Mother in Law MAJOR Problem

I would treat her like a child playing with my kids. If you can't behave and act like a human you aren't allowed at my house. We treat each other with respect and if you don't want to be part of that then leave.

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Can you go to counseling with her? I think it would be very sad if your children (and your husband for that matter) cannot have a relationship with her.
Of course if she is not willing, you need to do what you have to do to protect your family - that includes screening your calls and simply let it go to voicemail when she calls.
I don't know about "grandparent laws" but I believe they are usually only an issue in cases of divorce/death of a parent - not when both parents agree to have no contact to the grandparent.
Good luck!

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Hi K.! I agree with Ina. We had to go to counseling with my MIL and it really helped. We just went to our pastor and he was compassionate to both sides and helped us establish some boundaries. Sometimes hashing it all out in a safe place is the best thing.

Also, Grandparents have no rights. They have privleges and she has definitely abused hers.

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If you want to try to give her one more try this would be what I would do:
Tell her that you both are on the verge of cutting off all ties with her & are willing to give her one more chance. My condition would be that for 6 months, maybe 2 times per month, for 30 min to 1 hour, meet her at a public place. Let her know you will up and leave without hesitation the moment she gets ignorant with either of you. This will show her you are serious & this gives her the opportunity to change her behavior. You probably will have to get up & leave several times but she will see you mean business. This is like what a lot of people do with their children in a store. If the child throws a tantrum you just take them out of the store & they get the hint after a few times & eventually have an understanding of expectations.

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I've had issues with my MIL also. She thought I was crazy and tried to 'fix' me when we first got married. I didn't take kindly to her ripping the sheets off the bed while I was sleeping, telling my husband to take the lock off my door, and later trying to take my son home when I explicitly told her not to. Luckily we get along now, but if I think about it too much I can really get upset.
It is good that you seem to be united in wanting to get away from her. On one level, you might explain to her that she can only see her grandson if she quits the behavior that is so offensive. Write her a letter and explain that you don't want your son to grow up watching his parents be manipulated by a strange woman. If she does come over or call, you have the right to ask her to leave or not call again. It's time for you to decide how important this issue is, and how far you will go to protect yourselves.Video cameras and other recording devices may be your friends here also.

Another solution is to move away, change phone numbers and don't leave an address. This is drastic, but it may help you to achieve a healthy marriage. If this appeals to you, pick a place where you would love to raise your son.

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My friend, has a MIL like that. Put it this way... NONE of her sons like her, her husband does not like her but has turned into her doormat, and the neighbors don't like her either.

Anyway, my friend, after trying to put up with/manage/get along with/sympathize with and trying a HOST of things... finally decided.. that they had to dis-own her. Yep.
Her Husband agreed and had no problem with that. So, she and Hubby... even though MIL lives not too far away... has dis-owned her.
THEY are much much happier now.
They cut her off.
That was the only way. They had tried all kinds of methods, for like 2-3 years. All it did was make their lives hell... because MIL is a total toxic witch. Literally. And toxic people like that... poisons everyone.
Why become mentally-ill and miserable... because of a toxic relative?
Toxic people have a way of making you ill too.

Anyway, that was their decision for their lives, and they do not regret it.

All the best,
Susan

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I'd simply write her a letter. Detail specifically which behaviors ( give examples) that you don't like and then tell her you have no intention of exposing your child to this and you are asking her never to contact you again. Make it clear that if she contacts you in any way you will file for a restraining order. Write down a list of what she has done and when. If she tries to contact you and is abusive try to tape it or at least document it and then go get a restraining order. Get this woman out of your life!

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K.,

Many women have terrible relationships with their husband’s mother. This usually makes life most difficult for the husband because deep down most men love their mother. (Even if she’s a total B).

In your case, if you and your husband truly want to sever ties with his mother it may mean that you will be severing ties with the rest of the family. (Maybe not if she is abusive to all concerned.)

The best thing to do is to move a long distance away and not provide an address, phone, email etc. If this is not practical, let her know in writing that you want nothing to do with her and if she continues to harass your family, you will obtain a restraining order. Your husband should be the one to do this because of the lack of attachment and respect between you and your husband’s mother.

If your husband doesn’t sign on to this 100%, perhaps there can be an arrangement where he takes the baby to see grandma a couple of times a month.

Bottom line, you really do marry into the “whole family”. Unhappily, most people are blinded by love and don’t take the time to see what they might be getting in to.

Blessings…..

You might want to check the laws in your area. There are such things as Grandparent rights when it comes to visitation. Just check all the outlets to make sure she won't go that route.

I'm so very sorry you have these issues. I try to keep all negative influences out of my daughter's life. Best of luck to you!

How is she trying to contact your son through you? Is she sending letters? Calling your phone? If so you can send her letters back unopened and change your number. You are the parents and so you have the right and obligation to protect your son from whomever you feel would be harmful to him. Unless she is trying to take you to court for visitation and wins you do not have to let her see him.

Some people are just toxic to us. You need to completely severe the ties with her. Don't talk to her, don't see her, period! Don't engage her in an argument. Remain calm and tell her you can't talk to or see her anymore and then hang up and change your number. You don't need someone in your life that doesn't bless your life, but only causes pain and heartache. Allow your husband to grieve for the loss of his mother and wish that it were different. This is normal. Then you two should move on with your lives and grow your family the way you want it to be, without your MIL influence or interference. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but it's for the best for ALL of you.

I also have Major issues with my MIL - you are not alone. Remember - you are the parents and you decide who has a relationship with your child. If your MIL is abusive then I see no reason why she is "entitled" to see the child. Beware - you may get some negative comments here - I know I sure have lateley. You do what you feel is best for the welfare of your child.

First of all, this is a big issue in A LOT of families! There are several books out there that are great for dealing with this problem. I just finished reading "Mama Drama" by Denise McGregor, and it totally helped. Although, I would like my mother involved in our life so this helps set boundaries and teaches how to resolve issues and be in control. Check it out! Just be careful that you are certain on your involvement with your MIL because you don't want to regret not having her apart of your life someday. Best of luck!

I understand that you and your husband have issues with her but does she act the same way to your son? If so, definitely limit the contact. If not, allow some visits so your son can know his grammy. What if your son did this to you in the future? Just another perspective. I know it's tough. MY MIL s not walk in the park. I'm polite, respetful but I don't go out of my way anymore. When she & my FIL were fighting with each other in my home I walked into the room (other guests were there too) and I said "If you want to fight, you'll have to go home and fight. No one wants to hear this." Said it calmly and they clammed up & were fine the rest of the visit.