30 answers

Mother in Law Still Talks to Huband's Ex-wife

My husband and I are been married almost 2 years now. He has 5 children from previous marriage, and been divorce over 10 years. Their marriage didn't end in good terms. Ever since we got married, my huband's ex-wife has been bad mouthing on my husband in town and to the children. Thank god she lives in different state!! well, my mother in law still talks to this ugly women and expects me to understand their relationship. If my husband's ex was a nicer of a person I wouldn't mind at all. My husband also mentioned to his mother that he didn't want her to talk to his ex. Last time we visited her I was very firm about how I felt about their relationship, and told her that she can't have relationship with me if she wants to keep the relationship with my huband's ex.
Now my mother in law avoid talking to me when she calls the house, but she stopped talking to the ex. Am I being self-centered?
Has anyone been in this situation before?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

My MIL stop talking to the ex. She caught the ex bad mouthing about my husband in action. My MIL apologized to me 3 weeks ago and I have accepted her apology. She's coming for thanksgiving, and we are thrill to have her for the holidays!!!

Featured Answers

My MIL has always tried to keep in contact with my husbands Ex. She does it to stay involved with my stepdaughter. Its been 14 years and there have been times that that relationship was the only way we have known how my stepdaughter was doing. My husband' ex is not a nice person and makes it hard to have civil conversations. Some times it has been good that she talk to her and sometimes not as much. I think everyone tries to do the best they can in the situation they are given, It is not always the right way but the best they know at the time.

More Answers

You laid down an unreasonable ultimatum and she called you on it. You can not expect you mother-in-law not to have a relationship with the ex-wife. She is the grandmother to those 5 children. She will always be the grandma and the ex will always be their mom. I suggest you be the bigger person, apologize to your mil for giving her an ultimatum and then lead by example and show your step-children how an adult acts by speaking well of their mother and being a good role model for them.

9 moms found this helpful

i feel she does have the right to talk to the ex--after all she is the kids grandmother. but she also doesn't have the right to bad mouth anyone. maybe instead of saying that she hcan't have a relationship with you if she talks to the ex...maybe you could tell her that you want a realtionship with her but you don't want to hear anything about the ex!!sometimes you have to "tuck your tail between your legs" "and be the bigger person"!!!!

5 moms found this helpful

You know, there are 2 sides to every story. Maybe your husband isn't so squeaky clean for his part in the breakdown of the marriage. Just a thought.

As everyone else has said, of course grandmother is going to talk to the ex, how else can she find out how her grandchildren are doing? Don't be so petty and immature. The marriage is over, but the ties to each other and the children will be there forever. For the sake of the children, everyone needs to get along and be able to talk to each other.

If you are a smart woman, you will call your MIL and apologize and tell her you were having a bad day and ask her to forgive you. You will be surprised at what a difference that could make in your relationship with her. And whatever your husband says, it is his mother and always will be.

3 moms found this helpful

I agree with all the other posts. She is the mother of your MIL's grandchildren. Your MIL has every right to choose to have a relationship with her. Your husband chose to divorce this woman--his mother did not.

3 moms found this helpful

It's none of your business who your mother-in-law talks to. That's between your husband and his mom.

3 moms found this helpful

Yes you were out of line for asking a grandmother to cut off ties with the mother of her grandchildren. But I commend you for asking this question because it shows you possibly have some guilt for making such a demand. You said your MIL is avoiding you & you think she has stopped speaking to the ex, I doubt she has stopped she is just hiding it from you now. If I were you I would go to your MIL & apologize. You can turn this around for everyones sake but mainly for the 5 children involved.

2 moms found this helpful

Unfortunately, I think you are out of line. He has children with this woman. If he didn't, then I would think it weird his mother want to maintain a civil relationship with her but HE DOES. You need to be careful or you may be creating a resentment from your MIL if she feels she is having to give up this relationship because of you. I think it's great that his mother was trying to keep peace for her sake and that of her grandchildren. I wish my father's parents had been like that when my parents divorced. Having said that, be careful now that you are not going to create resentment with your stepchildren if their grandmother has stepped back because of you.

Yeah, I am VERY understanding of insecurities and ill feelings, especially when the ex is a real piece of work but in this case, I think you have some serious undoing to do. You need to stay out of your MIL's relationship with her grandkids and how she feels it's best to maintain that. Her talking to your husband's ex does not affect you OR him. It affects HER and her GRANDCHILDREN.

2 moms found this helpful

First let me say, that this would drive me crazy too!

Second, if I asked my mother-in-law to choose between me and her grandchildren, she would choose the grandchildren every time! And she should!!

Maybe you could just let MIL know how hard it is for you to hear about the ex, and ask if you can talk about other things? You really can't tell another adult whom they can and/or can't talk to, of course this upset her.

I would try to make amends with her for the sake of your marriage. You will really be doing yourself and your husband the greatest favor if you do. That being said, there is nothing wrong with letting your MIL know how you feel in a calm, mature way. Maybe you can all be happier once you get through this.

2 moms found this helpful

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