Mr. Sassy Pants

In our house that is corrected with:

You are a "your last name"- and the "your last name" s don't do that.
You are a Perry and the Perrys don't do that.
Talk about family pride and expectations as he gets older.
Good luck

I think your child is testing the waters and isn't that how we all learn. But now I think with your interjections comes the shaping. I am sure the teachers are doing the same (I would also talk to them about it so they are for sure aware). I always ask questions to make the child think. Do you think that is nice language? How does that make you feel when someone says that to you? That makes me sad when people talk to me like that....We use respectful talk in our house. This is our family rule...

As a pre-school teacher, it is our responsibility to guide our babies (3-5)through their growth and learning experiences in a positive way. We love on them, but we also correct unacceptable behavior. We do this by explaining good and bad choices,and allowing them to tell why they made their choices. Unless it gets out of hand,don't make too much of it. As long as he knows it is unacceptable,and you always explain your position, he will be fine. Children always pick up behaviors from others (especially those we don't like).
One other thing, if it continues to occur, you should speak to the teacher, maybe they are not addressing the behaviors at all.
I hope this helps you. G. E. Higgins

Hi N.,

This is somewhat normal for this age, however, keep doing whatever your doing to keep him mannerable. Model and demonstrate on a daily basis how to talk and act respectfully. You can even add some incentives when he is doing very good. It's hard at first, but he will get better and learn to speak up for himself when he gets older and choose appropriate behavior. By you being consistent at home and other places at this age, he will do better as he gets older.

We handle behavior picked up from outside of the home in the same manner as Laura P. We advise the kids of who we are by last name and tell them that we don't do that. Acknowledge that every family has their own rules and what they allow and then explain what is appropiate by having your/their last name.

Use it even when they say "how come so and so can do this or do that". We revert back to reminding them who they are and their last name and that every family is different. It's important that children know what's required of their family. It always works.

I'd say this is a right of passage. We went through that when our son started at preschool, and again this year when he started kindergarten. The first weeks of school were the hardest, but we just kept on him about his language and attitude and kept reminding him that we don't talk like that or treat our family and friends like that.

Our son still has his moments, but I think that if you stay consistent, and just let him know that this is not acceptable behavior, then he'll get the picture eventually.

I am dealing with the same thing!! All of a sudden my daughter has been talking back and basically has this major 'tude. It all began when she started preschool this year. We keep telling her that we don't talk or act that way and we've had to put her in timeout more than usual hoping that will nip it in the bud. My daughter also tells us she's sorry, but then the next day will do it again. I know that you have to keep saying the same things over and over and over and over . . . (LOL) for them to get it so I'm hoping the constant reminding her of how we are supposed to act helps her to get it. My husband feels we should talk to the preschool teacher about it, but I don't know how much help that would actually do. I'm interested to see how anyone else has dealt with this situation.

Remind him that he is NOT so and so and youe expect better of him. Tell him that he's opying bad behavior and will only get into trouble by being like the poorly raised children. Stay on him mom. You're doing a good job.

He will have to deal with rude behavior from others sooner or later. You are quite blessed to have such a sweet boy, to understand and apologize. Just keep telling him what is appropriate and what isn't. Sounds like he has quite a grasp when you explain it. He will get it figured out if you are consistant to help him. It's actually a great lesson for him to see other's bad behavior and can learn why not to do and say that. Way to go, mom for the great lessons!

I think its both. It happened with my son and with every kid I've known. All you can do is keep letting him know very clearly that even though some kids talk that way, it is NOT acceptable in your house.

At age 4 kids are very able to understand that some places have different rules than others- but that some things, like good manners, always apply EVERYWHERE no matter what.

I would start by talking with him and just reinforcing GOOD POLITE words and behavior-
" I really appreciate that you said please and asked me for that so nicely, because that is the right way to behave"
and that back-talk or snottiness is not EVER ok.

I've always found that pointing out what was said or what voice it was said in RIGHT WHEN IT HAPPENS helps.A lot of times stuff just flies out of their little mouths and they don't even think about it!
"I know you might have thought it was funny when you said that, but let's think about what you said and how it sounded. (repeat what he said, just the way he said it) It was actually pretty rude and it is not ok for you to talk that way, even if you are trying to be funny."
Follow up with time-outs if it keeps up.

Also, how much tv does he watch? A lot of so-called 'kids shows' on Nick or Disney just seem to be filled with spoiled bratty kids, smart talking each other and adults for laughs. I think a lot of kids pick up stuff from those shows and then try it out on friends, teachers, parents, etc.

My sons were homeschooled until they were in 5th grade and 2nd grade, and they never knew about these words, nor were they tempted to use them, until they went to public school. When they went to high school, I was shocked and dismayed to discover that a person could not stand in the hallway between classes for 1 minute without hearing at least one swear word, and possibly more! It was so bad that it seemed that the students didn't even know how to talk without these words!

Unfortunately, as a result of that experience, my younger son is still convinced that the word s--- is not a bad word.

I wrote a letter to the principal, in which I pointed out that part of the purpose of high school is that of preparing the students for life in the real world--a world of job interviews, and college applications, and making a good impression on people, a world in which the use of foul language leaves the impression that you are low-class and low-educational level and low-intelligence.

I also told him of the then-new development in England in which schools were suspending students from school when they were caught using foul language--in one case 40 students at the same time. I really think that it's about time that our schools started taking the same hard line regarding the use of foul language.

Here is one story in which 60 students were suspended for foul language, over a period of time.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/1208995.stm

Some parents use these words in the presence of their kids and think that it's cute when the kids start to imitate them with the use of these words. I do not think that it's cute at all. I consider it offensive and a handicap to their development of the proper use of the English language, and to their future chances of advancement in life. When kids use these words with me, I will ask them to please find another way to say what they are trying to say.

Here are some resources which might be helpful to you as you sort this out for yourself and your family...

http://drphil.com/articles/article/280/

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063900.asp#T062600

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060400.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060700.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061000.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061100.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061300.asp

Best wishes,
J.