I am a single mom trying to work from home on the computer but now that my child is on summer break I am finding getting any work done near impossible because she wants me to play with her all the time or take her somewhere.
\ During the school year she was in a free after school program until 6. the same program has a summer camp but they are charging 250 a week which I cannot yet afford. Other camps I have looked nto want even more-like 400 a week! ( maybe I should start a summer camp!- i'd make plenty of money and can watch my own kid!)
I did put her in summer camp last year and paid with credit cards which I am still paying for now! She doesn't nap anymore so that is not an option. Most baby sitters want at least 10 an hour- so for a full day that is 60 to 80 dollars a day.
if I worked away from home i would still be spending most of my pay to pay for child care.
I try and get some work done after she goes to bed but because she is so active during the day many times I am exhausted just from running around with her and fall asleep soon after her. I hate putting her in front of a tv but I do let her watch pbs kids for a 2 hours 1 in the morning one in the evening just so I can get a few things done. I am trying to save up for a lap top so maybe I can work when we are at the playground or in the backyard. because i can hardly get anything done- i am making less money rather than more money which I need to pay for things like sitters/summer camp/laptops!
i have asked her father for help but he is not very caring or undertanding which is part of the reason we are not together. he thinks I should work more or go out and get a full time job in addition to all the household stuff I have to do but doesnt want me to put her in day camp full time??and wont contribute any extra money to help with child care. He is " working" all the time and can't watch her that much. He does take her on the weekends sometimes...
I love playing with my daughter and going on summer adventures with her but i have to work and get money to do these things. I feel like a cat chasing it's tail. I am investigating getting a job with the school system just so I can be on the same schedule as her but it takes time to jump thorugh all the hoops/find an opening becuase that is a goverment job. any ideas other than just trying to suck it up until school starts again? or start drinking more coffee so I can stay up l all night.
zWe don't have any nearby relatives. My parents are both decease. W have an adoptive fairy godmother and sometimes she can sit but she is a bit more permissive with sugar consumption and tv than i would like despite me telling her...I tried giving my child work sheets/coloring sheets- she finishes in 5 or 10 minutes or needs my help reading the directions etc.. She just turned 6 in June. Also with the play date here i have to supervise the girls unless the mom stays and then i feel guilty for taking so long to finish up! Luckily school is starting early for her this fall - in three weeks. I had the teen downstairs take z to a nearby park for a few hours a couple of times for low cost- that worked as she wasn't on the premises to bug me every 10 minutes! I am saving up for ther lap top and hopefully with me in a better position financially when vacation time and summer break roll around again so I can put her back in camp or hire a helper on a more consistent basis. thanks
Working from home is still work - you still need child care.
Trying to do both at the same time - as you are finding out - is impossible to do either well.
The only difference is you don't have as far to commute as someone who drives to an office does.
I'm with Sherry on this one. Your child should be able to entertain herself for several hours during the day. If she is demanding, it's because you've allowed her to be. You're not fostering independence.
Have one activity that you do with her during the day. Schedule it, and tell her when it will be the night before. You can choose together. The rest of the day in my house would look like this. You could post it with pictures so she knows what to expect:
0730: Wake and play quietly alone.
0800: Make a bowl of cereal (mom puts box within reach, and a cup of milk in fridge to pour on. Child eats at table and puts dishes in sink when done.
0820-0920ish: TV time
0920-1200: Mom/child activity
1200-1pm: Lunch and clean up together
1pm-4pm Independent outdoor or indoor play, unsupervised (check, but don't supervise).
4-5pm TV time while mom gets dinner prepared
5-5:30pm-help mom set the table/wash hands/get drinks for family
5:30-6:30-Dinner and clean up together
6:30-7:30-Time together as family
7:30-8: Get ready for bed
8: Goodnight.
With some "checking," you should have about 7-8 hours of work time. Yes, it will require you to be tough on her. She might get ticked. But eventually she'll learn that you aren't there to constantly entertain her.
This problem is exactly why I refused to "play" with my child all day long when then were toddlers. Kids need to learn to play on there own. Not in the house by themselves but on there own. you need to take control back from your daughter. She is old enough to play on her own while you work for chunks of time during the day. Get some school work type books and she can do that. take a nice long lunch time where you play with her but then in the afternoon a good long disney movie each day. while you are working. I can tell you in the olden days farm moms did not "play" all day long with their kids. kids helped out or played on their own.
You could check into the possiblity of doing a trade with another mom or two. Offer to take care of some other kids one day a week then you will be able to give your daughter to them one day a week. If you keep 4 kids on say monday. then farm your daughter out to each of those kids houses 1 day per week your free those 4 days to work.
as far as her father not wanting to help pay for extra stuff. you can take him to court for the help with daycare. but unless you have proof that your working "checkstubs etc" you won't get help with daycare.
I'm sending you a link to a program that is SOOO awesome. It's called Girls Inc and it's nation wide. Check it out to see if you have one in your area. They charge on a sliding scale so you should be able to afford it. I'm a single Mom to an almost 16 year old and I had her in this program until I switched jobs. I drive a school bus now so I no longer need the program, but I would not hesitate to enroll her again. http://www.girlsinc.org/
Ugh...tough spot. When I work from home, I can't get ANYTHING done!
A mother's helper?
Vacation Bible Schools are GREAT and, notoriously cheap....but are 2-3 hours per day for a week usually. Check for several in the area--usually they are different weeks but the peak season is NOW--so look right away.
Um...as for her father....who cares WHAT he thinks? I would petition for more support if your summers are going to require child care. It doesn't really matter what he *thinks* or *feels* -- it's about providing what the child needs, and if you can't work--she needs a babysitter/daycare/camp.
It sounds like you need to come up with a combination of things to keep her busy. Here are some suggestions:
1-2 days per week, have her go to a friend's house to play, at least for half the day. If you can have her out of the house from 9:00 - 1:00, or 1:00 - 5:00, you can get a lot done during that time.
1-2 days per week, let her have a friend come play at your house. If she has someone else to entertain her, she won't bug you as often. You'll be home so the kids will be supervised, but you can get a lot done while they play.
Does she have a best friend or two? If you can trade off with another mom, you can create a great schedule. Mondays, she visits friend A. Tuesdays, friend B visits you. Thursdays, friend A visits you. Fridays, she visits friend B. The other moms will probably also appreciate the break!
Another idea: have you looked into camps through your city or local community center? My son is going to a day camp this summer through the city that is only $18 per half day. So even if you did five half-days per week, it would only cost $90/week and you'd get your mornings or afternoons free (full days are available at $36/day).
Another option is to hire a mother's helper. This is someone too young to really be a babysitter, but old enough to keep your daughter occupied and entertained while you're also in the house. Usually someone about 10-12 years old is perfect. You can get away with paying only $5-7 per hour. It's basically a playmate, but someone who can also help get snacks and help your daughter pick up her toys. At that age, they could play in the backyard by themselves.
Also, I'm not sure if you are divorced or separated, but is her father giving you any form of child support at all? If not, get a lawyer and make him pay.
Are there any teens in the neighborhood that could watch her when you are most productive (a few hours in the morning or afternoon)?
Or
You can sit your daughter down and tell her, "I'm going to do my work now. I'm going to work for an hour (or two) and I do not want to be interrupted. I promise that I will give you my full attention when that hour (or two) is over. But only if you are good and quiet. You need to find something to do by yourself. You can read a book, draw pictures, watch a movie or play quietly."
I think at 6 yrs old, she should be able to play by herself for a few hours each day. Actually, more. You should draw up a schedule and stick to it. Discuss it with her over dinner and have her make suggestions as to what she can do when you need to work. Remind her that working is good for the both of you. And sometimes, you both have to just suck it up so you can get the job done. Maybe if she plays by herself for those designated time periods all week, you can plan a special outing on Saturday.
Good luck.
I agree with Jill.. Inviting a friend over to play with her is awesome.
They will play together.. Set out their snacks so they will do their own thing.
Also be honest with her. Mommy is here at home, but I have my work I have to do, Or we cannot afford to go to the movies on Mondays.. The swimming pool... If I do not work. I was always honest with outr daughter when I was busy.. She completely understood, We would have a lot more fun if I could get my work out of the way.
Today here is a list of things you can do..
Read
Put together puzzles (we always had a 250 to 500 piece puzzle going on a table at this age)
Build a tent in your bedroom with these 2 sheets.
Make lunch for me at 11:30.
Turn off all of the lights and pretend you are at the movies and watch a video.. Make popcorn in the microwave.
At 3:00. if you have given me all the time I need to work, we will go to .. The Library so you can check out books
Swimming
Playground
Movie
video store
Invite a friend over.
You decide what you ar eup for mom.
Also we always and at least an hour quiet time during the summer. Our daughter could read, watch a video or nap.. but it had to be in her bed..
How about inviting one of her friends over for her to play with? If she has company she won't need your attention. If you start inviting friends over, you will probably find that the other parents will reciprocate as well. I've been taking distance ed courses for the last couple of years, and when I really need to get assignments done I just let the kids have friends over, and I can work while they play.
Playdates? My girls are 6 and 7 and even hosting playdates at our houses is less work than having them alone as they go off and play with their friends. If you host one day then maybe that mom will host another day and likely it'll add up to some free time for you and your daughter will have fun.
Do you have any neighbors you trust? Or grandparents or relatives nearby? Or someone who is retired or another SAHM, who can babysit your daughter?
You work from home, and your daughter is a child.
These two elements, won't mix.
I used to do that.
I work from home full time, so I feel your pain. Working is working and all those people who assume you can work and watch kids at the same time are just wrong.
My girls go to summer camp because there is no way I can get my work done if they're home. How about finding a teenager you could hire as a mother's helper? That would be less than a typical babysitter. Check on Craigslist for in-home daycares. I live in an expensive area and there are still several reputable ones charging $175/week per child. Or how about Girls Inc or the YMCA - do they have a summer camps near you?
Does your ex pay child support? If not, he should!!
Your city may have some kind of summer camp through it's park & rec. It may be too late to do this year but something to look into for next year.
Does her father pay child support? If so, then that would've taken into account childcare needs. If not, you need to go to court and get that set-up. He has a financial responsibility to his child.
In the meantime, can you do some co-op child care? You watch someone else's kids for a period of time in exchange for them doing the same for you?
Can you afford vacation Bible School? Many local churches offer that for a relatively low cost and have scholarships available for financial need. That could give you a few hours, too. Barring that, you need to pay for a few hours of childcare throughout the week to be able to get some work done inside normal business hours and so that you are able to enjoy your daughter.
I agree with Sherri G. She needs a playmate. She should be able to entertain herself for a while (drawing, reading, crafting, etc.) but she needs company too. Let her have a friend over. Have some do it yourself snacks on hand (cheese and crackers, granola bars, fruit, etc.) and the girls can play while you work. Hopefully some of the other mothers will reciprocate so she can get some time to play at their houses as well :)
You're right, it's simply not possible to do both. Kids need our attention. I love some of the ideas you've gotten, and I hope I don't repeat.
You could try to ...
1. Find another mom who could watch your daughter 1 or 2 days a week and you watch her kids the same so that you can both get SOME work done.
2. VBS's will help. Some are cheep, but many are free!
3. The Park District and the YMCA often have sliding scales and/or scholarships. Call them today. They might be full or might have used their allotted money for the year, but it's so worth finding out.
4. Talk to a lawyer or someone about changing the financial arrangement with the father. Summers are simply more expensive for everyone until kids are old enough to take care of themselves or get part-time jobs. He might not like it, but he needs to help provide for her in the summer, and that's going to mean he needs to pay more in child support.
My oldest will be starting kindergarten in the fall (almost 6), and I was afraid camp would be too much for him. I signed him up for some activities, but I didn't want to overdue it. I'm thinking I could have signed him up for more, as he is a little bored. Next summer, definitely, but I think I'll call a couple of places and see if they still have openings. I think it would be good for him!
I love my kids!!! But I'm glad I'm not the only one looking forward to school starting again.
have you tried a local daycare? Ours has a summer program that is 125/week for school age kids.
I agree with "Av". She is 6, she has been in school so she understands schedules. You set her a "summer schedule" just like school. Schedule your day like a classroom. Plan recess, art, free play and reading and writing and math etc. I have ran a multi-miliondollar Network Marketing business from home for 6 years now. Schedules work great.
Sit down with her and set the schedule so that she is a "part of it". She will respect it more than something you just give to her.
PS I find that when I dedicated work time and scheduled play time I get a lot more done in a day.
B.
Family Success Coach
I have not read your other answers but what about hiring a "mothers helper". See if there is a young teenager or pre-teen who will play with her at home while you are there...or walk to the park to play. We have a young babysitter who charges 3 dollars an hour and her younger sister charges 2 dollars an hour for being a mother's helper. They are 12 and 10. They love playing with younger kids so they really enjoy it. Do you have a YMCA near you? They are usually more affordable. Instead of the whole summer just pick a week here or there. In our town there are also church run camps that are free or very cheap.
I worked at schools almost all of my children's growing up years, so I could have the same hours,same times and holidays off and spend time with them or at least see them. You do have to do what you have to do.If you can get a job at a school or Daycare do it. There are private schools, government schools, church schools, daycares, etc. etc. Yes, you could babysit and make money. It' s tough but you can do it. You could get a highschool or older child to play with her for a few dollars. Think outside the box. Having children has probably changed many of our lives drastically, but it was a wonderful ride and if I never make a million bucks I wouldn't trade it. You will pay off your charge cards one day when you are alone and quite possibly very lonely, so love her with all your heart. They just grow so fast.
I would sit down with her and your schedule and work out something. Not that she gets full ride, but say, "Tammy, I have to work even though you are home. From 8-9AM, you can have breakfast and watch cartoons while I check email. At 9, I will read you a book/play with play dough/etc. Then at x time I need to work until lunch. You are welcome to be in the room here and we can keep each other company, but I cannot play with you. We will have lunch at x time and if you are good and eat quickly, we may have time to go to the park." Etc.
It is not always easy. My DD is almost 4 and I work from home. One thing I do is the schedule, take a morning or afternoon off when I can (do you have a Meet Up group for kids her age?) and work more from my laptop (where I can roam on the wifi) than at a desktop.
And, frankly, it's not all up to her father. Does he pay childcare when she is in school? Is there a court order? If she's there on your time, try a playdate (I often trade weekend afternoons with a friend so I can drop DD off during the week) or go for that camp (look to see what might be offered through park and rec programs in your area) or whatever you need to do.
Re: the laptop, keep an eye on Woot.com - they often have deals and that's where I got mine. I don't need it to do anything fancy and it's working well so far.
All I can see is the coffee idea...
...or going to bed really early so you can wake up even earlier and get a good 3 or 4 hours in before she wakes up?
~But I am a morning person and have taken a PT job as a baker at a grocery store which means I have to get up at 3:30am to be at work by 4am and work until 8am and then come home and spend time with my kids all day! Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right?
I agree with a Mother's helper--a teen whose job it is to basically play w/ & entertain your child. You provide snacks/meals and she plays with your daughter and takes her to part. Usually $5-$6/hour is good for a mother's helper, and if the helper can come 3 or 4 hours per day, that would help a lot and not be too expensive. Post some ads at your local grocery store and rec center, and on your church's bulletin board.
Also, see if any of your mom friends could take her one or two mornings or afternoons per week, either on a paid situation, or a babysitting trade kind of thing.
Also, having some planned activities before or after the MH comes. Like, sit down on Saturday or Sunday with the daughters help and plan a couple of special activities for the next week. Like a scavenger hunt, or doing a play at home with dress up costumes (doesn't have to be fancy--use scraps from your sewing basket or cut up or use some fancy kitchen towels or bath towels that you might making into something else; check the thrift store for other dress up items). That way, she will have special time--but make sure that you tell her ahead of time--mommy loves to play with you and spend time with you, but mommy has to work. So this week, let's plan some w2 or 3 special activities. And when you're doing these with her, give her 100% undivided attention and really put yourself into it. Before and after the activity, tell her that you'll be doing work from X to Y times, and you'll be taking a break at Z time to play with her for X min (make it 15 to 30 min).
It also sounds like her dad is not living with you? It sounds like, if you do not have a child support agreement in place that it would be a very good idea to talk to a lawyer and see about getting custody and child support set in the eyes of the law. If he's not paying child support and should be, start pursuing legal action now.
What about getting a Mother's Helper? Are there any young teens in the area that could come for a few hours to play with her and entertain?
I agree with trying to find a mother's helper.
Also, perhaps you should look into going back to court and getting the court to order her father to pay 1/2 of daycare costs during the school year and 1/2 of the cost of day camps during the summer.
