"My 14 Month Old Won't Sleep"

Hello B..
My son is 29 months, still breastfed, cosleeps with me, and still wakes briefly at those same times at night. I respond to his cries quickly when he does. He's very happy and well bonded with me, and everyone tells me how well adjusted and calm he is. I am not a believer in the "cry it out" mentality. It hardly seems nurturing to insist on "training" a baby. It doesn't make sense to me to ignore the only method that a child has of communicating a need, even if we can't understand that form of communication and have to guess to solve the problem. And I found, like you, that the longer I attempted to ignore that need, the more awake he became, and the longer he was awake, so the less sleep I got. My son was actually worse than this for waking up at night at your daughter's age. He improved after I read Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution and tried it. There is also good information available online at askdrsears.com that may help you.

You didn't say how long the naps are that your daughter takes during the day, but they seem to be over for the day fairly early and you didn't say how long she was up when she wakes at night. It seems possible she's getting too much sleep. The resources I have say for a child between 12 and 24 months, total sleep hours per day is between 11 and 13, with 1-2 naps contributing between 1 and 3 of those hours. If your daughter is going to bed at 7, waking for short duration at 11 and 2 at night, a 5am wake-up for the day is putting her somewhere around 10 hours of sleep at night. If you decide she may be getting too much sleep, maybe try a later bedtime, or spacing the naps differently during the day by encouraging more stimulating activities in between. You might also try more physical activity to wear her out as well though, with 4 children in your household, you have your hands full and are doubtless very busy.

I believe my son still wakes at night, particularly at 5, in part because he's hungry. Maybe a later dinner and encouraging her to consume more protein/fat during the meal may hold her for longer as well. I've heard all kinds of stories about adding cereal to bottles and such, but the bottom line nutritionally speaking is, cereal is carbohydrate-- fast energy and fast burn. It's proteins and fats that take longer to digest and stablize blood sugars over time.

I hope I've offered at least some comfort. I think your instincts are spot on if it bothers you to hear your daughter crying. No two children are alike. Like trees in the forest, they all grow differently and reach their developmental milestones in their own due time. In the long run, whatever way you handle this issue, your acceptance of your daughter's innate right to progress at her own pace will likely make it easier on both of you. Hang in there. I'm looking at the same stars, at the same time you are.

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Two of my children slept through the night early, but one woke up hungry at night until she was 18 months old. I tried giving her water instead of milk to get her "used to" not having it, tried just comforting her, tried letting her cry, tried everything but nothing worked. She was a wonderful sleeper, went to bed and down for naps like a dream, so I finally had to admit that she was just HUNGRY.

She has always been big for her age, off the growth charts, and now at 4 is the same size and weight as her 6-yr-old sister (people ask if they're twins all the time). Eventually she did stop waking, but it took a very long time and until she did I thought I was going to lose my mind. I'd just fill up bottles of milk before bed, stagger to the kitchen when she cried, give her one, check her diaper and then go back to bed. Is your daughter big for her age? She may really just be hungry.

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It's so hard!! I have a 7mo. old and it seems like all her peers are sleeping through the night already. She is improving slowly. My question to you is, are you nursing her or give her a bottle of milk at those hours? Do you co-sleep? Is she in your bedroom in a crib? A friend who co-sleeps and nurses suggested a bottle of goats milk be introduced right away every time she wakes up; it was super successful for her. I tried water. It is not worth it for them to wake up for non-breast milk or formula, whatever they are used to. Another suggestion another mom told me about was putting them in their own room if they are crib sleeping in your room as well as stretching out there feedings during the day because their nighttime feedings will mimic day time feedings. My baby is still nursing and sleeps in our room in a crib until her last 5-6amish wake-up and comes into bed with us then. We are thinking about moving her to her nursery soon. But some babies, I hear, are just lousy sleepers. I wish you the best of luck, and feel kindred to you in that I'm not the only one who struggles with sleep in my older baby.

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With both of my boys, we used this method to get them to sleep through the night. I believe it is called the Ferber method..but this is what we did:
Initial cry: Go in there, lay her back down, leave room.
If she cries again, allow her to cry for 5 minutes (3 if that is all you can take). Go back in a lay her back down. Leave room.
Continue this, allowing her to cry for more time in between visits.
What ever you do, don't pick her up! I know it sounds mean, but once you do, it will be so much harder to get her to go back to sleep.
Good luck! It will be so much better once you can get her to sleep!

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This might sound silly, but try moving your naps to later in the day. It sounds to me that she actually might be overtired. I find when my babies missed their afternoon nap they would wake up at night because it felt like they were just taking another nap. My kids always started (and still do) their afternoon nap around 2 and I make sure they are up by 5 to go to bed around 7:30. I don't know what time her other naps are, but at 14 months she should probably be taking her first nap sometime around 10 and keep that one short (1 - 1/12 hours) then lunch, play and her second nap.

Also, does she have a blankie or anything else she is attached to? If not, try giving her a soft blankie and covering her up with it when you are reading to her and cuddling her. Then put her to bed with it. After about a week, she will feel comforted by the blankie and shouldn't need you as much.

If this is a relatively new thing, she might be cutting her molars so motrin could help that.

One more thing. Before you go in there, try going to the bathroom first. I found that always gave my kids a chance to calm themselves down. Then if she starts calming down by herself, don't go in, but if she escalates go ahead and go in. DON'T turn on ANY lights. Lights will wake her up more. Don't talk to her except to say calmly and authoritatively, "shhhh, go back to sleep." And definitely don't make eye contact.

Good luck!

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How do you know she is not just hungry? She could be just going through a growth spurt, she could have a fast metabolism and need to eat. I highly recommend reading the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly, as it is filled with great ideas to help her sleep better and longer stretches at night. I also find tons of information on sleep at www.askdrsears.com. Here is an article I love

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

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Your daughter and my son should get together! My 9 month old son gets up at those very same times. I keep thinking that he is going to grow out of it soon and it scares me to see that your 14 month old is still getting up. I am still nursing my little guy, and planning on starting the weening process in a few weeks. I'm hoping that this will help.
If it doesn't I'm going to try a trick I overheard a lady talking about in a moms group I'm in. She said that if your baby is getting up around the same times everynight, than you can start waking her up just before she wakes up on her own. Just set your alarm to 10 15 min before her usual wake up times. This will start getting her used to you waking her up and not the opposite. Once she is used to this slowly start stretching out the times that you are waking her up at until she is making it through the night.
If you try it, let me know how it works for you. Good Luck!

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Hello B..
Both my little ones sleep through the night (aaah!). But, if my older son wakes up now and then, and my husband goes in and makes a big fuss over him, I guarantee my son will wake again the same time the next night (and the next, until I put an end to it).

In other words: consider how you act when she cries at night: Do you have a long routine: pick her up, sing a lullabye, kisses and hugs, etc? None of this is bad stuff, but doing so may be sending the message that, "this is what we do at night."

Now, I have no idea, you didn't say how you react to her waking up. But if you are taking 3, 5, 12, 15 minutes with her every time she wakes... do you see what I'm saying?

It may be as simple as just cutting back the time, and making less and less of a fuss over time (not months, just days) until she gets the "message" that, "what we do at night is SLEEP." Once she starts to get the idea, then the occasional cry won't last more than a min.- if that - and you'll find you rarely get out of bed any more.

Wishing you and your family "sweet dreams!"
T

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Hello!

Our daughter was initially colicky and we used this book to get out of not so good habits and to not develop new not so good habits : )
"Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau"

Good luck!
D.

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Hi B.!

Wow, you need more sleep, and so does your baby! Please do not give her later naps, eliminate her naps, or make her bedtime later. Her 7:00 bedtime is perfect for her age. She should have two naps at 9am and 1pm, or one nap at 11:00 if she's not sleepy enough for two. But she should be sleeping through the whole night until at least 6am. Babies don't always know how to do this on their own, so we have to teach them. And until we teach them, we are doing them a disservice by not allowing them to get enough sleep. I sleep-trained all 4 of my babies at age 9 months and they slept like a dream all through the night from then on. I did the bedtime routine, laid them down and said goodnight, shut the door and didn't go back in until 6:00 the next morning. The baby will cry for about 3 nights (yes, I know it's torture!) but then learns to comfort herself back to sleep each time she wakes up. Is it hard? - very! But it is MORE mean to teach them that YOU have to be present every time they need to go back to sleep. You can do it! Follow Dr. Weissbluth's advice in "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and I promise that you and your baby will sleep better and be happier! Please send me an email if you want to chat more about it. Good luck!

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It may be she is getting too much sleep? My kids only took an afternoon nap. Or maybe 7 pm is too early? Is she hungry? Sounds like you are doing great with her routine, try changing it just a little to see if it helps.

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