Mother's Day - Springfield,NJ

When my kids were babies my husband gave me a mothers day card. Now that the older ones are bigger and able to make me a card and gift, he doesnt get my a separate card.
He goes through the trouble of helping them make me something, and then he takes them shopping to buy me a little something.
I know he appreciates me by the little things he does everyday and by the way he treats me. I'm a lucky lady.
I dont need Hallmark to tell me that.

2 moms found this helpful

My father always gave my mom a card. My mom took care of both her mom and her mother-in law from the time they got married. But Daddy usually built mama a flowerbed and always a card.

Now, my husband always gets me two cards. One labeled "mama" from the kids, one labeled "wife" from him. (And a separate Anniversary card) they are the same week (This year on the same day!) So three cards. Money is tight, so we just have a nice dinner. No gifts. I just really want to spend time together. The cards are nice, but secondary to the time. I know it is the thought that counts. I would be fine without the cards. I would be fine without the dinner. All I really want is time to spend time with my kids. I would like to not share that time with other people.

No card does not mean he does not care. But my husband wants me to have a tangible item to "show" Something to have that even when I can't see or be with the kids, I see their little scribble that means "I love you mommy. you are the best. This is me and that is you." (A lot for one little scribble mark.!)

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Move on with your life. That was a few days ago. Why fester over something in the past? It's not healthy and it's totally pointless. Be grateful for what was done and move on.

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I wouldn't fret over this. It's not worth it. There are plenty of people that buy cards from the heart and some just buy them because they feel obligated to do that. My husband doesn't get me a card for Mother's Day. His dad never gave his mother one so he was raised like that. It absolutely doesn't bother me because I know he appreciates and loves me from his heart. We've been married for 20 years. We had my mother-in-law up for dinner and gave her card and a small plant. After all, she did raise such a wonderful son and I had the honor of marrying him.

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I love that my husband always gets me a card. Although I know how much he appreciates me every day, a card to spell it out is nice. Some men don't and I would be ok with that too. I care WAY more about what the kids make me.

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My dad always got my mom a card. My husband gets me a card. I think a husband should thank his wife for having his children with at least a card and a small gift or a meal or something.
I don't think you can expect anything or get upset about anything that you haven't voiced. Tell him that you need that card to feel appreciated. It's not about what his dad did or didn't do, it's about what YOU need from HIM.

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My hubby takes the kids out and helps them get a little something. I am not his mother so I don't expect anything form him. Nor is he my father so I dont' run to the store and blow needless $$ on cards and gifts from me on Father's Day.
The kids will get him something though.

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YES you should get a card for pete's sake! You're his wife who had his children. My father-n-law pulled that on my mother-in-law years ago..."you're not my mother." She was so mad that she packed up and left the kids with him for an entire day to fend for themselves. (back then, that was a huge deal.) She came home to dinner on the table, flowers, and has gotten a card every year since.

It's our ONE day a year to feel completely appreciated for everything we do. A $3 card is not asking much!
L.

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I think that it really depends on the man. I know that sounds vague and it sort of is, but some men are especially attracted to their wives in their roles as a mother to his children - these are the men who give sappy Mother's Day cards. He perhaps misunderstood you saying that a card would be nice and thought that you meant a card from your daughter. I think that when your child(ren) are young it is fair to expect that he help them get or do something for you and as they grow older to encourage them to continue this, but I can see it from both perspectives - yeah they make cards for "to my wife on Mother's Day" but that doesn't mean that he's always gonna get it. I usually am lucky if my husband remembers to get me something with the kids (who are now 8 and 5 and 1).

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I got one from the kid and that was good enough for me.

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I didn't get one from my hubby either. The 9 year old picked someng out for me (and I bought it). She also made me a card and included her 2 sisters on it. Then he and I fought and he didn't talk to me the rest of the day.

We all expect the prefect Mother's Day from our spouses and children...but in reality it never is what we planned in our minds.

My youngest son made me a card every year and I loved them and they made my day. Two years ago he was mad at me and didn't make me one. I was devastated. It made me feel like he didn't think I was a good mother anymore. Last year he made one and all was right with the world. This year...no card but he verbalized it. I decided not to take it personally this year.

That's what you are doing. Taking it personally. If his father did not do anything for his wife, he grew up patterning the same behavior. Let him know your wants and needs or just accept that this is how it's going to be.

Did you tell him clearly you wanted a card or some sort of recognition from him, or did you do what we women tend to do: drop hints and "that would be nices" that men interpret as "It is no big deal?" If it is important to you, tell him clearly what you want for next year so he knows what would please you. Getting upset about it now sounds like a waste of precious energy and mountain out of molehill making.

That is a simple "yes". If husbands were not meant to give their wives cards on Mother's Day, why do all the stores carry a ton of them? Although you are NOT his mother, you are the mother of his child. To me it's just a sign that he cares.

Where your daughter is so young, he should have gave you a card also. What is it with men just because his dad didnt want to take the time to appreciate his mother on mothers day does not mean he has to follow up in those footsteps!!! You should be pampered on mothers day! Your the mother of his children. Set him straight!

Technically, he's right... you're not HIS mother. But usually the husband gets a card anyway. Given that Hallmark makes tons of mother's day cards from husbands to wives, I assume many husbands do, in fact, give such cards to their wives and gives them gifts as well. Perhaps when the kids are older, they can pick out their own gifts but I assume your 2.5 year old isn't shopping yet, so usually the father does the shopping for a mother's day gift.
What are your thoughts on what you will do for father's day? He should treat mother's day the same way.

yes because your the mother of his children although its a hallmark holiday how hard is it to by a card or a plant speak up but enjoy

What I remember my parents doing is this.. On Mothers Day, mom got dad a card and on Fathers Day, dad got mom a card and flowers. They said that it was thanking each other for the gift of their children. Dad was a pastor and he would present the flowers to mom in church on Fathers Day and tell her and the church how much he appreciated her making him a father.

So maybe if you do that for your husband next Mothers Day, he'll do something for you on Fathers Day.

Did you specify that you wanted a card to be from him?

HI M.,

I also have a 2 1/2 year old daughter as well as a 3 month old daughter. We have had a lot going on lately - VERY STRESSFUL situations, but I did not receive a card from my husband either. I cannot seem to let it go. I think a card would be very nice from your husband for Mother's Day. (I said the same thing as you did about a gift.) Some people give cards to everyone they know who is a mom - the holiday does not necessarily mean you only give to your own mom.

In the big picture, I guess it is not a big deal, and we should not be upset, but I cannot help thinking about how nice it would have been. I guess we should just be thankful for our having our husbands and little ones in our lives.

From me to you, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! :)
L.

It sounds just like a cultural conflict. Everyone has a different culture within their family unit. Ours has lots of cultural differences. This means that you need to explain about your family's culture and how you were raised, then come to an agreement together. What about father's day? Do you do things for him on father's day? In my case, my husband comes from a completely different culture...China. While I'm American, my family clung to a lot of German ways from our hertigage. My husband's family never celebrated anything except ancestor day and never gave out presents except on birthday. This meant that I had to explain all our holidays here. Mother's day was a little hard to understand after we had our son. I explained to my hubby that my father always took us out to get cards or help us make cards, which meant he made a card too. (Very cute and caring...The only problem is that since it was so sweet to see my father, who couldn't draw himself out of a barn, try to make a card...It would make everyone cry.) He'd even take us out to get mom some flowers, which meant that she wound up with flowers and candy from Dad. Dad always got mom more than he'd let us kids get, because he wanted to make sure she knew he appreciated her. It was all done out of respect and love, because she was the mother of his children, which is a really big job. So....My husband gets me stuff or gives me money to get stuff for mother's day. My mother-in-law has passed American holidays on to her Chinese friends and family in China and in the U.S.....Why? Because it's fun, shows people you appreciate them, and she' christian. (That's what she says.)

What did I get this mother's day? My cute son asked for a dollar, so he could get me something by himself for mother's day. He went over to the claw machine, which is 50 cents/try, and pulled out Puss in Boots and a vintage Betty Boop for me. (Talk about tugging at the heart strings.) Hubby took me out to Kohl's and I couldn't find anything I liked. Then he took me to our local grocer to get lobster to cook for me, but they were sold out.....You guessed it...He handed me $20 and told me to get anything I wanted.

Dear M.,

This sort of reminds me of what my late grandmother called "borrowing trouble" -- creating anxiety or conflict when it can just as easily be avoided. Every family has its own rituals and expectations, and when we start families of our own, we import the rituals we had growing up. It sounds like since your husband's dad never got your husband's mom anything for Mother's Day, your husband now has it ingrained in his head that it's not appropriate for him to do so. Honestly, though I respect and understand that you're disappointed, I'd let it go. If you really, really want a card next year, tell him straight up. As in, "Hey. I want a card. Go buy me a card." If requests like these are voiced with warmth and humor, most guys love them. But, honestly, for this year, over a mass-produced commercial greeting card? Why borrow trouble?

I did not read your other posts, but it can go both ways. For example my hummy called my MIL on Mothers day(which I am not very fond of) and had the kids say HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!! I FREAKED-was like why are they wishing her a HAPPY MOTHERS DAY-she is not their mother-thank god, but I see where you are coming from. I don't expect anything from my hubby-he just tells the kids to treat me special bc it is m day-which is sweet the little things count to me. Hope this helped a bit. L.:)

Hi there. I received a card from my husband for Mother's Day this year where he thanked me for being a great mom, but I think that's only because my 2 yr old daughter is not old enough to make her own card and give it to me. I think it was more like from her, but he gave it to me. If you got a card from your little girl than you shouldn't really care to receive one from your husband, especially if he grew up in a certain way and doesn't think it's right, because you're not his mother. I mean you're not his mother so he has a point, but of course he could give you a card if he wanted to. However, if he doens't no big deal. Don't worry about little things like that if you have a healthy relationship otherwise, it's not worth it. Also, do you give a card to your grandmother for mother's day? Some people do, some don't. It's kind of an analogy. Unless it's your mother, do you give a card to someone? If the answer is no, then I guess it's also ok if your husband doesn't give you one but your daugher does.
Good luck, I'm sure your hubby thinks you're a wonderful mom no matter what.

I just read some of the replies here and want to edit my response. My husband died suddenly and how I wish he was here to ignore Mother's Day!!!! Sorry for being blunt, but there are so many things more important than a card. Please dont make an issue over this, but instead enjoy the nice things he does at other times.
My husband was the same way, he never gave me a card from him. However he took the kids shopping and helped them pick out a gift or gifts for me. IMHO this is a small thing to worry about. He was careful to hide the card so you would be surprised and that was great.

After having been married to the same man for 55 yr's, having two children' this question has come to my mind from time to time. This is true I am not his mother, but when you have young children I think out of respect or maybe even thoughtfulness he should be responsible for the children to rember you on mother's day and any other special day that's important to you to see to it that the childre remember you in some small way. Now when they grow older and are responsible adult's this is different, thier on their on, This is only my point of view' would love to hear other's view on ____@____.com

Sounds familiar. My husband always said I wasn't his mother so he didn't get me anything. But he helped the kids shop. I didn't really care. You can't really change people. I just plan my Mother's Days out -- we go to the zoo or a wildlife rehab place -- and just enjoy the day. Cards are expensive and you just end up tossing them anyway (unless the kids make them). I would focus on the positive if I were you.

I think you should get something from your husband. You are the mother of his children. He needs to appreciate that and get you something. What I do is tell my husband what I want. Especially if there is something I wanted and wouldn't buy it for myself. Like, this year, I told my husband that I needed a new swim suit. (now, this is no big deal, but being a plus size gal, I can't just go to any store)
So, should you be upset that he did not get you a card? Heck yeah! I'd be.

I do think that your husband should get you a card & a gift, especially when the kids are small. Yes, it is a hallmark holiday. They all are. But one day a year to acknowledge all you do (and let's face it, most mothers shoulder the bulk of the child raising) is not too much to ask.

As for all the people who say "let it go." I gave my husband grief for a YEAR about the fact that he didn't give me a gift the first year after my daughter was born. I was VERY clear that this year I wanted a gift - nothing expensive because money is tight (and I want an anniversary ring for our 10th anniversary). He came through, and we had a short and loving discussion about expectations, and first mother's days... He claimed to be confused on the topic because we often just take some time together, have a nice dinner, etc for birthdays & anniversaries. No gift this birthday, for example. I've given up expecting him to actually come up with something, and my "gift" to him is often the permission to buy some toy that is not in budget.

I just recommend being clear about gifts that are important to you, and feeling that you are acknowledged and appreciated. As I'm being very clear that for my 10th anniversary I finally want that diamond wedding band.

Oh, and I wouldn't get him a father's day gift this year, or a card.

I've been with my husband 25 yrs, married 22 this upcoming New Years Eve.

Honestly, we do not do the card/gift routine. Never have/Never will. I do not expect anything from him just as he expects nothing from me. We've taught our daughter not to "expect" gifts. Our gifts are from the heart.

Our tradition is to celebrate these holidays as a family. On Mother's Day and Father's Day, we always go to a special brunch at our country club. For birthdays, we always have a cake and recognize the birthday person and Christmas we have traditional family things we do together.

We do things for each other during the year.....Example.... if he sees something nice he thinks I would love, he buys it and gives it to me. I do the same for him. The name of Mother's Day, Father's Day, Birthday, Valentine's, Christmas, Anniversary are just days to us. We celebrate each day we have and sometimes have nice surprises for each other. Our gifts to each other are given when we least expect it as surprise "happys" for each other, not as an obligatory holiday.

I realize some people do not understand our way of doing things and that is ok. Everyone does what is right for their family. I know if I did not give my mom a gift on Mother's Day, Christmas and Birthday she would be crushed. She expects a gift of some sort. I never "got" that.

I enjoy being with my family as much as I can and having the daily laughter, chat, and deep conversations we have on a regular basis.....that is what I love. I love being with my husband and daughter more than a card or gift. Actions are so much more than words.

Best wishes to you...

Hi M., Happy Mother's day from me :-) Some men give cards for mother's day and some don't. I know we like to be remembered for all we do as mom's but he has this thought ingrained in him and parents are the first teachers. I think you should speak to him at some time about it. My hubby are part of Marriage Encounter so we talk about all our feelings. He may never change his way but it is good to let him know. When Father's day comes around you can get him a card so he sees that here are lots are great cards telling him what a good dad he is! I don't get a card from my husband but he does take me out to dinner. With 5 grown kids I get lots of cards. If you don't expect it you may feel better. Cards are very expensive and the home made ones are so special! :-) Grandma Mary

Rather than getting upset about or trying to figure out if you have the right to be upset about it, why don't you tell him that you want him to get you a card because it would make you feel good. And you want him to do things that make you feel good and are important to you? That's really all that matters. Regardless of his past, if you tell him clearly and kindly that this is the way you want to be treated, you are more likely to get what you want and not get hung up on the myriad reasons why he would foget.

Personally, I would not care. I am pretty indifferent to Hallmark holidays, even if they mean well. I have missed giving my parents things (we live far apart, we've struggled with busy schedules, unemployment, family drama, etc.). We all love each other on a day-to-day basis. My husband bought a card for me from my kids, had them color in it, and wrote in it. We have both missed anniversary cards. Thankfully we both hate Valentine's Day (or are at least indifferent to it) and our anniversary is shortly after. My father-in-law, also, does not like cards (you just throw them out and waste paper writing something chintzy anyway), so he might have picked up a little ambivalence there. My husband gets me silly cards for no reason throughout the year anyway. Again, I personally do not care and would not make an issue out of something silly like a card, certainly not to the point of being upset about it or making an expectation. My husband always works 10 hours on Sundays, so after church I fed the boys, washed dishes, hung out with them, gave them their baths, etc. A normal day being mommy. The next night when he was home I took a nap and a long bath. We're a pretty dorky quasi-romantic family most of the time anyway, so again, if it is important to you, make that clear. Do not make an issue out of it on principle, especially if you have to ask other people if it is important or not.

I think that the fact that you actually discussed no gifts but a card would be nice prior to Mother's Day makes it a bit disappointing that he didn't honor you with such a simple thing. If that's all you asked for, then your husband got off pretty easy on Mother's Day and he didn't even come through!
I've learned to extinguish any expectations when it comes to Mother's Day and Birthdays and such as my husband isn't the best at the whole gift thing. Even so, this year, I was pretty disheartened when I ended up making breakfast myself on Mother's Day :(