Morning Routines

Dear V.:

I did a combination of things to get my daughter out the door when she was younger. First off, we organized all school supplies and clothes were picked out the evening before. Get up the same time every day, earlier if you need more time, later if you don't.

I also found a combination of breaking up the morning into smaller pieces and rewards worked well. Instead of saying, "Time to get up. We have thirty minutes to get dressed, eat and brush teeth," it was "Time to get up. You have 10 minutes to get dressed." Then I'd say, "Sit down to breakfast. You have 15 minutes to eat," et cetera.

What also worked for me was if my daughter was running ahead and had absolutely everything done and it was too early yet to go to school, she would get to watch a cartoon. The TV was only turned on AFTER everything was done, not skipping any steps in our routine. Also, she only got to watch the program until it was time to go, finished program or not.

To start with I had to get up earlier to get myself ready to go and pretty much micromanage her to get her on track. Once she got used to the routine, and with the reward of a cartoon if she was done early, our mornings were pretty good.

I would also tell my daughter what my mother told me: If you're running late and cranky in the morning that means you're not rested enough. That meant going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. It really works!

It will take some work on your part, but getting the morning routine under control is really important. It's ruining your day AND your daughter's. Hang in there. It will get better with some work.

L. F., mom of a 14-year-old daughter

P.S. After ready the other posts I had to agree with a couple that said take her to school as is when it's time to go. My daughter has brushed her teeth in the car, finished breakfast or finished dressing in the car a few times. It was a learning experience. She is an extremely responsible 14-year-old and has NEVER been tardy to school!!

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I don't know the age of your daughter, but the answer is to load her up completely unready (in her pajamas if you have to and without her things) and take her to school. She will hate you and rage at you but she will be horrified and embarrassed (depending on her age) and will work to get ready on time from that point on. Quit WAITING on her. Load her up and go.

VickiS

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I tell my kids that I will take them AS THEY ARE when it's time to go. So far I've only had to take my daughter once with her hair not done. You also have to mean it. If it's time to go, get in the car and go.

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Try flylady.net. I know that it is for cleaning, but it can also help with routines. It starts out slowly with a night routine. For the first day, you just lay out your clothes for the next day, then add putting your backpack together, etc. Then you can add a morning routine. I know that they have a kid's section on there too, and they are really responsive to emails.

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Ok, I had the same prob. According to love & logic parenting: tell her that she has to be ready by x time. If she is not she will go to school exactly as she looks. In jammies, hair not brushed, without breakfast or whatever it may be. I took my daughter out the door in her jammies & she freaked out. Fortunately for her I had her clothes in the car & I let her dress. The next day, no probs. Seems harsh, but it worked. Good luck.

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My son is 6 years old and he is so slow to dress but he now know if the carpool is here before he is ready he is going to school as is so he take about 3 weeks to understand this ,he sometimes didn't have time to eat breakfast but now he drees a little more quick to eat breakfast and watch some cartoons in the morning .

i agree with julie s. the backpack is ready and the clothes a night before .

You didn't say how old she is... but I have found for myself and the kiddos, setting out clothes the night before really helps. I also bann TV in the mornings and feed my kids breakfast in the car if they are too slow getting ready (granola bars, fruit, and dry cereal with a cup of milk or juice all work out OK in the car). We have a 20 minute drive to school. I also find that if I get ready and then go start the car, my son gets in gear faster- but that is usually after I have gotten him to get dressed, but not to get his coat and backpack. We struggle with the nagging thing, too, so I am curious to see what other ideas you get. I think it would be a good idea to get her input if she is 8 or older... maybe she can tell you why she's having a hard time and what she thinks would help.

I felt like you were writing my story!

We do EVERYTHING at night. Pack our bags, brush our teeth, set out our clothes, find our socks, put them with our shoes. All she has to do is put on the clothes I throw (litteraly some mornings) at her and hopefully have time to brush her hair in the car on the way to school. She needs time in the morning to wake up and it doesnt matter what time I put her to bed or when I start waking her up, she kows how to tell time and knows how long it will take her and she will wait til the very last minute to get dressed. I have even conceeded to letting her eat breakfast at school because I dont want the argument in the mornings. If she brushes her teeth at night, I have allowed myself to believe that is enough floride for one day. We leave at 730 every day no questions asked. If you didnt brush your hair, that is not my problem, the teachers and staff at school know I love you enough to get you there on time and that it is your responsiblity to take care of your hair. As a result this year, she choose a haircut that looks cute even when not brushed. Not a cut I would have ever picked for her, but she loves it and we dont argue about hair any more.

On the flip side, my younger daughter goes to bed at the same time, wakes up at the same time as the older one, put on her uniform, helps us pack her lunch, brushes her hair and her teeth, eats breakfast and leaves at the same time we all do.

I have decided kids are kids and they are all different, you cant always make them do what you want, but you can choose to except thier differences and love them no matter what!

I agree with Angela and Christine. The real world consequences will not scar your child but teach them a valuable lesson. Leave the house at the time you say you are. Your daughter is to get in the car with or without her stuff or being dressed appropriately. No arguements. A day of having your peers staring at you bc you aren't appropriately dressed or a day of difficulties bc you couldn't be bothered to gather the books/homework you needed will motivate her to do it right when she gets up. Don't enable. Set the timer to wake her up at the agreed time and get yourself ready for work. If you are tardy, you risk your job. The worse she gets in detention. Good Luck!

I know how you feel. I feel responsible for getting my children to school on time and I have been known to nag and yell and threaten and everything else to try to make it happen. Not only does this frustrate me, it frustrates them too and they end up starting the school day all stressed out. Plus, it doesn't work! So I am learning that there's only so much I can control. I bet other moms have recommended "Love and Logic" or one of the child-rearing books by Dr. Kevin Lehman and I agree those are good resources. I think they would say to tell your daughter that you all are leaving the house at 7:30 (or whatever time), and that you are trusting her to be responsible enough to get herself ready by that time. Ask her what time she wants you to wake her up and do that much and no more. Don't keep nagging or checking in on her because that will signal to her that you don't think she is capable of rising to the challenge. When 7:30 comes, if she isn't dressed or hasn't brushed her teeth or hair, take her to school anyway. Don't allow yourself to get angry... remember, it was her choice that led to this. And don't let her talk you into waiting a few more minutes... let her see the consequence of her not taking care of her responsibilities, even if it's detention for being out of uniform or whatever. By removing yourself from the situation and letting her control it, you are also free to not feel guilty about the natural consequences. And thankfully those consequences won't be too severe at this point; it could be a fairly painless lesson that will take her far in life. Good luck!

set a timer for 15 minutes...and tell her she needs to eat breakfast and when the timer goes off and she isn't done -oh well take her plate away. set the timer again for 15 and tell her she needs to be dresses within that 15 minute period, and if she isn't -oh well she wears her jammies to school. my son's kindergarten teacher told me to do this with my son and if he wore his jammies once to school he'll never do it again. my son now is allowed to watch tv in the morning but knows if he doesn't get a move on tv goes off. he knows too that he has 15 minutes to complete a morning task. and if it comes down to it i take away the wii or tv for afterschool!!! just be firm with her!!!

How old is your daughter?

Some behaviors are just to get attention, positive or negative, so don't give negative. I would lay out her uniform the night before, along with shoes, socks, etc...

Have a quick breakfast available. My daughter didn't like early breakfast, so I sent her to school with a Carnation Instant Breakfast to drink before class.

Make sure to spend some quality time with her before bedtime so she feels valued and praise her and gush over her when she DOES get ready on time.

Instead of getting her up early, you might get up a bit earlier and get ready and be available to help her get ready, like brush her hair. It also gives you time for some mom/daughter visiting in the AM.

Anything you can do positively will make both of you feel happier! Good luck and God bless you!

You might check out Love and Logic. they have books, parents seminars, etc. I took the class a while back and the morning solution was this...I'm leaving at 7:00, you can have your clothes on your back or in a bag, it doesn't matter to me. One day of being dropped off in her PJ's and changing in the bathroom should be enough to make her try to get ready quicker. You didn't say how old she is. Can you leave her at home by herself? Can she walk to school? Even if she's late. I'm assuming that if she's old enough to be home alone and walk to school, the school would have consequences like detention or something like that...Love and Logic says let logical consequences happen. Other that that, take away prevliges. What is important to her? Her DS? IPod? Take those away. No tv if she can't get ready on time. If she gets ready on time, she can have 30 mintues of TV or Ipod, and can keep earning time each day she gets ready on time. Good luck! I know that's tough, especially if you have other kids too.

How old is she?

Make sure the backpack is packed and clothes are laid out the night before.

No TV or if you have to have the TV on, put it on the news.

She's not going to die if she goes to school without breakfast or with her teeth and hair unbrushed or with mismatched socks.

If she knows you mean business (you are leaving whether she is ready or not), she will make more of an effort to get ready in the morning. I give my kids warnings starting at 30 minutes, 15 minutes, 10 and 5. They know what they have to do and I have sent them on their way when they haven't been ready. Too bad, so sad.

Maybe put her to bed earlier. If it interferes with what she wants maybe it will make a difference. She gets up nicely and gets ready she can stay up 20 minutes or so later. If she gets up grumpy and wastes your time, waste her time by making her go to bed earlier. She might just really need a little more sleep. I know my kiddo does.

I have three boys (4, 8, and 9) that often take their time getting ready in the am... I'd love to send them to school in their PJ's, but honestly I think they would rather wear that than their school uniform. I will on occasion resort to bribery and I also race them against each other, maybe she could race you... racing a clock is not as much fun as racing a person. I have one son that will nag... "why do I have to go to school, I hate school" I told him the other day I wasn't going to talk about it right then and that he was going to school, and for what ever reason it worked... he stopped, it had never worked before, but I do find that he does more nagging when he is tired!!! and I put him to be earlier the next night. I put them to bed between 8 and 8:30 if he gets to nagging he goes to bed between 7:30 and 8.. it does help the next day.

Hi! Kind of a difficult time but you will get it worked out. One thought I had was to write down a schedule. You could write down what needs done and how much time you think it would take and let her write down also how much time it might take and then keep fairly close track of how it goes for a few days. Praise and maybe even a Saturday shopping trip if it goes pretty well for a week (no perfection here). Also, if possible, try to get your job hours so that you can start a little later so you don't have that added stress.

You don't mention her age? But anyway, I like what Angela suggests -- leave the house on time and too bad if your child doesn't have it all together by then. Or let her get a few tardies which usually means detention. Most successful people are successful because they suffered, and learned from, failures. Right now you are being an enabler because you're taking on the responsibility so she figures if you'll do it then why should she? Believe me, I've been struggling with this with my 15 year old daughter for several years now. But she has actually gotten better in the past year or so. One thing I did was give her this book about organizing and initially she rolled her eyes but then she read it and was really excited about some of the ideas and ever since she has worked harder to be more organized and prepared. I also have 10 year old daughter whose is very organized and prepared, so really it is a personality thing.

1-get as much done the night before as possible----down to getting cereal boxes out.
2-check with her doctor about any meds she may be on that affect her sleeping patterns. Our oldest is ADHD and was a bear to get moving until we figured out that his sleeping patterns were messed up. Once he was able to get to sleep and sleep for 6+ hours straight, the morning nightmare was almost gone. She's gotta get enough sleep.
3-AMEN on the PJ's in the car, especially if her rebellion causes you and her brother to be late. Right now she is in control of the morning and is controlling you with her behavior. The consequences have to outweigh any possible reward she "gets" from dragging around in the morning.
4-No TV or radio in the morning. Some people are just slow wakers and need quiet to get ready for the day.

Bless you. We've all been there!

L.

Well my first two questions are: how old is she and what time does she go to bed?

She may not be getting enough sleep. My 7 and 9 year old had a bedtime of 9 pm. It took them a half hour to an hour to fall asleep and they get up at 6:30 in the morning. They were incredibly difficult to wake up and dragging in the morning, so we moved both of their bedtimes back to 8 pm. In the mornings, I'll give them a reward like 50 cents for ice cream that day or they can play video games for an extra quarter to half hour after school or something like that if they get themselves ready for school like they are supposed to. If they don't get it together and get ready on time, then they don't get to the reward, whatever it may be that day. I try not to offer the same reward twice in a week though and I try to make sure that it is something that they really enjoy, but a small something.

So far, it's been a successful venture. We've been doing this for about a month now, and we've only had a handful of instances where they weren't ready to go on time.