Hi everyone! I am writing to get your opinions. At this point, I really can't do anything and I'm not sure I would ever anyway, but I just wondered what you think. I have two situations to ask about so I am sorry if this is long. I have two sons, the first is 6 and plays on a great coach pitch baseball team with the best coaches ever!!! This game is our 14th so far this season. Yesterday, the team we played had a mom (coach's wife) that carried her screaming, kicking, crying son to the plate and forced the helmet onto his head while he was on the ground, stood him up, and forced the bat into his hands. The pitcher (a coach) actually threw two balls over the plate which of course the boy didn't even see because of the fit he was throwing. (He wasn't even looking.) The mom stood there telling (yelling) him to hit the ball. After two pitches the boy throws the bat as hard as he can to the ground, still screaming "no" and crying, and goes into the dugout screaming loudly. The next batter (last batter) comes up and I look over to see the mom holding the boy as he is still having a fit. The game ends and the kids line up to slap hands and say "good game". The crying boy stops crying as the mom hands him a stuffed animal to take with him through the line as the boys slap hands. He just walks, holding his animal through the line. Our boys notice the animal and I hear a few call him a baby as they walk away. I am just completely shocked at her making such a scene, embarrassing herself and her son. If the boy isn't ready to play team sports, why is he there. I overheard the other coaches on the team make comments about him crying every game. I know it wasn't my place to say anything, but it was a very frustrating situation. I can't imagine how the boys on his team feel about it, as well as there parents. I am pretty sure his dad was one of the coaches. Should anyone have stopped it? Is it too late? Throwing bats alone is enough to get you benched for the next game. Just wondering what you think . . ..
Sorry this is so long, but in a different situation, Park District T-Ball, my 3 1/2 year old has a boy on his team who's mom runs the bases with him, stands with him as he hits and fields, and even stands with him as he sits waiting to bat. There are 4 teams playing on two fields at the same time. There are at least 40 kids and not one other mom goes anywhere near the field. This child's 7 year old brother also stands in the field and even tries to get balls that are hit near him taking away the balls from the boys on the team. The college kids coaching have done nothing about this. The moms watching around me talk under their breath about her. My son asks me why ****'s mom gets to play with them, but I don't get to come play. All little ones have some separation anxiety at this age, but if the boy is not ready, why is he playing? Is that mom helping her son by being out there? It confuses my son and I'm sure some of the others too. This is the first "away from Mommy" activity my son has been ready for and I am constantly praising him for being such a big boy, playing ball so well while I watch. Any ideas? Am I just being petty? Should I not even care? I never thought team sports were going to be so dramatic . . . Thanks for any opinions.
I thought I'd touch back with everyone about my baseball incidents. First the coach pitch baseball . . .I really was worried for the little boy. I completely understand that some children have special needs that need to be addressed. I was a third grade teacher for 6 years and then a part time preschool teacher since my boys came along so I feel that I am quite experienced on inclusion and modifications at school and in social situations. I was really concerned for his safety. I don't think a coach should be pitching a ball at a child who is having a temper tantrum, nor do I believe a bat should ever be given to a child having a fit. I didn't state that very well in my first post. I also didn't state that I talked to my child about the situation and reminded him that all kids are different and express their feelings in different ways and that maybe next time some of his teammates call someone a baby, he should be the one to say, "maybe he's just having a bad day." I also feel that the way the mother handled the situation was embarrassing for the child, no matter if the boy has special needs or not. But, she's the parent and that's why I chose to say nothing.
As for my 3 year olds T-ball, I have to say that my child is there to learn. I think the experience should be positive and fun, which it has been so far. I talked to the mom today that stayed on the field and ran bases with her child. We had a very casual conversation before the boys began to play. I told her how much better my son has gotten already with just a few days of structured coaching. She agreed that her son is also getting so much better. But then she went on and on about how hard it is to let her youngest go all by himself on the field. She told me how he keeps telling her to sit down, but she just can't bear to leave him out on the field with that hard ball being hit. After this conversation, I believe its the mom who has the separation issues. I'm thankful that she stayed to the side today so that my son and those other children learn to listen to their coaches and not be distracted by her.
I cannot imagine ever forcing my children to participate in something as trivial as sports (or ballet, choir... whatever). I'm actually horrified that this is going on. My son won't start team sports until this fall or next spring. I'm really hoping that I don't encounter any of this! And believe me, if he doesn't want to play, we would never dream of forcing him.
I have nothing to say but "WOW" about the situation on the 6 year old team. I can't imagine witnessing that, but what can you do? It's not your team and you don;t know the whole situation.
But about the 3 y.o., maybe he has some special needs that would require mom to participate? Just trying to keep it positive. So maybe talk with the mom and find out why she does this. If it's just because she wants to, gently say that your son has been asking why and now wants you to join in but that you tell him "Mommies aren't supposed to". Just a suggestion.
Good Luck and with baby #3!
I know this is different than on a baseball field but I want to tell you my experience with my daughter. She has speech delays, social delays and sensory processing disorder as well as a rare disease (Mastocytosis) and recently we just found out without glasses she is more than half blind (she gets them tomorrow). She looks absolutely normal to everyone else who does not know her.
I recently put her in Art Class for socialization and a positive peer experience....she refused to ever leave my side. At first I was the only parent who had to sit next to the easel or table she was working at. She would not touch the paints or wear her smock. She was the cleanest kid always there :) One of the mothers asked me the second class why she was clinging to me. When I explained I am sure she then told the other Moms there. Once all the parents were aware of our situation they always encouraged her to participate and get messy! Finally on the last day of class she was the only one that was a mess! She put both hands into the paint which was a huge thing for her and even got it all over her new dress YEAH!!!!!! She finally found some success!
In the last 2 weeks since class has ended she has shown much more independence. We were in the Dells and she even went down a big waterslide at the water park by herself! The small ones at the hotel she went on 100s of times alone. She rode rides she would have never gotten on before. She has played with other kids on her own. She has touched things she absolutely refused to before. She is not up my butt 24/7 anymore. I could go on and on.... it has taken 12 weeks of doing this to get her to this point and we still have a ways to go!
I am thankful to the parents who have been supportive of us. For asking me why I sat next to her during class and did not let her do it on her own. For not snickering about us behind our backs. For encouraging her and praising her along with me for each minor bit of progress she has made. They sat there clapping and high fiving her along with me... I think they were just as happy as I was!
If it is that bothersome to you, ask the Mom why she is out there. Maybe you can then give the support she may need if there is a problem like there was with my daughter.
The biggest thing to remember is that this is not the Pros... these are kids who have different skills and needs and to not judge them!
Blessings to you and yours!
Hello. You are going to encounter all sorts of situations from kids and their parents during sports seasons. Frankly, if they are not on your team, I say it isn't your business..no offense intended. If your kids ask what is wrong with _kids name___or why is so and so acting that way, you can say something like, Maybe that boy is having a bad day, or Maybe he just needs a little extra help from mom, etc. But that your kids shouldn't judge and just to not pay too much attention on the other kid, just have fun and focus on what he/she needs to do. Good luck and have fun
As a mother of a special needs child, it is very encouraging to hear the advice offered by the other moms. My son looks completely normal but has a severe sensory disorder that makes his life very difficult, and the dirty looks and rude comments from other people only make it worse. My son was in a gymnastics class where I was encouraged to come in and help him if he needed redirection; chances are, like others said, this is what this particular mom was doing. I personally wouldn't have forced my son to participate if he was having a meltdown, but I certainly would never judge the decisions made by another parent. Everyone's situation is different, and your children will likely encounter many children with special needs as they are more and more included with typically developing children. This is a good thing and promotes tolerance and understanding. It hurts me to hear that this kid was being picked on by the other kids, but that's where the parents come in to explain to their children that everyone is different and we shouldn't judge. If we can start with the kids in this generation, perhaps it'll be easier for the rest of society to be as compassionate.
Ack! The drama of team sports.
I agree with Amanda. Unless you are the coach, it's not your place to say anything. If you absolutely must say something, you could say to the parent, "Are you okay? Can I help?" But, be prepared to get an earful of "mind your own business" or "sob sob sob story..." I know it's hard to watch, but unfortunately, it's the trend now. When my oldest played basketball, I saw a father berate his daughter in front of everyone on how she could improve her game (she was 9!) and their team had won! Some parents are just never happy or satisfied. It is a real shame.
And to the person who said they would never force their kid to do something "trivial" like a sport, I have to say that there is something to be learned about following through on a commitment (plus playing on a team promotes teamwork). It's important for kids to learn that just because something is difficult or they don't like it, doesn't mean that they can just up and quit. Some parents I know allowed their son to quit every sport or activity (it's too hard) and now he just gives up when something gets hard. It doesn't matter if he's playing a game with friends or doing his homework. His mom has a hard time getting him to finish anything and he's 9. Yeah, good luck with him in Jr. High!
My girls know they at least have to finish the season or session before they are allowed to quit a sport, which I think is reasonable.
My first instinct is that both kids have special needs and the parents are attempting to integrate the kids into a social and motor situation with peers. The first child appears to me, from this limited glimpse, to perhaps have a sensory integration disorder, anxiety condition or function somewhere on the Autism spectrum.
I agree with the previous poster that you can offer support to the parent of the crying child, just sit down next to them, smile and say, "Hi. I am Chrissy. Can I help? Can I get him a drink or something?" She may not need your help but it is sure nice to have another parent ask, rather than say something under their breath.
As humans, we judge situations all the time which is normal, but it gets tricky when we can't see all the facts and kids with SI, Autism or other mental health conditions often "look normal" so they are judged more harshly than kids with syndromes are more identifiable or obvious to a typical person.
Please have a talk with the kids on your team to tell them not to call anyone else a "baby"- that is not sportsmanlike. You have to model empathy for them at this age. You could explain that perhaps this "child needs a stuffed animal to help him stay calm when he is worried. Just because he is 6 and needs this, does not make him a baby. For them, baseball is fun and comes easy. For other kids, it is a much harder thing to learn and perhaps the sights, sounds, feel of the helmet, etc. is too much for him." It may take more than one conversation. And with kids with special needs more integrated into mainstream sports, your son's teammates are going to encounter many, many kids who are different, but still wonderful in their own way and worthy of befriending!
Welcome to the world of little league. I've seen a lot. It's hard to hold back when you are a reasonable mom. But... please keep in mind and hold back judgement. Some parents are trying to integrate children who may be ADHD, ADD, an autistic child or those who have some kind of emotional immaturity on the team. Some kids just don't handle pressure well. I have seen this for a few years. Some years, you are going to have a great team, other years it will be challenging. The saddest thing for me is, not how the children respond, but how the parents react. Yes, I've seen many 11 and 12 year old boys cry! I've also seen parents swear, kick fences and scream at their own children, with an audience - it's easy to say, which is sadder! I think it's great that they make us sign a "letter of conduct" as parents, and coaches. If your team is not doing that, I would suggest it. By not following ethical conduct, you can get suspended for 2 games.
Be patient and be that supportive mom. Approaching a parent and "suggesting to them" how to discipline their child could be a really bad move! Also be the mom who listens. You will pick up on that child who is challenged in those areas. It may be frustrating to watch that child go from temper tantrum to the field - just be sensitive. And, YOUR child may question why they act like that. 6 years old is still young for little league and, although, they may seem somewhat predictable, that age can still cry, scream and throw tantrums. I agree that a mom should "let it go" and not force a child to go out on the field, kicking and screaming. It makes a bad statement to the others.
No, you are not being petty. I, too, expect my children to finish out a season (of anything) they may have chosen, whether it's a sport or scouting, once they make the decision to join. They can quit, when the season is done. My son is on a team this year that is absolutely incredible - I'm talking about the attitude of the boys and parents!!!! Last year, it was sad. Yes, a team sport can be dramatic. What I witnessed last year has humbled my attitude to any sport that my children will ever play, in the future, and reinforces the attitude that I must be a good role model for my children. That's how it should be.
Good luck to you.
Hello!
I'm a gymnastics coach and I'd have to say that the child who has his mom play probably does have some kind of disorder. In our park district children with disorders have either an aide or their mom/dad/sibling come help them with the class. It's very helpful to the coach because as a teacher I can't be stopping class to put my attention on ONE child. Oftentimes these children look normal and may act quite normal so it's hard to tell. However, if they don't have an aide (and sometimes the aide does nothing more than help them through because they don't quite understand everything as fast as other children) they can make class difficult for everyone. If no aide is available then the parents usually come in and help. It's a great experience for the kids, and none of my kids ever had too much of a problem with one mom coming in.
As far as the kid who was having a fit, I think each child is different and sometimes forcing your child to "get over themselves" is the best thing you can do. Parents know their own child and can usually tell the difference between "I'm terrified and not ready to do this" and "I'm having a bad moment." If it's the first then I agree you should never force your kid. But if it's the second, depending on the child, making them stick to their commitments is good.
With young children I've found that being patient and understanding is the best attitude. It just helps us all. Every child has their own journey to make, and a combination of stepping back and pushing them forward is how we get them there. At this point it's not about the winning and losing. It's about them learning and having fun.
As a coach I made one of my crying gymnasts go out on the mat and do her routine. I knew she was just having drama and could do it. Once I put her out there she pulled herself together and did a great routine and won her first medal! She was so proud, and I never had any drama from her again. So, it depends on the kid :)
Good luck!
Surely since you were a teacher you understand that kids have a variety of temperments, despite being the same age. Since you have no idea of what is behind the behavior or what arrangements the family may have made with the coaches, there is really nothing that you can do, other than be a good role model. Try to have some empathy for what that child/parent may be going through. You are completely shocked at their behavior, but what I find shocking is the kids name calling and parents talking about other parents. One of the most important things everyone needs to learn is respect. We have coached and/or participated on many teams over the years, from YMCA 3 year old T ball on up. There have been some very challening families and children, some of whom have special needs, others of whom just seem to abide by a different standard of behavior. We have just tried to do our best to model appropriate behavior and give appropriate consequences. If you feel it is a safety issue, then by all means take it up with the board or governing body of the league to make them aware of it. If not, please realize that for some children that may have an anxiety or other disorder, they may never be truly ready to participate on the same level as a child without these issues. However, the opportunity to have some success with a new skill may give them a little boost in self confidence. Why begrudge them a little extra help?
