C.E. asks from Visalia, CA on March 17, 2008
My 14 Year Old Daughter's Lonliness
We have lived in Vegas for a year now and my 14 year old daughter has not made any friends to hang out with on the weekends. She is extremely lonely and depressed, She is an A student very funny and pretty. She is very outgoing once you get to know her but she tends to be shy at times. She is miserable here but my husband's job is starting to pay off. We came here to rebuild our lives and it has taken time. Family does visit sometimes but she needs her own social group her own age. So I worry, My husband and I go to concerts with her(that can't be that much fun for her,lol). We try to do things with her but she has lost some interest in us. What do I do??? I try to give advice, but what do mom's know,lol. HELP!!
So What Happened?™
I just wanted to say thank you for all who have responded and gave me their input. I truly appreciated this. I will try some of the ideas. I think she is a bit insecure now and I will be there for her even more now than what I already am. Best of luck to all of you out there and thank you.
F.W. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
Hi,Its so hard to be a kid now adays.Help her to find what she is really interested in as a "hobby"(painting-writing ect then join clubs with the same venu).Once she explores her own real interest she will learn more about herself and that will help her find people with the same interest.One must like them selves First.She sounds like a great kid.Good Luck hope this helps
E.C. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
I have a 14 year old daughter, too. I also have a 7 year old son, & a 17 month old daughter. What kinds of interests does your daughter have? My daughter is in 8th grade heading into 9th shortly, but we have restrictions and boundaries of things she can do, etc. She has brought up the "but my friends' parents...." She is getting older, but she is still our baby... Anyhow, if you would like to set up a play date for the two; let me know. I will be more than happy to help cheer your daughter....
I am 30 yrs. old & married, too
R.Z. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
ok i dont know ifshe is athletic or dances but ihave coached cheerleading for 12 years and i have found that it helps kids with their shyness there are school teams, all star teams and rec teams . dont let the name all star teams scare you yes you have to try out but most gymnastics gyms have cheer classes that teach tumbling. and if you make the team they are also train you and they are not always looking for experience, they look for potential and desire as well. my daughter is on desert cheer extreme and absolutely loves it and her coaches .all we do is compete and we travel a little to california. just something to think about .and all my ex cheerleaders have become very comfortable giving speeches and being infront of large crowdsthanks to competion.its not just pretty girls in skirts. go to desertcheerxtreme.com check them out
R. good luck
M.V. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
Hi, We moved around alot when I was young. I was shy too. The best thing is to join a group like sports, dancing, club at school, church group, etc. You find other shy people who need friends too. Just enjoy life. Aunt Maddie
R.W. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
Is there anything she is interested in arts, sports ect that you can sign her up for a class? I was like this as a child but tended to make friends pretty good despite moving a lot and shyness. I was lucky to have church at the time that is where I made most of my friends. But if she is in a class (there are a lot around town) she may be able to make friends at a more intimate level. I would also get her a journal to write in as that helped me release a lot of my frusteration when I was her age all the way through my 20's. I really hope you can find something for her and kudos for staying involved with her and not letting her be completly alone becasue some parents wouldnt hang out with their children lonely or not! :)
N.V. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
Your post really struck home with me. One of the few moves of my childhood was in 7th grade (I was 12). I considered myself a fun and friendly person...also with straight A's (I found that made it harder sometimes, being the new AND smart girl), but was also a bit shy, especially in such a new and vulnerable environment. I remember crying every day after school for at least a week. It was horrible. I hated school, felt alone, and wanted to move back "home". I recall my mom coming in one day when I was so upset and said she was sorry I was having a rough time, that she loved me and encouraged me to stay positive until I felt better and I made good friends. I didn't really hang out with friends for at least 1 or 2 years, but I kept myself busy reading books and babysitting in the meantime.
Although it was a really tough time/trial for me, I believe it's shaped me into a better person today. I was able to observe others a lot and decided what kind of person I wanted to be and who I'd like to be friends with...definitely NOT the mean and self-centered groups. I also started ballet at that time and made friends there. I auditioned for the Nutcracker (didn't make it, lemon juice in the wound!), but did make other groups later on, which boosted my confidence immensely. Plus, I felt extra grateful for those experiences after the bitter ones. I eventually clicked with a good group of girls I'm still friends with. That's my story, which I thought you might find helpful (maybe?).
So, be patient with your daughter and the current situation. I'd suggest getting her involved in something she likes to do (as others mentioned) to allow herself to open up and boost her spirits and confidence, continue showing your love for her, make yourself available to talk to (she may not, but NEEDS to know that she can), and even suggest she pray for friends or at least to feel happy and comfortable in this new place. It may take awhile, but with your encouragement, love, and gentle guidance she'll eventually come out of her cocoon and fly once again!
Best of luck,
A.L. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
get her inot some activites..like sports, gymnastics or dance. That way she can meet some girlsfriends there. Also try to get to know some of the moms from her school...and arrange some play dates...
J.W. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
When I was raising my 3 children in our 3 moves over the years I always tried to take them to church first thing so they would get acquainted with hopefully some good children before they got into the school system. We also live in Las Vegas now and the school system scares me. This is a hard time for kids and parents without having to worry about the schools.
S.S. answers from Las Vegas on March 18, 2008
Hi I move out to Las Vegas when I was 13 and it was hard for me to find or make friends that enjoyed the things that I enjoyed. Because transient town friends are hard to come by...Its gonna be hard at first, give her time, hang out with her sometimes. Once she gets over being homesick and missing her old friends she will be fine. If I can be of help just let me know.
A little about me
40, divorced, 15 year old daughter soon to be 16