Motherless

My father passed away 11/20/2003 and I still grieve as though it was yesterday. My father and I were very close, but he lives in Tampa, FL. When he became ill and fell into a coma I rushed there to be by his side. I was by his side from Friday to Wednesday and that is when he passed. Some people grieve differently and it's hard to let go. I still finding myself feeling the need to call my dad when things happen-such as much 8 year old starting football or when i Found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child-that was the hardest because I awnted to my daddy to be part of it just as he was with myolder child. Also-I got married after my dad died so my oldest son who was 5 at the time walked me down the isle, but there is nothing like a daddy's girls dreams of being walked down the isle by her daddy-yanno!
Just continue to take things day by day and it will get easier-I promise, I just can't say when!
C.
p.s. Feel free to send a private message back to me-I don't mind listening.

My heart goes out to you. Losing your mother is one of the hardest things you will ever go through. I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago. Not a minute goes by when I don't think of her and miss her. For me as far as the missing her goes it hasn't gotten any better in time. I no longer feel any depression or anxiety. I think some days are harder, like milestones etc. But I hope your anxiety and depression soon subsides. I would recommend 2 books by Hope Edelmann, "Motherless Daughters" and most recently "Motherless Mothers." They both really helped me. You will be in my prayers and again I hope things get better for you. Take care!

S.,
I've not been thorough the loss of a parent, but I am an oncology nurse and have cared for many patients and their families during and after breast cancer. It's normal to grieve your mother- she's been a part of your life forever, and she always will be. Sometimes I think when we have the expectation that we should feel one way and we don't, it only intesifies the the depression-because then we're depressed because we feel like we shouldn't be, it can be a cycle. I'm glad to hear you are in counseling, and the power of prayer can never be underestimated. A few suggestions in addition, when you're ready, it may help to volunteer for Breast Cancer events, ie the Race for the Cure, many find comfort in letting their loved one's legacy live on in; just because she is not here physically, does not mean that her life and purpose are gone; she obviously has a wonderful daughter that loves her very much.I'd also suggest a support group for loved ones who've lost family from breast cancer- sometimes you just need to hear from someone who's been there, or going through the same, I'd recommend calling your local American Cancer Society and they can direct you to these kinds of groups, or search their website online-
I pray that each day will get a little easier, until one day you wake up and are just happy that you had her here with you on earth while you did.
God Bless,
C.

Hello S.,
It will be 5 years ago in December that I lost my Mom. And not a day goes by that I don't think about her and miss her. Something that has always helped me is I talk about her a lot. My 3 year old daughter knows who her Grandma is and that she lives in Heaven with Jesus. I tell her stories about her and things that she and I did together. It has always been very important for me to make sure my children know who there Grandmother is and was. I can't help but look and my 2 kids and think about her. Sometimes it makes me a little sad because she is not her watching them grow up, but usually just happy because they both have her beautiful smile!!
You will never forget, but it does get easier, I just take assurance in knowing that I will see her again one day in Heaven.

Dear S.,

My deepest sympaties on your mother's passing. The loss of parent is especially hard for anyone. My mother has lost both of her parents and does still miss them even though they lived into their 90s. Both of my parents are still living, but we did loose my Father-In-Law to liver cancer about four years ago. Even now I'm getting a little weepy just writing about this subject. Mavin's final battle took about a year. We knew the end was coming, but even knowing did not make the loss any easier.

The family got through by hanging onto each other and telling stories. Marvin was the straight man in the family. We planned the funeral with a lot of laughter, telling old stories about practical jokes his boys played on him over the years. We still look for signs of him in other family members. I notice that my nephew Sam uses the same facial expressions and has his PawPaws curly hair. Sometimes we will stumble accross something of his in a closet and remember him.

My point is that time eases old wounds and the loss will feel less painful as you move through your grief process. However, she was your mother and you will always miss her. Stick with the counceling and remember her with love. You are not alone we all loose someone precious eventualy it is part of life.

I lost my mom in Jan. of this year. It is very hard to loose a parent no matter how old you are. I lost my dad to a heart attack when I was 14.

I can tell you it does get easier but I still get a knot in my stomach sometimes when I think about my dad because I still miss him. It's been 16 years so I guess the hurt never goes away but it gets easier.

I miss my mom terrribly. The bad part about my mom is she was an alcoholic and that is basically what killed her. So that is an added hurt thinking of what I could have done or said to help her. But, I am beginning to realize there was nothing I could do and it is getting easier to deal with her death. But it doesn't take the hurt away completely or make me miss her any less.

I go through the depression and anxiety still at times too but then I remember that life goes on and that I have a beautiful little girl to enjoy and that I need to be the mom to her that my mom was to me.

I'm not sure this will help you but I want you to know I understand the pain you are going thru and it will eventually get better. Just give it time.

S.,

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. My loss wasn't recent but I still think about her all the time and we just had the ten year anniversary on Sept 5th. It is still a little hard on that day. I have been a single mom and my dad always worked a lot and so I was with my mother all the time. She was my best friend. My parents were going on a trip and my father fell asleep at the wheel and she was killed. It was the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. Both of her parents lived well into their nineties and I just assumed she would too. The first year is by far the hardest especially with all of the holidays around the corner! I can assure you that with time, you will start to heal and accept what has happened. Every person is different so it is hard to say when that will happen for you! When my mother was killed, I listened to songs she liked and lit candles in my apt and just sat and bawled; everyone thought I was nuts but I read a book called "Life after Loss" and it says in that book that walking head on into what happened is the healthiest way to deal with it. They say if you push it out of your mind and don't face it until later, it will be much more painful. It was the healthiest thing I could've done for myself. I remember all the good, fun times that we had and funny things she said or did and that carries me through. Another thing that is helpful is the relationship I had with her before she died. I told her I loved her and I did things with her and for her and that is a big help. I don't really have any guilt or I wish I would've done this or that! I hope your pain lessens and you can feel better. Just be patient and know, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck to you and feel free to send me a private message. I know the pain you are feeling. I was super close to my mom and we were best buds! Take care of yourself and hang in there!
L.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I also lost my mother recently. My mother passed away from cancer 2 years ago (Aug. 27) just a couple weeks before her 62nd birthday (Sept. 12) - only 16 months after losing our first child. This time of year is quite difficult. I lived across the street from my mom and saw her often. I can understand how empty you feel.

I can't promise that the pain will go away. I can only say that it will become easier to handle. The first year is certainly the hardest. The first Mother's Day was most difficult for me. As time goes by, the down days become less frequent. Wrap yourself in the warmth of friends and family and let them help you experience the joy that you can still feel. Your mother will always be with you.

I am sorry for your loss,
I do understand the the feeling of it not getting any better but it will. My mother passed away in 93 from a heart attack and I was 13 at the time. I still struggle with good days and bad days but knowing that she is with me in my heart and thoughts always seems to calm me even in the worst of times.

I lost my father in 1993. It was very hard at first. Later on i sought professional counseling and was on meds for anxiety and depression. I felt similar as it would never get better. i felt like i walked in a fog detached from anyone else.

I guess time healed my wounds. It also helped alot to talk about my problems or just speak my thoughts out loud. It was especially difficult to talk to my widowed mother about my dad. She struggled up until recently with losing him. My sister and i were our own support group since our mom was so fragile. I'm not sure what i would have done without my sister. Now my mom, sister, and i can talk about the good memories we have about him, instead of focusing on the loss. I am not a religious person but I feel like he is with me and it's comforting. It still makes me tear up sometimes to think about him, even after all these years, but i know he would not want me to mourn him. He would want me to move on and make him proud, just as your mom wants for you i'm sure.
take it one day at a time. you deserve to be happy.

Yes I have lost Mother, Sister, GrandDaughter all in the same year. 7 years later I lost my Dad, nephew.
All I can say is That they are in a Better Place. and someday I hope to see them again.

I haven't joined it, but there is a Motherless Daughters Yahoo group. If you type "motherless daughters" into your search engine you'll find some stuff. There used to be a website that arranged Motherless Daughter Day gatherings on the day before Mother's Day. And I THINK they still have them here in Kansas City. You might call the KC Star in early May and see if they know anything.

I lost my mother in 1991 to diabetes and heart disease. It's nice to be at the point where I can think about her without the pain of missing her. I remember writing in my journal at the time that the only person who could comfort me from this great pain was my mother, and of course she couldn't do it.

I would highly recommend the book "A Grief Observed" by CS Lewis. It's about the loss of his wife, but he really captured a lot of the thoughts that I had, too.

Blessings to you

I am going through the exact samething. I lost my mother last year (September 10, 2005) she was 61 at the time she died and I happened to be 5 months pregnant with my second child.

I don't think this is something that anyone gets over. I miss her everyday but know that she isn't suffering anymore (she died of cancer).

I find that if I keep busy and focus on my family it helps me. She was proud of the type of mother I was and continue to be and I try my best to think of how she would feel about something before I make decisions.

I hope you find a positive way to deal with your situation and that it helps hearing that you aren't alone.

L.