February 12, 2010,
J.S. asks from Canonsburg, PA on October 06, 2009
My 10 Year Old Boy Curious About Sex Already!!
My Husband and I recently saw that our 10 year old boy was looking up things on the internet relating to sex and girls parts. I was devastated to see that he was curious about that already. When we sat and talked to him he said it was because that is all the kids talk about on his school bus on the way home. He said he felt weird because he had no clue what they were talking about so he was curious and that is why he went online to see what they were talking about.
I have already made an appointment with his school tomorrow to talk about this and to stop what is going on on the bus.
Has anyone went through a similar situation? I believe that 10 is way too young to be thinking about this. I already revoked his computer privileges so he cannot go online anymore. I just do not know what to say to him. Is it better not to say anything at all? I cannot believe I am going through this already. I cannot believe 10 year old kids are talking about this already! I did buy him an IPod so he can listen to that on the bus, but he says it is so loud on his bus that he can still hear over top of his IPod. He says there is so much swearing also, which he knows that he is not permitted to say. I told him that I cannot control all the time what he is going to hear from other people, but he knows that he is not allowed to swear. I can't say it's the swearing that I am that worried about, but it's the talking of sex and girls on the bus.
I already take him to school in the morning. The only reason I do not pick him up is because his school gets out at the same time that his 2 yr old sister is taking a nap. I try to get her to take her nap earlier, but she is just not ready. I have tried to switch her nap time, so I can pick him up, but that does not work and she is not very pleasant if she does not get her hap at her scheduled time :)
I would appreciate any help that anyone can give me. Thank You!!
OK I need to clear something up before I receive anymore responses. I have been taking a lot of slack for not being a mom that my son can talk to. I did not even know about this sexual curiosity until I looked at the history on his computer. I DID talk to him about this after we found the websites he was going to. I DID NOT punish him because he was curious. I took the computer privileges away, for now, because he lied to me about what he was going on the computer for. I made it quite clear that he was NOT being punished because of his curiosity. I have a very open and close relationship with my son. I have made it very clear that he can talk to me about anything.
R.R. answers from Allentown on October 07, 2009
I went to a private school with great teachers and all it's benefits, and was still talked to about sex by one of my classmates when I was 8 years old. I agree that it's always better to hear it from you, as embarrassing as that may be. I do remember taking my questions to my mom, afterward. We went for a car ride alone after an event, and she sat up front and I sat in the back, and that allowed for us not to have to look each other in the eye--I think I was embarassing for both of us. But I still really appreciate that she took the time to answer my questions. I hope it goes well for you.
D.P. answers from Pittsburgh on October 06, 2009
Just to put things into perspective about kids & sex: I have a friend with a 15 year old son who recently had a paternity SCARE! And she has been talking to him openly and honestly about sex, love, right and wrong for years. And she has always encouraged his questions and told him he could tell her anything. What a shocker!
I think your son needs concrete, age appropriate information about anatomy and sex. Go to your library or bookstore and find an age-appropriate book with which to open this dialog. (Ask for help and recommendations.) He's crying out for information. You need to see to it that he gets factual information.
It's tough when our kids are exposed to so much so early, but it seems to me that 10 is not that shocking of an age for him to be curious about bodies, anatomy and sex. He's already expressing curiosity so I think you need to get him some answers now. We can't keep them sheltered forever. Better he gets the information from you than to have his only source of information be kids on the bus or possibly graphic websites that are not age-appropriate. Good luck!
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S.D. answers from Harrisburg on October 07, 2009
Denise is right on! Sounds like your son is in 4th grade. As a fourth grade teacher you would be surprised by how many questions I get - especially in the spring. It seems as though kids are developing, especially the girls, faster. Be sure that he not only has the facts, but has your expectations and morals that go with them. We need to be talking to our kids about not only sex, but drugs, smoking, and other choices long before they are expected to make those choices without us being there. Believe it or not they will hear your voice in their heads if those conversations have taken place in a quiet, respectful and caring manner.
Don't forget to enlist the assistance of your school's guidance counselor - that person can help you get started.
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T.S. answers from Philadelphia on October 06, 2009
unfortunetly kids grow up much quicker then they used to. I used to work in daycare and the things the children in after school used to talk about shocked me (ages 5-12) they call each other "hot" and talk about sexual stuff very early now. think about it, we let 4 years old watch hannah montana when they should be watching cinderella and some 9 year olds watch family guy or even mtv. society in general lets kids grow up too fast. and there unfortunetly isnt much you can do other than talking to your son and making sure he has the information you want him to have. explian your expectations, that you feel he is wayy too young to know theses types of things and that it isnt something that is appropriate for him or the other kids on his bus to talk about. If you keep him informed he wont feel the need to get bad information from other kids. just explain the parts you feel comfortable letting him know. Best of luck
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L.G. answers from Allentown on October 07, 2009
Unfortunately, you can't control what kids talk abut on the bus. The bus driver can only enforce the language he/she hears, which doesn't extend to the back seat; also, he/she is driving a bus full of kids and has to attend to traffic, rather than monitoring behavior.
Kids in public school develop the interest in sex earlier than kids who are homeschooled and/or kids who aren't in contact with much pop media such as TV or pop radio--or who aren't around kids who watch/listen to these media. It sounds like you've done a good job with your son regarding "language" (my daughter knew all the words, too, and that she shouldn't use them, which helped her when we were on the college campus where I teach, where students seem to have a vocabulary limited to a single word that is used as a noun, verb, and adjective). Now be pro-active to educate him about sex--he's going to be hearing about it regardless, so he's better off getting your perspective, viewpoint and morals than that of the kids on the bus. Best of luck.
C.J. answers from Harrisburg on October 06, 2009
I agree with Denise! Always love her responses!
T.S. answers from Philadelphia on October 07, 2009
Well, you certainly have received varying opinions!
I agree that it is not abnormal for your son to be interested at this age, as sad as it may be for us as parents to see them entering this next stage of life.
My son is 10 and his body started changing about a year ago. He is very much in the midst of puberty. We have not spoken with him to much yet about girls' bodies (and he has an older sister), but we have about his own body. About 18 months ago he started asking some questions about babies and choices (or whether there is a choice) re family sizes. I hated having to go into this area, but better he hear about all this from Mom and Dad than from kids on the bus. I also gave him a pamphlet from the doctors' office about puberty, and I saw him reading it on the way home that day.
My daughter came home from day camp one day, when she was just 8, and said that one of her bunk mates had started her period. My daughter wasn't completely sure what this meant, and so I was thrown into this without warning. I spoke with her about it that night, after her brother was asleep, and then bought a book the next day, which we read together in the evenings.
Good luck with all this!
L.R. answers from Philadelphia on October 07, 2009
I remember when my son was that age he also said he heard alot of talk in the school about sex , so I asked him if there is anything he does not understand to please ask either me or his dad. Of course he was mortified to ask us but he did say he went online and that he understands. (How much at that time we never knew he just didnt want to talk to us about too much)
Many of the Boys have older brothers and they hear it thru them and then think they are cool to spread info that no one else knows.
It had no affects on my son and I think eventually they stop until they go thru puberty.
I think girls will ask more questions to their mothers ..I think if you involve the school then your son will think it is a bad thing.Maybe you can get him to talk about it a little to his father so he is not confused..
But it definitly starts at this time.
Good luck with the issue'
L.P. answers from Harrisburg on October 06, 2009
I went through this with my son when he was 8 (last year). I didn't find out until we were at our pastor's house and he did something in front the pastor's younger daughters. I did have a talk with him about sex (just on his level) and explained that it is what married couple that are in love do. I feel you do need to have a talk with your son on his level about it otherwise all he will hear is what the kids at school are saying. There is no way to totally stop it from happening. Luckily, I work at my son's school and know all the teachers and staff so I could help my son come up with ways of not hearing it. He heard it mainly during lunch time, so I talked to the Aide that was doing lunch duty and came up with the plan that he would raise his hand for a napkin, so she would know it was going on and could keep a closer eye and ear on things.
Good luck at the meeting!!!