My 12 Year Old Daugther Have No Friend

I agree with Amanda. Ironically, my daughter used to be lonely even though she was quite popular at school. She simply didn't have closed friends. She is now in a swim team and have great friends. Teenager are difficult years with lots of hormone fluctuation, hence mood swing. Being busy and focus in something, especially intense physical activities such as swimming, running or gymnastic definitely help.
Tell her stop looking for friends. The desperate attitude usually drives people away. She needs something to boost her self confidence and team sports help.
Watch out for depression and don't hesitate to seek professional hep. I tempted suicide as a teenager for some thing really stupid, looking back. I was a smart and lonely girl and my parents weren't very close.

Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

Activities outside of school may give her the chance to get to know people of her same interests. I know me and my hubby were not ever popular or had really close friends all through the childhood years. Some of us never get a chance , not even once to have a happy group of friends.
I did however have a great short stints of friends I adored more playing sporets for the city teams. I met many people from other schools but unfortunately I couldnt keep good contact with them for I was a military brat and moved a lot.
It helps to get out of the school setting, sometimes even to change schools. You never know who is around the next corner. I think getting her out more away from the usual crowd is best.

hi O....
i was one of those girls like your daughter. for me it was a mix of a "phase" and depression. it's true, it's a very awkward age and i grew out of it and went on to make lots of close friends in high school. the depression did linger in high school and i wish i would've reached out to my parents for help and therapy. after college, when i moved out on my own to a studio, i found an amazing therapist and my life took a turn for the better. it turns out i've been bipolar all my life!! that explained how i was able to be outgoing and have friends but then have very lows and feel alone.
O. i say take her to a therapist now, while you can figure it out early and not when she's 26 like me. good luck!

i would put her in activities that she likes, swim team, gymnastics, scholastic etc..she can meet kids there and it wont be so "cliquey", Id also arrange play dates and plan fun things to do like paper mache, painting , or board games. If you make it fun to be at your house she will keep friends by default, children are selfish by nature at that age.

I agree with one of the writers. Desperate only drives others away, they can see right through you.

Activities...activities...activities. Ask her what sports she likes best and get her involved. The deal, she has to stay in it for the year. Follow up on a hobby she may have, like painting, photography, dancing etc.

Don't worry she'll be all right. It's a difficult phase in her life, which will pass.

Hi O., I'm sorry that your daughter doesn't have close friends. I have to disagree with the first poster - sadly, your daughter is too old for mom to arrange play dates and plan the activities, but she should be calling kids to make social plans. This starts very young, when moms or dads call and make the play dates when kids are in elementary school. The kids that she sees in school who are friends likely see each other socially outside of school. I agree with the advice about her choosing an extra curricular activity or two that meet her interests, where she will find people who have something in common with her in a smaller group. Often the kids at school who are friends are on the same softball team, cheerleading squad or dance class - perhaps for years. These kids often socialize together outside of school or the activity.
The school counselor or social worker may be able to assist your daughter if she needs help with social skills.
Good luck.

Hi O.,
I'm sure it is heartbreaking for you.
Does she have any interests or hobbies -- sports, cheer, dance, gymnastics -- that she can try and maybe she could meet some girls there?
Have you talked to her teacher and/or guidance counselor.
Last year (1st grade) there was a little boy in my son's class that had so much anxiety over school that he vomited every day and ate lunch with the nurse every day. The teacher picked my son b/c he is nice to everyone and asked if he would ask this boy to join him at lunch, play something at recess...it really helped that little guy. maybe her teacher could recommend something like that? Best of luck to you (and her!).

I would put her in sports and to move her away from this crowd. Since they have not been accepting her for years... very small chance they will start now. Change schools if you can, may be she will make a friend.

My dd goes on an internet site called FLICKR. She can download her photographs there and people will come on and tell her what they liked about them. It gives her a lot of positive feedback and helps her feel not quite so alone (we homeschool ) she calls them her freinds.

I would try maybe jr. bowling any group activity that she can join. I made many friends that way when I was a teenager. I have the same problem with my 8 year old. With so many things happening now in school and depression I too worry I will not see the signs that something could really be wrong. So I try and keep her in some sport and have a friend go out with us for a movie. She has a good time. Unfortunaly her friend is now in a different school and its harder to schedule these things. But I will continue to try. Good Luck! :)

Hi there
I feel for you - this is a hard one, when all you want is for your child to be happy. I agree with those who have said to encourage her to take part in activities which are outside school - join groups, play a sport, whatever, so she has a chance to meet new people. Before she does, talk to her about ways she can engage other people in conversation, and how to encourage people to be friends with her without seeming needy.
A change of school may be an idea, if that's a possibility for you. I had a hard time myself at the age of 11 or 12 when I hit adolescence and I became very socially awkward and felt isolated. I was pretty miserable for a couple of years, then just before I was 13 my parents moved me to a new school where I knew no-one. I had a fresh start, made a whole load of new friends and went on to have a very happy next 5 years. It's worth thinking about if you can.
See if you can do anything to help her - she is probably a bit old for playdates, although to be honest I still fix up playdates for my 10 year old sometimes - they don't always have the organisation skills to do ti themselves! Do you know anyone with kids similar ages that you could invite over as a family and your child would have a chance to get to know their kids?
Talking to other moms you can trust about this may help. My daughter had a bit of a rough patch with a couple of her friends, and as I felt able to talk to their mothers we were able to help the kids sort it out and spend quality time together, without letting them know we knew all about it!
I hope it works out for you both