put her to sleep in your bed, give her 20 minutes or so to get in a deep sleep where she's limp (test her arm to see if she's floppy!), and gently move her into her crib, making sure to ease her bottom down first and keep her head up so she doesn't feel like she's falling, and try to make sure that the sheets on her crib matress are not cold to the touch (flannel or lightweight polarfleece are warmer to the touch than plain cotton sheeting, for example)... as she gets older, more mature and able to understand, include her in plans/talks about making another gradual transition of getting her drowsy but not asleep and then put down to sleep in crib in your room

* check out the book "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by The Sleep Lady (http://www.sleeplady.com/) - she has a milder approach than Ferber or Weissbluth's Cry-It-Out, and her book is broken down by age group (birth to 5 yrs old, I believe)

* do you have a good, consistent bedtime routine to ease her from the end of her day into sleepy-mode?

* can she crib sleep for the first half of the night and join you for the 2nd half - meaning, would that be an improvement for you, the parents? you could start there and gradually increase the portion of her night that she sleeps in the crib

I personally can't do the scream-it-out method, which I think is different than fussing to sleep (some kids have a little fussing jag, but it doesn't escalate - it's them soothing themselves - they're not scared, angry, raging, just some small fussing that fades out over 5-20 minutes whether they're in your arms or in the bed or in the crib). But for the CIO/screaming method, I do think that it really depends on just how sleep deprived the parents are -- I think CIO is often just a desperate (not meant in a negative way!) although somewhat misguided attempt at a quick fix. What a lot of people who do CIO don't tell you is that you often have to do it multiple times as kids go through different developmental stages. I'm sure there are some kids who CIO for 45 minutes and never again make a peep for the rest of their sleeping nights, but I believe that is rare. For many, CIO is not the silver bullet that so many promise it will be.

Overall, I guess I'd vote for something more gradual, if your current level of exhaustion allows it. ;) Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

Dear C.,

My daughter is 16 months and we went through a spell just like this for every sleeping change we made, from co-sleep, to a cradle in our room, to her own room, and then to a crib.
Give her something comforting and a night light, even a radio playing her favorite mellow music if you want and let her cry it out. I'm not exactly saying to ignore her. The most rescent time with aizlynn, I put her in bed and tell her calmly to lay down and that this was her bed after a couple minutes if she didn't calm down I would leave and not go back in until she calmed herself down. If she was laying down I would go in and make sure she had her pacifier and leave. Don't talk to her, and if she gets upset again don't stay.
The first two nights I repeated through the door AFTER 15 -20 minutes of crying, that it was bed time, so she knew I was there, but wasn't budging. Especially the first time it's awful, I felt sick doing it and my husband had to leave the house. But my husband and I needed our special space and she needed to learn to sleep on her own. It WILL BE THE HARDEST thing you've ever done, period.
It will get easier, she'll realize that you mean what you say, and the fights will get shorter. PLEASE DONT GIVE IN!
You know your daughter best, but you going in all the time and then breaking down entirely and taking her to bed IS making harder on the both of you.
It took us two days of all out fighting and another four of whining, but if you really want your bed back you should prepare yourself to go as long as it takes.
With Aizlynn sleeping in her own room and bed without a fight we've been able to add a cuddle time to the bedtime routine right before she goes to bed, its special for both of us.
She will sound like she'll hate you for the rest of her life, but if you continue to hold your ground it will not take long before she'll stop fighting altogether and you can reward both her and yourself with some special ritual of your own.

1 mom found this helpful

I highly recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I went through the same scenario with my first and second child at 14 months and 17 months after co-sleeping and nursing. I let them cry it out in the sense. We would eat a snack, brush teeth, read two books and then I would sing song and put them in their crib. They would cry until they would go to sleep. I did not check on them every few minutes because they were strong willed and would drag out the crying longer. When they woke in the middle of the night I would let them cry 10 minutes first then go in and tell them to go back to bed with out picking them up and then let them cry till they slept again. It will be a very hard week and I suggest sitting outside while they are crying or taking a shower so you do not hear the crying which will make you cry yourself. Best of luck and get the book it has great tips!!!

Mother of 4 - M.

I had the exact same problem with my 15 month old. I did everything you've tried--with no luck. I then taught her how to climb on and off the couch. After 3 days she was a pro. I then bought a toddler bed and put a gate at her door. I knew she would be OK because the toddler bed is much lower to the ground than the couch and she had no problem climbing on and off of it. I found it at a garage sale for $5.00 and the crib mattress fits it. I waited for Friday night--knowing I didn't have to work the next day. She cried all night on and off, but I kept my ground and made her stay in her room. I just kept laying her down and calmly telling her that was her bed and she HAD to sleep in it. It only took one night! She's been sleeping in her room for two months now with no problems!! Good luck!

we had the same problem with our now 10 yr old he wouldnt sleep in his crib.. we had to let him fall asleep in the living room couch .. then carefully try and put him in his crib. for a while though he was sleeping in our room with his mattress. just so we had the bed to our selves.. i realize that doesnt give you any privacy but it did give us a good nights sleep. have you watched super nanny?? she had an episode with children not wanting to stay in bed. be consistant about putting her back to bed she will get it.

I know that letting your child scream is tough but...you giving in every time...no matter how long she cries lets her know she is in control and not you. I read some of the suggestions and maybe getting her involved in picking her bed would help, but you must remember you are the mom and dad and the adults. We didn't cosleep with our son one bit because of so many cases of SIDS and the fact that our bed is our time alone and our sanctuary. I cannot say from experience of getting your daughter out but I can say that allowing our son to cry himself to sleep had so many benefits. We started at 2 weeks old letting him fall asleep alone. I never wanted to rock or nurse him to sleep..for two reasons...he will depend on those things for a long time and I also wanted him to be able to wake up in the night and not expect me to be there because I was there when he'd fallen asleep. They do know you're there if you're always with them and it will only get harder. Hope this helps.

I can totally sympathize with you! While our daughter never slept in our bed, she was adopted at 15 months and didn't sleep anywhere without us touching her at all times. I spent almost a year standing at her crib-side with my hand on her back and as soon as I would try to get into my room, she would wake up and cry until I touched her again. I know this is a specific situation because of our adoption issues, but I think my advice will help you. I FINALLY couldn't do it anymore and did this.

The first time she would cry at night I would go in and try to comfort her and put her back to sleep gently. If she was still crying, I would go in after about 10 minutes and lay her gently down or cover her up with her blanket with no words. The next time I went in (after about another 10 minutes) I wasn't warm and friendly and would lay her down or whatever with a stern look (no eye contact) and less gentle motions. I did the same thing in the middle of the night when she would cry and it took about two difficult nights for her to stop waking up and to go to sleep in her own bed. (We rock her until she's almost asleep and then put her in her bed at bedtime. I NEVER pick her up in the middle of the night.)

Good luck---there's lots of advice out there on this topic, but I think this issue is so personal to us all that you end up doing what feels right for you and it eventually works itself out. I would definitely stop bringing her into your bed if you're really committed to ending the co-sleeping. This just tells her that she can win the battle if she fights hard enough.

Hang in there,
E.

C.,

Why don't you buy your daughter a toddler bed. It sounds to me that she hates her crib and would prefer to sleep in a bed since she is use to it. I have a friend that is pregnant and due next month and they just bought their 15 month old a toddler bed for him. He hated his crib also. If you are afraid of her falling out of the bed, you could just put the mattress from the crib on the floor to start out or put those portable side rails up on the bed.

Good Luck!

Kim

I have to say, though I tend to be a "cry it out" kind of person by nature, that I agree with "M's" advice. A friend of mine had a tough transition with her 7-mo old from co-sleeping to crib. She used strategies from "Good Night, Sleep Tight" with good results. It did require several sleepless nights to get there, however. Get some good rest before launching into the next big attempt.

Every child is different. Between our two children, we have two distinctly different sleepers (and that's using the same strategies and sleeping on their own from nearly the beginning). Whatever "method" you decide to try, stick with it and don't give up. I think you are right for many reasons to transition your daughter to her own space. Hang in there!

I was just going to suggest letting her fall asleep in your bed and then move her to her bed. Hopefully she will sleep in her bed al night and then you praise her for sleeping in her bed. If this works - then I would go back to trying to get her to go to sleep in her bed.

I have a couple of ideas you could try, first you should try rocking her to sleep.If that doesn't work and she still doesn't stay asleep try eliminating multiple naps and not letting her sleep as long, also consistancy is the key she knows that if she cries long enough you will eventually let her sleep with you.I know it gets to a point when you will do anything just so you can get some sleep but if you want your bed back you must put your foot down.

I have a 19 month old that I made the bad mistake of letting him sleep with us. I just bought an elmo bed (which is a blow up) from LTD Commodities.com and with shipping & handling it was $35.00. It has made a world of difference. I have put it next to my bed and we just started this a week ago and he has slept in it every night. I know that you want her to go to her own room and I want that too, but we are taking it one step at a time. (They also have a princess bed as well)

I am a 25 year old mother of 3 and made this mistake with my 1st and last baby (not sure why we did it with out 3rd child) I know that it is very exhausting.

Best of luck.

I am going through the same thing with my son who just turned 2 lastweek. I have tried everything. I put him in his crib and he has cried for over 4 hours.I have done this several days in a row. I found i was getting less sleep doing this then having him sleep in my room. We never allowed him to sleep in our bed, the problem started when i had another baby and we tried to move him to his own room. What we found to work the best is that he was used to our room, so we moved our bed into what was suposed to be his room and let him keep the room he was used to. Worked great! if this isnt an option i would just move him to his bed when he fell asleep or maybe some of the other ideas the other mom's have said,

Good Luck and hang in there

maybe you could try having her sleep in her own bed. like not a crib. lay with her til she falls asleep they leave. its not the best way but it may help or even work. just a thought. its funny cuz my kid wont sleep in our bed anymore. she always wants to go back to her own bed. but we had to break her of sleepin with us at first too, my fault. theyre so cute and cuddly when theyre small. but shes 2 1/2 and wont let us get her a toddler bed. she loves her crib, she wont climb out even. she just stays in it. itll get better for ya, just keep it up. paige used to cry for hours when we were starting to break her so i know how hard that is.

This is going to be rough, and I know it sounds harsh, but you need to do this for both yourself and for her. You have to let her cry it out, and it may take a long time, but every single time you put her back into your bed, you are erasing any progress made and are back at square 1. You are practically guaranteeing that on the next try she will cry at least as long as she did the last time because you are indicating that the crying works. Maybe you should start with one or the other, nap or bedtime, and once she has that mastered for a week or so then work on the other. Good luck!

At first wait until she is sleeping then move her to the crib. Once she sleeps in the crib for what ever her normal sleep times are move her into the crib just before she falls a sleep in your bed. It will take a while but in the end you will all sleep better.

You will eventually wear her out if you keep up with keeping her in her bed. Yes, you are going to have a few cranky and sleepy days but she will learn who the boss is and eventually get with the program. Just be consistent and don't back down. You have to be confident that you know what is best for her and she will too.

J.

I don't know how much help I will be to you, but my son was used to always being rocked to sleep. (He was about 16 months when this happened) I was pregnant with our second and knew I needed to end his habit before his brother was born. I decided that we needed a new 'habit' or should I say routine, that he would be familiar with and learn that it meant he was going to bed. We would still rock, but we would read 3 books and then I would put him in his crib and tell him good-night, and then leave. I would leave some toys and a book for him in his crib. And yes, he cried. And the first week he cried for 1 1/2 hours too. Every now and then I would go up and reassure him I was there but it was night-night time and he needed to sleep. After a while he did fall asleep. It took about 2 weeks for him to finally fall asleep 'normally'. As for me and my sleep. Well...he would go to bed early (like 7pm) so that wouldn't usually affect me at night. But if he did wake up I wouldn't ever get him. This might sound bad, but I turned the fan on, turned the baby monitor off and put the pillow over my head. I figured...he was in his crib with 1 board book and a soft toy, and I just prayed that God would protect him and LET HIM SLEEP! Eventually he did.

I would suggest getting the book "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby (Paperback". It is available on Amazon for around 11.00 and has a great section on how to change habits such as sleeping and eating. The author does a WONDERFUL job of explaining WHY our kids are resistant to change and has practical advice on how to change. I remember reading a section about this exact situation in the book...which is why it came to mind when I read your question. I have used the ideas with both my kids!

Good luck and if you are ever looking for the perfect gift for a mom to be or a new mom...this book would be it. It is about the only practical thing my mother in law has ever bought me:-)

J.

Hi C., you may have tried all of these things, but this is what helped when we transitioned our little guy out of the bed and into the crib. Does your little girl have a "lovey"? Something soft, animal or blankie that she sleeps with? If not, introduce one, and have the two of you sleep with it for a while so it picks up your scent. Then, introduce it when you start your naptime/bedtime routine. At first, may not seem to help, but hopefully after a while, she may become attached and view it as a security object. Another suggestion that my doctor had me do was to actually have her play in her crib during the day so that she associates it with good things instead of the fight about going to sleep. You would be in her room, even playing with her by standing at her crib side, talking, singing, etc. INcrease time as she gets more comfortable. Do you have any toys that she can amuse herself with accessible to the side of the crib? We have an aquarium, and my little one pushes the button on/off for music/lights. Also, after I finish my routine, I always put a book in there with him. When he was first learning to sleep in crib, he would cry for a while, but then he did seem to understand that he could read. I think it comes down to you being at wits' end and telling yourself and her that it is time to sleep, and this is her bed, and if she chooses not to sleep, that is her choice, but it is bedtime. I am totally not a cry it out type of mom, but my guy had extreme separation anxiety, and i was very sleep deprived....so i had to do it. and i feel for you about the hour and a half of crying, b/c mine cried for about that long as well. It took over a week of lots of crying and consistency with our routine, but he is a great sleeper now. Actually, I've tried when he has been ill to bring him back into our bed, and he is not able to sleep there at all!!! very best of luck!!
E.

It looks like you may have a stuborn little lady on your hands! I do too, you may want to try something a little more tricky with her. Sometimes with my little one if she is extra cranky we let her fall asleep in our bed and then when she is good and asleep, we put her in her bed and she is good. It has worked for us, then as she gets more comfy in her bed, she will know that that is where she goes to sleep. Jazlyn will be one this September and now when it's "nigh,night" time, she goes right to sleep now. We still have our occasional little hissy fits, then we just let her go in our bed and make the switch. I think maybe it's not such a shock to them. They get so used to sleeping with you then are just plopped in their own bed. I hope it helps, or at least gives you a different sort of option. Good luck to you!

We co slept with our daughter until she was 3 years old. The easiest way we found to get her into her own bed was to let her sleep with whatever shirt we had on that day that had our scent on it. Avon also made this really nice teddy bear that has a clear pouch in the front for a picture. We let her pick out a picture which she chose a family picture and now calls it her mommy daddy bear. With this bear and the help of a shirt with our scent on it she went to her own bed with no problem. She is now 7 years old and still sleeps with the mommy daddy bear. Cosleeping was wonderful but so is having your own bed back... Good luck

I don't have anything specific to offer. I was wondering if you've read the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley?

I am planning on using gradual transitions when I stop co-sleeping. I will start with the crib in my room, and then slowly/gradually move it to my son's room.

Try not to think of this as a battle between you and your little one. They are only little for such a short time. Soon enough you will have an independent girl.

I don't mean to sound harsh...not at all, I know how difficult it can be to transition them to their crib...however, she's 15 months old, lol...as strong as her will is, you're the parent and yours must be stronger. How long have you gone while doing the 'Ferber' method? I know with some strong willed children it can certainly take a while...and I know it's exhausting...but, in the end it is what's for the best as you all need a better nights sleep.

I have also heard of some good look with what someone else suggested, gradually moving her out of the room, step by step. I personally think that's more of a PIA and just prolongs the inevitable...but, having two children that are like night and day I realize not all children respond the same to each, so perhaps this will be better for her.

Trust me, I had a son that was so strong willed he realized very quickly how to stick his hand down his throat and force himself to vomit...repeatedly, lol...KNOWING I then would have to come back to the room yet again (besides the pre-determined intervals) and spend more time, lol. But they all eventually get it and they will NOT be scarred for life, lol, I have found this first battle of the wills of parenting to in NO WAY determine or weigh in on the eventual closeness of mother/child, so get over any false guilt you may have where that is concerned. Good luck!! :o)

Hi C.,
Have you thought that maybe she is ready for a toddler bed. We put our four year old son in a bed at 13 months becuase he kept climbing out of his crib and falling on the floor. It might help if you can afford it to have her involved in picking out the bed. I know she is still young, but bring her with you and have her show you which ones she likes. Tell her that is she wants it that she has to go to bed in her room and not in yours. We did something similiar to this with our son when we potty trained him. We let him pick out his own underware when he was three and told him that if he really wanted the cool undies that he couldn't have diapers anymore and that really helped. Maybe this similiar technique will help with you. We still have problems with our son waking me up at night, but the key with everything in teaching a child is consistency. Even if its hard don't give in, just be consistent with what ever you decide to do.
Good luck.
E.

C.,

We had the exact same problem with our son, now 5. What worked for us: at 18mos old we bought a him full sized double bed. We made a big deal of it, took him shopping, let him pick it out. We started with just the matress on the floor. At bed time, either my husband or I would lay with our son in his "new special big boy bed" until he fell asleep. If he'd ask to go to our bed, our answer was that big boys weren't allowed to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed anymore, and that's why he got to have a bed that was big enough for us all to lay in if we needed to. We told him that when he woke up in the night, he just had to call us. And when he did, we would go snuggle with him, until he fell back to sleep, and go back to bed. It took about 5 months of this, but as he got more comfortable in his own bed (and with the fact that we would really come when he called), the night time calls from his room got less and less frequent, and by the time he was 2, he was sleeping through the night, in his own bed.

Now, the catch, is that now, at age 5, I still have to lay with him until he goes to sleep, but it only takes a few minutes, and it's worth it for the snuggle time.

Good luck!