17 answers

My 10 1/2 Year Old Son Pees His Pants; Advise on How to Help Him Stop

My 10 1/2 year old step son pees his pants during the day; every day! Occasionally during the night too, but generally during the day. He has been to see 2 different eurologists who did x-rays, ultra sounds and other tests, both results; nothing wrong. It does not seem to bother him that his pants are wet and that he and his room smell. He does try to cover it up when it goes completely through his pants but that embarrasement does not stop him from future accidents. I have tried different things hoping it would help him stop such as star charts & other incentives, having him do his own laundry (washing & folding), diapers, grounding, taking things away until he can stay dry for a week...nothing has helped. I did find a psycologist that he will start seeing this week but if there is any advice from you mom's on how to control/stop this, I would greatly appreciate your suggestions. Thank you!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Have you tried seeing a chiropractor? I remember a child who saw one for that issue since everything is connected.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear S.,
I have known so many kids that do this. And now that you have ruled everything out medically, what I truly think is happening is that he gets distracted or thinks he can hold it longer than he can actually do so. Then finds out the hard way. It's good that he doesn't seem too embarrassed, because you don't want the psychological harm of that. I think, you just have to put him on a pee schedule. In the morning, no breakfast until he pees. Make him go back in before he leaves for school. Talk to his teacher and say that he is to go to the restroom, and pee, before he can have recess. Again when it's time for lunch. Again after lunch. Again somewhere in the middle between lunch and being on his way home. It might be a pain in the rump for a while, but you can't have him wetting himself and I really truly think he's just trying to hold it too long.
I'm glad you are taking him to see somebody. In the meantime, I would say to him that since he doesn't seem to know when he "feels" it's time to go, he will just have to go to the bathroom and try throughout the day on a schedule. That way, it rules out any physical reasons for him wetting. Insist that he take plenty of chances.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

S.
I know what may be wrong. I wet my clothes a lot as a child. Even in middle and high school. The first problem I had was to try to always hold it. The reason I could not is because of what most people dont get until they are old, and it is a very weak bladder. I could never hold it at all if I got to laughing or coughing and there was anything in my bladder. This was looked at like a behavior issue and I didnt learn untill I was well into adulthood that I dont have the same bladder as most. At 37, I can not cough without issues. Doctors will tell you nothing is wrong they did me and my mom all my childhood. If it were my son I would explain that he has to go to the bathroom every 2 hours even if he dosent think he has to go. try on a weekend and monitor him with a timer if he has no accidents because he is sent to pee every 2 hours then you know its that he is trying to hold it too long and then doesnt have any chance to make it.
Hope this helps I feel for him!

C.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear S.,
I have known so many kids that do this. And now that you have ruled everything out medically, what I truly think is happening is that he gets distracted or thinks he can hold it longer than he can actually do so. Then finds out the hard way. It's good that he doesn't seem too embarrassed, because you don't want the psychological harm of that. I think, you just have to put him on a pee schedule. In the morning, no breakfast until he pees. Make him go back in before he leaves for school. Talk to his teacher and say that he is to go to the restroom, and pee, before he can have recess. Again when it's time for lunch. Again after lunch. Again somewhere in the middle between lunch and being on his way home. It might be a pain in the rump for a while, but you can't have him wetting himself and I really truly think he's just trying to hold it too long.
I'm glad you are taking him to see somebody. In the meantime, I would say to him that since he doesn't seem to know when he "feels" it's time to go, he will just have to go to the bathroom and try throughout the day on a schedule. That way, it rules out any physical reasons for him wetting. Insist that he take plenty of chances.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

food allergies? my boyfriend wet the bed every night until he stopped drinking milk in his preteens. it was a clear connection for him. good luck, and try to be patient. something is going on here, and he cant feel good about it.

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Take your son to a chiropractor. Chiropractic has had many successes with this. Dear Abby once had an article about it many years ago. It is certainly a safe and drug-free approach to try.

1 mom found this helpful

Have you tried seeing a chiropractor? I remember a child who saw one for that issue since everything is connected.

1 mom found this helpful

The thing that helped my son was making sure that he was never constipated. Constipation seemed to make the involuntary urination worse.
I never punished my son for wetting his pants or the bed. I hope the psychologist can help.
One teacher made my son pay tokens to go to the bathroom, other than recess or lunch. That made it much worse. I got a note from the urologist, saying that he had a medical necessity to go to the bathroom whenever he needed to.

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Check the school bathrooms with the school. My son didn't go in the school bathrooms because they were dirty! He would come home with(stuff) in his pants too. At home during the weekends maybe you can stay home and set a timer for every 20 to 30 min. and have him go to the bathroom and at least try.
Almost like RE potty training...

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I wrote this a long time ago, but it was helpful and I saved it. I will adjust it to your situation.

It's best to know how your body works. The kidnies are filters. Around 2 hours after you have liquid you have to urinate--it takes about 2 hours for our bodies, mostly kidneys, to process the liquid. Know how long your body takes--some more--some less. Go to the bathroom before then. And when you do go, empty your bladder. You can do this by pushing on your lower abdomen (learn where your bladder is). By pushing, you are emptying you bladder. Before bed, have any drinks early enough to compensate for time. Right before sleep, empty your bladder.

Since your son is aware of what's going on he can do "habit training" Basically what he'll have to do is get in the "habit" of going to the bathroom. It's okay if he doesn't urinate. The point of actually being there is to start the "habit". An easy way to do this is get a digital watch with an alarm that is set to sound every hour or two, and just go every time the alarm sounds.

When it comes to bed time, do what I explained in the earlier post. If you want, you can invest in one of those bed wetting alarms for parents. I understand they work, but are very expensive so I wouldn't feel it was worth it.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.. BTDT! What my son's urologist explained was that some kids contract the muscles and hold some urine in their bladder when they pee. It fills the bladder up more frequently and since kids don't want to stop what they are doing (especially boys) then they just don't try to go to the bathroom as much because they need to go all the time. The doctor said to have my son sit on the toilet backwards to pee because it stretches the abdominal muscles enough where they cannot contract the muscles so all the urine comes out. I can tell the days my son sits backwards and the days he doesn't. Maybe this would help your son too.

1 mom found this helpful

My second son did this as well. He was just to busy to care. He would get going on something and not bother to stop and go to the bathroom. It was very frustrating for me, but making him care seemed impossible.
Our solution? Sounds silly but we got rid of all the video games in the house. Not as a punishment, but as something best for our son. He would get very engrossed in the games and neglect other things or rush through them in order to get back to his game. (i.e. homework, chores, personal hygiene, etc.) Having the games, even though we limited the amount of time he could spend on them, was causing him major issues. His obsession with the games and his reaction to them carried over into the rest of his life. He wouldn't stop playing with his friends and go to the bathroom, he wouldn't stop reading to go to the bathroom, he wouldn't stop a lego project to go to the bathroom. It didn't seem to have any direct connection to the video games, but when we got rid of them his mentality seemed to change.
When he was at home I would stop him every so often and "make" him go, whether he liked it or not. No reward, no punishment, he was too old for that. Within a month he had stopped.

Don't know if this may apply to your son, but it worked for us.

Be blessed.

1 mom found this helpful

S.,

I suggest that you get a hypnosis tape or subliminal messages for bladder control. You can buy them online. They come in CD/tape and you can play it at night for him to sleep. I think that could be really great to give him positive reinforcement on going to the bathroom when he needs to and holding it too. Also, what is his response when you ask him why he wet his pants? See what is response is and if his friends react to him in a positive/negative way. I know it sounds crazy but some kids reward others for this kind of behavior as funny or silly. Ask him what his friends think.

Good luck with the psychologist and keep us updated on everything.

M.

1 mom found this helpful

My son who is now 41 wet his bed until he was about 11. The one thing that was determined is that he slept like a dead person and never knew that he had to go to the bathroom and would sleep right through the incident. I also found that yelling and screaming and making him do his own laundry did not accomplish anything. I know how frustrating this can be but, it will come to an end! During the day try asking him if he has to go to the bathroom every hour and have his teacher do the same thing (privately!). If his bedtime is at 9PM then make sure he has NO liquids after 8PM and that he go to the bathroom before he goes to bed. Also, try waking him up before you go to bed, that sometimes help. I know you have probably tried some of these things but, keep your chin up and and he will be fine. If some kind of a trauma has taken place (divorce, illness of person in family, death of family member or friend) that can have a traumatic result. I hope some of these things help and give you some relief.
Jan

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.,
I'm a teacher. I had never heard of this before: One boy I came across, fourth or fifth grade, didn't know when it was time to go. There was something missing in the connection between his brain and bladder. He truly didn't know when he had to go. He never had that "I've got to go feeling" we all get. I'm not sure what the doctor said/did/tested or what it was called. None of the other students knew except for his best friend (and of course the teachers the student had contact with each day to know why these two boys always went together). Every time the best friend had to go, they went together.

My suggestion is that perhaps your son be linked to a friend this way. Also, with my own kids, we go before we leave the house, we go when we get home. We go before we go out to play. It has reduced the accidents of my toddler.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

This is not a normal 10 year old. What do you know about this boys history? What really disturbs me is the statement he does'nt mind the smell. It's not an accident at 10 years old. This child sounds disturbed. Could it be possible that he was sexually abused at some point in his life? I am glad that you are taking him to a Psycologist. Is he happy to spite this problem? Do you have other problems with discapline?

1 mom found this helpful

This may be difficult to receive however, many children that pee on themselves and is uncontrollable can be a red alert they have been sexually abused by someone at a young age. And taking things away is not helping him with something that he did not create on his own. I do not believe in being cruel. He is showing a sign of needing help. Who would want to constantly or deliberately pee on themselves in public. Get connected to a loving church that can help you understand what is going on with your son. He is crying out for help. A parent that cares,hopes and prays you will get the right guidance.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.,
You might try hypnosis. Hypnosis is good for everything and the only limit is the imagination of the hypnotherapist. Please make sure that you find somebody properly recommended and qualified. Good luck to the whole family,
S.
____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Sara,
I have a couple of questions to ask; does this also happen on the weekends? How does he feel about school? Has this always been a problem or did this start after some event or trauma? Has he given any indication as to why he won't stop doing what he is doing to go to the restroom? I am trying to get a sense of what his emotional state might be.

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