October 28, 2006,
A.D. asks from Kingwood, TX on October 26, 2006
Moving...turning My Life Upside Down
This moving thing is so much harder than I thought it would be. My 12 yr old was never happy about it, my 9 yr old was excited until his big brother had a mini-meltdown the other night, now my middle son cries himself to sleep at night. We wanted to do this to attain a better lifestyle, it is financially difficult to live on Long Island, but I am now wondering if this is all worth putting my boys thru this turmoil. We are too far into this to turn back, we could not afford the financial penalties for bailing out of our contract, and I still feel this move is for the best. We will be able to bank some money for a change and my husband will be able to live his dream of running his own business, but everytime I think of how scared my boys feel I want to be sick. Have any of you been thru this, any pearls of wisdom to share or am I nuts???
K. answers from Houston on October 26, 2006
It looks like there are a lot of us who have move to Texas from somewhere else (I moved here from Colorado) and experienced similar things. My husband took a job offer in Houston and I had never in my life dreamed of living in Texas (no offense y'all!) The first year I missed my family and Colorado sooooo much that I made myself, my husband and my daughter depressed. I complained about a lot of things; how different everything was, the heat, the mosqitos, the church we started attending, etc. I learned the hard way that when you focus on the negative, you magnify your problems. But when you focus on the positive, or on God, Who is bigger than our problems, then the problems seem to get smaller. Well, the more people we started to become aquainted with, the more we explored our surroundings, the more 'at home we felt'.
It is a choice we have to make. To fight the new chapter in our lives or to enjoy it! It is understandable to have mixed emotions and the children have valid fears of the unknown, however,the mother has a lot to do with setting the 'tone' of a home. So your positive attitude, and encouragement for your children (from dad, too!) will give them the security they need during this huge transition time. It will be a different world for your family down here, but look for the good in things, point them out and talk openly with your kids. One thing that has become a fun and positive tradition with our kids is going to the Houston Livestock and Rodeo every year. It was during this one year that I looked around and watched the families and people I was surrounded by. I fell in love with these people - fun loving, kind-hearted, family-supporting people. There are all kinds of folks around Houston, but ask God to lead you and your children into good relationships and friendships, and He will be faithful to you! Have a safe, smooth move to Kingwood!
1 mom found this helpful
K.D. answers from Houston on October 26, 2006
We look forward to haveing you and your family in Texas. Than said moving (transition/change) is always difficult and it is especialy difficult on kids. It sounds like you have alot on your plate and a lot of guilt too, remember that kids seldom know whats best for themselves and that why parents are so important. It sounds like you are doing the right thing for your family even if its not easy (it will get better)
My husband and I moved back to Houston 2 yrs ago, My son was 2, I was pregant with my little girl and still trying to finish my degree in Louisiana so I traveled back an forth when my husband wasnt traveling. Six weeks after we moved my hubby started a magazine (a big change from industrial sales) and six weeks after that my daughter was born and I havent slept since (just kidding Ive slept, it just took her a reeeeaaallly long time to sleep through the night) but I did go back to work full time (or as full time as a mom can get)
That was a rough year (my dad passed away too) but we made it through, and learned/grew a lot too. This year has been much better for our family and our business. We have also expanded our mag to Dallas and plan to publish a health and fitness mag in January!
Good luck and best wishes with the move and career change. I think you will be better off for it. Drop us a line when you get settled!
A.J. answers from Killeen on October 28, 2006
sorry if i'm repeating what someone else said, i didn't read all the responses...
as a military wife i know how hard it can be to move around. i think the most important thing for your kids AND yourself is to make it exciting. find new things to do where you will be living. research restaurants and stores you've never been to or maybe never heard of. find out about the weather (www.weather.com is great). read about the history of the city.
and also, when you move to your new house, make sure you unpack the kids rooms first. let them tell you where they'd like their bed, dresser, etc. and make it feel just like home again.
kids are very resilient. you might have to help them make friends at first but they will settle in quickly, especially if you have a good attitude and are positive about things
J.C. answers from Austin on October 27, 2006
looks like you have a lot of different views. I just want to let you know that if the move is better in the long run do it. We moved from AZ. last year and my girls are much younger but my 5 yr old misses her friends. The biggest thing that helped us all was to stay positive. Make it an adventure! let him know that he will be one of the very few people in life that will be able to nearly cross the entire country. Explaining to him the benifits of why you are moving will also help. He may still seem like your baby but he will understand if you let him in on it. Let him help make some plans,like what kind of house would you like to move into? what color? stairs? big yard? ect... if you get him involved he won't feel like he's being left out, or left behind. Try to get him excited by check out the surroundings on the web. what new things are we going to be able to do? find? ect...
hope this helps
L.S. answers from Lubbock on October 26, 2006
Hello- I know how you feel. I am a single mom with an 11 year old son and a 9 year old daughter. I graduated from nursing school last year and was offered a great job in another city. We live in Texas. My son was so excited, my daughter had a really tough time, but I knew it was best for our family. My new job would allow more time at home with them and more money, which helps. So, I helped her through the transition, got her involved in new activities and attended the things at her new school. It has been a year now and she loves it here just as much as where we used to live. I just let her go through the tough part of it, while supporting her all the way. If you know it's the best for your family, go wih your gut and get them involved so they can make new friends as soon as possible. Focus on the positive side of moving and allow them to address their concerns to you. Change is so hard on everybody, but it also builds character!! Good luck to you!! L.
T.B. answers from Corpus Christi on October 27, 2006
hi, we are in the same situation. i am still in alabama and will be moving to corpus in about 3 weeks. my husband is already there. so i am packing up and taking 100% care of the kids and trying to finish up my job here, and yes its very stressfull. i have been in crying states cause i am not sure what to do sometimes. i pray that i am doing the right thing and i do my best at not letting the kids know i am stressed. i keep talking to my children about the move to assure them its the best thing for us all, and everything will be ok. i feel sometimes i am going to just give up and say nevermind...but i can't. i too have gone to far into it that we can't look back. just talk to the children alot and assure them they will be ok. make sure they understand its the best thing to do right now. take one day at a time, take time outs, i know its stressfull but you can't stress out so much you make your self sick. i did. i had to take 1 day and just sleep! take your time doing everything. and talk to the kids everyday about the move. my oldest (8) didn't want to move but is excited about it now. and no your not nuts!!! you will be fine and so will your family. good luck....T.
J.D. answers from Monroe on October 26, 2006
Sounds like your boys are giving you a really hard time! I think you should go ahead with your plans. You can see what a better future there is in this move. But all your boys can see right now is that they are leaving the life they know, for something they don't know. They don't understand the financial end of things either. I'll bet once you are moved and settled in and they start getting used to the house and making new friends things will be much better for all of you. You are the parent and you know what is best for your children. They just don't understand. Have you sat down with them and explained everything about this move. Like why you are moving and how much better everything will be once you get there? Maybe you can even get them excited about it. Your 9 yr old was already excited until the oldest one changed his mind by having a melt down in front of him. Stop putting your self through all the turmoil. You have enough to worry about with just moving. I'm sure they will all be just fine. Just try to get them to see how great this move will be for every one in your family. Wish you all the best and may everything go smoothly.
T.B. answers from Houston on October 26, 2006
i had to move when i was 11. it sucked... i came up with every reason i could think of to try and convince my mother that it was a bad idea... right down to the fact that it was raining the day we moved!
now when i look back i'm very happy that we moved. this is where i met my best friends and my now hubbie.
it's hard for kids to move because it seems like it's the end of their world, but they haven't even reached high school!
they'll deal with it...
there are lotsa things to do down here and alot more open spaces...
when you get down here, if any of y'all are having a hard time ajusting you might try some family therapy to make sure that everyone is about to communicate their feelings... you can't change the move, but you can give yourselves the opportunity to vent about it to each other...
hope that helps!
D. answers from Baton Rouge on October 26, 2006
OH WOW!!! I am so sorry that you have to go through this. All I can do is tell you... BE CAREFUL, especially with your 12 year old. When I was in the ninth grade I was 13 just turning 14 and my parents moved myself and my sister (15) from Louisiana to Florida. We were BOTH devastated. At that age it is an extrememly difficult thing to be moved away from everything and everyone you know. I did not handle it well, and 'hooked' up with the first group of kids who paid me any attention. Of course, these were the 'out casts'... I got into drugs, drinking, smoking and .... well, you can guess the 'and'..... I ended up with a boy that would beat me up... it got so bad that my parents packed us up and moved us BACK to louisiana to get me away from him. Now, I am not telling you this so that you change your mind.. I am telling you this so that you can WATCH him. And... do not 'down play' his 'devastation'. My parents kept telling my sister and I how silly we were for being scared, for not wanting to move, for worrying about not making new friends... they NEVER validated our feelings or how hard it would be on us.
I think you are making the absolute RIGHT decision in doing what you are doing. You are doing this for THEM... so that they can have a better life!!! I applaud you and your husband for doing that... this is not easy for you either. Just make sure to be there for them and validate their feelings and watch him like a HAWK! You won't know the parents of his new friends or anything about these kids... so make sure you find out about them!!! Shoot... my parents were just so happy that I made a friend that they didn't check out the house, parents or anything else... and it shot them in the FOOT!
D.Y. answers from Houston on October 26, 2006
I say give it some time. Your boys will make new friends and they'll feel more at home. Get them to join a sports team or take karate where they'll meet other children. Children adjust a lot better to change than adults
J.D. answers from Houston on October 26, 2006
i just moved to houston in july and i was really worried about my 5 year old but we got online all the time and i showed her all of the things houston has and the neighborhood we were moving to and she has had a positive feel about houston before we got here. we have been here since july and she loves it. she talks about her friends she misses back home but really likes the new friends she has made. so try to focus on the positive and show them what this town has to offer
M. answers from Houston on October 26, 2006
I wrote to you before - my family moved 8 times in 9 yrs of marriage. Yes, it is hard, and if you're in the packing/preparing for the physical move stage, then I really feel for you. It might help to think of it as just a process. The things you're all feeling, will change drastically as you move through the process. And it will help enormously to think positively and focus on those positives with your boys, while still giving them time to mourn their losses. Maybe they need reassurance that it's perfectly okay to feel sad, to cry, and to talk about their pain. But as with everything in life, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps you can think of things they will look forward to, and start planning those. For my kids, we let them choose a color to paint their rooms, and a theme. We also talked about the things we would get to do, living close to Houston. There are so many places to visit and fun things to do. Kemah is a little town on a harbor, with a boardwalk, games, great restaurants, an awesome fast & wet boat ride, etc. Moody Gardens is in Galveston, and has 3 pyramids with a rain forest, incredible aquarium, and a ridefilm section. Of course there are caves to explore near Austin, and the RiverWalk + the greatest Six Flags park in San Antonio. And there are two Schlitterbahn water parks within a short distance - if you haven't heard of them, you have to look them up on the internet. They're incredible. And the best part for you guys? The weather here means you can enjoy those parks and outdoor activities year-round.
You might also talk to them about what they can expect to feel and go through. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but once your belongings are packed, and you're between homes, it can be a very odd, homeless sort of feeling. That doesn't seem to go away for us, until about a week after we've moved in to our new place. The first night in your new home might be very uncomfortable and strange, but soon they will feel ownership once again.
I wish there was more that could help, but it is just a hard thing to go through. But it can be wonderfully life-changing in many, many positive ways. Hang in there. And I know you have family here, but feel free to contact me if I could help with anything else.
Good luck and God bless,