Mom Who Doesn't Want Our Kids to Be Friends Is Everywhere We Go!

Be cordial to the mom, and nice to the child, but no more playdates or invitations over for the child.

Explain to your daughter that some people have problems with emotional balance, and that the best thing to do is to distance yourself from those people. That means no one-on-one stuff. Group activities are fine, but explain to your daughter that healthy, happy people do not act this way, and that if they cannot help themselves or don't know how to behave appropriately, then it's just better to avoid or minimize contact with them. But also explain that she should be nice, but that that doesn't mean your daughter needs to be friends (being nice/polite does not = friendship, and is perfectly okay). And as soon as school starts, start inviting over some of the kids in her class so she can start having other friends there.

I'd be cordial to the Mom, that's it. You are community acquaintences, that's all. Her behavior sounds very immature, if a number of others have noticed her shunning tendencies. If you show up at the same places, so be it. Pour all your energy into other friends. I think you can tell your daughter, "I'm not sure why X wants to be such close friends one day, and the next time not at all. I've noticed she seems to run hot and cold on quite of few of the kids your age too. Be kind to her when you see her at school and activities, but just know she may just be this way, friendly one day and not the next. I'm glad that you know how to be a better friend. I'm sure you'll find many other new friends who aren't so unpredictable. Let's plan to invite a different classmate over soon."

Personally, I would not give this other mom a second thought. She sounds like a snob who is turning her daughter into a snob and for whatever reason she's got her panties in a twist. Or like some others have said, she's massively insecure and perceives everyone else as some kind of threat. I seriously doubt it has anything to do with you or her daughter and it's not worth expending energy or losing sleep over. I mean, if this is the kind of person she is, and her daughter is that moody and difficult, why would you want to be friends with them? If you run into them here and there, so what? You can be civil and polite without wearing your heart on your sleeve and getting your feelings hurt in return.

I would start realizing this for yourself and start telling your daughter the same thing - understand that some people should be nice but choose not to be for whatever reason and we can be polite to them without expecting much back. There's no point in trying to understand them or extend yourself to them. I am sure there are plenty of other kids that your daughter can be friends with and she may need you to explain to her how real friends treat each other. The sooner you both develop a thicker skin and learn to blow them off, the happier you will be. It's their problem, not yours.

I would feel bad for the other girl, it sound like she had fun but the mom didn't allow her to be your daughter's friend for whatever reason.
I wouldn't try to make them friends or try to find out why. I would focus my daughter in to get different friends that treat her better.

I have noticed something similar with my daughter's friend . Sometimes she craves for my daughter's company to play but at sometime my daughter doesn't exist for her. They are nice people. But this was a mixed signal. I felt the pulse and started discouraging one on one play, enrolled my daughter into some interesting classes and kept her busy.

People are made different! Save your mind. Don't loose your peace of mind.

Good luck

I will also add that you should work hard in your daughter's new class to have her make friends, have playdates, etc. Once your daughter has a new group of friends, they can serve as a buffer to this child.

I agree that there's a difference between being polite and being her friend. Teach your daughter what being a friend means, how friends treat each other, etc. Then teach her what an aquaintance/school mate is... She does not need to be "friends" with this girl.

And if/when you and your daughter see this child, I would be polite and then walk away from her. If this child BEGS for a playdate or to sit next to you at church, find a reason to not have her over or sit between the two girls at a minimum.

If/when this other mother "gets the hint" that you are buffering your child, you have a choice to make, you can either be honest and tell her why or you can simply tell her that your daughter has shown interest in other friends.

I had one such confrontation with a neighborhood mother. I couldn't keep up with her being "hot" and "cold" and her daughter and mine we having issues too. When she confronted me one day, after the girls got on the school bus, I tried to play it off. When she called me out on it, I felt like, "OK, the gloves are off!". She didn't like what I had to say and hasn't really talked with us since then. I figured no loss. It's sad that she feels the need to "ignore" us years later, with our kids at the same bus stop and same school, but at least it's better than the drama we had with them in our lives.

Best wishes

I would tell your child that there is something going on in that girl's home that you don't understand and that you think she needs to just have a "school" relationship with her and not try to be friends out of school.

I think the problem is hers, and I would not worry about it. I would simply encourage your daughter to focus on other friendships.

she really doesn't need to figure it out. we can never know what motivates people, or control what they're going to do. but you can work with her on understanding her own motives for continuing a friendship with someone who is hurtful, and how to be strong and confident.
i'm glad that you are going about your lives without trying to accommodate the vagaries of these two. keep doing that. encourage your daughter to make other friendships and get involved in other activities. behave as if this other girl were a complete nonentity. ditto the mom. soon it will be true.
khairete
S.

This is not how a friend treats someone, it is downright MEAN. Teach this as calmly and matter of factly to your daughter now so she doesn't go through heartache and drama later and just avoids these situations. She deserves better friends and also needs to know this is not okay behaviour!

I think the real reason for all of this is: you are prettier than your daughters friends mother. And probably her husband has made a comment to her about you! HA! I wouldn't doubt it! Or is it just a simple case of "keeping up with the Joneses" and she wants to make sure she is ahead of you. Who knows what goes on in the head of unreasonable people...could be anything! Don't give it another thought.

I think the kids want to be friends, but the M. have a jealousy thing going on with either you or the other moms. She seem insecure, hence the reason she is everywhere you go. She wants to be like others but don't want to be obvious about it. Sad the little girl has to be going thru this type friendship on account of her mother.

I would say no to playdates and focus on new friends.