Mother Babysitting During Summer.....

If she thinks she should be paid for working, then PAY HER! You say she is constantly nagging you, so PAY HER! Why should she HAVE to nag you? You say you don't know what to do....SURE you do, PAY HER!

How can she get this through YOUR head, she wants to be PAID! You have to give her credit, she is doing her best to communicate with you. You just don't like what she's saying.

Sit down with her and apologize to her thinking only of yourself and for not taking her feelings into consideration. Ask her how much she wants to be paid. If it's less than $100 per week, consider yourself lucky. If it's MORE than what you can get elsewhere, go with another provider. Nowhere in her "grandmother's handbook" does it say she is obliged to provide full time care (for FREE no less) for her daughter's child.

If you continue your current route, there is a good chance your mother won't want to spend ANY time with you or your daugther. Don't squander her good graces.

Do this today. In fact, bring her a handful of wildflowers when you pick up your daughter this afternoon.

Good luck, you can do this.

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like your mom is on a fixed income. Have you asked her what sort of pay she expects? It might only be enough to cover the cost of your daughters food, and drinks. It could even just be praise and thanks. Or she might want an actual pay like a daycare. Either way she has raised her children. She shouldn't have to watch your daughter just because you expect her to do it. If she has asked for pay she should get it. Maybe you can come to a compromise you are both happy with. You don't want to destroy the relationship with your mother, and the future one between grandmother and granddaughter.

Hi M.,
I don't know what part of the city your located but, I'm a licensed ChildCare Provider who accepts childcare payment subsidy from the state or county. Your situation sounds as if your eligible for the Day Care Unit to pay part or all of your childcare expense. You can check my website out at: funtasticadventuresdaycare.com to learn more info about me. You can also email me from that web if you have more questions re:childcare payments.

Hi! I totally understand your situation. I am a stay at home Mom since I was pregnant. Last year for a bit I felt like it was time for me to go back to work. My husband & I only had one car at the time and I got a job where he was employed at. I thought that this would work out because my Mom doesnt work, she is on Social Security. She is home all day anyways, so I thought she too would love to be with her granddaughter. But she made it very clear to me, that if she were going to watch my daugther on a daily basis for me to work, she was going to be paid. She didnt tell us how much, just that she wanted to be paid. We ended up paying her $100 a week, just a little less than it would have been if our daugther went to day care. When I called about day care the best price I had gotten was $125 a week. I was torn whether to pay my own Mother who otherwise would have been home. Or to send our daugther to day care. My husband was totally against paying my Mother, he thought it was ridiculous and that you dont pay family to watch your children. I wasnt sure where I should put my money, with my Mom who could use it, or in a day care. I thought about the attention she would get at one place vs the other. And of course the better decision for us was my Mom. The only reason I leaned a little towards the day care was for the socialization of the other children. My daugther being with my Mom was just that, with my Mom. She has no transportation to take my daugther out anywhere, other than the city bus. And one of the days we were working and have her watch our daugther was a Sunday, and no public transportation like the bus run on Sunday here. Needless to say I wasnt happy to have to pay my mom but that is what had to be done. I wasnt making much money at all, and about a little less than half of it after taxes was going right to my Mom. But I think in my case she felt that she could demand money since both my husband & I were working. In your case of being a single Mom she might think that you are doing well for youself maybe? and that you can afford to pay her. I would go with one of the other Moms advise and try bartering with her. Tell her that you can give her $50 a week, and you can take her food shopping etc. When I was a child my own Mom had her mother watch me, and she never paid a cent. My grandmother wouldnt have it. But my parents did do things for my grandmother like, take her on vacation with us, get her a new fridge when hers broke, etc. I think you need to just sit and talk with her and tell her how you feel. Let her know your not rolling in money and that you would rather your daughter be with her, and you would rather give her money than a stranger, but that you dont have much to give. I think if you are honest she will be more understanding than if you jsut avoid the subject totally! Good luck M.!

Yes she should want to spend time with her grand daughter and not have to be paid, but the fact is that she'd like to be paid. Face it taking care of a child is a lot of work, your mother is probably older and tires easily and would like something for her work. Maybe she feels under appreciated and would like some money to make her feel better. Offer to pay her a small amount, maybe $5 a day or something.

Hi M., I am a Grand mother of 4. My husband and I watch our Daughter's 2 boys, 7 & 3 1/2. My daughter recently got a new Job, she needs us to watch them every day for 2 weeks training. It is a tough job since I just got a new knee.
Now we watch them 4 days a week, I really love to see them, but I have not much time to make extra money, to help with the bills. I understand where your mom is coming from. My Daughter cuts our Hair. She takes me to the Doctors. So I guess we are bartering. She helps me when I ask her. We offered, we won't pass up a chance to see them. So talk to her, Babysitting might be hard for her. This gives her no options to do things she needs to do, Offer to help her and spend time with your Mom. She is giving up her summer.
She probably needs the money or she wouldn't ask. Did she Volunter, or did you ask her to sit? If you asked her I'd say pay her something. Don't take advantage of her being your Mom.
God Bless

Hello, I know it is tough when its your parents, but I used to pay my Mom to watch my son when I worked and had no sitter, but it was me that said I will pay you, I did not pay her what I would have paid a "sitter" but she did get paid. Maybe you can work something out.

Hi, wow your right alot of these answers were brutal. I know where your comming from, because for many years I was a single parent of four, and I also could not count on my family for much help. Do you know anyone in your area who would consider trading babysiting duties? I don't think it's fair if your mom knows you are struggling that she expects you to pay her to help out, I wouldn't do that to my own kids. Do you have any kind of program that help pay child care cost in your area? Alot of them have waiting lists, but if you sign up now you will be ready for next summer. You might want to put your daughter in day care one or two days a week during the school year once you get the assistance, just so you don't have to go through the waiting list again to get back on next summer. In the mean time could you talk to your mom and see exactly how much she wants from you? Maybe when you drop your daughter off with her you could bring cereal, something for lunch, and a couple snacks and drinks for your daughter. See if this makes any difference. I once had to quit a nighttime job after one week because my mother told me she'd babysit for me and then said having the kids there made her so nervous she got a rash, even though they behaved for her and just watched tv, so I do know where your comming from. good luck to you I hope this works out

The way i see it is it is not your moms obligation to care for your child just because she is the grand mother.yes it is a great joy to spend time with our grandchildren.but no one wants to feel they have to.or that you would feel they are not worthy of being
paid.you need to let your mom know she is valuible and how much it would mean to you if she could be supportive at this time.i would think of a fair trade . You can offer your services to repay her for her time and help.bartering is a great way to work things out. Everyone wins .and i am sure there are some ways to return her support in a caring way.good luck
i hope this helps.
C.

SHE IS PROVIDING YOU A SERVICE. Why don't you call 211 and get the number for Care for Kids it sounds like you may be eligible.
You and your mom would both have to fill out applications you parent her provider. If that doesn't work try exchanging chores for babysitting

That's a tough one. You'd hope that a grandmother would want to willingly watch your child with no strings attached, but EVERYDAY is also a lot to ask. I'm assuming that you've already had a discussion with the grandmother and explained your financial situation. Also, is there anything in your life that you could go without for the summer (cable, eating out, cell phone, land line phone, etc.) so that you could save some extra money to give to the grandma? If not, I would try to make it through this summer and then sign your daughter up for a summer Parks-n-Rec. type program for next summer. That way she would be around kids her own age and the small monetary fee would be taken care of before summer even starts. Good luck.

I feel your pain. My mother also watches my children for one week while my aunt takes a vacation. My mother requests not to be paid because she knows how tight our budget is and that one week helps. But if I were to ask my mother to watch my children for the whole summer - basically giving up all of her freedoms for the summer, I would want to pay her. I hate saying this, because it's not what you want to hear, but look at it from her perspective. When you asked her to watch your children did the pay subject come up? If it did and she said no pay, then you are in the right. Good luck.

I so argee with Cynthia L.
You act like you are doing your mother a favor, insted of the other way around. Where is it printed or even a moral obligation that grandparents watch their grand kids, just because it would be easier for the parents. Sorry but, pull your head out of your rear and be grateful your mom is willing to watch your daughter at all even if she does want to be paid. Look at what has been happening in daycares!!!!! Don't forget your 6 year old father is responsible for half of the "daycare" money you give your mom. Do the right thing. Do not take advantage of your mother.

Maybe see if she would go for a trade, if you did something for her that she couldn't do in return for babysitting

Well I guess this responce is going to be voted 3 out of 3 sofar. You should be paying your mom. If she volunteers to watch your daughter, then no, she is volunteering. But if she is asking for money it is not a part of 'just want to', but rather a job. She may be retired and home, but because your daughter she is forced to stay at home even if she wanted to go to a luncheon or out with a group of friends for breakfast. Yes, her seeing her grandaughter is fine, but all day-every day...she raised her kids, she should be relaxing, not taking care of a 6 year old. She raised her kids. And just because you and your husband didn't make things work and now you are with a single income...that isn't her fault, it'syour own responsibility. Just becuase you are on hard times doesn't mean she is obligated to pick up the slack.
If she wasn't saying anything, then there would be no problem, but if she is asking for money, then she may need it, or she may feel like you are just walking all over her and using her 'just because' she is your mother. Honestly, from your post, that's what it sounds like.
If you are hurting for childcare and are financially strapped as you say, go to the county and get childcare assistance to help pick up the cost of a daycare or homecare.

ok so here's the thing alot of grandmothers would love to watch their grandkids so i don't get her. i wouldn't make my kid pay me if i was in that spot...do you have an in law that would do it? i know about the money i struggle to if i were you this is what i do i stay at home and watch kids so that i could be at home with mine and have the influence and the convenience of not spending money on gas and lunch and stuff make the kids bring their own stuff

I wish I could offer some advice, I pay my mother $30 a day to watch my kids.