52 answers

Mother in Law Babysitting Question

My mother in law watches my daughter for me 3 days a week at my house while I work and my sister watches her the other two days. I have no problems with my sister watching my daughter because she is wonderful with her all the time and I completely trust her. However, my sister absolutely refuses any money I offer her so I try to make it up by taking her kids once in a while and buying food for her family. On the other hand, we pay my MIL and she always takes the money. Okay, not a big deal but if she is going to view this as a "job" then she should kind of treat it like one, right? We give her $40 a day because that's what in-home day care providers get in my area BUT they watch 6 kids and provide snacks. We pay her that amount because we want to make it a point that our daughter means a lot to us and we want her to take the best care of her while we are at work. All I ask my MIL to do is watch my daughter. That's it. I don't have her do anything else for me. She doesn't do laundry or clean and I told her my daughter is what I want her to focus on. She has been doing this for us since she was 5 months old and I always completely trusted her and figured since she raised 3 kids of her own, I don't have to tell her what to do. She can probably teach me a thing or two! Now my daughter is 17 months old and the past few months my MIL has completely turned this into "her time" and has been neglecting my daughter more, or so I think so. A couple of times I have come home from work and my daughter has had a poopy diaper which she was sitting in for a while because her bottom was all red, her toys were all turned off because my MIL said they were "too noisy", she has the news on all day long on the TV, (no cartoons or kid programs) and she feeds her like a bird. I haven't said anything about her sitting in the poopy diapers but I have said that the doctor recommends she eats a certain amount of food every day. (I am too wimpy to speak up to her so I blame stuff on my daughter's pediatrician.) I ask my MIL to write down what she eats and how much so when I get home from work I have an idea of what I need to feed her. She scribbles little notes because I know this annoys her. However, that is the ONLY thing I ask her to do for me!!! My MIL has always been a very self centered person and she comes first no matter what the cost but we figured she is retired and could use the little extra income plus she will develop a relationship with her granddaughter. Well, I have realized over the course of a year (I know, shame on me) that she is not fully watching my daughter. She must leave her in her crib to cry herself to sleep because there are bite marks on the crib and her crib toys are thrown all over the room. My daughter hates being in the crib awake and will throw her toys all over the place. She won't do any of this when I am here because I never leave her in the crib for a long time. My MIL has turned this into "her" time by doing her list of things to do while at my house. She uses my treadmill, showers during the day when no one is watching my daughter (she used to shower at night so my daughter was not unattended), and she's on my laptop all day long. She uses her time at my house as her vacation time. I am really starting to wonder what the heck goes on here all day! I don't trust her like I used to and its really bothering me. Do you have any advice on what I should do? Please advise on what I should say to her. My husband semi-agrees with me but he doesn't stand up to her. My MIL is also very passive-aggressive so she comes off as this sweet, soft spoken person but yet she always has something up her sleeve. She is a manipulator and my husband only realizes this when I point it out. How awkward it is for me to be the bad guy and have to point out that his mother is all about herself and how dare she put a baby second! I don't know what to do. I am afraid to get rid of her and put my daughter in daycare. I would like to keep my MIL but how do I go about talking to her without sounding accusatory?? Thank you so much.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I agree 100% with Dawn. Get rid of MIL if you are so unhappy, and be done with it. Posting the same question under a different name will get you basically the same answers all over again.

7 moms found this helpful

My son is in daycare and loves it. If talking to her does not work, I would consider it. Good Luck! :)

More Answers

C., this sounds so VERY much like another question from March 26th. You and "Samantha from Poughkeepsie" are the same person, aren't you~

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/2783742562886877185

You had plenty of responses on the other thread as Samantha. Why are you asking again? You don't really offer anything extra except to say she feeds your daughter like a bird. You DO leave out that she eats your expensive food and asking about a nanny cam, which got you fussed at last time.

I don't understand why you are asking again. Do you really expect a totally different set of answers?

Just be done with your MIL already - you say you are afraid to get rid of her and put your daughter in daycare. Something is wrong with this picture, and though I can't figure out what it is, the fact that you'd pretend to be another person with the exact same problem on this site is just very strange.

D.

8 moms found this helpful

I agree 100% with Dawn. Get rid of MIL if you are so unhappy, and be done with it. Posting the same question under a different name will get you basically the same answers all over again.

7 moms found this helpful

If you're already paying her what a daycare would charge, maybe you should try to find one. It's not really that scary, we have an amazing daycare lady who also watched my SIL's kids.

Let her know you've appreciated her help, but obviously she needs her time and you don't want to impose. I fired a daycare lady who left my daughter in dirty diapers, she ended up with a bleeding diaper rash and no kid should have to deal with that.

If you keep her, do you plan her meals/snacks during the day? Maybe have it all ready and labeled in the fridge or on the counter or whatever so she doesnt have to think about what she's going to feed her. Tell her she's welcome to shower when the kid is taking a nap but not while she's awake. And I would take my laptop to work, just so she cant use it, but I'm sort of bitchy.

Good luck! I hate dealing with MIL problems and am pretty lucky with mine. We only had one incident where she didn't follow my feeding/napping list and she learned her lesson with a vomiting, angry baby who wouldn't sleep.

7 moms found this helpful

You don't have to point out anything to anybody. Tell her you want your daughter to have socialization with other kids and you're putting her in daycare. End of problem!

:)

6 moms found this helpful

WEll, your daughter is old enough now to start socializing with other toddlers, maybe set up one day of daycare at a facility and see how she and you like it.
You could leave a "schedule" of what you want mil to do with your daughter during the day. If she isnt being nurtured and taught you are doing your daughter a great disservice while trying to keep the peace with mil.
Dont throw your kid under the bus in order to save hurt feelings.

6 moms found this helpful

HMMM this posts is incredibly similar to a post on March 26th by "Samantha J." both of you are from NY......if you aren't one in the same you both should get together & talk about your MIL issues.

5 moms found this helpful

To be honest, I don't think your mother-in-law will change...... I would switch your daughter to a home daycare that you feel comfortable with.

Tell your mother-in-law that now that your daughter is getting older, you want to get her in to a preschool type program daycare. As simple as that!

A LICENSED daycare should provide meals for her. Most have curriculum programs in place. And there is at least SOME accountability with the food program and licensor dropping by to check in.

5 moms found this helpful

Can I ask, why are you so afraid of daycare? A licensed daycare has to be accountable to you and the city or government licensing it. It sounds to me like your MIL is not doing a good job. Take your daughter elsewhere, especially if you are paying your MIL the going rate (or near that) for childcare. I have never had the privilege of living near either sets of grandparents, so we've always had to pay for care. There are wonderful daycares out there. Our kids have so much fun that they sometimes grumble when we pick them up to go home! Right now, I am lucky enough to be a SAHM and part-time student, so we only need occasional care. However, I used to work full-time, so I do understand the need to find good, safe, and affordable childcare. Also, it is so much easier to raise your concerns with someone who is unrelated to your child than it is to do it with your MIL. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes. Good luck in whatever it is you decide to do.

4 moms found this helpful

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