Moms of Teenage Girls...

I agree with everyone who said "he should come to her." If he is really interested in her he will come to your house, meet the parents, etc. I was in this exact situation as a teen. I was 17 and met a boy at a party in the town next to mine. He was 20. We hung out at the party all night and then I gave him my number. The day he called and asked me to meet him 30 minutes away, etc (just like your daughter) I was ready to jump in the car and my mom said NO WAY!! She said "tell him to come here to meet us first, then we'll think about it." He wouldn't come, said he didn't have time to come pick me up and then get to wherever we were going to go. Yeah right. My mom knew something wasn't right. Of course, I was livid with her, but I got over it. And you know what? That boy never called me again. Now in my "old age" I see my mom was TOTALLY right.

10 moms found this helpful

Nope, Mo way... but there are compromises..

This young man could drive to your town and have a meal with the family and watch a video with her.. maybe with her and her friends..

He could even bring a few of his friends and they could hang out at your home. Snacks, games, videos.

You and dad could ride up with her to meet this young man, take him for coffee/frozen yogurt, meet his parents.. etc.. get a feel for this guy.

Try to allow her to come up with some option you can agree to.

She will soon be away at college and needs to learn how to protect herself. This will give her some ideas.

Our daughter has a college friend that she no longer speaks with, because this girl takes too many chances. She flies out of state to meet guys she has met on line! She had the nerve (and totally made the mistake) of asking our daughter to "cover for her" in case her mother called! Our daughter told her "no way!" and that she "did not approve and that she is 20 years old and if she feels so strongly about what she is doing, she would not have to hide it from ANYONE!"

Also I think you should let your daughter know you do appreciate her asking your opinion and her honesty. Do not shut her down, remember you want her to continue to ask permission.

Just breath and always follow your mommy heart and brain. Remind your daughter you love her too much to allow her to be in danger or in a situation that is out of her control.

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NO NO NO NO NO!! What happened to the boy going out of his way to meet a girl!!! Please do not let your daughter do this. She needs to respect herself enough and have a boy respect her enough to come to her town, her home, and date her if he wishes. If she starts catering to men now, she will be doing it forever. NO WAY NO HOW!! And tell her your damn right you are overprotective!! There are a lot of creeps out there. If he is a good guy he will come to her and I still wouldn't let her go unless I met him first. This is the most difficult time for parenting trust me I have been there, and there are days she is going to hate you, but you have to do your job as hard as it is and as hard as the decisions are you will have to make. Would you ever forgive yourself if something happened to her. I always told my kids I would rather you cry then me cry!! Stick to your guns on this one.

I think this is the first time I have seen all of us agree lol!!!!!!

10 moms found this helpful

The minute the 'everyone else is doing it' excuse gets dragged out - the argument is lost and the answer is 'No'.

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I haven't read all the answers...my advice is he should come to her. Men are the pursuers...if he isn't interested in coming to meet her on her home turf then maybe he isn't as interested in her as she thinks.

Maybe if he doesn't have transportation...you and/or your husband could drive her to meet him and friends at the movies. You and/or your husband stay for the show at a distance or hey another show and drive her home afterwards.

She is going to be 18 in two years so I think just saying no period is not teaching her safety...she needs to learn to keep herself safe.

In college I can remember following a couple of girlfriend's on "dates"...a few of us girls would actually follow our friend and her date in our car, unknown to him...and be at the same restaurant or movie...then if something went wrong/bad...we could all just "run in to" each other and she could get a ride home with us. Or we would wait around in the parking lot and write down a "date'" license plate number so if our friend didn't get home we had a place to start looking.

My mother taught me to never go to a guys apartment with him alone...seemed silly and old fashioned...but I knew a few girls well three actually who were date raped in that fashion. So, I never did...I suggested an all night coffee shop or some such after our movie or activity.

She needs to learn safety and a girl traveling alone to meet up with an "unknown" guy is just not safe.

Teach her safe habits now...oh, and include the fixing her own drink at a party never drinking from it again if she sets it down...and preferably opening a new can or bottle to make the drink. Knew girls who were "roofied" as well...I watched my drinks like a hawk!

9 moms found this helpful

No. I would NOT let my daughter do this.

You are not being over protective. You are being parents. You don't know this boy from Adam. You don't know if he's really 18. You don't know SQUAT about him...address, phone number, drivers license, etc. sorry - but this is a no go for me. he can drive to meet her at YOUR place. And once you get to know him, MAYBE you'll let her make a 3 hour round trip drive...but not right now...

When my daughter was 16, I didn't let her drive with ANYONE else in the car but me or my husband (when she was with us)...my ex-husband was the same way.

Both of us agreed that when she started dating (16), we had to meet the boy and maybe his parents. But there were no single dates until we had met them and saw how they behaved together.

Stand your ground...

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This would be dicey if she was 30. This has very little to do with her being 16. This has to do with teaching her how to navigate that delicate transition from cyber-relationship to real relationship.

Standard protocol for meeting someone in person who you've "met" online.

1. Meet at a neutral public place for an hour or two. Ideally, this happens midday. It should be a well-lit place where you can see each other and talk.

2. Both parties should get there independently, so no one is dependent on the other for a ride. Other people should know where you are, who you're with, and when you're expected back. For teenagers, parents fill this role. For adults, friends fill this role.

3. Whether the date goes well or badly, it ends at the specified time. Any further get-togethers are arranged later, if mutually desired.

Since she is 16 and her experience with people is limited, it would also be good for you to meet him. You (presumably) have a lot more experience with noticing warning signs. Getting together again would depend on mutual interest *and* parental approval.

If "all the 16 year old girls do this", there are 5 possibilities:
1. They are lying to their parents (likely)
2. Their parents are idiots (likely)
3. She is lying to you (possible)
4. She is selectively remembering who is allowed to do what (likely)
5. Some combination of the above (guaranteed)

Emphasize that this type of scenario is unsafe no matter what her age. You are teaching her safe dating habits that will serve her well for many years. Look up advice for adults dating online if you want to prove your point.

Thank her for talking to you in advance rather than just doing it without your knowledge.

Let her pout and complain, especially in front of her friends. It is possible that she doesn't think this is a good idea either but isn't sure how to refuse. I have a standard deal with my teen that I will forbid anything she doesn't want to do. She has invoked this from time to time. Be the bad guy for your daughter and take the blame. She may be silently and secretly grateful.

Good luck!

8 moms found this helpful

OK, I'm NOT a mom of a teenage girl, but I was one once! LOL
No WAY.
Not happening.
Let her be mad.
One day she will understand.
I remember my mom putting me through this same "torment" and "not understanding". She was right, and so are you!
Sometimes being the "only one" who doesn't do something is EXACTLY the right place to be!

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I have not read all of the responses, so forgive me if I repeat someone else's.

Assuming he IS 18 (already a no no for me b/c he's of age), and he is not an axe murderer...do you want to teach your daughter that she should deliver herself to his home like a Domino's pizza, pick him up, then take him out with HIS friends?

I would worry she would build the habit of jumping whenever a guy snapped his fingers. If a guy wants to spend time with her, he should make the drive to YOUR home, introduce himself to you, then HE SHOULD DRIVE her to a movie, and have her back at a decent hour.

My kid's almost 13, and believe me that's how it will go at our house. Any guy who's not ok with this can just take someone else out. My daughter will learn early that how you're treated at the beginning of the relationship sets the tone for the whole thing....He might not mean to be disrespectful, but he will appreciate his time with your daughter more if he has to make a little effort. Plus, you need to get a look at this guy before your kid goes anywhere with him.

Just my .02

ETA: I also agree with Karen about thanking her for telling you; she should be rewarded for being honest since it's something she really wants to do...

7 moms found this helpful

Do I understand that this 18 (??) year old wants to meet your daughter in a Walmart parking lot and then drive them to a different town to go to the movies with some other strangers?? He knows she just got her license (per FB I assume) and now thinks he may have a honey to cart his butt around?? Questionable and a moocher in my opinion.

He has to do it properly and come to your home. 16 year old girls that are going out all willy nilly with random boys their parents haven't met are either stupid or liars. Pretty soon we can call them teen moms!

I have one 18 year old daughter that started dating when she was 16. The boy came to meet me, had to go meet my ex-husband down the street at his house. I'm certain he never had to do anything like that before...that's what happens if you want to date my daughter. He gave me his cell phone number, my daughter had one as well. He passed my interview, I'm no softie and he is still around two years later.

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No way, no how, ain't happening.

Personally, I would tell my daughter to get over herself and that if this boy wants to see her so badly (as a friend or otherwise) then HE should drive to see HER. But this boy is essentially a stranger and she should not get in a car with a stranger and drive an hour away! Stand your ground on this one!

You are not being overprotective. You are being a parent, and a good parent at that! Good luck and let us know what happens!

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Remind her how it would feel to be bound by duct tape and tortured. That is an extreme...but nowadays....a reality.

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I say No! But be glad she asked you and didnt just do it:)

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Big fat NO! Not until I met him at my house and met his parents. End of story. You don't know any info on him. Not a good scenario in my opinion.

6 moms found this helpful

Oh, not just No, but Heck to the No - I have a 15 year old son and I would not let him do this. Nor would I approve of his asking a girl to drive that far to meet him and go out with him.

If this 18 year boy wants to meet your daughter then he should show her enough respect to come to her town and meet her, and her parents. I get that teens have different social customs now then when I was a teen - but courtesy and respect should never go out of style.

Plus, the added risk factors of you knowing nothing about this boy, her not really knowing anything about this boy (FB chat aside), and her being a new driver - would make me hide the car keys. LOL

Um, being nosy now - do you ever check her FB account? Do you know who she friends and who friends her? Maybe I am helicoptering - but I check my son's occasionally just to know what the "scoop" is and who he is friending.

Thanks for the question - driving places is something I will have to start thinking about as my son and his friends are all entering the license stage of teen hood.

Good Luck
God Bless

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One big happy positive here: Your daughter ASKED you about this. She could have sneaked off and met him. Treasure and honor the fact that she asked; praise her a lot for communicating with you; tell her you respect her for doing that. And then give her good, calm and frank explanations for your "No," as well as offering alternatives like others suggest.

The alternative I'd prefer would be meeting the boy and his parents at a place somewhere between your town and theirs -- neutral territory and you get to meet the parents. Make it a public place where maybe the parents can have a meal all together while the two kids go to a movie or the viceo arcade during those same two hours in the same location, like a mall. One meeting like that still wouldn't make me let her then drive alone to meet him like you describe, however. If they wanted to meet in your town or his, from that point on, I would have a parent driving and staying in town for those few hours to drive the kid home later.

The very fact that he is even asking this shows that he has zero idea of what adults will find appropriate and allow her to do. Of course, any boy his age has zero idea of "appropriate," one could say here, BUT I know boys his age who have been raised so that they simply know better than to ask this. The fact he doesn't know better shows he possibly has been allowed to do as he likes; either that, or he does as he likes and his parents have no clue. Either way -- still a no for your daughter. By the way, she may say, "But my friend met him!" Still, that's no guarantee that he's OK, or that the person your child would meet would be the same person her friend met. Too many people can hide on the Internet or use another person's identity.

6 moms found this helpful

No. I would not allow my 16 year old to drive to another town to meet a boy she has never met. To then think she would driver further away to go with a group she has never met is out of the question.

Tell her to invite him over to meet, watch a movie, and then see what you all think at that point.

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Oh HELL no!

Just because his FB profile says he is 18 doesn't mean he is. It's easy enough to lie about your age and post a picture of your son, grandson, nephew, or any young kid for that matter. Your daughter is being very naive if she doesn't think this is a possibility. Sexual predators know all the right things to say to rope someone in. Even if this kid is who he says he is, that's still just asking for trouble.

If this were my daughter, I would not allow it. I wouldn't care what all her other friends are allowed to do. Kids say that all the time. I bet if you actually called up her friends parents and asked what they would do, you would get a very different response. This isn't always about having set rules in place as just sometimes having to go with your gut and exercise some common sense.

If they are so gung-ho about meeting each other in person, he can come to your house for dinner and then you can decide if they are can go see a movie together closer to home. If he refuses, then certainly he has no business trying to lure your daughter far from home to "hang out" with his other friends.

6 moms found this helpful

Good heavens. I wouldn't let my 16 year old SON do this.

And I'm not really overprotective.

Your daughter is SNOWING you by saying that all her other friends' parents would let them do it. Don't fall for it for a moment.

If this boy wants to meet your daughter, he has to drive to YOUR HOUSE and meet her with you in attendance. You can feed them dinner and let them watch a movie in your living room.

And that's it!

If she wants a boyfriend, he needs to be local and you need to know who the heck he is, including meeting his family. My older son's girlfriend's family met us and we were a "team" of 4 adults helping our kids navigate their dating life.

And that's the way it SHOULD be.

Good luck, and you stay strong, Mia!!

D.

6 moms found this helpful

No way, no how, not going to happen. We MIGHT let her meet him at Bruger King or McDonalds for a visit but he would not know where she lived. He is an unknown, even if you get to know him through FB he is still a stranger.

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No I personally wouldn't allow it. I know nowadays it may appear embarrassing for the boy to come to your house and meet you both, but in the future your daughter will hopefully look back and realize you did that because you cared so much. If they want to have a casual date, fine, but I think it should be in your town. have him catch a ride there, especially since she is a new driver. Movies are always a bad excuse to go do something else for a 2hr period. Have them double date at a local restaurant if they want to meet so bad. Good luck!

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Looking at the majority of responses you have your answer, but I will be another mom to reiterate HELL NO! This is an opportunity to teach your daughter a lesson on how SHE deserves to be treated by boys. A gentleman will pick up his date and make sure her parents know that she will be cared for and returned safely and on time. This whole arrangement screams dirty business and I would have laughed at my daughter if she had come to me with this request. A drivers license is not a "go and meet whoever you want where ever you want" license. No way, not today, tomorrow or any day!!

6 moms found this helpful

no way. not in a million years. not happening. I tell dd (13) the rules of kindergarten still apply...do not go anywhere with a stranger! don't take food or drinks from a stranger. etc etc.

now, if all the families wanted to get together and meet at the movies with parents present, then we could have a conversation. or better, at a place where conversation could happen. invite boy and parents to your house. see what happens.

dd is 13 so no dating yet, but I cringe!

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I am one of the most open minded on here as far as what I allow and don't allow my daughter to do and to this idea.... ..........even I would say HELL NO to this idea.

My daughter (16) does not converse with people she does not know on FB. Her "friends" are all neighbors, friends or acquaintances from her school. She would not even ask to do something like this..

Something is fishy here...

1, she thinks she knows what she is doing and she is trying to pull the wool over your eyes.
2, no parent in their right mind would allow a new driver to drive an hour or more to meet someone they've never met.
3, she truly has no idea is he is 18 or not until she meets him.
4. if he is 18, why can't he drive to your house to meet you and then go to the movies?
5, if there is nothing to hide, then he should be glad to come to your home first.

I am not the helicopter, overprotective mom. I am very generous with allowing my daughter to spend her time as she pleases AS LONG AS SHE IS RESPONSIBLE. She has a bf of almost 1 year and they do spend a lot of time together but they also know the boundary lines we have established.

DO NOT let your daughter get away with this. I would even consider notifying the police just to give them a heads up that someone (your daughter has never met and does not know) is trying to talk your daughter into meeting in another area. This has RED flags all over it.

ETA: There is no need to flame ME or anyone else for my opinion on any posting on here which you did this morning and then you come here ask a question like this.??? Like your mommy-gut does not know the answer to this...

We are ALL here to help in one way or another... if you don't like what someone posts, then move on. No need for flaming.

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Oh HELL no!

My kid having a license for 5 days would not be driving that far for a social engagement in the first place.
In the second place, my daughter would not be driving to meet an 18 year old boy.
I have family in Tennessee and at least in my family....that's not the way it works.
If a boy is interested in a girl, he comes to HER and meets her family, etc before anything that could be construed as a date is even discussed. Let alone approved.
Don't let her snow you with "all the other parents say it's okay."
First of all, the parents of the 18 year olds have nothing to do with your decisions about your 16 year old.
It's not being over protective, it's not proper for a young girl to go to a boy like that.
No way.
I don't care how long she talked to someone on facebook, that doesn't mean she knows them.
That doesn't mean it's safe. Her 18 year old friend meeting the boy once would also hold no water with me.

I don't know who your daughters friends are, but not all parents let their 16 year old girls hang out with boys the parents know nothing about.

Don't let her play the "you're the only un-cool parent" card.
You will be sorry if you buy into that.

Best wishes.

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My son is 13, so I don't have a daughter the same age as yours (mine is only 10).... but my son is a teen and will be there before I know it. NO. You are not being "over protective", you are being wise.

Because she is a teen and he is a teen doesn't make it safer for her than if she was 30 and met some stranger online and chatted with him for a year, then got on an airplane alone and flew across country to meet him. It's pretty much the same thing. The ONLY difference is that her 18 year old friend has actually met the guy. But only once, so that isn't exactly any sort of "validation" worth much of anything.

I'm not sure I would let my child drive that far, that soon after getting his license, whether or not he knew the guy/girl. And to then go somewhere ELSE, with a group of additional guys she has never met. Ummm... big fat NO.

No. no. no. no. no. And I'd also bet that you're the only parents who wouldn't allow it only because none of the other friends have asked their parents a question like this.

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Facebook means nothing, how does she even know how old he really is? My husband works at our PD in town & at the Sheriff's Dept. My girls will never see the light of day w/all that he sees and hears, and to be honest w/you that is perfectly fine with me. There's way tooooo much that goes on that parents aren't aware of and in my opinion you aren't being too protective, you are caring. Something some other parents should try doing these days. It gets me so upset when I get a request from my nieces and nephews who are under 10 on FB. They don't belong there and when God forbid something happens, then their parents will listen to why I've given them the schpeel I have. A child could be gone in no time. Your daughter may not understand now, but just as we learned as we grew up, she will too. Best of luck to you.

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Not just no, but HECK NO!

I do have a 17 year old daughter and 'dating' or 'hanging out' is different now. They do tend to really hang out in groups. Our at least in my daughter's circle. But I do know all the kids and most of the parents. Of the parents I don't know , someone else does so therefore the mommy grapevine remains in force.

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No, absolutely not! Tell her that for the first date he should move to your town and introduce himself to you - no big deal, just so you know what he's like and it'll be easier later on if she decide to keep seeing him. He could be any guy in the world, as Facebook does not garantee somebody's identity. She needs to look our for helself. Also, since this is the first time ever she meets him, if the date is bad it'll be easier to drop him in her own hometown than somewhere else 2 hours away from home! At 16 she should be able to understand danger and bad people.

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NO. My girls have to bring the boy over for dinner a few times. After that and IF i like him, they can go places IN TOWN as a group. Your daughter is setting herself up for trouble. She needs to learn now that this is unsafe behavior.

I set up a firepit night for a huge group of teens here, they had smores and music. I would much rather have a few kids here than not knowing the house that mine are at.

(the age is a problem for me and so is the just getting her license)

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I don't have teenagers yet, but my first response when reading this is no way. Tell her they can go on a group date with her friends in her town first. Meet him in person before she goes on a date alone with him or before she goes to see him in his town with his friends.

Don't forbid her from seeing him entirely. It will backfire - she'll end up sneaking around and going out with him anyway, and then you won't even know where she is if something does happen.

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i have two teenage girls and it has been a ride so far, it's safe to say they are for sure boy crazy! haha. I would say ablsolutly not! If she wants to meet the boy so bad have him come meet to your house (when you are home) and they can hang out in your town if he seems like a good young man. I have a 16 year old right now as well.

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NO way. He should come to your house and meet you all for a family meal then visit her at your house. He will probally disappear because his intentions are not good. If he does hang around and you decide after getting to know him, they can do something in your town.

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She met him on facebook and never face to face. How does she really know he's an 18 yr old----he could be a 40 yr old sleezebag. Absolutely not. If she is so intent on meeting him you or her dad should take her, arrange to meet him for lunch or coffee and explain to him that as her parents you need to get to know him better before she starts going out of town with him.

If he is a responsible and decent person he will understand.

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I would not let my 16 year old daughter hang out with an 18 year old boy period. But this scenerio....HELL NO.

If she really wants to meet this boy and you are ok with his age, then the boy can pick up a movie, drive to your house and ALL of you can sit in the living room and watch the movie.

I think you already know the answer to this question. Follow your mom instincts. Just say NO.

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Hell no I wouldn't let her do this. She doesn't know the boy, only on facebook! Maybe I would go with her to meet this kid and make sure there's no CREEPS hanging out with him. Then, I would be happy to escort them back to MY house where they can watch a movie and hang out. Hanging out where no parents are and just a bunch of stupid HS'ers? I think not. Not unless my eyes can see you.
Laura

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Hell would freeze over, politicians would start taking the blame and pigs would all fly before I would ever do that!!! and I dont have a girl, I have 3 boys. My mom would have grounded me just over this conversation!!! I would not let her go. You and your hubby are doing the right thing by telling her no. She does not know this boy, she has only had her license a week and she wants to drive almost 2 hours away with a group of people she doesnt know just to go to a movie??? HELL NO!!!!!!! I'd tell her that this boy who is 18 can drive to your house and meet you and your hubby. and if you felt comfortable driving them to a theater in your hometown then maybe okay. dang, she is really gunning to go isnt she?

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Your daughter is wrong. If we haven't met the boy and his parents, we won't allow our daughter to be with him even in a group.

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I don't think my daughter would have even thought that was a good idea. If she brought something so questionable to me it would have been for the purpose of me saying hell no! She did that from time to time, she knew it was stupid but didn't want to be the one who said no so she told me and I said no!

Every parent who says no to a child is the only parent who would say no until you talk to the other parents, ya know?

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She's never met him before, face to face? Invite him to your home for dinner. My SD has met friends of friends on FB and then met them later in person, but with mutual friends and somewhere like at the mall or movie theater.

Your DD is wrong. Many other parents would not be comfortable with meeting a random guy like that. Not only is she driving an unknown person to an unknown location, but she's alone, she's a new driver...no. If this guy really likes her he'll respect her by coming to her town to meet her.

My SD is allowed out with groups. We try to meet as many of her friends as possible. We meet parents. We call them to confirm plans are OK, that the kids are really going to be there with an adult, that the party is really at that location and not somewhere else. We don't ALWAYS feel we have to call, but the kids know we will.

This has BAD NEWS all over it. I would take her keys and if your car goes missing, I'd call the cops and say it was stolen.

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First off I wouldn't let a 16 yr old drive anywhere but to school/ work alone' much less go meet some strange guy who may or may not be 18.. if he wants to meet her have him meet at your house.. is there no movie theaters closer? something sounds funny to me
editing to add on thinking bout it are the "friends" male or female this could be a set up to her being gang raped never know but just putting it out there

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absolutely not if he wants to see her that bad he can come to your part of town

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Hell NO!!!

And I have two teenage daughters and a 22 yo son.
I would say it to him too. In fact I would very seriously think about calling the cops and I would tell her so.

Is there a strong father figure in her life? I would have him give her the answer.

That license is a privilege and she loses it the minute she steps out of bounds.

Now to answer your question, my girls are allowed out with groups of kids. My 16 yo with mixed company, my 14 yo with only girls or with mixed company only at a youth group event in church.
My son had a girlfriend at 17. He did take her out alone and with other friends. It was beaten in his head about him getting her pregnant, doing drugs and drinking. I also would go find him where he was and check up on him and the young lady's father would do the same thing. I did tell him that if he were not where he was supposed to be I would call the cops. Luckily he believed me.

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My answer is "God gave you to me to protect you & to guide you. Since God is trusting me to keep you safe & healthy I hope you can understand that we feel it's in your best interest to trust us on our decision."

I would net allow her to see/date a boy that lived 30 minutes away. The boy should be local only.

I allowed my daughter to date a boy when she was 16. But they could only see eachother 1 time during the week & 1 time during the weekend, at our home or his home. My daughter really didn't fight us on this either, she was a homebody. I got lucky with her but I have 2 more that are really young right now, but I have a feeling that I am in for it with them.

BTW my daughter is 21 now

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