Mother Not Letting Go of Me and Kids to Move Out.

Sounds like your mom is simply trying to protect you and your children. Although, I highly doubt your mother would be able to get custody of your children, unless you are into drugs or something else that is not being said.

My suggestion, is not to move in with the new boyfriend. You need to grow up and live on your own for a while. Get your own apartment/house and date this guy, or any guy for that matter for at least a year before you even talk about living with them. Keep in mind, that you do have these kids to take care of too, and shuffling them from one boyfriends house to another when it doesn't work out isn't the way to go.

I know, I'm probably not saying what you want to hear, but I've seen too many people make the same repeated mistakes and their children suffer for it.

2 moms found this helpful

G.,

Regardless of your mother's possible issues with control, she's right to question your judgment. You have a reponsibility as a mother to be able to provide for your children WITHOUT the assistance of a man. We don't know your situation, but if you cannot afford to live on your own yet, then either you are not ready yet or you aren't really taking responsibility. You should move to an apt or home BY YOURSELF to prove to yourself you are capable of providing for your girls on your own. Once you establish yourself, then you can consider co-habitating with the man you love---once he marries you. I'm not a religious person or mean to be condescending to you, its just obvious that women who aren't educated, don't learn to financially support themselves, and jump from man to man and have children too young fall into a cycle that is difficult to escape; she may not say it the right way, but your mom is trying to help by giving you the truth! You are very young to manage 3 children alone, and as great as this new guy may be, you need to focus on you and your family first. Nothing is more impressive in a woman than self-sufficiency, and your new guy should respect your desire to want to make it on your own first and give you all the support you need to get there. Ask your mom how she can help you get the education and gainful employment that gives you that opportunity to make it on your own for a while! Having a home of your own (not new guy's) is so satisfying, and your girls will learn the value of self-worth so that they do not fall victim to the same experience you did. Good Luck.

2 moms found this helpful

You don't give a lot of info, but it is very likely that your mother has some cause to be concerned. She knows you very well, so I would listen to her concerns without getting defensive and think it over. Is there some truth to what she is saying (When I feel defensive, then stop and ask myself that question, I usually find that there is some truth to what the other person is saying. People close to us can see things we don't or don't want to see.

PLEASE put your children first and strive to give them a stable environment. My husband's mother was married and divorced 5 times and it was not stable or secure, even though she was a good mom in many other ways as I'm sure you are. She depended on a man for her happiness, and it never works to depend on someone else. We need to be healthy and whole ourselves before we can be a part of a healthy relationship. Please put those kids and their needs first, which is most likely your mother's concern. Living with a man who won't commit to marrying you doesn't show a ton of commitment, and so I am concerned like your mother that this relationship may also end, dragging your kids through it.

1 mom found this helpful

Wow G.. Sounds like you have had it a little rough. I think you need to think really hard about what is RIGHT for YOU and especially your CHILDREN. They are your top priority! If your mom is loving and helping you out, that is probably your best bet until you can support your kids by yourself. I would not rely on another man to take care of you, especially if he is not the children's father. That would be pretty risky.
I would ask yourself some important questions:
First, Is he planning on marrying you?
How long have you known him? (at least a year?)
Does he respect you and is HE respectable?
Is he financially stable?
Is he willing to take on the responsibility of caring for you and your kids?
In my opinion, any man that wants a woman with children had better be in the relationship with good intentions, and not selfish ones.
(Love alone cannot keep a roof over your head!)
I don't know how your mom can file court papers and get custody of YOUR children unless she can prove that you are an unfit mother. I don't know you, so please don't take offense. I am just wondering why your mom would do that to you?
It sounds like your girls want to move out, because they want space. It sounds like you may be living in very close quarters without a lot of privacy. That can be frustrating. I would think about how you can get on your own two feet first, unless this man is as respectable as you think he is. Good Luck and take care!

1 mom found this helpful

Well, you are 27, if you are providing for your children I don't see how she can take your kids unless there are other issues. You do need to make sure that this is the best step for you and your girls though and that the enviroment you bring them into will be a safe one. Maybe I'm a little old-fashioned, but there is nothing wrong with taking your realtionship slow and getting some issues out on the table, especially when you have precious children in your care, is this man even considering a future marriage? How is he with your kids? Talk to your mom like an adult, don't lose your temper, if she does, then that is her problem, but arguing w/ her will just make things worse. You are an adult.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello Glenora,

I have been reading through some of the advise that other people are giving you. My theory is to stand on your own two feet and rent an apartment or house for you and your children if you want to move out of your mother's house. I also agree that you should continue to date your boyfriend for awhile before you think about moving in with him with your children.
You need a place of your own for awhile with no parents and no boyfriend. You should spend alone time with your children and make them feels safe and secure.
If your boyfriend is the right person for you then he will wait for you and dating should be fine with him. You really need to get to know him first and you need to see if he will be good to your children just not now but until they grow up and be adults.
Your children should come first, they are the most important thing right now to you. Being with someone comes second, third and fourth.
I hope this advise helps you out with what decision you need to make.
D.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi G. -

I know it won't be easy - but at 27, you have a right to live where and with who you choose. Your mother is obviously trying to bully you - and it appears to be working. You will have to decide whether you can stand up and choose which path you want your life to take. You are not responsible for your mother's reaction to your decision - unless you choose to be!

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Any decision that you make, should be for your girls. You are a wonderful mother who knows best, so make the best decision for them, not what is more comfortable for you. Don't just move out to get away from your mother.

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like your mom is controlling & worried. if you are taking care of your kids then you have nothing to worry about her taking them from you. i recommend when you tell her don't have your kids with you & do it some where public with someone else that way if she blows a gasket to bad. If possible i would recommend when you tell her have someone else pack your stuff so you can do it all at once like a band aid.

1 mom found this helpful

First off you start to tell your mom how gratefull you are that she has let you and your girls stay with her all this time, she didn't have to do that.
I am sure she is just protective of you and the girls, afraid you'll repeat the past, that happens all the time, so you have to show her that you changed. Than the person you are seeing will have to show her he cares for you as well as the girls, if he really does, this man is gold. Your mom would see that too. Ultimately it is your decision and your mom can't file for custody unless she has a case against you. If she gets mad and won't forgive, so be it. That is something she will have to change, unless you feel you want to be able to come back to her if it doesn't work out. You have to be very sure you are going to make it work, because mothers get hurt too when their daughters hurt.
I wish you all the best.....every day is a new day to start fresh and your mother knows that too.

1 mom found this helpful

You are the adult and parent, if you feel it is right to move into your boyfriends house and get a fresh start...do it!!! Why would your mom be able to take you to court and take your kids??? She can't just take custody of your kids for you moving in with your boyfriend :) Don't discuss it with her if she is not supportive, just pack up and move out when you are ready...good luck and congrats with moving on with your life!!!

1 mom found this helpful

You need lots on encouragement to move out. You CAN make it! You can do it! Change is scary, but it will work out ok. If your mom doesn't want to forgive you after you move out, that is her loss and i'm sure she will miss the kids when you don't let her see them unless she is nice to you. Let her try to take them from you, if you are not abusing the kids, she won't win. Good luck, I know you can have a succesfull life, but you have to get out and live it without your mom.

1 mom found this helpful

I can understand your Mom's concern for the kids, and they should be your main concern as well. Are you absolutely sure that this man can handle you and your kids, or really wants the kids? It's hard to tell before you live with someone, but going in blind can change your kids forever. My mom and sister live with me and when she talks about moving out I object. Its not because I want them at my place, its that I dont think my little sister (4) would be ok because mom hasnt found her independence yet. I know my mom as well as yours knows you, and believe me I only keep her close because I care and I want them to leave when they are ready to ensure a good outcome for the little one. If this man is worth it, he'll prove it. Dont settle. Hard as it may be, try to keep open communication with your mom. The smalleest steps can be bigger than you realize.

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Maybe to make life easier for yourself, do not tell your mom just leave and if she causes problems call the cops. I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes you got to do what you got to do. Your mom can file paper work if she wants, but unless there is proof on why you are not a good provider then there is not much she can do. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

Okay, you will need to calmly talk to your mom and ask her why she feels this way, probably with a Mediator or someone who would not take side in this discussion. She is just being a mom and is trying to protect you and the kids. It is hard to find someone who is a good person and she might be blaming herself for not seeing what a bad person your first husband was. Have the boyfriend come around for dinner so mom and dad can meet him and visit with him and get to know him better. Also tell her how much you appriciate her letting you and the kids come live with them and that it really helped you and the kids learn how to deal with that situation. Let her know it is time for you and the kids to move on and keep learning how to deal with life and this is how.

1 mom found this helpful

Talk to her with your boyfriend tell her your going to move all of you . It maybey that she worried about you and the childern. Soemtimes us moms do that.. I know i put my mom threw a lot in my younger days thank God she was there ! Just be clam when you talk to her let her know you love her and appericate all she s done but its time you and the girls and youre boyfriend start anew . Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds like your mom might have control issues. I don't know what county you live in, but you might look into some advocacy/ mental health worker/ church counselor to help you make the transition. I'd have the girls no where near when you confront your mother, or when you are moving. They don't need to see that sort of drama. Good luck!

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