June 13, 2011,
J.M. asks from Fox River Grove, IL on June 06, 2011
Let me start off by saying my husband I rarely fight. We are best friends and communicate very well. The issue I am having is money. Until 3 years ago I always made more money between the two of us and now he does since we opted for me to work shorter/less hours in order to stay home with our kids. I have always managed the money... I don't mind managing the money but what I do mind is that my husband is a spender and I am not. The problem is, with him making significantly more money than I am I feel like it is sort of unfair of me to complain about him spending money. At the same time, however, I want to pay our debt down and actually start saving which we can do since he just got a promotion. He is the kind of person who wants something, so he buys it. Not ridiculous things...we are not talking boats or cars here but going into Target and dropping 200 dollars on "stuff" without batting an eye. It adds up very fast. I am the kind of person who will put stuff in my cart and end up putting 75 percent of it back before I leave because I sit there and think, can I do without it? Usually it is yes. We have tried giving him his own account with a set amount of money which never works out because if there is not money available he just uses a different card. I know I can't change how he is with money but what do other couples do when one is a spender and one isn't too avoid it being a constant argument? Although he has never said it, I am sure that he feels like he works his butt off (which he does) so he should be able to spend money... which I do agree to an extent but his spending is driving me insane.
C.W. answers from Lynchburg on June 06, 2011
S.G. answers from Los Angeles on June 13, 2011
We had the same problem until we discovered Crown Financial Ministries. We actually took their class.
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G.H. answers from Chicago on June 06, 2011
Dave Ramsey is perfect for both of you......it's like financial marriage counseling :)
It's only $99 for a 13 week class & you can take the class as many times as you want without paying an extra penny, & there is so much you get for the $99, like the book, a workbook (fulll of awesome facts), audio cd's, a money organizer & access to loads of online documents, it's so worth it. There is also an online class or an at home class if you don't want to take the time to go to a class, so basically no excuse not to do it.
My husband makes good money & has an expensive buying problem (if i let him), loves cars & bikes. He resisted the class at 1st but loved it & would even listen to the audio cd's on top of going to the weekly class. Thank God for Dave Ramsey's class, he is no longer into buying expensive cars. We even took the class a 2nd time, which speaks volumes since he was so resistant the 1st time.
Look at the website for yourself & then maybe you can get him to look at it too.
5 moms found this helpful
L.P. answers from Pittsfield on June 06, 2011
We always had what I would call a good marriage, but we were both stressed about $ since we managed to accumulate a significant amount of debt over the years.
Anyway, we got Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover- the audio version, since neither one of us has much time to read. He listened while he commuted to and from work, and I listened while doing chores around the house. Plus, we listened to his radio show together every weekend (still do) (we listen free from his website).
Anyway, long story short, we got on the same page about $ and it brought us closer than we have ever been!!!! We are tackling our debt *together*.
We sit down *together* at the beginning of each mo. and make out a budget for that month. This has made the financial stress go away - we're still paying down the debt, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. There are no surprises (like a car repair) that make us have to turn to our credit cards.
Here's a good article from his website that, I think, addresses a lot of the issues in your post.
Here's a link to listen to his radio show- we really enjoy it. As I said, it's free to listen live- or archived shows, so it might be a good place to start, if you're interested.
Very best wishes!!!! =o)
4 moms found this helpful
C.O. answers from Washington DC on June 06, 2011
We have NO CREDIT CARDS - we are a CASH ONLY family. We have "debit" mastercard/visas - but there is NO LINE OF CREDIT...
I am the spender...I get $200 put into my account every two weeks directly from his paycheck....and I use that for groceries and such - whatever I save in coupons is mine to keep (save! baby! save!!) as is my 'ebay money'....
You two need to talk about where your financial future is...will it be battling credit card debt or living debt free? You both need to be on the same page....money is one of those situations where tempers can get heated...
My husband can spend - but if you give me a credit card - baby I can spend...and spend some more...now? Like you - I THINK before I buy...do I need it - or do i WANT it?
My exhusband and I were both see it-want it-buy it people - we had $50K (no exaggeration) in credit card debt with NOTHING to show for it. We had excellent credit but no money to spend because it was all wrapped up in paying credit cards each month....
Get on the same page - find out if he can truly be a cash only person and if he can figure out the difference between want (nice to have) and need (die without it)....
3 moms found this helpful
A.N. answers from Los Angeles on June 06, 2011
Both my husband and I work full time and I make more money, but he is like your husband and just spends $$ on "stuff". I give him an allowance every week and if he spends it, he doesn't get any extra. It has made him learn to budget and it has worked. We have a lot less fights about $$, and he has a lot less "stuff." Take away the credit cards and only let him use his debit with a set amount each week. Good luck.
3 moms found this helpful
C.B. answers from Kansas City on June 06, 2011
buy dave ramsey's money makeover book, and both of you read it (him first! lol) he should be allowed to spend but it should be a set amount of "fluff" money each month, not just mindlessly. you should be able to do both, sounds like-- pay off debt, and have playing money. good luck!
3 moms found this helpful
D.P. answers from Pittsburgh on June 06, 2011
Yes...he has a right to spend money--and so do you. But you guys REALLY need to sit & do a budget. Finances are a HUGE source of issue for married couples...but it doesn't have to be.
He can even have a "blow" account that he can just blow when he wants! BUT it all needs to be agreed upon before the paychecks even go into the bank.
I cannot recommend Dave Ramsay enough. They only thing you have to "buy" is a book and he has obviously blown over $25-30 on less important things, right?
It's quite common for one spouse to be a spender (him) and one to be the money nerd (you) but it can all be managed. You'll feel more secure and he'll feel more empowered!
2 moms found this helpful
S.B. answers from Kansas City on June 06, 2011
We have a set limit, if either of us wants to spend more than 50 dollars, we call the other to talk about it. Usually it's something we've discussed before, like he's got a new game coming out he wants or I know I want a new book or something. If we really want it, we've usually spent at least a week talking about it, unless it's like, a season of Psych or something on sale at Target that I've been wanting but didnt want to pay full price for.
I know we both work our butts off, and my husband has never said anything about making more money than me so he should be able to spend more.
1 mom found this helpful
L.G. answers from San Diego on June 06, 2011
both my husband and I are impulse buyers and often buy things just because. We have our times when we try to be "good" and then next thing you know, we've gone to costco or target and spent way more money than we needed too. We have gotten better and I have probably improved a bit more than my husband and will consider things more before actually checking out and paying for things. Only because we are really trying to get ourselves completely debt free and we have paid off most of our debts, with very low credit card balances which are almost paid off). I really try to limit his shopping for things alone, only because I can have a bit more say in things when I am there, and I simply remind him, "we're not buying anything like that till ...(some credit card bill is paid off, or we buy some big purchase that we already agreed on). We do also constantly talk about where the money is being spent, which bills are coming up, how much money I spent on groceries, etc. Having an awareness, for both of us on where our money is going and what our goals are has definitely helped in spending money on just "stuff".Other than that I just learn to let it go, there is food on the table, my family and I are taken care of, I may nag him a bit, but I can't control him or his spending habits, and it is not worth the stress of fighting and staying angry at it.
1 mom found this helpful