Multi-religious House and Feelings of Resentment

I understand your feelings of resentment. I am LDS (mormon),my husband is not. I, as many men and women, think before marriage, that having two separate beliefs is no big deal if you love each other, but when children get in the mix and you want the best for them (as you believe to be the best) it is very difficult. Fortunately, at this point, my husband chooses not to go to any church and supports me in bringing all the children with me, but I cringe at the thought that someday that may change. It is hurtful that he does not come with the rest of the family, because my idea of a family is not to be divided by religion;unfortunately it happens and you have to make the best of it.

I would suggest that you take some time to think about why your religion is important to you and what you want your children to understand about it, then talk with your husband and find out why his religion is so important to him.

Do you attend any church services or events with your husband? If not, do it to support him, and ask him to the same for you in return. Marriage is about working together and sacrificing and sometimes doing something for the other person that you wouldn't normally do.

Tough situation, BUT it IS one that you signed up for when you married someone of a different faith. I'd recommend marital counseling. I think you need help conveying your concerns to your husband and finding a balance; otherwise I think your marriage is going to be destined for failure. He will become more and more devout in his religious beliefs, and he'll become more convinced that he needs for you to convert to his faith. I think he'll become increasingly focused on sharing his faith with the children - because obviously his faith is very important to him and we tend to want to share important things with our kids.

If your husband is unable or unwilling to respect the fact that you are not and will not become a Mormon and/or he is unable or unwilling to except the fact that you want/intend to teach your children about your beliefs I would say that it is important to know that now so you can make a decision about the rest of your life.

Not all problems can be fixed. Religion is a big one, which rears its ugly head when the children come along, instead of during courtship when it should have been considered more and used to determine if the relationship was truly a match. But, here and now it is more important to have constant harmony in the family and to teach values that matter (integrity, compassion, responsibility, gratitude, respect for life, etc.) than to compete with your husband. These values will serve them regardless of which, if either, religion they choose later on. There are teaching moments all day every day. The last thing you want to do is foster disharmony or make them feel like they are being pulled in different directions, or that they have to choose between you and your husband. Teach them to seek for their own answers and truth, and follow the path that calls to them. Good luck!

Wow - tough situation. I don't know enough about Morman and Wiccan religions and the deep-seeded differences to weigh in on that particular nuance. But, I grew up in a household where one parent was Catholic and the other Protestant. The decision was to raise the four children Catholic; so we went to Catholic schools (K-12) and went to Mass with my father. My mother continued in her own church, coming to mass with my father and us children on special occasions. We, in turn, went to church services with her when they were not in direct conflict with the Catholic church holy days. I would bet that my mother felt some resentment, but I never really saw or heard her express it. Interestingly though, now that we are all grown and have children of our own, two of us are still Catholic, one of us converted to become Lutheran (my mother's religion) and the last is firmly agnostic, although married a Lutheran and is raising a child Lutheran. My parents still practice their separate religions but both have a wonderful respect for each other and each religion. Best of luck to you.

Communication sounds strained on this topic. If you are frustrated about not being heard or respected, you might wish to look into various means of communicating lovingly and respectfully, and asking for your needs to be heard.

Family or marriage counseling is one great alternative. If your husband is resistant or cost is an issue, you can still improve communication by yourself and make a difference in your interactions. Two approaches that are life-changing for many folks (including me) are Non-Violent Communication, and The Work of Byron Katie (links below). Both take a bit of attentive practice, and neither is perfect for everyone, so you might want to search a bit to find some other set of tools that fits your personality.

The links:
http://www.thework.com/index.asp
http://www.cnvc.org/

You've been advised that you should have worked this through before you got married. Well, it would be great if that always worked, but marriage is just so complicated. Situations always comes up that you didn't anticipate. My best to you.

The best way to do that is to expose them to your beliefs and your religion. My family is Mormon, and I was raised LDS as well (but am now Christian). You and hubby should sit down and come up with the best parts of both religions and teach that to your children activly. Passive religious teaching only works if you are living it in an obvious way. The LDS church has some awesome ideas about being a closer family and spending quality time together. I don't know anything about Wiccan, but I am sure you can come up with a few things about it that can bring your family closer together.

I can't give you advice maybe that you really want to hear, since I to went on a mission for the church as well. I do have a brother-n-law who also has the same problem, and I ache for them. Ask your husband to go talk to the bishop in the church, and see if he can seek advice with this problem. My brother-n-law did, and the bishops advice was your marriage is more important than religion right now. Also your children are way too young to worry about this right now. They can make their choice when they are old enough to do so. Just be an example to them, let them know how you feel, but don't slam the Mormon church either. You need to be respectful to your husband as well as he to you. If you don't your marriage and your family will fail. It isn't worth it. Tell your husband that you love him, ask him to see the bishop and love your children.
Good luck!
N.