Moms of teens...to Buy or Not to Buy?

H. ~

It's awesome that you have such a fantastic teenager! The fact is, people in general, not just teens, take better care of belongings they have worked for. I earned my first car and I still remember the appreciation I had for it.

Oh, and I strongly advise against loaning money to your son. It changes your relationship!

Congrats to your son on his milestone and keep up the great parenting work!

~ R. J

2 moms found this helpful

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what we've done successfully. Our kids all buy their own cars, and handle all related expenses. They were all honor students and our reward for straight A's was family time at an ice cream place, not a car. Our children are now 21, 32 and 34 and are all independent, self-sufficient and successful. The 21 year-old is paying his own way to attend NAU where he is majoring in electrical engineering and riding a bike because he decided he would rather purchase his own a $700 bike (and a pretty good snowboard with a season pass to the ski lift) than to buy a car plus insurance payments while he is going to school. All of our grown children feel good about themselves and have found ways around extremely difficult financial situations in order to provide for their own needs. We've watched their friends, who had vehicles given to them, end up with negative situations and attitudes. Good luck with your choice.

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I have three sons - the youngest is in middle school now but two have gone through college - on full academic scholarship - they have had to work for all the things they have achieved - including earning a car - which one didn't even have the first couple years they were going. Yes, my husband bought the first ones, and we paid insurance for years, but when the boys didn't have to worry about "working" a job to pay for that they put their attention to their studies and excelled. It's important to help them succeed but not to do everything for them. Use your judgment about your son. You know better than anyone if he deserves a car of his own or not - and whether you want to afford it. Weigh the cost of a bike and the great exercise going to the college close by with the expense of another vehicle - not just the initial cost plus gas and insurance, but the environmental impact. If he has a date he can always borrow your car, right?

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I don't think it is a good idea to buy a big ticket item like a car for a young person. I think that if a person has to buy it themselves they take better care of it. My daughter had to and she learned just what it means to work and struggle for something you want. After she got her car she took classes to learn how to change the oil and do some of her own repairs. She felt empowered.
Too much is just handed to young people today. They have no gratitude and feel entitled to getting what they want. Why can't he walk to school since it is so close? Then later he can get a job and save up for the purchase. You could even help him out a bit then with some of the cost.
M.

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We have one that just turned 20 so believe me, I feel your pain and astonishment. :) Anyway, I think this economy is an opportunity for us to teach our kids a lesson about personal restraint and the fact that sometimes even when you do everything right, life is kind of tough. My experience is if kids have a vested interest in their vehicle, they take better care of it. If he really doesn't need a car, I wouldn't get him one but if you feel like you really should get him a car, have him continue to look for a job and in the meantime he can work for you, doing some extra around the home or your business or wherever that you can come to an agreement with him on the value of his work, keep track of it and when he's earned what you consider to be half of what you're willing to spend on the new car, get him one. If he works for you, I believe you can pay him up to $5,000 per year tax free but you still get the deduction as an expense.

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I think it is all preference of the parents.. My parents couldn't afford to buy me a car but I know if they could of they would of.. My daughter is only 14 but when she turns 16 she will get her Dad's truck & he will get a new one but that is our preference. There will be restrictions. So even tho he is 18 if you decide to get him a car just sit down & tell him it's not just being handed to him as he must work for it with his grades & behavior if they slip then it goes away till they get better.. Good Luck

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I think he does need a car, and if you're buying, then it shouldn't be an issue of whether or not the car is modest. He should be grateful for you getting him one when he won't be able to maintain it financially.

If he is in college he will need to get back and forth and go to study groups and go out with friends. He sounds like a great kid, mom! If he surprises you and becomes irresponsible, you can stop paying for gas and maintenance.

Also, he should be able to find a job through the university. They all have career and student services to help new students find something that will allow them to continue attending classes.

Good luck!

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When I was 17 we moved about 25 miles from my high school and I had to get a car (not like I didnt want one!). Since the need was immediate my dad bought me a car for a reasonable price- $1,700 for a 1992 Chevy Beretta - it was either that or a neon. Anyway, I wasnt just given the car. I payed my dad $200 a month for that car and he gave me the last $500 off as his Christmas present to me. So, my advice is to do the same. You said he doesnt need a car, but he has made wise choices with school, girls and has never been in trouble. It sounds to me like he deserves a car, but not given, worked for. It makes for good decisions later to give your child the opportunity to live as an adult before he really has to. The payment plan with you is the same he would get with a bank, but without interest. It teaches them how to pay bills. Even though he will live close to college and doesnt "need" a car, he is 18 and from what you say, i think he deserves one. But dont just hand it to him. Hope that helped!

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There are other ways to have him earn the car. When my son turned 16 we had a old pickup truck that he and his dad have been working on restoring. They have slowly been replacing and repairing everything. if they don't know how to do something they research it together online. He is learning a lot about what it takes to fix a car and how expensive parts can be. He is putting sweat equity into his truck and really getting a strong feeling of pride that he did it himself. Plus the time that he is spending with his dad is priceless, especially at a time when most teens are pulling way from their parents.

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I see nothing wrong in buying a car for your son if he has been so good. It is a nice reward for him to show you appreciate all the hard work he as done to turn out so good. I would however have him be responsible for the insurance & gas when he gets to college. Right now finding a job might be hard but when he gets to college I'm sure it will be pretty easy. Plus it teaches him the responsibility of managing his own money.

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Don't buy anything that is not an absolute necessity right now. There are no guarantees that the economy is going to get better anytime soon. You may need more money for food or other things.
Even if your son did need a car to get to college etc...I'd call it a loan if you even bought a used car. It is a lesson in reality. No one is handing us cars, just because we turn 30 or 40 or 50. (Wouldn't that be nice..Hey...you are a really great new mom..here's a car!)
I do not think there is anything wrong with loaning $$$ to family members...in these days of restricted credit..in may help us all get by. It's how I got through this past year!
There is the other issue...that if your other kids see your oldest get a free car..they may expect that too.

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If he's a good, responsible kid I don't think you're harming him by giving him a car for his birthday. If it's reasonable financially, it will make his life so much easier when he starts college and can hopefully get a part time job eventually to help pay insurance, gas, etc. Also, think of how helpful it would be for you if he can help with some of the 'driving chores' that you have.

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My father co-signed for a car and I made payments to him as well as insurance. I always had a job...times were different 30 years ago, but I also knew if I didn't work, I wouldn't have my car. My parents could never afford to "give" me a car so there was never a choice. I was not going to college and today it is almost a prerequisite. Hard decision, but if you can afford it I say get him one but also stipulate that he needs to get a job even if it is 1 day week it will help with payments. My opinion is make your kids responsible within reason, and also support them and reward them in their endeavors. I also have an 18 yr old, that "expected" everything, but has had to learn the hard way.

Good luck.

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I don't have a teenage son but your son seems deserving of a car. I agree with the other moms on here that he should still have to learn the value of a dollar especially given the times we are in. Come up with an agreement that he needs to be actively looking for a job, he can't forget about it now that you've helped him with a car. If he's going to college I'm sure he can find some kind of work study program or work in the student union and he would be able to take over a portion of the payments as soon as he gets an income. In the meantime maybe he can help out you and your husband around the house as payment, or help you out with work, if your work permits it.

I hope you guys reach a decision, it sounds like you already have a great kid. :) Good Luck.

R.

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Sounds like you have an amazing child! Help him out and buy him a car. Make it his responsibility to pay gas,insurance and repair bills.

1 mom found this helpful

My poor youngest son had second kid symdrome. We gave a car to my oldest " so he could get to work" he trashed it eventually wrecked it. My kids are like night and day and i know my youngest would have taken care of ti bit number one ruined it for number 2. Number 2 son knew that he wasnt going to get one because they are 13 yrs apart and he saw what happened and heard us ranting and raving. So he worked since he was 12 at everthing he could get and saved every bit. He didnt want christmas or birthday presents just cash. He had 5000 save by his 16 birthdya and he paid for his won toyota truck. Since he didnt have any cash left we paid for his first monthsinsurance. Imagine my surprise when i was billed 400 a month . So we took him to get his own insurance and it is now 98 a month. He pays for that, still only asking for cash for christmas. He was the good kid too got college all paid for through schoalrships, never talks back, loving etc. But i see how he takes care of his vehicle cause he had to work for it , dowithout presents for years to get it. Just like we have to do for anythign we want. He pays for his won gas and half of his rent, he has a roomate to pay for the other half. He works part time attends school full time and runs cross country. Even so i would never jsut hand him something of such great value. I confess i send him money all the time for treats but im sure he it is all going into savings . I buy him food when i visit and i know he is trying tosave even that because very little is gone . He is surving on pnut butter honey, rice and beans and chicken. And veggies and fruit when i buy it. He takes very good care doesnt let anyone drive histruck on the contrast my oldest son let anyone drive it and sometimes i had to take him to go pick it up at a firends house cause they ahd been using it. There was trash all over the inside. My youngest sons truck is spotless.,

1 mom found this helpful

I guess I don't agree with some of the other posters and we actually just talked about this with our cousins the other day who are trying to decide the same thing.

This is how I feel:

If your son stays involved in school and gets good grades, why not reward him in some way? You might buy a cheap vehicle, with the knowledge that it is not "his." Make sure that he knows that he will have to pay for gas(don't even loan him the money for gas) he has to pay for maintenance and he has to pay for the insurance. If this means he does jobs around the house or for relatives or friends just to make $200-300 a month then so be it. If he wants it bad enough he will find a way to make it happen.

My parents did not and would not buy any of my siblings a car. They all had to work to buy one. I, on the other hand, was bought a car because I did a lot of running around for my parents. I went grocery shopping, picked up my brother from work, school, etc., dropped my parents off at events, etc. I paid for the insurance and gas with babysitting money. I did not have a "job" in high school as I was highly involved in sports and clubs and got good grades. Everyone is different, but this is what ended up working for my family at the time. I believe they matched whatever money my brother came up with for a car. Which is also another route you could take. I know that there has got to be at least a part time job that he could find, somewhere.

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Hi H.,

I sure can appreciate your dilemma. I have three sons, the youngest is 19. We have helped by co-signing for a car for our oldest son. Didn't need to for the second and now the youngest wants his own car.

It sounds like your son is pretty responsible and that is good, we like to reward responsible behavior. However, buying a car for a teen who has no job and no way to contribute could be a problem. Think about how much you appreciate something that you really have to work for. If he doesn't really need a car right now, my advice would be to wait until the need is really there. Not only is it a rough time to take on a new expense, but it lets him know that as an adult he will be more and more responsible for himself. I know that this will not be popular with him, but having gone through it, my sons have paid their car payments, or had to accept the consequences if they didn't and they knew it was all up to them.

P.S. We are not buying one for our youngest son and he is very responsible too. He isn't too happy about it, but when he does buy his own car, he will really enjoy it.

Good luck with your decision.

1 mom found this helpful

My parents did not get me a car when I went off to school. I spent the first 2 years at college without one. I didn't miss it since I lived on campus. Of my 3 other suite mates, only one had a car. It was her mom's old tank-of-a-Pontiac. We would go together to the grocery store or run errands. I used my sister's old beater for my 3rd year. My Dad paid 1/2 the cost of my own car my senior year in college. It cost me a whopping $300. It did not have an air conditioner but it ran well. I don't think I would get him one yet. A good bicycle will do the trick for school since he's so close. Have him save his pennies and perhaps he can get a modest car later.

1 mom found this helpful

I feel being resourceful and working hard to get what you want is the reality of life and so I believe we need to teach this to our children. I worked at McDonald's and a Pizza place at the same time to save up for my first car. If he puts in applications to as many retail stores and restaurants as he can, I'm sure he can find something.
K.

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Hi--My sister has a great solution for this problem. When each of their kids was old enough, they bought a decent used car for the kid with the proviso that it belongs to mom and dad. When the kid pays back half the cost, the car belongs to him. There isn't a real time limit on the payback, so the current economy doesn't have to be a big issue. Also has your son checked on jobs at his college? There are usually lots of them and they pay decent. Best part is the hours are usually flexible and there is time off for school holidays which you don't get in the public sector. Good Luck!

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Hi H., This may help you make a decision...I'm an insurance agent and to insure your son, it will probably be AT LEAST another $100 per month to insure him on your current policy with his own car (not sure if you already have him on there as a part time driver on one of your cars or not). I would talk to your insurance agent and ask them to quote him so it gives you (and HIM) and idea of how much insurance would be. And if you decide to get him a car, call your agent first with the VIN number and ask them to quote it. There is a huge difference in rates depending on the car and coverage you get. If you have questions, just let me know...and good luck, young male drivers are the highest rated on insurance!

F. Heck
###-###-#### office
www.agentlady.com
____@____.com

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Hi H.,

I guess my viewpoint is somewhat different from a lot of the other posters, but I feel that if he is a responsible kid and gets good grades, then it's not such a bad idea to get him a car. Especially with the economy the way it is, him not being able to find a job isn't really in his control. A lot of people have cut their spending so much that they aren't necessarily going to be open to the idea of hiring him to pull weeds or walk the dog or little things like that.

What if you were to purchase a car that isn't actually considered "his" car? He can use it for school, errands, hopefully a job eventually, and on the weekends until he can find a job and afford to buy his OWN car. That could be something to think about also.

If he is a good kid then I think he would truly appreciate the car. I don't think it's always the case when a car is handed to someone they don't appreciate it. In my situation, my parents helped me a buy a car when I was 16. I didn't have much saved up but I saved what I could and that's what mattered to my parents. They felt that my "job" at 16 was focusing on school, and I would have the rest of my life to work. To this day I am very glad that they had that viewpoint, I share that with them and plan to do the same with my kids. I paid $800 towards a $3500 car and I treated that car very well. I paid for gas, I did my best to keep it clean, I drove safely, and never let my friends drive it. The next car, wasn't considered mine and I knew that, as it was an "extra" family car. It was much safer and ran better, so my parents felt much more comfortable with me driving that car instead, considering school was almost 10 miles away and work was about 20. I loved that car and really appreciated that they let me drive it!

I guess my point is, depending on the type of kid, a car might be very well earned. Plus, he can help you out by running errands and taking his siblings places. If you do choose to buy him a car, just remember that the other kids will probably expect a car at some point also.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I don't believe at 18 that you should give him a car. If he can't find a job at a local joint, have him go up and down your street asking neighbors to mow their lawn or pull weeds. I'm sure that people would love to pay someone else to do it! He needs to be earning some kind of money somehow to pay for incidentals on his own. It will build character. Although he wouldn't be able to buy a car with the pay of a lawn boy, I don't see anything wrong with him borrowing your car, but paying for gas and for the difference in insurance premium that it will cost to add him to your policy. Then, once he can save enough and buy his own car, he can then do that. Kids these days want their ways paid and unfortunately, that is not the way of the world. Start now and he will be more proud of himself and it will build confidence that he can do it himself. From what you're saying about how responsible he is, he shouldn't have a problem with a set up like this. In regard to school, have him take the bus if the school is that close. No use having him drive just to have the car sitting in the lot. Good luck.

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Hi H.,
We did not buy any of our kids a car. When they had a job to pay the payments, we co-signed and paid insurance for them until they got married.
One thing to think about, whatever you do for this child will create expectations among the other children. My aunt and uncle bought a car for the first child and then had to do the same for the others.
My daughter and son-in-law insist that the kids have jobs at 16 to pay for all their needs and wants beyond food and shelter. My grandson was given a truck by the other grandparents, but has to pay all costs to maintain the truck. He's very independant and a great kid.
Thanks,
E.

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I was given a beater in high school. I actually had 3 of them before graduating college and getting a real job. I was required to pay insurance, oil changes etc. One christmas I got a set of tires as my present. Driving a beater teaches humility.

That said, 2 miles to school isn't far, If money is an issue, how about a nice bike, lock and helmet? unexpected car repairs can be costly.

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My parents never helped me while I went to college, I paid my own way through college, paid my own rent with roomates, and own food, and I took public transit to get to and from work and school. A car is definately a want not a need. I was always raised that my parents will provide for my need, but I need to provide for my wants. So I made due with what I had. I learned to appreciate what I had and I learned how to be frugal with my hard earned money. I worked night shifts at Smitty's grocery and I also worked for The U.S. Defense Dept. Speaking of which... they have a program that they hire kids with good grades and are going to college. They work around your school schedule. And they paid at the time 8.00 an hour of course that was 14 years ago, and I am sure the wage has gone up if the program still exists. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

When both my sons were 17 we had the same dilemma. We bought them both what we referred too as the "training wheels car".

This was the car they got to learn on. Even though I knew they would be responsible, I knew they would have to learn other things. Things like how to manage their friends in the car, the mess, the noise, oil changes, etc.

The other advantage to a "training wheels car" was the fact that older cars have more medal in them, which means more metal around my child. Good luck.
The Mommie Mentor, www.proactiveparenting.net

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I say the boy has earned it. Good grades, good family helper, no trouble, makes good decisions. He should keep trying to get a job to help with gas and insurance. Also he should help out if needed to drive his siblings and run to the store.

My parents never had much money they gave me a very used car when I was 19. I just had to buy new tires, and gas. However I had to run errands, keep my grades up for me that was no Ds or Fs

If his grades and choices start slipping the let him know restrictions come with bad choices. My parents rule was if I lived in their house after 18 I have to be going to school or get a job and pay rent. They aslo said the woulf pay my insurance as long as I was in school or I had to get a job and pay for it.

Once I had a car I was able to take all my college class on two day of the week and work the other 5. I then started to help pay for my braces they had got me as well as giving the a little extra here and there. I was so greatful for the car because it made getting to and from school easier and quicker and I had more time for family and friends.

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He does sound like he will take good care of it and appreciate it. I know college boys that are somewhat of "mannys" (nanny's) and others that are have a steady part time job driving someone else's kids to their gymnastics lessons...
My 16 yo has been asking and asking it seems like forever. I'd love to get him one (in fact, we saved an old one for him that he refuses to drive) but we are still making deals with him (no cussing, x # hours for SAT studying...) he is only a junior but he spends his time researching the car that he expects to get (he's pulling on the grandma strings even though they also have an old car that they would like to upgrade to!)

If you can help your son out, and you think that it will help him focus on his future, why not?

1 mom found this helpful

i'm wondering what a modest car would be?
i think there are jobs available for kids right now, have you helped him to be creative to find one?
it sounds like he doesn't have the need for a car. he can walk or bike to school which is great exercise for him and is great for the environment....he doesn't have a job, so he doesn't need a car.
if you're set on buying him a car, i would compromise and have him pay car insurance, gas for the car, upkeep and repairs for the car, otherwise yes i think giving him all of the above is not teaching him what it means to appreciate and be a responsible car owner.

1 mom found this helpful

My father told us that we would never appreciate anything as much as we appreciated the things we bought with our own money. Seeing that there is no real need for him to
have a car, let him wait until he has the money to buy one. Then, if you want, match what he has saved. If he is as great a kid as you say (and I'm sure he is), then he will understand that he needs to buy it himself.

1 mom found this helpful

No, I would not. It is my opinion that we, as people, appreciate and take better care of what we earn. When our son was 17 and needed a car, he had no credit to buy one. We secured the car(about a $3000 car, not a 15,000), and he made payments to the bank of mom and dad. We held the title until it was paid off. The day we signed it over was a proud day for him. Also, as long as we held the title we had the option to sell it if he didn't pay. Reality Life skills.

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