Moving??

I lived up north for 7 years and loved it. The people up there are so much nicer for one thing, and you do get more house for your money. They have good schools up there as well, you could google it and most schools have an online page. As far as family goes there is always spring break, summer vacation and christmas breaks. If it is easy for grandma she could also fly up there and see you guys. I had the same problem in jacksonville, lots of bad memories also. I moved to panama city and was able to start over. I say if it is a change you need go for it. BUT THINK REALLY HARD ABOUT IT. I MOVED ALL THE WAY TO MEXICO SO MY KIDS COULD BE CLOSE TO THEIR FATHERS FAMILY AND ALREADY AFTER 4 MONTHS WE ARE READY TO GO BACK. BUT HOW WOULD WE HAVE KNOWN IF WE NEVER TRIED? I SAY WORK OUT WHATEVER IS BOTHERING YOU FIRST AND THEN MAKE A DECISION. PROBLEMS WILL FOLLOW YOU. THIS IS A HARD DECISION, BUT MAKE SURE TO LOOK AT ALL YOUR OPTIONS.

All very good advice here -- we did the pros & cons in a notebook for each of our moves.

We've moved three times in the last six years for job "advancement." Even though my husband's career is very good & "advanced," we still took a hit emotionally & financially with every move.

Our children are getting older (eldest is 7), and she never ever wants to move again. Moving is really like divorce or death -- it stresses you out in ways that you don't even realize. (Talk about slipping into a depression!)

Do the pros & cons & never underestimate the value of family. We constantly say we want to be at least 500 miles from our families with all of their "drama" -- but even a drama-filled family is better than having absolutely no family.
Now we refuse to move until the kids are grown & out of h.s.(in 15 years).

Most of our moves were due to economic/career moves -- and we would make the same decisions again given the same circumstances -- just that with each move -- it dawned on us that the grass is not always greener. And whatever you do -- don't buy a house until you are absolutely sure (6 months at least) -- that you want to live there for the next 20 years.

We did that twice -- buying beautiful homes (within weeks of moving to an area) & then deciding to move to a new state in just 3 years. Realtors loved us.

Right now we are leasing a nice home & taking our time to figure out the best neighborhood -- at least we found the right town for us in Florida (That info. only took 2 years to learn.)

Good luck.

p.s.
the mom who said bad memories are like ghosts -- they follow you -- is correct. bad memories are in our brain -- not in places. (Unless something awful happened in your house, then maybe a local move is all that you need -- change the house, not the town or state.)

Good morning T.:
You are having to make a very difficult decision for your family and my heart goes out to you. From what you have told us, YOU are having issues that are causing you to feel depressed. Although the schools are great here, you are the Mom of two beautiful children who need their Mom to be happy too. It sounds like you have a very supportive, loving husband to boot. If you have done your research, and you and your husband are together agreeing that it is time for you and him to move, then move while your children are only 5 and 3. You are going to find that there are great schools wherever you go and believe it or not kids are resisilient(not sure about that spelling). I'm not sure if you are religious, but extensive prayer for guidance and direction is very important.Have you asked the questions and researched the area for job opportunities for you and your husband and of course the schools for your children.Yes, you will have to also consider daycare. Will it work? No one can give you any advice here due to this is a decision you and husband have to make and sometimes emotions can "muddle up" a decision that could be best for you and yours. It sounds like you and your husband need a change.If all the questions are answered positively, then take a chance and do it.Uprooting your kids would be devestating when they are in middle school or high school. so if you need to make a move, in my opinion, make it now while they are young.The only reason I know this is because I have three beautiful teenagers(19,17,16). My husband and I have had to move every three years all our married lives(20 years this August)due to job availability. When my children started middle school,We decided that we may have to move from house to house, but we will not leave Santa Rosa County due to the schools are wonderful and the kids need to have security in their learning experiences. So we are staying and have stayed since 2001. The teens are grounded and have made life-long relationships with faculty and friends. I was raised in this area, but all my extended family is deceased except for some cousins. It has made my husband and me stronger in our realtionship and (believe it or not) our teens are closer to us and it was the best move we ever made for us.It was not easy, but we have made this area our home and we are happy. I hope that this helps you and my prayer for you is that God will bless you and yours and give you the guidance and direction in this very important decision.
C. G

This is just my Advice. You spoke about moving up North. You did not say how far. Do all of of homework first. Yes you will probably get a bigger house for more money. Is this an older house? What would your property taxes be? Are there any City taxes, State Taxes? What would your insurance rates be? Are there special schools that are prepared to handle you childs special educational needs nearby? How will you get children to there special schools/public schools? Will you be happy with the public schools in your new area?Can you afford Private School in your new area? What are the school grades/ Are they an "A" school? An online search can help with this. Children will be used to their old routines but will adjust. Are you really ready to stand on your own with little outside support? Only you and your spouse can truly make this descion. Get a piece of paper and write out your pros and cons. Do your homework. Get a webcam for both families and use it often,if you do choose to move. Stay in touch with Grandparents/Aunts etc. I'm a firm believer in the benefit of children having a close relationship with their extended families. I feel that this will make them better people in the long run. Maintain this relationship. Find a new church and join a Y, or some other group to help you meet parents who can be a lifeline in your new home.I too moved to get away from a painful past. I did not leave my family. They asked me to join them in teir move. I was divorced and I jumped at the opportunity. I promised my Ex-in laws that I would remain in touch with them and keep them informed of our life and their granddaughter. We still have a good relationship and my oldest is 25. My parents moved away from me when I was in my 30's and in a brand new marriage. I had to stand on my own. I really had to relie on my new husband. tHIS WAS HARD FOR ME BUT I NEEDED THIS! If you and your spouse can say yes to your questions about the schools and that you will truly come out financially, then I say go for it!!!!

We did 6 years ago from Oklahoma. All of our families live there. We came to Florida for vacations and loved it here, our relationships with our parents wasn't what we'd hoped and they really weren't and still aren't the grandparent types. So, we felt that if we weren't all that happy with being there then how could we expect our kids to be.
Our kids don't get to see their grandparents very often, in fact my mom is the only one that comes out regularly, my husbands mother hasn't and won't. But you know they wouldn't have come over to our house when we lived less than 5 miles either. I say all of that to say do what you want and what you think will make you happy. You won't know if it's better for you if you don't leap out and try it.
We've been here 6 years and don't plan on going back.

Good luck

Dear T., have you ever thought of why you really want to move? what causes you to be depressed? what ever it is will follow you to where ever you move until you settle this reason that makes you so unhappy change of address will not do it ,it seems as if your life could not be more perfect with loving family surrounding you supporting you ,you have a priceless situation and think of your children how blessed they are with grandma and aunts and uncles who would be there for them in the new location?and all of this could go for a bigger house ? what's a house when you already have a home , count your blessings darling

Do a lot of research. Plan for unexpected emergencies such as not being able to find a job. Depends on where up north you plan on moving. The houses in the south are much bigger. Like SC, NC, Va, Ga, Tx, Fl. But anyway research an area, visit and plan well. Moving is a wonderful thing when its done well.

Hi T.,

First of all let me say, I have moved wherever my husband has wanted. There was usually just two reasons, the excitement of a new job and the thrill of exploring a new place. My family was all in one place, missing the kids and the kids missing them. And I heard it EVERY day from the kids, in words and in tears...Time proves true friends so I didn't have any help because friends are scarce when you first move. I don't know what your kid's relationship is with your parents or other family but please take that into account. My husband now regrets moving away.

I'm not telling you to move or not but weigh all the pros and cons. Sometimes nagging feelings go away, sometimes they don't :)

God bless you in your decision!

M.

Dear T.,

Make the decision with all the facts. Get yourself a notebook, put each issue at the top of a page, and start researching the info (kids schools, jobs, day care availablity and expense, etc...) for the place or places to are looking at moving to. You don't say how far away you are looking to go. If you have a special needs child, pay close attention to available services. I have an autistic daughter, and the programs here in JAX are wonderful, but the further north you go, fewer services are available. If you own your own home, talk to a realtor and find out how viable selling your home in this market is.

You mention bad memories. Our memories and ghosts travel with us. I highly recommend some counseling before/while you are making this decision. It will help to sort out if you are making this move for the right reasons. While you are the only one who can make this decision, sometimes an unbias person can help shed some light on your situation.

I wish you the best of luck.

T., don't you hate making decisions like this?
What I would do is take out a notebook or page of paper
draw a line down the middle of the page. Put PRO'S on the left and CON'S. It's sooo important to have extended family nearby. Keep a check list and put checkmarks each time every day you use them for the things you spoke of above. Try to do without for 2 weeks as if you have already moved. Plus, it would break your parents' hearts not to see their grandbabies as they always have. They have so much to offer and teach them. But this is a decision you have to make. Plus, as you practice for 2 weeks not to use them, keep track of all these extra expenses you will be spending, and see how much more your husband is willing to take up the slack since you won't be using your parents any longer. See how helpful he is.
Good Luck
T.

my husband and i uprooted our kids when they were 5,7,and 10 from wi to fl. we had no family down here and we did everything on our own. our family is much closer for it the boys will help us out everytime we need it and we also have grandchildren now. we still visit our families back home and some of them come down to visit. I think that its neat that we can say we did it on our own it was a wonderful experience that i would not have changed for the world.

My husband and I have moved several times, even since we have had children. I think it has positives and negatives, but if you and your husband are both up for it, it might just be the way to go. I'm one for listing out pros and cons. Maybe that might help.

I just moved with my soon to be 5 year old (and I was 6 1/2 months pregnant at the time) and it went much smoother than I expected. She was in a great pre-k 4 program and I enrolled her in one in the new town that turned out to be better. With small children it is easy for them, and you, to make new friends. I contacted all programs that she had been in so she could continue with the same type schedule (gymnastics, MOPS, dance). I am now due to have baby #2 in 2 weeks. I did hire someone to help me over the summer. I actually hired a teacher part time to come and help with keeping my 5 year old active and light housekeeping. I am sure you will miss your family and their help quite a bit, but kids are very adaptable at this young age. Best of wishes.
K. D

T.,
Moving because of bad memories is a bad idea. You need to address the bad memories and come to resolution with them. It's not really a moving issue. It's a running away issue. You can't hide from the past, you must face it and deal with it.
It sounds like everything else is great and what will happen if you get to the greener grass and find out its actually brown and dry?
The real issues need to be addressed before you think about moving and then, when there are no other motives, and if moving is what your family feels led to do to follow careers and a better life for all, then consider it with a lot of prayer and research.
There are consequences to everything and you may regret this if it is done for the wrong reasons.

Good morning, T.! I agree w/ the pros and cons idea. I moved away from all of my family and friends about 3 yrs ago due to remarrying a man in the military. It was easy for me because I had always wanted to move away from home and had never gotten the opportunity. However, it was hard since my son had formed such a close bond with my parents and some other family members but I felt that by remarrying this man of my dreams and moving, it was opening up such wonderful opportunies for my son. What made it even easier was my son was just as excited about it as I was. We've even moved again since then to where he had to change schools. He wasn't as excited about leaving his friends and making new ones this time so we gave him the option of remaining at his old school since we just moved into the next county but he chose to change schools and he's doing wonderful! The main advice I would give you is to honest with yourself and say, "Is this what's best for my kids or family?"