Moms a Question About Sex: You Will Want to Answer!?

Having a baby PERIOD is what kills your sex life, not whether you breast feed or formula feed. I've done both and suffered fatigue, lack of interest, feeling un-sexy, and not spontaqneous regardless. Your body has gone through an enormous physical feat and has completely changed as well as your hormones so how could your sex life not be affected?

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I breastfed for 2 years. My husband and I continually strive to keep our sex life active and exciting. There are *many* other errogenous zones to focus on when the breasts are sore or tender from feeding. You need to have an open mind and a decent sense of humor. For instance the time I shot my husband in the eye with milk.... of course, it is my belief that all couples should be able to laugh in bed together and try new things.

Yes, there may be a dryness issue. Not only are the hormones working against you, but hydration can be a big issue for nursing Moms. Hydrate and experiment with personal lubricants. Totally helps!

Personally, I think the exsistance of a "study" like that is horrible! Do women really need another excuse not to breastfeed? It's the best thing you can do for your baby, but it's not easy, can be painful, and may lead to a bad sexlife!?! Psha! If sex is important to you, be honest with yourself and your partner and work together to make it good! That's the simple answer, independant of whether or not you lactate.

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For MYSELF...

As soon as the bleeding and dinosaur farts stopped we went back to our normal sex routine. Which happened to be a couple times a day to almost every day.

I nursed for 9mo, lost my milk (massive infection), switched to formula.

The thing I have about American Statistics is this: The studies (even when done correctly, and aren't just "reader polls"), are SMALL. As a science chick I prefer Swedish and other socialized health studies. In the US a "big" study has about 6,000 people in it. In socialized medicine countries a "big" study has 100,000 - 500,000 people in it. Ginormous difference.

Personally, I ALSO didn't start fighting about cheating until after my husband cheated, which was when my son was 3.

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I have spent nearly 4 cumulative years bfing with two babies, and I did not want much sex during that time. My boobs looked great, it wasn't that, but I was getting all the physical closeness I could possibly handle from my children and didn't want to be touched any more. I wanted sleep, not more touching! I don't know if it would be different if I had bottle fed, because I never did it. Since I didn't want sex, it did not bother me not to be doing it much. I did enjoy it very much when we did, but I didn't prioritize it much.

Everyone's hormonal balance is different, though. In fact, it is different for the same woman with each child. Sex was never painful or difficult, I just wante some personal space when my kids weren't hanging off my nipples.

We have lots of sex now. It didn't end forever and I sure as heck didn't want to get pregnant at the time. Marriage is full of tides and ebbs of all sorts. I don't regret my committment to bf for a second and neither does my husband.

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That article is pointless, even if it is true, which is doubtful.

In my opinion, the decision to breastfeed or not should not be based on one's sex life.

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I'm 8kid's mom, just so you know whom is speaking. I would kind of like to know the era of the magazine. It used to be breastfeeding was looked down upon big time and I think that many generalizations were made. They used to think babies didn't feel pain either, so no anasethetic was used to do a circumcision! Everyone has individual sexual appetites both pre and post. I know for myself, I disagree with their conclusions. Dryness occuring? I'm sure it could, but I wouldn't necessarily connect it with breastfeeding. The only time I really had that problem was when I was going through a traumatic situation and didn't want sex Period.
I will say sex had to change somewhat, because my breasts wanted to leak milk whenever I heard a baby cry, or whenever my husband wanted to titalate them. Bummer, but there it is.
Outside of that, I concur with the other reader, the only real problem is now you can't have spontaneity near as often because of interruptions and walk-ins.

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OMG I totally do not agree with that article.
And I breastfed both my kids.

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I would have rather had a root canal than have sex after my son. It hurt. But,after a few months,it did get better.
I did not see this as a negative. I thought it was nature's way of telling me that my body was not ready to conceive again. My sex drive returned at around 10 months--the same time I started my menstrual cycle again. Probably not a coincidence.:)

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Babies need breast milk, regardless of how you feel! This is not the time to think about your sex life. Just my opinion, everything is for your newborn to thrive right now!

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Babies need breast milk, regardless of how you feel! This is not the time to think about your sex life. Just my opinion, everything is for your newborn to thrive right now!

2 moms found this helpful

What year was this article written? Sounds a bit behind the times. I smell a hidden agenda behind it and I agree w/ the other moms who feel this way, too. I breastfed for two years and my sex drive was the same before and after mostly, except that I was tired more after having baby. That happens whether you BF or not.

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I would agree that breastfeeding made it harder for me to feel sexy, but not for some of the reasons they listed. The first few months when I was nursing every 2 hours, I was just sick of someone needing my body, so I didn't want my husband grabbing at me too! hahaha

As for nursing moms getting less sleep, I don't agree with that. For me it was easier in the middle of the night to just whip out a boob, I didn't have to go to the kitchen & prepare a bottle, then worry about cleaning the bottle or refrigerating the leftovers.

1 mom found this helpful

I went to formula at 6 weeks and my sex drive returned at this time with a vengeance. I've always wondered if it was a coincidence. Now I am breastfeeding but baby only 3 weeks old. I'm curious to see what happens at 6 weeks.

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I breastfed my kids exclusively for 16 and 20 months respectively and everything you said above was 100% *NOT* true for me. I made a very conscious decision that my life with my husband would not be dramatically changed because of our littles ones. We worked very hard to make time for each other and time for sex. My hubby was never weireded out by my breasts having multiple purposes. You have to mentally separate the mommy part and the hot mamma part.

Of course our life was different but it is so easy to slip into this mode where you lose each other because you are so focused on baby(ies). We still work very hard to make time for each other in our busy life. Whether it's a very passionate kiss or a quickie while the kids are watching a short cartoon or the occasional night out.

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Between my two boys I've spent a total of about 7 years of my life either pregnant or breastfeeding (nursed my first for 2 1/2 years and my second for 3 years now, we just weaned). I've ALWAYS wanted sex. Never has bfing interfered with my desire. Post baby has always been the same as pre-baby in my book. My hubby and I do it at least once a day, more often if we can fit it in and that was from the moment I was cleared for sexual activity again after giving birth (okay, okay we started again a little earlier than that!). All you need is a good water-based lube and you're off to the races. It's a great stress reliever and helps us stay emotionally close as well during stressful times (like having a newborn!). Neither my hubby nor I have had hang-ups about the identity of my breasts. They are multi-functional body parts that can provide sustenance, comfort and fun. The only issue I had was that initially I didn't like them played with only because they would be a little sore and sensitive already but that was physical, not psychological. That passes with time.

I think these kinds of articles are meant to give general, average information but they should always be read in context and it should be assumed that they cannot account for all of the differences in the world. Great question though!

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I tend to think that all of those things could be true - for one person - but will likely be quite different for others. I'm one whose experience was different than what the article described. It doesn't help anyone when generalizations like that are made.

Trust your own experience!!! - Maybe a frustrated hubby wrote it :-)

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With my son (now 6), all I wanted to do was have sex when I was prenant. After birth I wanted to have sex as soon as possible. We didn't wait the whole 6 weeks before we started. With my daughter, I swelled up down there towards the end and it became painful to have sex. We didn't have sex from my 9th month till my 6 week check up. I believe it depends on your pregnancy weather or not your libido is high or not. I don't believe it's on the fact that you are breastfeeding or not. I breast fed both.

I was a breastfeeding mom for my son's first year.

At the beginning, I was not 'in the mood' often because 1. my nipples hurt 2. I was embarassed that I'd squirt milk when breasts were stimulated 3. I was tired!

But once i got in the groove of BFeeding, my son would be nursing and I would get excited (from the nipple stimulation) and would totally get in the mood. Maybe this sounds weird. I'm not creepy. I'm just being honest. But -baby had to eat so my needs were met later that day. I just had to time it right so that my boobs weren't full of milk so that I wouldn't squirt on hubby.

So I had no idea all of this hormonal Oxytocin whatever research existed. Not sure it really was true for me.

Well I breast fed both my children for the first year of their lives and i swear everything you said about the effects of breastfeeding is 100 % true! It's like that was written from my life. LOL Once i'm done breast feeding my sex life gets way better. I want to, it doesn't hurt anymore and my breast have some sexual feeling associated with them instead of just for food. So yes that first year is always tough for me sexually, I mean I still have sex with my hubby 3 or more times a week even when I'm breast feeding but I feel like during that time it's just for him. But once I stop it all goes back to normal.

I BF my son for just over a year. Sex was painul for the first 5 months due to vaginal dryness. Lubes didn't help at all. My ob/gyn gave me an estrogen cream that I used for a week then sex was normal again. I don't regret BFing nor will that stop me from BFing #2 when he/she arrives in Feb. I'll just be sure to talk to my doctor sooner if it happens again.

Interesting topic! I have spent 25 months of my life nursing, and although I don't remember for sure I do remember feeling like my breasts were there to feed a baby and therefore were not sexy to me. If my husband stayed away from my chest we were fine!

I did not BF by choice and my drive never changed, It was always on the high side.

Although after my hysterectomy about 9 years ago, my drive sky rocketed higher had has stayed that way. I guess part of it is hormones and part is knowing there is NO chance of getting pregnant.

Obviously this will depend on not only the woman, but also the baby and their choice of sleeping locations!! I know for me, I breastfed both babies until 10+ months and it was not so much being tired/getting up in the middle of the night as it was that I was up every few hours feeding the baby, thus I wasn't so much 'in the mood' in the middle of the night. However, I was never that way before baby so that didn't change much.

I'd have to say that our sex life has changed, but it's because of my husband's work shift. Before our 2nd, we would maybe have sex once he got home from work (around 12) but during my 2nd pregnancy and now, I'm often too tired or have been up several times with one or the other child and hubby gets home at like 230 am now and our daughter ends up in bed with us so middle of the night 'stuff' is out!

We have just adjusted our time frame...so we do it when we can :) I'd say we have it about the same as before babies though with the amount of time we see eachother!

I find that, in general, I don't tend to fall into the "usual" categories in many articles like these. I found no difference in my sex life during breastfeeding vs. not breastfeeding. My husband had no problem with things either way, as well.

How was your sex life pre baby and post?
Before Baby.... at least 3-4 times a week
After Baby..... first few months NONE, 6 months after MAYBE having sex once a month

And if you are breast feeding do you have less of a sex life?
I breast feed for only two months..... to me it did not really matter if I was breast feeding or not, did not want sex, did not feel sexy (still struggling with it 4 years later).

In your opinion do you think what was written above is true or not? Why?
Personal it has more to do with hormons (how long it takes them to go back to "normal", your body image, lack of sleep, and how much you enjoy sex.

Sex has nothing to do with nursing i nursed my 4 children and did fine maybe you need to see you doctor to see if you have a different problem good luck raised 4 children nowhave 7even grandchildren married o61 years A. no hills

Like you, I only BFed for 2 months... But to answer briefly, I had a great libido before baby and an ok one after. I LOVED my libido when I was pregnant... Of course so did my husband. Like when I was pg, we'd have sex at least twice a night. Now, without bfing... 4 - 5 times a week. Which is still higher than most we know, but lower than what we used to do.

However, there are some differenciating (sp?) factors there. Like I got pg right after my husband and I did anything together. We were only dating a short while before I got pg. We were friends, but nothing more until then. And now, we have a 2 & 7 yo... That drains us both and we have to worry more about "walk-ins". : )

I only breast fed for a very short time, and even with that I wasn't producing much. I have always had a great sex life, even when I was trying to breast fed. My boyfriend thought I was sexy because it made my breasts fuller (im already big chested but you know how some guys are). I heard horror stories before I had my baby about how your sex life will change dramatically, for a number of reasons. None of them applied to me.
I won't lie it was a slow start back into our groove (we had a lot going on besides the baby, sick parents who eventually passed, house hunting, etc) but we always have and always will look forward to sex together. Whether it's a quickie or we get to take our time, it all counts.
Regarding the part of the article that you mentioned said non breastfeeding moms fight more with their partners about cheating, but less in general....I have never had to worry about my boyfriend cheating, and thus we don't fight about it. LOL. It's never an issue on my mind.
It's an interesting article you came across. it doesn't sway me one way or the other about breast or bottle feeding, I think thats my personal choice. It has some good info that might help some moms out there (breast feeding or not). =)

My hormoes were at play. All 3 babies - I had no desire until a few months after I stopped breastfeeding. I felt sexy - I felt like a natural woman. And I could feel my abs tightening - so that helped. I just hormonally could not get there. I stopped at differant months - 18 months, 14 mos and 12 months, but each time it took about 3 to 6 months to get back to being myself .
I think it's all part of the design of a woman. We don't biologically want to have another baby, while we are nursing. I feel it's a survival instinct. An animal wouldn't get pregnant with another litter while it had 1 still nursing - just not enough resources to go around.