50 answers

Mother-in-law Keeps Pics of My Husband W/his Ex up on Her Walls

Hello ladies! Okay, I know everyone has in-law problems, and I'm not sure if I'm just over-reacting, or what. But, here goes......my mother-in-law still has two pictures of my husband with his ex up on her living room wall, but she has absolutely no pictures of him and I. We have given her pictures in the past, but they are nowhere to be found. I have mentioned to her how it makes me feel a little uncomfortable when I go over there and I see that she still has their pictures up and she says it's no big deal and she'll take them down when she gets around to it. My husband has also mentioned it to her a few times only to get the same response. Well, we were over there Halloween night and I noticed that not only were they still in the living room, but she had changed the walls the were on, so she concsiously took them down from one wall and hung them back up on another! She calls me by her name at least once a month and she invites her to almost every family function. Now, they do have a child together, but they haven't been together in over 7 years and she has since remarried and so has he, also my husband and I are getting ready to have our fourth child together. I have absolutely no hard feelings towards his ex, we get along great and I love her dearly (I actually like it when she comes to family functions b/c I get along w/her better than my m-i-l), but I feel like my mother-in-law still wishes that they were together. My husband tells me to just get over it and not make a big deal about it, but it frustrates me! Am I just being emotional here or do I have a legitimate complaint? Should I confront her again or just let it be? Please, ladies, you give such great advice....what should I do?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

HI,
I had the same problem when I got married to my husband.Just let it go, if you and the ex-wife get along thats great. By the way we were married 51 years.

Ginny. KIngman. In.

2 moms found this helpful

YES< this is legitimate! Yes, I would confront her again and then take them down myself. That is completrely disrespectful to you! And sounds like you are right, she does still wish they were together, but there is nothing she can do about it. Everyone has moved on!! Good luck with it and don't give up!

1 mom found this helpful

well i thought i had it bad with my mother in law, lol. I would be upset by it to. i agree that it shows no respect to you. i would get another pic and the frame and ask her again. good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Since you've confronted her once already without any success I say, just let it go. Whatever her reasons, you have full confidence in your relationship with your husband and whatever she thinks or wants, really doesn't matter. Just to add a little bit of humor... since you get along so well with the ex, why not take a picture of the two of you and give it to you MIL and see if she hangs that on the wall!

C

3 moms found this helpful

It is TOTALLY inappropriate for his mother to keep pictures of his ex for the world to see. In an album as a part of the past is one thing (though still kind of weird), but to have nothing up with you in them and to keep pictures of the ex screams "I wish they hadn't broken up and that imposter weren't in our life." You husband should back you up and replace any pictures of his ex with pictures of you two. If he refuses to say anything or take care of it, you have more problems than just with your in-laws. If he won't stick up for you, it's time to seek counseling and get someone to tell him he is being disrespectful of you and your relationship. If nothing else, print off all these responses and show him that he's being an ass.
Good Luck. Let us know what happens.

2 moms found this helpful

buy a picture frame to match the others on the wall, frame a picture of you and your family, and give it to her in front of everyone at christmas. she'll have to put it up! :)

2 moms found this helpful

Hi R., oh my goodness. I am married to my husband 49 years in a couple weeks. I maybe had two disagreements with my mother in law in all that time. I have two friends who wanted to trade me mother in laws because mine was the 'best'. I know I would be devested if I ever saw a picture of my husband with anyone of his ex's let alone to have it hanging on the wall. I would ask my husband to talk with his mother or have his ex to talk to her and tell her she needs to take them down. In respect to you one of them needs to makes the move NOW. Good luck

2 moms found this helpful

Your mother-in-law may actually want them to stay together, but... either way... that's not going to happen. She may stay in contact with the mother of her grandchild feeling they are all family.

As far as the picture, I would give her a Christmas gift of a family portrait in a nice picture frame. Use a little guilt here... involve the kids in getting grandma a really nice picture of the entire family. Then make a big deal about presenting the picture and let the kids present the picture. Then later the kids will remember the picture and expect grandma to have it on the walls. Let the grandkids put a little pressure on grandma to put the family portrait up. Maybe hearing from her sweet little grand babies will help get that photo up because it means so much to them.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Ok, so she doesn't have enough love and respect for you or her son, maybe she does for the ex? Since you get along with her so well, maybe ask her (privately) that next time she is at MIL's house to ask her politely to remove the pictures. Maybe even offer MIL one of her and her new family?

2 moms found this helpful

Hello R.,
It sounds like your MIL is passive aggressive. In this case, since you have aired your feelings to her and offered a photo and she still has not chosen to include it in her wall arrangement, you should give it up. I believe that when someone is being disrespectful and hurtful after you have pointed out feeling slighted, they get a feeling of control over making you unhappy. Take that control back by not mentioning it again - and completely ignoring her attempt to bug you. Over time, you will feel empowered and the photos will make you laugh inside when you truly own that you are not emotionally manipulated by her attempts to minimize your place in the family as her son's wife. Also tell your husband that you are no longer going to let her get under your skin so that he is not going to her pleading your case. Your MIL needs to see that you are just not letting her actions get a reaction from you that is negative. She may come around, or she may not, but in any case you will not let her get a rise out of you.

2 moms found this helpful

I dont have the time to read through all 40 something responses, but I would say that you should talk not to your mil, but your husband. He should have your back on this one. he should understand your frustration, and be frustrated himself. It is disrespectful of her to not only have those pics up, but none of you. That is a slap in the face. But, she won't listen to you about it. She will her husband. And if it comes down to it, he should take them off her wall himself and say, "if you're going to have pictures of me on your wall, then they will be one's of my wife and I, not my past mistakes."

2 moms found this helpful

HI,
I had the same problem when I got married to my husband.Just let it go, if you and the ex-wife get along thats great. By the way we were married 51 years.

Ginny. KIngman. In.

2 moms found this helpful

You have a legitimate complaint. If you get along with the ex, that is great, but at the same time, you have 4 kids with your hubby and seeing the pictures of him & the ex on Grandma's walls is sending the wrong message.

If your M-i-l is determined to keep the pictures for herself, perhaps a compromise of her keeping them in her personal bedroom can be reached so she is the only one that views them. I also like the advice of another response to get the ex involved.

Bottom line..he is YOUR husband now and she needs to recognize that. As long as that picture hangs in plain view for everyone to see and she can't get your name right, she is disrespecting you, your husband and your grandchildren.

2 moms found this helpful

Oh R.,
I TOTALLY disagree with Verna O. That was completely rude of her to say those words. I believe if you can't say something nice, than you shouldn't say anything at all Verna! In regards to the picture...you TOTALLY have the right to be upset over this. For pete's sake, you're having your 4th child with this man. This lady needs to cut the ties with the picture and let "sleeping dogs lie". I wouldn't definately confront her again on the issue. Be firm next time! I just wouldn't want to go over there if my my m-i-l was disrespecting me that way. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

R.,

OK, I'd say your MIL is definitely being difficult. Maybe the pix on her wall are just ones she really likes. HOWEVER, I would really like her to at least ADD one of you and your husband. Maybe one with all the kids, even. Get another taken if you have to, put it in a nice frame that matches something else already in the room, and have your husband take over a hammer and hanger and ask her where she wants it!

Best wishes,
K.

2 moms found this helpful

You ABSOLUTELY have a legitimate complaint. She shows a lack of respect for both you and your husband by these actions. I think I'd think seriously about limiting your involvement and time there, etc. If she can't accept you, accept his choice of you, respect you & your husband, then I'm not sure why she even wants to include you....other than to "rub it in" somehow. Maybe somehow, she thinks it's your fault. Don't know the situation, but it's possible. Might want to have a talk w/ her and ask her to put herself in your shoes and how she would feel, how she'd handle. Put the ball in her court and tell her out of respect, it HAS to change........NOT "when she gets around to it". That could be NEVER. Set a deadline. Tell her it's obvious that she rearranged and put them back up ON PURPOSE. Again.....a lack of respect for BOTH of you. Your husband needs to back you on this.

1 mom found this helpful

If I were you, I would just drop it. She obviously knows that it bothers you. Sounds like you have made that very clear (yay you for standing up for yourself!). Everyone knows that it makes you uncomfortable, so just ignore it. Obviously it is some kind of power play on her part, and by letting it get to you, you are letting her win. Just ignore it and forget about it. It is her house and her walls. If you have a good relationship with everyone else, you can just be the bigger person. Think of it this way - she looks silly having them up!

Next time you are there comment on how nice the frames are just for something fun to do. haha

1 mom found this helpful

Hi R.,
I think you have every right to ask her to take them down. That is so rude and inconsiderate. My husband was previously married but had no children. My MIL has no pictures of them up, but my sister-in-law has one. It is a group picture from a wedding, but it's right in their hallway, obvious for all to see. I know it's their home, but I think it's a bit much to have it still up. His ex wanted out and they were married a very short time, so his family doesn't "miss" her, I guess.
Also, kudos to you for getting along with her and keeping the peace. I know several families that would never be able to do that!!!!

God Bless,
C.

1 mom found this helpful

Be positive.
It is not worth the anxiety for you to be concerned over this.
You have enough on your plate with your own family.
You cannot control her insensitivity, you can only control your own peace of mind, which is paramount to your mental health.
Do not choose to let it make you crazy.
So, let it go, and enjoy your relationship with the ex.

1 mom found this helpful

YES< this is legitimate! Yes, I would confront her again and then take them down myself. That is completrely disrespectful to you! And sounds like you are right, she does still wish they were together, but there is nothing she can do about it. Everyone has moved on!! Good luck with it and don't give up!

1 mom found this helpful

Ignore it. The ex is your friend anyhow , she is trying to keep a resemblence of sanity in her world.(The mother in law) Its her house not your's. She may keep that picture there for the child. I have not thrown out my ex brother in laws pictures because of my niece, but they are not hanging in my house either. Be a nice little lady and remain gracious when you visit. Remember this little piece of advise I used to over come my in-laws rude horrible nasty behavior...lol They are old, you are young, they will pass on you, will still be alive. Then you will have peace. Also remember this, it is all "only temporary". If you show your kids this new behavior they will follow suit. Shrug it off.

1 mom found this helpful

I like the idea of getting a picture of you and the ex together and framing it and giving it to your m-i-l. If you guys aren't laughing about it, maybe she'll get the picture...pardon my pun.

Also, I like the idea of you giving a framed portrait of you and your husband or you, your husband and your kids, including your step son. Giving it in a frame makes it easier for your m-i-l to hang it :-)

1 mom found this helpful

I have only read a few responses because there are SO many, so forgive me if I am repeating somoene else, but I would HELP her change the picture!!! Maybe she will get the point when you go over there with a new picture in hand READY TO HANG!!! I think your husband should back you on this 100%. I have complete respect for YOU for being adult enough to have a functional relationship with his ex wife. GOOD FOR YOU!!! My husband's ex wife and I got along for many years but in the last few years, it has been pretty awful. My MIL also has pictures or has even put in an old family video of a Christmas when they were together. She asks about her often and has been known to contact her against my husband's wishes, so I do understand what you are going through. The only thing I can say is you and your husband are lucky to have each other and four wonderful children, dont let your MIL affect your relationship with this man that you love!!! I think you sound like a very mature and respectable woman at 28!! Congrats to you!!

1 mom found this helpful

WOW!! this hit home pretty well for me.. My MIL still has pics of my husband with his EX'S! not on her wall thou! BUT-!! She will still sometimes bring up ex's and past situations about his ex's and him or different things that we know isnt true and its really frustrating. Ive been with him for 16 yrs now. She has our pics up and everything like that (we have 2 kids together 15&10yrs old) but the fact that she talks about it is quite annoying.

You just have to get over that bump somehow and when she thinks it dont bother you then MAYBE she will take them down. right now for some reason it seems she wants to intimidate you or make u feel uneasy. but dont let it, then it will get to her and not you. Your hubby is wonderful cuz he has supported u and said something to her too. Your cool with the lady so I would let it go and just look past it. Better yet, just smile to yourself when you see them cuz shes the past and YOU are his future and now!
It really is a shame that his "FAMILY" isnt on the walls. That is just rude and wrong to not only you and her grandchildren but to her son as well.
Does she have your kids pics in her home up? how does she treat you and your kids?

1 mom found this helpful

I would also get the ex involved, have her say something to the MIL at Christmas with everyone in the room, or buy a frame, put a pic of you and your husband in it and present it to her on Christmas as a gift. Hopefully she gets the HINT, if not, let it go, it is just a pic, maybe the kids will one day ask her, What's up with that?

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds as if you have confronted it and may just have to let it go. It may be the best you can hope for. I'm assuming she is good with your children and doesn't treat you too badly from the way you make it sound. She at least invites your whole family to family functions and the like. You may want to try a little one on one time with her. Invite her to go baby shopping or to one of the many Saturday morning Christmas bazars that many of the churches do. Get to know her outside the family gatherings and try to just be her friend. Good luck it is a diffcult call.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi R.,
It's a shame your m-i-l doesn't add the pictures of her son's new wife and children but unfortunately, I'm guessing it's just going to be one of those things you have to deal with. I'm glad to hear that your husband has supported you by also asking her. I think how you get along with the ex is awesome - it's got to make life so much better and easier for your stepson. It would be nice if m-i-l had pictures of her son with you and all 4, soon to be 5 :-), kids and the ex with her new husband and your step son. I don't know if there is a good subtle way to make sure it doesn't bother your step son? It sounds like you, your husband and the ex have set a good example for him; it would be nice if his grandma would do the same!
Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

good morning,

After reading your post, I certainly understnad your frustration! Your MIL is rude and inconsiderate. It is clear it is intentional. But since you get along with the "ex", I might just let it be, and COMPLETELY ignore it all. Have you said anything to the ex? I bet since you two talk, you both can laugh at the obsurdity of it, and both this the MIL is coo-coo. It is most unfair for YOUR children. Your children deserve to see you on that wall too. What would be BEST is for her to be there, AND YOU and your family ALSO. That would be considerate! It is symbolic of your children's family too! She is making her opinion loud and clear, but is it what the children need to see? Of course not. This woman really doesn't care. She is too hard headed to change her ways.

OR.....

Does she come to your house often?? Here's an idea. SHOW her what you mean- but without ANY words! Put a rediculas amount of pics of YOUR mother around the house, and remove ALL of her. She will get the picture. Then when it is brought up, and hopefully it will be, then you can say, "I have been trying to get you to understand, and you haven't for 7 years now. So I thought if I SHOWED you, that you might understand!" Keep you husband out of the entire plan. He won't notice anyway. And if he does, respond to him the way he does you- to just get over it, that no one is tending to it, so you will.

Just a thought, could she be reacting to the pictures at your home? Is she in any of them? If this is the case, she is hurt and bitter....just a thought.

You could always be the bigger person and make sure there are lots of pictures in your home that she wold like to see, especially of her. Then, maybe her heart will melt some from it's frozen state, and she won't be able to help ADORING you to pieces. And those pictures of his EX will be down!! LOL...I think of all of my ideas, this is the one I would go with.

Good luck and hopefully you can see this as a personality flaw on her part. You don't want to cause issues with the ex since she makes events nicer for you. I'm sorry that you have this issue. Let us know what you decide, and how it goes!

PS- I just read through a few responses, and I LOVE Christine's idea! YOU AND THE EX- at least in your home for her to see! And another about all of his kids together....but I doubt she will take any down...so it might be a waste of time, money and energy. It is a big thing for you to do or your children though!! They will see you as the bigger parent for doing that.
A.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear R.,

This is just my humble opinion, but here goes :-D

Yes, you have a legitimate complaint. I am the grandma of a terrific little boy whose parents are no longer together. I love my son's ex, but I understand why they are exes. I keep in touch with her and we see each other now and then, but we both understand that our time together as a family are in the past.

It's one thing for your MIL to have the ex's picture on a wall, but an entirely different thing for her to refuse to respond to your and your husband's request to place pictures of the two of you together in the position of honor. She needs to accept that her son has moved forward in his life, and give you the respect and acceptance you deserve. It's past time for her to remove the pictures from the living room and to put yours up. By not doing so, she is speaking loudly and clearly, and not only is she dissing you, but your husband as well. She might as well say to him, "I don't love you as much as I did when you were together with your ex."

I hope she will come to her senses and realize that her son has made his own decisions, and she needs to love him and accept you no matter what.

Why not give her a family portrait of you and your husband with the children? How in the world could she not be proud to hang a picture of all of her grandchildren on the wall?

Since you and the ex get along together so well, maybe you could enlist her help in convincing your MIL to enter the 21st century and make some decorating changes. LOL. I'm sure the ex would understand your position.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi R..
I know you say you have given her pictures in the past, but maybe give her a picture of you, your husband, and all of your kids, including your stepchildren, already in a frame. Then there's no excuse for her not to have it out. As for her having the pictures of your husband and his ex, I have to say that because he and his ex have a child together, I don't think it's that big of deal. It's probably nice for their child to see when he/she is over there. And, his ex will always have to be in your MIL's life because of the child. I do think it'd be better if she had pictures of you up as well, though. I hope this helps. I also want to say thank you for getting along with your husband's ex. You have no idea how your relationship with her impacts your step-children. Way to go!

1 mom found this helpful

It is frustrating but you've done all you could. You can't control her actions. To keep peace, I would accept it and let it go. One day, she may just change them and one day, you may find that it doesn't bother you as much anymore either. Take heart. You have your soul-mate and that's what really matters, not some pictures on a wall. ;-)

1 mom found this helpful

Well, your's is a tricky one. I can suggest maybe getting the EX involved. You said you get along, maybe as your friend she can say something on your behalf, she is one of the people in the pictures. If that fails then the only things left to do is flat out take them down yourself and replace them (since it's obvious that your MIL will not) or just take a deep breath and get comfortable with the fact that your MIL is a wicked old bat and try and move on. You've tried to ask nicely, you've had your husband ask nicely, if you can get his ex to ask nicely and she still refuses then, you might just have to live with it.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Good Morning R.

First I'd like to acknowledge your emotions here, your concern is legitimate because it is impacting your relationship with several people who I believe are important to you. I have several ideas I hope might help..#1 Instead of confronting her again why not enlist the support of the ex daughter in law? Especially since it seems as though you authentically like her, perhaps that is where the miracle could begin? #2 You can have a conversation with your MIL and actually have empathy for her loss (the way life use to be for her) and then see if she can find a way to include her son's new life and wife in "the picture", being authentically loving and honest here is critical. #3 If nothing changes, forgive her for her ignorance, it will set you free to be bigger than this current moment in life.
Someday R. you will be a MIL and you can remember this and hopefully make a difference for some young woman who wants to be accepted and appreciated by you. Never give your personal power away,continue to be loving and maybe she will learn something from you. Your children will learn from you as well. Sent with love, N.

1 mom found this helpful

Are the pictures just of the two of them, or are they group family photos? If they're old family photos from happier times, then it's probably harmless. (My in-laws have a few of those too...with my husband's ex.) However, if they're 'couple photos' of just the two of them, they need to face reality, and put those photos away. It's not appropriate to display them anymore.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm not big on being passive-aggressive, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.....

Stop giving her photos altogether. She doesn't seem to have the time/room to put up a picture of you then she certainly doesn't have room for pictures of her grandchildren. Make it obvious that everyone else is getting pics (include your hubby's ex, even with the children that are not hers).

Another option - for Christmas, get her one more framed photo and a gift certificate for one free installation of a photo of you and your husband.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd be pissed. I'd be frustrated.

I don't know how old your oldest son is but he will be confussed when he's older seeing a picture of Daddy with another woman....maybe you could broach it from that stand point? Also I'd defiantely mention to your hubby that she not only took them down when she got around to it but that she re-hung them. It is extremely disrespectful to you as her daughter in law. Maybe she keeps one smaller one so that her grandson (from his previous marriage) feels better seeing a picture of his mother and this is okay BUT to not even hang up the one you and your husband gave her shows she has no respect for you or your feelings. I'd explain how you feel to your husband and expect him to handle it. If he doesn't then I wouldn't go over to my MIL's until she shows she has respect for her son and you.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes, you do have a right to be upset that you've given her pictures of you and DH, that she hasn't hung them up, and even consciously changed the wall the pictures were hanging on. You even have 4 kids with her son now.

Whether or not she still wants her son to be with the ex, ro even if she has good intentions on hanging the pictures of your family and doesn't get around to it - it's all stuff that's beyond your realm of control. You can't make her put up pictures of you or take down pictures of the ex. Because there's a grandson via the ex, the ex is still tied to the family. You do get along with the ex - just be glad she's around, enjoy her company, and move on.

1 mom found this helpful

Your husband needs to set down the law with his mother. Even if she takes the pictures down and does not put up the ones with you in them, at least you would feel better. Is it possible for you to refuse to go to functions at her house in order for her to fully realize how the pictures make you feel?

1 mom found this helpful

My you have a lot of responses. My mom also had pictures of some of us with our exes. My brother is the only one that had a child with his ex. What we did was switched them out ourselves. But my mom still wanted by brother's little girl to have a pictures of her & her mommy, so she put up a picture (on the fridge) of her and her mommy. One of the main reasons my mom didn't switch was probably just not getting around to it, laziness, or whatever. So we did it for her & they remain the same to this date - unless we do it again with updated pictures again. I would say have your husband, since it is his mom, to do it so it doesn't look like YOU are the one with the problem. And if he can get a picture of his kids with his exes new family, he could hang that as well. My current husband used to make comments about my mom having family pictures with my ex in it - we finally got a new picture taken & put it up in it's place. She knew it needed done, it was just needing or taking the time to do it. She didn't mean to upset anyone. Your MIL is probably just trying to keep pictures of everyone, so she doesn't hurt feelings, but doesn't know how to do it.

1 mom found this helpful

I would definitely have a problem with this. I'm not sure that I would even continue to visit. She is being very inconsiderate of you and her son. And she has basically lied about taking down the picture when she "gets around to it". Good luck. Let me know what you decide.

1 mom found this helpful

I would be ticked off as well, but there is nothing you can do about it. Have you tried having a "family picture" of your husband, yourself and all the kids taken? You could have hubby give it to his mom and say "This is to replace the picture of (ex-wife)"
If that doesn't work, I would just ignore it until the children start asking.
There's no dealing with some people.
Good luck,
L.

1 mom found this helpful

There is another one out there?!! My soon to be MIL is the same way. I found out, from a pic on my SIL's wall, that my fiance cheated on me the whole first year we were together with his ex. This was 2 yrs after the fact, and we already had a son together. I would have left him had we not had a child. I dealt with it at first. He was the only one that I would say something too. He refused to say something to his mom, saying that it was her house she could do what she wants. I called her Thanksgiving morning and explained to her how I felt. She said "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we consider her family still." I informed her that I would not be back to her house until the pic came down. The woman has never liked me, and never will. I have learned to accept this. My finace never even had kids with this girl. It was his high school girlfriend! I think it is wonderful that you get along with the ex, and it sets a wonderful example for all of the kids. I am very close to my ex-inlaws and my ex. My fiance is perfectly fine with it, and my oldest son benefits greatly. Being that you do seem to get along and pal around with the ex at family functions, I would use it to my advantage. Chances are she is never going to side against the MIL, but you can have fun with it. I personally would frame one of your family photos, and while noone was looking replace one of the two on the wall with yours. If she notices that quickly, then you have the perfect opportunity to address it face to face!

1 mom found this helpful

Oh my goodness, I feel your pain, my mother in law still has pictures of my husbands high school sweet heart and of his ex wife but thank godness they are in a box. They get drug out when she talks of his childhood and then everyone remembers both of them and my husband will take the pictures and hold them for a minute and say how pretty they both are. I don't know either one of them nor have I met them, I'm not even from this state, and I feel that I have lost out on a part of him that they all know. But on a good note he will also remember why they are not together and why he is with me, just by nature and by blood and where I come from, he is a city boy and I am a born and raised farm and country girl, neither one of those from his past can compare to that. I do things different and I cook from scratch and his own mom can't even do that. So I just swallow hard when those pictures come out and remember that he chose me and not either one of them for a reason and then I remember that GOD made me the way I am (different from both of them) and he loves me the way I am. So I guess what I am saying is that you need to remember that your husband loves you for being you and you didn't marry his mom, so swallow hard the next time you see those pictures and let them be a reminder to you that you are the one that makes him happy. And most of all Pray about it !!!! Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

It's great you get along with your husband's ex. I agree with another poster that I'd be more upset that she keeps coming to functions than her picture being on the wall!

Have a nice picture taken of you, your husband, and children and then frame it and give it as a Christmas gift. Your husband could even offer to hang it for her. There should be at least one picture of you in the house as you are the mother of four of her grandchildren (just as the ex is mother to one of them).

Once that picture is up, you'll just have to let the fact that the others are still hanging go. I agree with someone else who said it is probably nice for your stepson to see that his mom is still being honored by his father's family. If you want to offer other pictures as gifts through the years that would probably be a good way to see that your face starts popping up around the house.

1 mom found this helpful

What if you organized a photo oppurtunity that included your family, the ex's family and your MIL? Then get the picture framed, bring it over for xmas ...and hang it up right there?

Another idea would be to get pictures of her and the kids, your husband, your kids, the ex's family and make a huge collage frame and wrap it up for xmas to gift to her. While you are there have your husband change the picture on the wall

If that doesn't work...I would let it go...it could be a power play on her part or she could just be really attached to the pictures...older people get like that...

R.

1 mom found this helpful

R.,

My mil does this SAME thing to my brother! Except she doesn't hide the fact that she dislikes his new wife!

When asked why she still had ex-sil's pic up she said "well Louis divorced her I didn't. She is still like a daughter to me". (they were together like 18 years) My brother has told her to get a photo of JUST the ex, not one of them together. She even still has their prom picture up and he's 32 years old!

If it were me in your shoes, I wouldn't make a fuss about it. That is why she is leaving it up. She knows it bugs you and that's just one "innoscent" way she can "eat away at you" without her having to pretty much do nothing.

I say leave it alone..let it be up...you know hubby and the ex's relationship existed...so when you see these pictures of the two of them, let it just serve as a reminder that everything happens for a reason, and for some reason their relationship didn't work out, which was lucky for you because NOW he's YOUR MAN!!! :)

1 mom found this helpful

I didn't read all of the responses, but am surprised by many of them. What your husband should do is take them down himself. If he doesn't want to do that I'd frankly stop going to her house. You have a right to be bothered. My MIL was never that inconsiderate, however she always stacks pictures...last years is behind this years, etc. I happen to be looking at the pictures in her wallet while we were in a hospital waiting room when my husband's grandmother was ill. I found a family picture of he and his ex. When I showed the rest of the family they were all shocked she still carried it. My husband took it from her and tore it up. On another note, there are pictures all over her house and mine of his daughters with his first wife. That's just another topic totally! I can't imagine how it affects your own kids when they see pictures of their dad with someone else haning on the walls at grandma's house. Totally strange!!

1 mom found this helpful

well i thought i had it bad with my mother in law, lol. I would be upset by it to. i agree that it shows no respect to you. i would get another pic and the frame and ask her again. good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

My MIL has 3 pics in her LR: one is of my husband, his ex and their chidren when they were young.. The secind is the rex and the children without my ex, a bigger problem since he isn't even in that picture.. The third is the ex alone in her college graduation picture. They also correspond and keep in touch, and my MIL gets a Christmas picture of her every year-which my MIL also puts out for all to see. My husband says he "talked to her about it" but that she said" it's her house." I like the idea of no longer going there. She and my husband are very close-he's her only son and the oldest-so I doubt if he were very emphatic.about my feelings.She's pretty domineering so I don't know how that went-but they are just alike.

She and your husband's ex have a lot in common, just like you and her do....the child. I think it's great that the grandma honors her grandchild's mother, even though she and her son have divorced. When I was young, this would've meant the world to me. Instead, it was like one day my mom was part of my dad's family, and the next, it was like she fell off the face of their earth. It was hurtful when all the pictures were taken down. Maybe that's one of the reasons she's leaving them up. Your stepson would definitely notice if they were all of a sudden gone one day. I think if I were you, I would get an 8 x 10 of you and your husband, frame it, and give it to her as a gift. I would try not to take it personally.

IN ADDITION: Oh my goodness, I just read some of the other responses and I have to ask all of the women who responded negatively.....are you all that self conscious and selfish that you would ACTUALLY feel okay about a little boy's mother's picture suddenly being taken off of his grandmother's wall? He's already the only child out of his brothers and sisters that has a different mother and two homes. Does he really need to be alienated more just because of a little jealousy and resentment over some stupid pictures? I think we all need to remember we're grown women, and it's not always about us anymore and how WE can be comfortable, but rather it's about doing what's right for our children, whether they're ours or ours by marriage. Leave the poor lady alone and admire her devotion to make sure her son knows that BOTH of his parents are still a part of the family. I LOVE to see my husband's old pictures that his mother has, and if he had any children from his past, I would HOPE that the woman was still honored in the family because when children are involved, it's what's best. I think it's cute seeing and hearing about my hubby's exes. Do you all think that if there are no pictures out in the open, somehow your husband's past will magically disappear? Those exes are still there. If you're uncomfortable being reminded of them through pictures, then you're uncomfortableness is NOT with the pictures, but with YOURSELF. They're PICTURES of the past, we all have them....I'm disappointed once again by this forum.....

You don't like it that MIL keeps x's pictures on the wall but you hob nob with her at the family get togethers--lol---I would be more upset that she was still coming to family get togethers then a picture hanging on the wall----but I guess to each his own---I would do as my hubby said drop it.

Let it go...all that matters is that your husband choice you. My parents have been divorced for almost 20 years and my father's mom still invites my mom over for holiday and birthday functions. My paternal grandma always says just because my parents got divorced doesn't mean that my mom stopped being part of her family. Both of my parents are remarried. My dad's current wife doesn't appreciate what my grandma does, but honestly it is my grandma's decision. She doesn't do it to be disrespectful. She does it because my mom is one of the people that she enoughs being around.

God do I know how you feel ;(

Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.