50 answers

Mother-in-law Keeps Pics of My Husband W/his Ex up on Her Walls

Hello ladies! Okay, I know everyone has in-law problems, and I'm not sure if I'm just over-reacting, or what. But, here goes......my mother-in-law still has two pictures of my husband with his ex up on her living room wall, but she has absolutely no pictures of him and I. We have given her pictures in the past, but they are nowhere to be found. I have mentioned to her how it makes me feel a little uncomfortable when I go over there and I see that she still has their pictures up and she says it's no big deal and she'll take them down when she gets around to it. My husband has also mentioned it to her a few times only to get the same response. Well, we were over there Halloween night and I noticed that not only were they still in the living room, but she had changed the walls the were on, so she concsiously took them down from one wall and hung them back up on another! She calls me by her name at least once a month and she invites her to almost every family function. Now, they do have a child together, but they haven't been together in over 7 years and she has since remarried and so has he, also my husband and I are getting ready to have our fourth child together. I have absolutely no hard feelings towards his ex, we get along great and I love her dearly (I actually like it when she comes to family functions b/c I get along w/her better than my m-i-l), but I feel like my mother-in-law still wishes that they were together. My husband tells me to just get over it and not make a big deal about it, but it frustrates me! Am I just being emotional here or do I have a legitimate complaint? Should I confront her again or just let it be? Please, ladies, you give such great advice....what should I do?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

HI,
I had the same problem when I got married to my husband.Just let it go, if you and the ex-wife get along thats great. By the way we were married 51 years.

Ginny. KIngman. In.

2 moms found this helpful

YES< this is legitimate! Yes, I would confront her again and then take them down myself. That is completrely disrespectful to you! And sounds like you are right, she does still wish they were together, but there is nothing she can do about it. Everyone has moved on!! Good luck with it and don't give up!

1 mom found this helpful

well i thought i had it bad with my mother in law, lol. I would be upset by it to. i agree that it shows no respect to you. i would get another pic and the frame and ask her again. good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Since you've confronted her once already without any success I say, just let it go. Whatever her reasons, you have full confidence in your relationship with your husband and whatever she thinks or wants, really doesn't matter. Just to add a little bit of humor... since you get along so well with the ex, why not take a picture of the two of you and give it to you MIL and see if she hangs that on the wall!

C

3 moms found this helpful

It is TOTALLY inappropriate for his mother to keep pictures of his ex for the world to see. In an album as a part of the past is one thing (though still kind of weird), but to have nothing up with you in them and to keep pictures of the ex screams "I wish they hadn't broken up and that imposter weren't in our life." You husband should back you up and replace any pictures of his ex with pictures of you two. If he refuses to say anything or take care of it, you have more problems than just with your in-laws. If he won't stick up for you, it's time to seek counseling and get someone to tell him he is being disrespectful of you and your relationship. If nothing else, print off all these responses and show him that he's being an ass.
Good Luck. Let us know what happens.

2 moms found this helpful

buy a picture frame to match the others on the wall, frame a picture of you and your family, and give it to her in front of everyone at christmas. she'll have to put it up! :)

2 moms found this helpful

Hi R., oh my goodness. I am married to my husband 49 years in a couple weeks. I maybe had two disagreements with my mother in law in all that time. I have two friends who wanted to trade me mother in laws because mine was the 'best'. I know I would be devested if I ever saw a picture of my husband with anyone of his ex's let alone to have it hanging on the wall. I would ask my husband to talk with his mother or have his ex to talk to her and tell her she needs to take them down. In respect to you one of them needs to makes the move NOW. Good luck

2 moms found this helpful

Your mother-in-law may actually want them to stay together, but... either way... that's not going to happen. She may stay in contact with the mother of her grandchild feeling they are all family.

As far as the picture, I would give her a Christmas gift of a family portrait in a nice picture frame. Use a little guilt here... involve the kids in getting grandma a really nice picture of the entire family. Then make a big deal about presenting the picture and let the kids present the picture. Then later the kids will remember the picture and expect grandma to have it on the walls. Let the grandkids put a little pressure on grandma to put the family portrait up. Maybe hearing from her sweet little grand babies will help get that photo up because it means so much to them.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Ok, so she doesn't have enough love and respect for you or her son, maybe she does for the ex? Since you get along with her so well, maybe ask her (privately) that next time she is at MIL's house to ask her politely to remove the pictures. Maybe even offer MIL one of her and her new family?

2 moms found this helpful

Hello R.,
It sounds like your MIL is passive aggressive. In this case, since you have aired your feelings to her and offered a photo and she still has not chosen to include it in her wall arrangement, you should give it up. I believe that when someone is being disrespectful and hurtful after you have pointed out feeling slighted, they get a feeling of control over making you unhappy. Take that control back by not mentioning it again - and completely ignoring her attempt to bug you. Over time, you will feel empowered and the photos will make you laugh inside when you truly own that you are not emotionally manipulated by her attempts to minimize your place in the family as her son's wife. Also tell your husband that you are no longer going to let her get under your skin so that he is not going to her pleading your case. Your MIL needs to see that you are just not letting her actions get a reaction from you that is negative. She may come around, or she may not, but in any case you will not let her get a rise out of you.

2 moms found this helpful

I dont have the time to read through all 40 something responses, but I would say that you should talk not to your mil, but your husband. He should have your back on this one. he should understand your frustration, and be frustrated himself. It is disrespectful of her to not only have those pics up, but none of you. That is a slap in the face. But, she won't listen to you about it. She will her husband. And if it comes down to it, he should take them off her wall himself and say, "if you're going to have pictures of me on your wall, then they will be one's of my wife and I, not my past mistakes."

2 moms found this helpful

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