16 answers

More on My 4 Year Old Hitting His Teachers

the director is pretty good about trying to help me work with him about everything, my husband and i don't speak much to his teacher, we don't care for her or her teaching abilities much, especially after the way we found things were being done .ex. - she would take away all recess time if he didn't do what he was asked to do (which i had a problem with, kids need there time to go out a play not just sit inside), he was in red almost every day except of course when he was in yellow and when i told her it would take some time for him to adjust to her, her response was "I've been here 3 weeks, just how long is it going to take?!?" we don't mesh which I'm sure is a small part of the problem, also we never had these issues when he had his other teacher David. I never really heard any kind of complaints from him when Taylor was in his class. but maybe it was just his teaching style and the new one sounds like she does it a lot different, but i would think it shouldn't take several months for him to adjust and get to know this new teacher and her routine. Taylor used to always be so excited about going to preschool then and happy all the time and now he says he doesn't want to go to this school, he wants a new one and that this one his closed so we can't go..he cries when i leave, something he didn't even do when he was 2 when they are suppose to go thru separation anxiety. should i maybe think of a new preschool for him or do you any of you have an answer to the problem of him hitting?he doesn't hit at home and while we do get normal amount of attitude out of him and feelings of anger i don't feel it more om him more than is usual for a child his age that is still trying to figure out how to express himself. could the preschool be the issue? he's been going there since he was 6 weeks old.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

WELL I DID IT!!!! I found a new preschool for Taylor called Mama Bears and he will be starting on Monday. i just got back from visiting and speaking with the director and it looks/sounds like it will be a great fit for us. the teacher has been there for 3 years and they don't do any silly color chart based on his behavior. they have field trips, post what the kids are learning that week/month and have positive reinforcement to teach them right from wrong. thank you for all of your advice, tips and stories it was a great help in solving this issue with my son's school. i hope this works to get my baby back on track.

Featured Answers

My son had some of the same issues with a teacher at a preschool. I pulled him out and still think - many years later - that it was the best thing I did.
If you don't like this teacher's methods, pull him out. NOW! If the teacher doesn't like him, she's never going to like him. Bad enough we have to deal with this when we are in school - you should NOT have to deal with this when you are 4.

Hitting at preschool - he is upset about something. He is having trouble articulating his feelings. If the teacher is always yelling at him, what are the kids in that class learning? They are probably piling on, too!

The poor kid!
Get him OUT.

LBC

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't read all the responses, but when my son went through a hitting period in preschool, a friend suggested a book called "Hands are not for hitting". I ordered two from Amazon.com and gave one to the school. I read it to him every night before bed, and they read it at school in group time. It seemed to work for my son, and it is a darling book!

More Answers

Does the school have a written policy regarding disipline? My son's preschool does. Have you had a talk with the director or the teacher and director. My son is also 4 and can be a handful. He took a while to adjust to school (like a few months) and there has been a noticable difference between his current teacher and the previous one. In our case the current teacher is much better. She is not just nicer but used close supervision and other behavioral stratagies to head off problems. The previous teacher was more strict and confrontational and my son didn't like her. Is there a chance of changing classes/teachers or do you have to change to a new daycare? It kind of sounds like he and his teacher are not a great match. I may be worth sitting and writing down your concerns and talking to the director and teacher. You might be able to come up with a way to head off a confrontation before the hitting starts (like taking him aside to calm down). Maybe there is a second teacher or adult in the room who can take more of a lead with your son. Anyway, good luck. We are dealing with hitting and similar behavior with my 4 year old as well.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm just appalled by that teacher's attitude. Her defensive comment about it having been three weeks tells me all I need to know about her. I don't care if it takes three months, that lady should be willing to work with your child! Preschool is when children learn to love school, to adapt to the transitions between activities,and to get along with the other children. You didn't mention it, but does your son get along with the other kids okay?

My daughter's preschool handles "problem" kids by having them sit in the director's office quietly for a while. Or another teacher takes them aside for a different activity. They know they're not getting to do what the other kids are doing, but there's no public humiliation with sad faces or "bad" color charts. I volunteer at my daughter's preschool all the time and two of the kids didn't get to help me with a fun project yesterday because they acted up and made other kids cry during recess. They just went inside with the director while the rest of us worked outside. There was no big deal about it, no production, just a quiet separation of the two who were misbehaving from the rest of the kids. The other kids didn't even notice, they were so excited about our project.

Anyway, if there is no other teacher available, you need to tell the director you'll be looking for another preschool next year. Yes, your child will have to learn to deal with difficult people and difficult personalities all of his life, but starting that at age 4 is asking a bit much. My daughter will have to deal with mean girls and teenage bitchiness down the road, but that doesn't mean I would subject her to it every day while she's not even in kindergarten yet! Those challenges can be dealt with later on when she has a bit more maturity and a bit more self confidence.

Good luck to you!

2 moms found this helpful

22 years ago, my son attended a church-pre-school 2 days per week. Things were great until half-way through 2nd year; he got new teacher. Son started balking when time to go to school. Something at the school was causing extreme unhappiness. I started thinking about pulling him out. The day he came home and told me that he was "stupid" and all the other kids were "smart" is the day I decided to pull the plug. He stayed home with me and new baby for a year, then started back at college child-development center when I went back to school. That same child is now finishing his 2nd year in med school.

1 mom found this helpful

My son had some of the same issues with a teacher at a preschool. I pulled him out and still think - many years later - that it was the best thing I did.
If you don't like this teacher's methods, pull him out. NOW! If the teacher doesn't like him, she's never going to like him. Bad enough we have to deal with this when we are in school - you should NOT have to deal with this when you are 4.

Hitting at preschool - he is upset about something. He is having trouble articulating his feelings. If the teacher is always yelling at him, what are the kids in that class learning? They are probably piling on, too!

The poor kid!
Get him OUT.

LBC

1 mom found this helpful

I'm sorry, but I would pull him out of that school. It sounds like the director does not have patience to work it out with him. Also, in your other post, you stated that the director told him he was a bad boy. When my oldest was in preschool she was very difficult, but her teachers NEVER told her she was a "bad" girl. I think that is very wrong!!! You might want to talk to whoever is above her to see what can be done, especially if you cannot move him. The color code system seems a little strict for preschool. I don't know, but the more you tell the more I disagree with the director of the preschool.

1 mom found this helpful

Okay I'm going to go a different route here because I am an older mom and when I look into the future of our children it makes me sad. First, what is wrong with keeping a child from recess when he is misbehaving. Of course children need to run and play, however that is a privilege. When children do not follow the rules they loose their privilege. It is call consequences to your actions. The problem with what I read is our teachers have to learn to handle our misbehaving children not our children need to learn to behave for our teachers!!! Do you really think the real world is going to learn different styles, and different techniques to deal with our misbehaving children? Or should our children learn the consequences that come with their misbehavior. I'm sorry but if we do not teach our children how to behave and act respectful then what is their future. Do you really think when they get into the real world their bosses will just excuse their behavior and give them a pass because they are having a bad day, or because they just don't want to do something, or they don't like the way they are asked..!! Come on we have to parent, we have to teach our children to be respectful to ALL adults. Unless a teacher is down right abusive then I am so tired of hearing the teacher's being at fault. Each teacher has her own style, just like each boss is going to have their own style. If we do not prepare our children to deal with all type of personalities and allow them to be disappointed or loose their recess, how are they ever going to learn how to be independent, responsible adults. Sorry but I deal with this everyday. I own a preschool and I love children, but what I see on a daily basis makes me sad, because as a mother of grown children I know what is down the road. The real challenges that they will be facing. My children in some incidences had the same teachers growing up and one hated her and one loved her. I didn't go into school every time my son came home upset. Unless your child is being mistreated then I say let them have consequences, and teach them to respect authority, even if you don't always agree. Maybe it's the behavior that a teacher does not like, not necessarily the child. I try to put myself in their shoes for a change and maybe you could get a clear perspective of their side.

1 mom found this helpful

Can you take him out? The way I see it - if you don't like the teacher so much that you don't really talk to her, imagine how he feels being trapped with her.

And I have to agree with you on the recess thing. When a child mis-behaves, it needs to be dealt with then and there, not at recess time. If the kid has to wait until recess time for a punishment (and I think that is too harsh for a 4 year old) then it is very confusing to them, and sends the message that she is still mad - holding a grudge. He's 4!!!! He isn't 10. There is probably more to the story that he isn't telling you, too..... like he is being hit or something. If you wouldn't trust that woman to hold on to your purse, don't trust her with your child. Something is really wrong with the relationship between he and the teacher, and that teacher is the adult.

Also, I learned an awesome trick from a teacher friend of mine: Keep a jar of mixed beans - about 3 or 4 different kinds of large-ish beans - handy, with as many smaller jars as different kinds of beans. When they lose control and start mis-behaving, tell them that they need to go sort the beans. It changes their focus and helps them learn to calm down before things get out of hand. Sorting also helps develop math skills, so not a bad thing at all.

Sounds like something just does not feel right to your son. Some may say that pulling him out will not teach him to deal in the real world but he's 4 years old and far from getting out in the real world. He needs to feel like you are listening to him even at that age. We had to pull my son out of two different day cares. One was because of my personal issues with the director and the other one was because of him acting out and biting. Once we took him out he stopped. There where things going on that he couldn't verbalize to me. Granted within about 2 months after that the daycare was closed down. Do what is best for your son. You want him to be happy at this age with where he is. It's hard enough I am sure on you just knowing you have to leave him there. I know it was for me. So find somewhere that you all feel comfortable with. I had to do all kinds of research before I put my son in a new daycare. Granted that meant taking some time off work but it was what was best for him.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do and God Bless!

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