16 answers

Mothers Day for Mom Who Has Lost Her Child

My fathers new wife has been our lives for many years. They just married this last year.
Her daughter was killed in a tragic accident about 5 years ago. This was her only child and she was college age. Needless to say, she has never and will never get over the loss of this beautiful young woman.

In the past I have sent her a card letting her know I was thinking of her, but this year I would like to do something for her. Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries are always very emotional for her so I do not want to go overboard, but I want her to know I now consider her one of my moms.
Any suggestions.. FYI, on top of all of this, she is younger than me.

Thank you for your ideas.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all so much for your suggestions!
I spoke with my father and he let me know he was going to take her away for a week of golfing out of state.
I spoke with her this morning (mothers day) and she sounded great. It is the first time I can remember on Mothers Day, that she could even talk on the phone!
My family and I gave her a gift certificate for a Mani/Pedi at her favorite nail place. I also told her iif she wants company on the day she goes to let me know and I would join her, or she could just enjoy the quiet, without me.. Hee, hee..

I did print out your suggestions for future events. Again thanks for taking the time to help.

Featured Answers

Wonderful ideas...a card and maybe send flowers? Simple yet she'd know you were thinking of her as a mom. Did this for a neighbor who lost her grown daughter to cancer a 2 years ago and she said it meant a lot to her.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Do they live somewhere they plan on being "forever"? If yes, maybe buy a tree and pay the nursery to deliver and plant it. Maybe a tree that flowers around Mother's Day?

3 moms found this helpful

I'm sure people on here get tired of hearing me talk about these, but I can't help it. =0) I just love them! They are called Willow Tree Angels and there is one for just about every sentiment or occasion you could think of. There are angels and figurines. Each one has it's own little saying. You can order them online, or you can usually find them at any Hallmark store and most Cracker Barrels. Here's the website.......you should browse around and read them. I just think they are precious. My mom and I collect them. =0)

http://www.willow-tree-angel.com/home.php?cat=9&sort=...

2 moms found this helpful

you are wonderful. i got goose bumps reading your post. The donation idea is ok, for some reason, I am not jumping on supporting that. I think something personal, just for her, like flowers, or an outing (not on mother's day, but a day you two could do it) just you two, maybe you let her talk, if she needs to talk. This is so sweet of you. best I can come up, is take her out somewhere. just you two.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi L.
I like the idea of taking her out for a nice lunch, just the two of you,and just letting her talk. Have the whole lunch be about talking about her daughter. I mean, who doesn't like to talk about their child/children, right? Remembering the funny things she did or said, her friends, her hobbies, etc; you know, to bring happy memories back for her on Mothers Day.
Just be there for her on that day, laugh with her, cry with her, remembering her daughter with her.
Whatever you decide, I'm certain it will mean alot to her.

1 mom found this helpful

Tough call. How about a donation to MADD or some such organization in her daughter name? Mother's Day is going to be hard no matter what.

1 mom found this helpful

Piggy backing on the suggestion made by an earlier post, I like the idea of a charm bracelet. I'd give her the bracelet with two charms...one that symbolized the daughter she lost and another for the joy of current relationships that may be indicative of a memory or something that you share with her. Then each year you can add a charm that symbolize the treasure of the warm memories you share with her and her child is always included. She is fortunate to have such a loving and thoughtful DIL.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you have a good impulse to remmember her on Mother's day. A card with a note about how she is not your mom but is a mentor or role model would be nice. Once you are a mom there is no changing back--your body/mind/emotions all change starting during pregnancy. Ask her how or if she wants to do something like go out to eat or have a family dinner. Then you can plan what she feels comfortable doing.

1 mom found this helpful

You are so lovely to be thinking of her and doing something special for her. A card that tells how much she means is always good. Perhaps a donation in her child's name to a college fund of some kind? I don't know if that would make her sad or happy...but it would be a nice memorial.

1 mom found this helpful

when my step son died they said find a way to celebrate his bdays and christmas. so every year we are going to buy a christmas tree ornament that he would have liked when my tree overflows we are going to start a tree just for him. one friend of mine had to make her son who was 4 when he died a bday cake and buy him a toy truck every year for his grave. so I would suggest buy her a picture album and make it a tribute to this kid only. from birth to death. or a picture album from birth to present of the present(step)kids. buy her something memorializing her mothers day from that daughter not from you. a pretty plaque or like the ornament thing. or make the album pictures of just her and her daughter together only. or a shadow box of her stuff. I am making ray a shadow box of just kennys stuff for christmas. and he gets to pick kenny ornament to put in kennys stocking.

or maybe a picture frame that says mom with her daughters picture in it. or I love mom or something..

1 mom found this helpful

As someone said, tough call--if it were me, I would have trouble wrapping my head around the fact that she is younger.....

That said, a card/personal note and flowers (either a bouquet or some to plant in the yard) always seem good to me.

The offer of an outing on another day is also nice.

Do you have any special memories of her daughter? you could write them down and put them in a scrapbook, along with any photos you may have. You could add sayings about mothers and daughters, maybe something about how glad you are that is is now "family" in a way she wasn't before, and that you consider her one of your moms.

How sweet that you want to do this, and that you have acknowledged Mothers' Day for her since the tragedy!

I am sure whatever you do will be appreciated.

K. Z.

1 mom found this helpful

Wonderful ideas...a card and maybe send flowers? Simple yet she'd know you were thinking of her as a mom. Did this for a neighbor who lost her grown daughter to cancer a 2 years ago and she said it meant a lot to her.

1 mom found this helpful

Like a previous post said, once a mom always a mom. I thik its wonderful that you care so much for this woman, and realize how hard it is for her. I know where I live there are religion, or faith based gift shops that have gifts and cards that have amazing and hearfelt sentiments on them, words most people could never find on their own. A gift that still recognizes her a mother, and a special person to your heart is a great idea. I also like the plant idea. If you know things about her daughter you could incorporate, her favorite flower, color, season etc. Someway to memoralize her daughter so she can have something beautiful to look at may actually help ease some of her pain. Even a nicely framed poem, or song that is appropriate. Such as Brad Paisleys "When I get where I'm going" Good luck, and I think you have a really big heart :)

1 mom found this helpful

I think it is awesome that you are so thoughtful. I am sure she appreciates your open heart. I was thinking something like a charm bracelet and every year add a charm that symbolizes the mother child bond or a favorite memory she has of her daughter, or a trip they took together. Also you can give a rose bush or tree so that she can start a memory garden in the back yard...then add a bench, a swing, whatever so that she can go & sit with her thoughts. I am sure some days she needs a quiet place to sit & cry & reflect on her short time with her daughter.
God bless you for being so wonderful to her, I am sure she knows she is lucky to have you in her life.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you are doing well with the cards. Maybe instead of just a card, you can attach a not letting her know how you feel. That is probably the most thoughtful thing you can do. Anything else is just materialized, which is not bad, but doesn't speak from the heart like a note can do.

1 mom found this helpful

There are some great suggestions here...
I don't have anything to add about gift ideas, but I did want to pass on the name of a fantastic organization for parents who have lost a child (of any age): Compassionate Friends. I believe they have chapters in Austin. Your father's wife may be able to get the support that she needs there.

I wish you the best.

1 mom found this helpful

I know this was asked a while ago but I just found it. my father died about 8 years ago and for christmas, i got a ittle clay sculpture of him for my mom. I sent the artist a picture and she made it look like him. very sweet! the artist can do an angel as well in pretty colors, anyways, here is her shop:

this is the one of my dad:
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/22333925

here is her shop, a lot of the luminescent angels are beautiful:
http://www.TheMidnightOrange.etsy.com

here is an example of what a mother/daughter one could look like:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/46100878/i-wanted-to-stay-mad...

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