My 10 Year Old - Huntington Beach,CA

Wow A., interesting responses. All I did was send my daughters to their room to cry. I never thought it was depression, never took it personally. I didn't want to raise a brat who always got what they wanted. when I said no, I meant it, if they cried because they couldn't get it, they cried in their room. If they ever gave me a "look", that was mandatory room time.

It is my opinion, but real life dictates not getting everything you want. Even as an adult. I want a house on the beach, I cannot have it right now, I'm not crying about it, I just don't get to have it! Oh well. I don't feel powerless, I don't need to be medicated, I just want it and know that right now I don't get it, but maybe one day I will. To me, it's that simple.

Believe me, with a girl (I raised 2) there will be a lot of crying, feelings hurt and the world coming to an end. It's all about how you handle it. I suggest love. Love her through her emotions, but don't let her make you feel guilty because she is told no. She is going to be told no by others, not just you, and she really has to lean to live with being told no.

Maybe when she wants something and you say yes, you can remind her that even though you said no to something earlier, you are saying yes now and she will see that not everything is no, only somethings.

Hopefully this is helpful. Good luck. Girls are really a lot of fun, it takes a lot of love and understanding, but you as a parent have to be the parent. You have to be the authority figure and she as a kid has to learn to respect that. When she is an adult and wants something, she can have it or work towards getting it. It's called setting goals. Everyone should have them :)

2 moms found this helpful

This sounds like a clear boundaries and emotional exploitation issue. Your ten year old has blurred the lines between having 'hurt' feelings and trying to get what she wants.

If you don't get this under control now, she's going to be doing this WAY into her teens. I think what you need to do is on a weekend day, ask her to sit down and talk with you about the 'house' rules. Explain you'd like to 'talk' with her about things and get 'her' opinion on how things work now. Make her a part of the issue and the creation of a new plan to make things function better on both sides.

On that day, sit down with some notes and explain to her how it makes you feel when she breaks the rules and that she needs to understand their are consequences to actions that are unsafe and/or break the rules. Outline for her the rules from that day forward, and how the punishment scale will work. Tell her you need her help with making sure that the whole house works together as a team, and that you all need to depend on each other.

Be firm. Explain that from that day forward these rules take effect for everyone and that if she can't comply then, she will lose privelages. I've done this with some of my school kids in the classroom, and it works really well. Even though they know the rules already, if you address it one-on-one, it gives them 'personal' attention they may be lacking. I let them express to me their concerns with the rules and always come equipped with a good logical response to back it up. The 'because I said so' fight never works with kids...ever.

My sister and Mom went through this too, and I actually came up with this after talking to my Mom about my own work issues.

I hope this helps, and I wish you good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

You put up with it. Most parents do. Yesterday I was in the grocery store and a mom was trying to control her boys. In a strong voice I asked them if they had heard what Mom said to them. They were so surprised at first but then went on to get smart with me. I followed up by asking if they needed to go out back with me. Now, I would not have done this if the Mom and I had not exchanged looks before hand, and she thanked me afterward and told me how defiant they were at this stage. The lack of involvement on all our parts is part of it. We (other people)ignore children and don't expect them to behave. Instead of being willing to help that mother in the store gain control we worry about being PC and taking the easy way. It is hard work to raise a strongwilled child, and you may be in for the long haul here. You could invite others to call her on her lack of respect, and make sure you treat her with respect. I know my behavior is not always welcome but I have a hard tome not calling out rude children. Parents work hard and are frazzled and our children push us as hard as they can, it is how they are made because they need to learn. You get a strong one and WOW. Good luck.

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Hi Aysia

Nip it in the bud now! Crying and disrespectful looks are a way of manipulation. Depression? I'm sorry........but I don't think so. In my opinion, You are the parent, she is the child and you have the upper hand and need to establish that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. Parents give in way too easily these days and their kids end up ruling the home and turn out to be selfish adults.

Perhaps, when she is in her normal state, you can talk to her compassionately and express to her your love but that you will not accept her behavior when things don't go her way. Give her a fair warning of what will happen and then FOLLOW THROUGH CONSISTENTLY. If you don't. it's only going to get worse. In the long run, she'll be a better, more considerate kid and respect you for it. When a child respects you, they also trust you which is the ultimate foundation for every relationship. Best to you and Merry Christmas.

1 mom found this helpful

Just ignore it. She just is being a kid, do what you think is right for her. She will learn her tactics don't work. She will be fine. I have raised 4 children & now have 7 grand children. They all grew fine. Just teach them to love the world and do whats right. GOOD LUCK. A. 85 years young.

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There are some really good one liners that get kids to do anything. It teaches them how to live in the real world.
Go to www.loveandlogic.com By one of the cd and listen to it in the car to memorize the one liners they work really great! Good luck. M. R

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Please have your Dr. evaluate her for depression. I was depressed as a child. Mine started in 2nd grade, 5th & 6th grade were the worst. No one knew what depression was then. Ask about dysthymic depression. Please don't wait. She is crying for help. This is a chemical imbalance. It is not your fault or hers. It just happens in the brain. It is very treatable. It is easier to live with than diabetes, in that it must be treated, just like diabetes must be treated, but No daily shots and finger prick testing 4 x day. Group sessions help in learning how to live with this each day.

Don't cave into the pressure from her.

Consistency.....if you say NO...stick to NO, no matter what. How much you stick to what you say now will only make it more more easier or more difficult for the teenage years!

You don't say if her look or crying gets her her own way. If it doesn't then just walk away from her and ignore it. If she is getting a response from you like you acting upset or giving in then it will continue.

sandy

There is a good book out there called "Boundaries for Kids". You can get it from Amazon used. I would totally suggest this for you. They also have one for teens. I just sent these to my friend because they are beginning to have some slight problems.

Oh my! Seriously, she is a typical 10 year old! I am sorry, but most of them are like this, IMO. Well, maybe not most of them, but you only really hear about the ones who do this. I saw a response you got that said walk away. I agree with her. HOWEVER if this does not work within a reasonable time, then maybe the school councilor can have a chat with her to see whats going on. Sometimes parents go to the Psy way too soon and end up putting their kids on life long drugs, for bipolar etc, when it could be avoided by not over reacting.
I speak with experience.

Ah, the joys of puberty! Just ignore her. Send her to her room. You could also tell her whatever she wants will become less and less (i.e. she wants to stay up an extra hour, so send her to bed an hour earlier than usual) if she keeps it up, assuming she's doing it on purpose. That might help with the "look". Good luck! This too shall pass......eventually.

Give her the look back. If she thinks she can intimidate you, she will continue this until she's an adult and may come across someone who doesn't appreciate her attitude. I hope you don't have a problem telling her "no". Explain to her that sometimes she will get what she wants and sometimes she may be disappointed at your decisions, but mommy knows what is best for her. I hope this helps.

Just ignore and and walk away, if you don'tt pay attention to her when she is like this, which is so common for her age, all kids pout when they don't get there way.. its the feel sorry act.. ignore

Very contrary to what I normally believe in, but does not hurt to try – get from Whole Foods homeopathic remedy called Pulsatilla 30C. Give it to her every day for a week on empty stomach. Hard to judge w/o details though.

Get a good "tween" book. She needs clear signals from you at this point. A firm but loving, unemotional prompt is always the way to go when you get that attitude!
M.

This is normal pre-teen behavior. Ignore it all. Even the crying. If the crying continues, send her to her room. That's what I do with my kids. It works for me. As for "the look" that will be there for a long time! Every girl I know does it, including my girls. I give my girls check marks if they are disrespectful, and if they get three, they lose a treat the next day, and if they get more, they lose TV, computer, and the list goes on. Good luck!

Hi there, OMG, she's crossing to the dark side! Here's what I've done (I have teenage daughters.) In a calm moment tell that you know how hard this time can be, that feelings can be confusing and that you get it. However, when she cries to get her own way you can't understand her and you'll be ignoring her. After you've said it you have to do it. Trust me, the worst thing you can do is placate her or give in to her while she's carrying on. Re the looks, just ignore them. Remember pick your battles carefully. Good luck.